by N. J. Lysk
Cracking Ice
[Episode 7]
N.J. Lysk
Hockey Omegaverse Serialized Romance.
***
Table of Contents
Title Page
Cracking Ice: episode 7 (Rules to Break)
Episode 7: Light
Chapter 68: Keenan
Chapter 69: Cartwright
Chapter 70: Keenan
Chapter 71: Cartwright
Epilogue: Carry & Keenan
Notes:
Recommendations
Not Destiny
Other Books by N.J. Lysk
AN OMEGA IN HEAT. HIS straight alpha teammate. A night they won't forget. A connection they cannot deny.
When Cartwright Johnson joins the Hell's Flames, he expects to play hard to compensate for being an omega daring to pursue a professional hockey career. But he doesn't count on the instant connection he forms with his alpha linemate... Or on the heat it sparks.
All Keenan Avali wants to do is play hockey. It doesn't matter that he's an alpha, he's got no interest in dominating anywhere but on the ice. And he's certainly got no interest in men, no matter how sweet they smell or how beautifully they skate.
Nobody can fail to see they play together like they were made for it. But how close can they get to success without losing something much dearer than a game?
Cracking Ice is a 240,000 word episodic novel including enemies-to-lovers, role reversals, overpowering instincts, life-changing friendships and a love that cannot be denied.
Episode 7: Light
***
Copyright N.J. Lysk 2019
[Adult Reading Material]
[First Edition]
Forget your perfect offerings
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen
Infinite thanks to:
Everyone who commented, squeed and cheered me on during the years of writing this serial—especially to Alna and María Escalante.
And especially to Ash Knight, Elouise East, Susan Socci, AJ Bixler and Gema Cela Rodríguez for reading over this—your eagle eyes and love for Keenan and Carry are the encouragement for editing this monster!
Chapter 68: Keenan
He hesitated, which was what he’d tell Tzeera if she ever asked why he’d called Indra instead of her. He had other reasons, like how he figured she probably didn’t want to hear that much about his sexuality. But the truth was that he thought Indra might know more.
He had never asked about Indra’s dating. It wasn’t that Indra was an omega and it’d have been inappropriate to pry; Keenan just wasn’t one to ask unless somebody brought it up first. It annoyed him when people forced him to explain away his own singlehood, he wasn't about to do that to someone else.
But he had his suspicions about his cousin. Indrajit might have caved to his parents’ wishes when it came to boxing, but he'd ended up learning jujitsu from one of his classmates in his spare time instead.
That had been long before he’d presented at the respectable age of seventeen, of course, but presentation didn’t change you as a person, just added a little scent to a world that seemed like it should have been somewhat flat without it.
Indra had never tried to talk to Keenan about the restrictions imposed on omegas before Keenan had stumbled his way into activism on his own, but he’d found a way to do what he wanted despite them. He’d decided on nursing, a classical omega profession, and then applied to work at the Emergencies section of every hospital in London. It’d been three years and he was still there, seemingly thriving in the high-stakes atmosphere.
Keenan could barely stand waiting rooms in medical institutions even when he knew no one was close to death’s door so he knew he was biased, but regardless of how impressive Indra’s professionality was, his aunt and uncle had made it clear they’d have preferred their omega son to settle for taking babies’ temperatures or cleaning infected wounds at the local clinic.
Other people must have said so as well, and Indra still did what he chose. So it didn’t seem like he’d stop when it came to dating or sex.
“Keenan?” His cousin sounded like he wasn’t quite sure he was awake.
Of course, it was a Sunday morning. Keenan turned to the computer to check the time. 10:40. It wasn’t that early, in fact, he thought he must have lost some time while playing Carry’s message for a third time, or maybe it had been a fourth? The last time he’d looked at a clock had been when he’d woken up to have a healthy smoothie before going to the gym. Before he’d made the mistake of checking his email.
Except calling it a mistake was akin to describing water in the desert as an accident.
He hadn’t gone to the gym, but then again, his chest sure felt like he’d done a lot of cardio.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
“Ugh, yes.” He heard Indra swallow, probably straight out of the milk bottle. “Did you forget the days of the week again?”
“No,” he managed.
“No?” Indra repeated, he sounded more awake. “Did something happen? Is everyone okay?”
“Yes!” he said quickly. Indra wasn’t wrong to ask—they’d had a few scares with his parents over the years and now Keenan was old enough to be the one to make the calls to the family. “Everyone’s fine,” he added just in case. “But... something happened, and I... I need to talk it over before I...” He stopped himself. Because it was crazy, he knew that much, at least.
He needed to take some time. He still felt like the ground wasn’t standing quite still... If Carry hadn’t sent him the audio file, if he’d transcribed it into an email like he’d clearly intended... He might have assumed it was a joke, or a mistake. Or a plain old hallucination. And he didn’t need to be an expert to know if you couldn’t believe someone had feelings for you, you shouldn’t be rushing into their arms...
Except he’d believed in Carry’s feelings. He’d just known they didn’t matter. Not as much—
“Keenan!” Indra’s voice rose sharply enough to interrupt his thoughts.
“Yeah? What?”
