IT WAS ALWAYS YOU

by Erika Kelly

  Because her dad didn’t care. She’d expected some kind of remorse, some…guilt. But no, he’d made his decision, and that was that. He’d washed his hands of the whole thing.

  He just couldn’t grasp that she and Cassian had a relationship just as deep and…and essential as what he and his wife had.

  So what if we were a decade younger?

  She needed to see Cassian. Talk to him. Because he was the only person in the world who could understand what she was feeling.

  He’d likely be in a group area, so she’d start with the spa. It held a fitness center, sauna, and the pool. Following the brass plate signs, she made her way down a thickly carpeted hallway.

  Wheels spun and pulleys rotated, so she peered into the gym, but no Cassian. She kept going toward the pool.

  Tomorrow, she’d talk to her parents. Running out like that was juvenile. She would have a real and honest conversation with them, and then put the whole thing behind her once and for all.

  The closer she got, the louder the splashing and shouting. Sounded like they were having a blast. Cassian was a good guy, making sure his teammates had fun while they volunteered for his camp.

  God, she couldn’t wait to see him. She felt ridiculously excited. She didn’t know how she could stop herself from running into his arms and kissing him right there in front of everyone. Literally the only thing stopping her was the sharp reminder of the Aspen fiasco.

  That could not happen to her. It would take just one questionable picture to hit the tabloids for Dale to drop her. And then what would she have?

  A bad reputation.

  Two very large men pushed open the door and came out of the pool area with towels around their waists, their big feet in rubber slides.

  As one of them held the door open for her, he stared a little too long, before breaking into a huge grin. “You’re the Lollipop.”

  “I am. Hi.” She offered her hand. “Gigi Cavanaugh.”

  “Paul Krunkowski. But they call me Krunk. My sister loves you, man.”

  My sister. She was grateful for her audience, she truly was. But…oh, how she craved to be taken seriously as an artist. “I’d be happy to send her some swag, if you want to leave her contact information with Cassian.”

  “For real?” He laughed, like he’d just won the lottery. “That’d be awesome.”

  The other guy said, “You looking for someone?”

  “Cassian, actually.”

  “He’s in the Jacuzzi.” They held the door open for her.

  “Thanks, guys,” she said, as she passed through. The air was humid and reeked of chlorine, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to see him.

  Where is he? He wasn’t with the guys sitting around the table. He wasn’t in the pool.

  And then she heard low voices. Laughter.

  In the corner of the room, she found a Jacuzzi. Two bodies. A woman in a bikini with her back to a man in board shorts.

  Cassian.

  And that blonde hair? The breasts spilling out of the skimpy top? Amie, for sure.

  The shock of it sent her reeling.

  Cassian, shirtless, knelt on the edge of the Jacuzzi, his hands on the back of Amie’s neck. She was lifting her mass of blonde hair, the ends wet and clinging to her tan skin.

  Anxiety had a grip so tight on her brain that she couldn’t make sense of what was going on. Logic told her it wasn’t bad. Cassian wouldn’t cheat on her.

  It was just…if there was nothing going on between them, why was he always so comfortable…so intimate with that woman?

  Gigi moved closer, trying to overhear their conversation.

  Was something going on between them? That would make Cassian a fucking liar.

  Seeing her, Amie twisted around. “Hey, girl.” There wasn’t even a hint of cattiness in her voice. Not even the slightest sense the woman was trying to make her jealous. Nothing even possessive.

  But Gigi only had eyes for Cassian.

  He shot to his feet, as if she’d aimed a gun at him. “Gigi.”

  “All right, I’m out of here.” Amie stood up, water cascading down her voluptuous body. She was every inch the sexy cheerleader. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” The woman didn’t even cover herself with a towel, just grabbed a white cover up and slid her feet into leather sandals. As Amie passed her, she gave a little smile. “’Night.”

  Cassian climbed out of the Jacuzzi and reached for a towel. “Hey. Surprised to see you here.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  He looked defeated. “It’s not what it looked like.”

