by D A Buckley
“You want to see police brutality?” a walking mountain of a man entered the room. And there was little Jackie holding his left hand with her right hand. Licking an ice cream cone and smiling and winking between each lick as she waved her left pinky finger at Jared.
“Hi daddy,” she said sweetly. “Officer Demetrius bought me an ice cream cone.”
“You’re lucky we’re not in my home country,” Officer Demetrius warned. “It would take more than Plexiglas to keep me from crushing your head like an overripe olive. This little girl is the sweetest child I’ve ever met. And she’s so funny. She told me that she wants to be an international spy when she grows up. What little girl wants to do that?” he asked with a saccharine tone and a broad smile.
“Demetrius, Jeffers,” a loud voice hollered down the hall.
“Here Lieutenant, what’s up? This guy’s background come back? Is he a terrorist? I really want to shoot him.”
“You’re damn straight it did,” the disembodied voice called back down the echoing hallway. “Don’t ask me any more questions, I don’t want to answer them now. Just apologize and let these two go…right now.”
*****
“Wow, look at this room.” Jackie’s eyes were huge. “This is like a room for a giant isn’t it daddy?” Jackie slapped the back of Jared’s right knee as she walked past him into the room.
Jared tipped the bellman and closed the door. “You know, there really is something very wrong with you. Have you ever been tased before?”
Without even acknowledging Jared’s complaint Jackie cried out, “I got dibs on the master bedroom.”
“Oh, no you don’t. It’s got a king-sized bed. You don’t need a king size bed. You can sleep on a dining room chair! You Asian Oompa Loompa.”
“What is your problem, anyway?” Jackie feigned incredulity. “You’ve made this entire mission so difficult already. You started a riot on the plane. You almost talked the police into shooting you. And we haven’t even started the mission yet.”
“Me! I’ve made the mission difficult? I want a new partner. You are…you are…”
“I am the key to making this whole thing work,” Jackie said as she approached the bed.
“Ha, see there,” Jared boasted pointing at the King-sized bed. “You can’t even get up on the bed little Miss Mao! If you’ll start being a little bit nice to me I might let you sleep on the couch.”
“And if you don’t start treating me with some respect I might just kick your butt. Or maybe I’ll have you deported.”
“You’d need a tall ladder half of a half-pint. And where will you have me deported to? You’re the foreign looking one here. I have a mind to call immigration.”
Just at that moment, there was a sharp knock at the door. Jared strutted out of the bedroom to the door, grabbed the door handle, and pulled the door open almost viciously. “What?” he demanded of the startled bellhop.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, sir…” he stammered.
“Look, I’m sorry about that,” Jared sheepishly apologized. “It’s been a long hard day. What’s that?” Jared glanced downward at the package in the bellhop’s right hand.
“It’s a delivery, sir. It arrived just as you did. It’s from a shop in Beverly Hills. I’ve seen this packaging before, sir. I think you’re going to like what’s inside.”
Dismissing the bellhop with a small gratuity, Jared sat on the couch and opened the box. He was stunned with amazement. Inside was a Platinum Patek Philippe 5208 Triple Complication men’s chronograph.
“This is wonderful,” Jared exclaimed. “Who would send me this? Who in LA even knows I exist?”
“I do. And I did, you moron.” Jackie smiled. “Happy birthday partner.”
“I don’t even have a birthday,” Jared answered.
“Three years ago today we started our first mission. So, I just decided this would be your birthday.”
“I can’t believe it. You thought of me…and this watch…it’s…amazing.” Jared put the watch on his wrist and admired it.
“Yea, well don’t get all sentimental on me. I just wanted you to know that I count on you and appreciate your always having my back on the job. Listen, I found all the electronics gear in the other bedroom - with the child’s bed! You’ve got about two hours to get ready for your dinner date. I’ll have everything up and running by then. Your tux is probably in the bathroom off of the giant’s bedroom. Since you’re supposed to be some super rich giant I thought the watch would be a smart touch.”
“I don’t know what to say, Jackie. Thank you. Sincerely, thank you very much.”
“You’re welcome. Did you make the room reservations?”
“No, why?”
“You’ve got to see my bedroom.”
Walking into Jackie’s bedroom Jared immediately started laughing. “Oh, this is perfect.”
“Perfect! You call this perfect? My room is decorated in Holly Strawberry something or other! I’m a grown woman for crying out loud!”
“Well, you’re my…
“Don’t you dare say it…”
“You’re my little, adopted daughter,” Jared said with beaming satisfaction.
Jared was laughing far too hard to speak further. He simply turned and retreated to his bedroom. In between his laughing snorts, Jackie could hear him saying, “That’s perfect…that’s just so perfect!”
*****
“Ramos, how is the telemetry from J-Squared?” Dr. Mathis was focused intently at her computer screen, the digits, letters, and graph lines reflecting off her eyeglasses. “This is going to be the most extensive transition to date. I want everything ready. Our workable window is adequate but there is no room for re-dos. We must be perfect all the way through the procedures.”
“Copy that, Doc,” Ramos spun around in his chair. Entering data on three separate computer terminals, transferring data nodes back and forth, making sense of so much information coming so quickly from so many different data streams. Ramos was truly gifted and completely indispensable to the J-Squared Project.