“Oh, man, did you just zone out?” his voice had lost some of its edge.
“Sorry,” Keenan told him. He hadn’t meant to worry Indra. “I just... I’m a little bit in shock, I think?”
“Okay,” Indra said slowly. “Nobody’s hurt so whatever it is can be fixed. Just don’t panic.”
“It’s....” He exhaled slowly, swallowing and then licking his lips, as if the words needed to be unstuck from his palate. “It’s a good thing, I think.”
“Oh, by all the gods, just tell me!” Any other time, he’d have milked his cousin’s impatience, but now...
“Carry said—” the words stuck in his throat like a chicken bone. He had to clear his throat to be able to continue, “He sent me an email. Well, an audio recording and he...” He closed his eyes and brought the words back in Carry’s own voice, ragged and a little pained and so fucking sincere that... “He said he loves me.”
“Fuck.” Indra whistled. “You are not that lucky, mate, no way!”
“No,” Keenan agreed softly. “He... he sounded like he meant it, but... but it’s been almost a month, and I thought... what if... what if it’s just the bond trying to pull us closer?”
“Um, what?”
“I don’t know, I mean, I made him go into heat, so—”
“Keenan,” Indra interrupted, voice a little strained with the effort. “Your pheromones don’t do advance planning, what the hell did they teach you in school?”
As a nurse, even one with a wildly unrelated specialty, Indra had to know a thing or two more than him—school hadn’t really been his forte to begin with, and it’d been a while.
“I
... I don’t even remember," he admitted. "I mean, I never even got how to control my scent until Carry showed me.”
His cousin sighed, giving up on either the school system or Keenan’s academic prowess. “Okay, well, it’s not the bond. I guess it could be the memory of the bond, or the sex for that matter. He could miss that. But it’s not like you want to date someone who doesn’t want to bang you, do you?”
He had a sudden flash to the last time Carry had invited him into his bed, to the way he’d trembled under him and begged for forgiveness even as he arched into his touch. Keenan definitely missed it... well, he missed the intensity of the sex, and he missed Carry. He could have done without the regret and the doubt.
Carry was right, their compatibility made everything stupidly complicated. For one thing, Keenan’s brain had never managed to make the connection between sex and another male body before. But now that it was there, it felt his. And, hades, he didn’t care if it was a little more chemical than all the other chemical things that made his heart beat and his cells split or whatever the fuck happened to keep him alive, it felt true.
Maybe the memory of the sex had made them both want to try it again, and heat had given them a reason to give into it... But Carry wasn’t asking for sex, and Keenan hadn’t called Indra because he was worried about fucking.
Maybe the whole thing would blow up in his face, but it wouldn’t be because they were confused. At least he hoped Carry wasn’t confused because Keenan certainly wasn’t.
“No,” he told Indra.
“Good, so he does want you, which you knew, really, and that’s good. And maybe he wants the bond—”
“He doesn’t,” he said, pausing when he noticed he’d cut Indra off and then continuing because it was too important. “He doesn’t want the bond. He— he feels like he does during heat, but rationally he hates it, and he never... he never wants to bond. That’s— He said that: no bond and no children. Not ever.”
“Oh,” Indra said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“What?” The abrupt change in tone left him wondering if he’d misheard.
“Well, you... you want kids, don’t you?”
“I... Yes, I guess I do," he agreed, not quite seeing the point. "He just means biological, though. He said—” He cut himself off again. He couldn’t tell Indra that Carry felt pregnancy was disgusting, not when there was a chance they’d meet. He was probably already sharing more than Carry would have liked, but that wasn’t necessary. “I think he meant pregnancy. I’m pretty sure.”
“Oh, and you wouldn’t... You are okay with that?”
“Yeah,” he said easily. He couldn’t see why he wouldn’t be. He’d always thought of adoption as one of the choices open to him—he couldn’t see how anyone didn’t. It wasn’t like he was a bleeding soul or something, but did everyone else just forget about those kids in the adoption centres?
“Okay, so I panicked for no reason, I guess,” Indra said, although his cheerfulness sounded forced. “And the bond thing? You are okay with that too?”
“I guess... I guess I am. I mean, I have been doing all this talking, saying omegas deserve choices. And this is a choice, too. He can make this choice, and... he can make it again, every day, he can decide I’m worth it.”
"That's actually kind of romantic," Indra said thoughtfully. "So why do you need to think about it?"
"Well, it's... sudden?"
"Is it? When was the first time you slept with him?"
Keenan didn't reply for a long moment. The answer would sound absurd, but even though it'd been almost eight months since they'd first had sex, it'd only been three times altogether and it wasn't like... "It wasn't... we weren't dating or something. We just had sex."
Indra took a long moment before he spoke again, sighing a little, "Okay, whatever, you said you asked him out, that wasn't recent, was it?"
"Well, no. I think..." He had to think about their playing schedule to figure it out—which Indra would laugh about but Carry would have understood. "That was five months ago."
"There you go," Indra concluded, obviously preparing to close arguments. "You have had feelings for him for a while, and now he's decided he feels the same. What's the hold up?"