  “Do you always end your day in a Jacuzzi with Amie? Murmuring sweet little nothings in her ear?”

  “No. Today, some shit went down at camp.” He gestured to the door. “Dean left a minute ago.” He had none of his usual confidence. “You can ask any of the guys.”

  “That would be a really crappy way to start a relationship, don’t you think? Me checking your story with your friends?”

  “Well, you’re not trusting me right now.”

  “Would you trust me if you came to my parent’s house and found me in the Jacuzzi with a hard-bodied dude that you’d already seen me snuggle with?”

  “I’ve never snuggled with Amie, but yes, I’d trust you. That’s not to say I’d like it.”

  “Well, I more than don’t like it. Know why? Because your explanation makes it a hundred times worse. You had a bad day, and it was Amie who comforted you? In a bikini?”

  If it was possible to be patient and exasperated at the same time…Cassian nailed it. As much as he wanted to ease her concerns, he seemed one hundred percent convinced there was no problem. “She wasn’t comforting me. I’ve been worried about a decision I made. She was part of it, so I was discussing it with her.”

  “In the Jacuzzi. Half-naked.”

  He drew in a deep breath, stroking his jaw. “I feel like shit, okay? I don’t like that you walked in here and saw that, but you have to know there’s nothing going on between me and Amie.”

  She took a step closer. “What I just saw? That is something going on.”

  “This afternoon, for the first time since I started this camp, I sent a kid home. I’ve been second-guessing myself ever since. Amie walked in not even ten minutes ago, and she wanted to chill out after a stressful day. Her hair got stuck in the ties behind her neck—”

  “Oh, my God. Do you even hear yourself? You’re making it worse. The problem isn’t whether you and Amie were having a romantic moment, but the fact that you get caught in these moments with her at all. And not just her, but with other women. This isn’t a one-off thing. How do you not see this?”

  “My focus was on sending a kid back to a bad family situation. She asked me to help her out, so I did. I don’t see the problem.”

  “You can’t be this clueless. Trust me, she wants something from you. I can tell you from experience, because I have long hair, and it’s gotten caught in my ties, too, but I’ve never needed a big, strong man to help me fix it. You see what I mean?”

  “I do.” He gazed down at his bare feet. After a moment, he shook his head. “All I can tell you is I know when women are hitting on me, and Amie’s never made a move.”

  “That was a move. Striking a pose against your car outside the air strip was a move. Snuggling with you on an airplane is a move. I’m a woman. I know.”

  “She has a boyfriend. They’ve been together a long time. He’s one of the reasons she got kicked off the reality show. He’s in IT, not a football player, so that made her less interesting.”

  “Okay.” Hitching her purse higher on her shoulder, she turned to go. “Have a super great night.” She strode away.

  “No.” He said it firmly.

  She whipped around. “Excuse me?”

  “I don’t care how long it takes to make me understand where you’re coming from, you don’t walk away.” He came up to her. “We only have a few weeks before life pulls us in separate directions, so every minute counts. How we fight, how
we work things out, is going to determine whether we make it. Look, I’m not some boy with a crush who’s going to ask ‘how high’ every time you tell me to jump.” He looked exhausted but not defeated. “I’m a man with my own experiences and perspectives, but you never need to question my motivations when it comes to you. Do you understand that?”

  She knew he didn’t want Amie or anyone else. “I do. But this thing with Amie is not going to work for me.”

  “I understand, but you need to hear me when I say I don’t see her like that, and I never will. If I’d never found you again, I still wouldn’t have a sexual or romantic relationship with her. Okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.” She believed him, she did. And he really did seem down about sending a camper home. “As long as you hear me. I don’t trust her intentions, and if you continue to be oblivious to them, that’s going to be a deal-breaker.” She dumped her purse on a nearby table. “You want to tell me what happened today?”

  “Are we good?”

  She pulled out a chair, its legs scraping on the concrete. “I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know what we are. I just think we’ve got enough issues going against us, we don’t need to add Amie’s shenanigans. There’s a part of me that still wants to keep my distance.”

  “Yeah, I know that, and I’m working on it.”

  “I believe you, which is why I’m still here. For the other part, the one that feels like you’re the one for me. The only one.”

  He sat across from her, gripping her thighs. “I am.”

  This man. She found his passion irresistible. Still… “Even if you are the only one for me, it doesn’t mean we’re going to be together.”

  They sat so close their knees touched. “Amie doesn’t know about us. She thinks I’m single, so she’s not worried about boundaries. If you want, I can tell her.” He gave her a searching look. Is that what you want?

  She shook her head. “I don’t trust her.”

  “But you can trust me.” He reached for her hands.

  As much as she wanted to believe him, his words couldn’t erase what she’d walked in on. Not tonight. “I’m tired. I think I’m just going to go home.” She got up. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Guys.” His deep voice quieted the enormous room. “Thanks for a great day. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  They waved and called out to him—the genuine smiles making it obvious how much they liked him—but he was already leading her out the door.

  “You don’t need to walk me to my car.”

  “I’m not.” With his clothes balled in one hand, he followed her across the lobby. Outside, his skin immediately pebbled, but he didn’t seem to notice. “We’ve only got a few weeks together, and I’m not wasting any of it. We don’t have to talk about anything—you can watch a movie or go to sleep—whatever you want, but I want to be with you.” They stepped out into the chilly evening. “Will you come home with me?”

  She paused on the wooden planks of Owl Hoot’s boardwalk and took in this strong, determined, incredibly sweet and generous man and knew without a shadow of a doubt that she had no choice but to be with him. “Yeah. I’ll come home with you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gigi had never been inside Cassian’s house before. Her parents had a gorgeous home, but they’d decorated it slowly, over time, with things they’d found on their travels. Light wood floors, bright and interesting textiles on the walls, comfortable furniture. The Cavanaugh home was comfortable, eclectic, and fascinating. Every single piece of furniture or art was unique with an interesting backstory.

  Cassian’s house…on the outside it looked like a mansion. But inside, it was like the world’s most exclusive frat house. He had a massive pool table in the formal dining room, vintage pinball machines against the walls in the living room, and a bar that took up one whole wall.

  “Is this your house or the Mavericks’ game room?”

  Turning on a lamp, he grinned. “I had about six guys with me the day I went house hunting. This was the last place we saw. Bought it on the spot.”

  “And furnished it with toys.”

  He leaned against a wall, arms folded across his stomach. “When I was a kid, we lived in a ranch-style house walking distance from the subway that took my parents across the river to Wall Street. It was a nice, clean, working-class neighborhood, but I went to school in the city—with the rich kids. When I’d go to their homes, I’d be in awe of their toys. I spent a lot of time alone, and I’d fantasize about having a house filled with cool stuff.”

  “And now that you have it, do you use any of it?”

  He hunched a shoulder. “When the guys are here, I do.” He pushed off the wall, moving toward her.

  Excitement shot down her spine, as it always did. His potent masculinity, his confidence and powerful physique, his charm and genuinely caring spirit…she could fall so hard for this man.

  And he could crush her.

  He must’ve picked up on her hesitation, because his smile faltered. “Come with me. I want to change.”

  Dammit. What am I doing?

  Finding them canoodling in the pool, right after seeing Amie leaning against his car that afternoon? All kinds of warning bells were going off in her head.

  I should just go. I’m not ready for this.

  But her feet didn’t move. She watched him stride across the living room, all confidence and strength, and she wanted him. She just did.

  He stopped. “You coming?”

  His earnestness did her in. She had to give him a chance. “Yeah.” Dropping her tote by the door, she followed him into the massive, gorgeous kitchen. “Wow. No wonder you like to cook.” Rich cherry cabinets, terra cotta tile floors, gleaming expanses of black granite, and hanging copper pots gave the room a warm, inviting feeling. “My sisters would go nuts in here.”