Keenan's heart was the hold-up—it was beating so fast it felt like his voice couldn't possibly come out normally. "I'm worried, about— Please tell me to stop if this is weird."
"Will do," his cousin assured him but he sounded even more intrigued.
So Keenan said, "I have never slept with him outside of heat. With a man.”
Indra made a thoughtful noise. "Oh, you think maybe it won't be good?"
He thought it was going to be amazing, just like every time before. But that had been heat, and being attracted to Carry now should have been enough reassurance, but he didn’t just want to lick Carry’s collarbones, he wanted to— to hold him. He wanted to kiss him softly when there was no time for anything else, or when they were too tired for anything else. He wanted to put his head on his lap and have his hair stroked. And he wanted to get texts when Carry went to his parents. And he wanted fast, desperate sex when he got back.
It felt true, and he’d let that guy in the bar get pretty far just because he’d thought he couldn’t have it with Carry. But he still wouldn’t know what to do—not without instinct to guide him.
"I— I went to a bar. The other day. And there was this guy. We kissed and it was good, just, I don't know, it was kissing? It wasn't weird. It was—good. He was the one who stopped it, because he realised who I was and it just... well, it got weird when I knew he was such a huge fan. But before that... I don't know, I was trying for a rebound anyway. From Carry, so when he came to me I didn't tell him I'm mono." He laughed. "Or maybe I'm not, maybe I just made a fool of myself all these years and..."
"Hey!" Indra hissed at him. "None of that! You can change your mind, by the gods, Keenan, your sexuality can change. You didn't sign a contract to only like women, did you? So what if Carry turned your dials and now you can appreciate a flat chest? You didn't before and you said so. Anyone who cares can update their profile. Not that anyone should care, other than Carry."
"So you think it’ll be..."
"It'll be less intense," Indra kindly filled in. "You’re not going to be out of your mind on hormones. But, hey, I think that can be a plus, take your time, kiss a lot and then... Well, it's up to you. It's not all fucking, either, there's oral and—"
"Okay!" Keenan cut him off. "Okay, thank you."
Indrajit laughed. "Such a prude! You called me to ask about this, remember?"
"Yes, but there's only so much detail I need here."
"Whatever, I'm going to hang up on you now and go back to sleep. And you have to call Carry, of course," he added with unreserved mischief.
“HI,” CARRY’S VOICE quivered like a bird at the edge of a branch.
“Hi,” Keenan echoed, wanting to reach out and hold him up, or help him take flight. Whatever he needed.
It was crazy, Carry didn’t need his help. He’d said it, and Keenan knew it anyway. He didn’t need him, but he wanted him. He’d said that too.
And Keenan needed to say it back, somehow, to— “Yes,” was what came out. “I want to. I... I love you.”
Carry’s exhale almost knocked him over. “Okay?”
“Okay,” Keenan agreed. “But... what changed?”
Carry’s pause was long enough to have him questioning himself. But then it came, stilted but true—like he’d thought about it long and hard, but it was still difficult to say. He’d called Keenan brave, but Keenan would have never been able to open up like that. “I saw you. Not the first time. Not when your girlfriend—”
“Ex,” Keenan said. It was unnecessary, if that hadn’t been the case, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation, but he couldn’t help himself.
“Yeah,” Carry said slowly. “Not when she came and that reporter... The next time, when you prepared the statement and you spoke to them. I...” Ca
rry stopped, almost like he hoped that was enough, but when Keenan didn’t respond, he pushed on, “I got it. I saw you got it.”
“But you didn’t say anything,” he pointed out. “And you must have known, I mean—”
Carry cut him off, with as little regard for status as always. As well as he knew his voice, Keenan couldn’t detect any strain. “You were with her, and... Well, that made it obvious, because you asked me, but... I said no, I mean, I get it.”
“You didn’t want me.” Keenan said. He tried not to sound hurt and failed spectacularly. Carry was saying he did now, but he wasn’t quite over the rejection.
“What?” Carry almost snapped. “Of course I wanted you! I didn’t... I didn’t want the bond.”
Keenan didn’t respond. The bond? But of course it was quite natural for Carry to assume that was what an alpha was asking of him. And Carry had never spoken of his own feelings, just of what he wanted to do. Keenan had just assumed he was following his heart. But now it was obvious that Carry didn’t have that luxury.
“You know I mean it, don’t you?” the omega added.
“Yes, you used ‘fucking’ as an intensifier at least ten times,” Keenan said, falling into the old teasing habit without meaning to. “I’m sorry,” he hurried to explain, “I do know. I don’t care. I don’t... Well, I don’t know what it’d be like, but it’s not a deal breaker. And I get it, that you need to be free. I don’t want to take that away from you.”
Carry’s inhalation was like a drink of water after a long shift. But he wasn’t quite ready to sit on the bench and take his helmet off yet. “And the other thing...”
“Oh, having kids? I actually always thought adoption made more sense,” Keenan explained. “I mean, not that— Obviously not now, but—”
“Yes!” Carry interrupted with so much fervour Keenan winced a little at the volume. “I mean, maybe? If... It could, if...”
“If we ever get around to getting together in the first place?” Keenan asked softly.