  “How are they?”

  “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Lulu’s leaving her sous chef job in Paris to run her own kitchen in Maui, so that’s amazing. And Coco just found out she’s providing chocolate for the Oscar swag bags again. So, my sisters are still my heroes. My mom, of course, already has her only grandkid in some special sleep-over camp. It’s always go-go-go in the Cavanaugh house.” She liked that he knew enough not to ask about Stella.

  Because she had no answers and wondered if she ever would.

  In the laundry room, he untied his board shorts and jerked them down his hips. Kicking them up, he caught them and tossed them into the machine. With that tight, round, bare ass on display, he leaned over to pull clean clothes out of the dryer.

  He was so hot. She wanted to get her hands on all those muscles, that firm, smooth skin. Wanted to squeeze those ass cheeks, sink her teeth into one.

  She wanted to drop to her knees and lick him until he turned hard.

  He stepped into pajama bottoms. “How’d it go with your parents?”

  Way to kill the mood. She had to grin. If he only knew what she’d been thinking.

  Throwing on a waffled Henley, he headed back into the kitchen. “Something to drink?”

  “No, I’m good. It didn’t go well. But, now that I’ve had some distance, I feel kind of bad. I may have overreacted.”

  “Wait, what am I missing? What happened?” He filled a glass with water, took her hand, and led her into the living room.

  “I told them I knew what they’d done to break us up, and my dad couldn’t have cared less. It was the most traumatic thing in my life, and he acted like it was nothing. Like…it happened, move on.”

  “Well, it’s new information to you. He’s had a decade to make peace with his choice.”

  Well, if that didn’t just nail it. “You’re exactly right.”

  “Your parents were in a tough spot, and they made a decision.”

  “That’s the thing. It was my decision to make. I was eighteen.”

  “Technically, we were seventeen.”

  “But my dad manipulated you. He used your gratitude, your loyalty, to
keep us apart.” She sat on the couch, curling her legs under her. “I mean, if they’d showed the slightest regret or guilt, I might’ve been okay. But they were just so sure they’d done the right thing.”

  He set his water glass on a coaster on the table and sat down beside her. “If it helps, your dad said something to me once. We were talking about what happened after he turned his life around. He said he’d have these terrible moments when a memory would slam him. He couldn’t escape it, until your mom reminded him that the past is dead and gone. It only exists if you keep it alive through shame and guilt. He said he’d decided right then that, if he was going to make this new life for himself, he had to let go of the choices he’d made before he met Joss. And I think when your dad makes a decision…”

  “Yes, absolutely. That’s part of his addictive nature. When he embraces something, he goes all-in. And you’re exactly right. He made peace with his choice a long time ago. Still…” She knew she sounded petulant. “I just hate how they reduced my feelings to some stupid crush. Like, on a scale of one to ten, they decided my feelings for you hit a three. So, it was okay to break us up.”

  He moved closer and lifted her legs across his lap. “We were never together. We hid our feelings from each other, so how could they possibly know?”

  He was right about that. “Um, because I didn’t get out of bed for a week. I went through the motions for a solid three months. That should’ve been their first clue.”

  “Yeah, but that probably reinforced their decision, right? They figured, if you’d followed me to Michigan, and we’d broken up, you’d have dropped out.”

  “Would we have?”

  “Broken up? Never.”

  She loved how he answered with such certainty. “I wish I’d known back then what you’d felt for me.”

  “I can’t change the past, but I have you here with me right now.” He stroked her skin. “And I’ll do everything in my power to protect us.” He cut her a look. “You never have to worry about me with other women. There’s never going to be anyone else for me but you.”

  She didn’t doubt that. She just wished he could see how Amie was playing him. Leaning forward, she scraped her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, the tension easing. “So, what happened today? You kicked out a camper?”