“Doc, do you think they will start to figure this whole thing out after this series of data implants? This is so extensive…they’re bound to notice the changes.”
“Well, I suppose that all depends on whether or not the programming upgrades were completed to the specifications that I spelled out in the demand sheet. Who was it that wrote those upgrades? Let me see, oh yes, it was you, Mr. Guzman, it was you. Do you think you got it right?”
“Absolutely, Doc. One-hundred percent right. The program upgrade will reinterpret any perception they have into the exact sense of reality that you want them to perceive. But, I just can’t help thinking that their adaptability quotient is pressing the very edges of even my programming skills. We really didn’t expect them to have demonstrated what we saw when they were here this time. I never imagined that they could hear words uttered silently, subconsciously from down a thirty-foot hallway. Doc, I gotta tell you - that took me by surprise.”
“Me too, Ramos, me too. I’m thinking we need to up our game and get better at anticipating these things. Our two charges, Jared and Jackie, J-Squared as we call them, might just be the first instances of AI Singularity. If we don’t keep ahead of their development and keep creating impediments to their achieving that state of being they may surpass us, take over this project themselves, and we might just become their charges. My greatest concern is either of them being affected by some unforeseen stimulus or event that alters their transition somehow. I argued for this entire process to continue in a controlled environment. I can’t control what happens out there in the real world. And I don’t have to remind you what’s at stake here.”
That thought stopped Ramos in mid-slide across the room on his chair moving from one computer to another. “I think that it is definitely time for the fail-safe algorithm don’t you Doctor? I mean if we want to sleep securely at night. I mean, I don’t want you to think that I don’t fully appreciate the value and the co
st of what has been accomplished so far. But truth be told, Doctor, humanity may not be ready for J-Squared. And if this project ever becomes public, well, I just don’t even want to consider the ramifications of that.”
“Ready or not, my friend.” Dr. Mathis peered over her bifocals across the dimly lit room, “J-Squared is coming and as you well know these two are humanity’s best hope for a continued presence in this universe we call home. We may already be too short of time. Did you notice this brainwave spike with Jared? What is that all about? There’s been nothing even close to this during past transitions. I don’t even know how to account for this magnitude of a cognition jump.”
“Yea, that happened when the LA cops hit him with two tasers. Apparently one wasn’t enough to subdue him. He’s just such a large body frame. They’re transient though. What do you mean by too short of time Doc? The last report I saw shows project Luna-TICC was on schedule, Pan-Spermia is on track. The TRIAD is proceeding actually ahead of schedule isn’t it? I’ve seen the orientation briefing on operations at Luna Base. Doc a trip up there is honestly to die for.”
“Oh, my dear friend, Mr. Guzman. The one glaring failure in your amazing perceptivity is in the area of international politics. Government and corporate entities joining together in one overarching partnership to save humanity. The TRIAD? What could possibly go wrong? And don’t forget the SouthCom breakaway faction in the land down under. What are the Southern Hemisphere boys and girls up to? What if they have a similar project and beat us to the punch? Will they leave us to face what’s coming?”
“Now you’re talking about the Senior Manager’s confab thingy you just went to? “ Ramos asked. “I’m just a lowly super geek. If it ever comes down to a lottery or something, well, I know where I would stand if I weren’t part of this project.”
“I am talking about the Senior Manager’s confab thingy. I’ve never seen a bigger bunch of self-seeking ego-maniacs in my life. I’m afraid they have all lost sight of the vision of prolonging man’s place in the universe. Now every national leader wants personal recognition. Wants street cred, as my son says, for their favorite project. Money and other resources are starting to be allocated on the basis of political influence, personal networks, favoritism, and outright bribery. The Chinese contingent, or faction, I don’t know what to call them anymore, want their DNA to have a larger degree of representation in the initial population than the other nations because they solved the problem, at least they say they’ve solved the problem, of hyper-extensive cryogenic storage and re-animation of the seventy ovarian gel packs. Humanity depends on whether or not their gel packs can maintain human ova in their gel suspension for more than four millennia. And don’t even get me started on the Germans. Mein Got! They are the rudest people at times. They assured us that they have, in fact, completed, and are in final production of, expended materials recovery, recycle, and re-composition. Do you realize what happens if J-Squared cannot replicate themselves over the length of the traversal phase of the program?”
“We all knew that the effort was going to be complicated, Doc.” Ramos was nothing if not a pragmatist. “I thought the French recommendations were fairly farsighted. I mean, think of it, a lactating cyber organism! Once you get over the initial ewe factor it does answer so many logistical concerns.”
“Ramos – really? Lactating cyber organisms? The visuals are just too sci-fi-comedic to be taken seriously. Keep an eye on Jared. I’m not certain that his brain spike was transient. And cross-reference it with his other programming. What if the spike changed something we aren’t seeing yet? So many rabbit trails to follow, my head’s going to explode,” Dr. Mathis murmured as she walked across the room and entered her office, shutting the door behind her.
*****
The three muted tones over the public address speakers were ignored by almost everyone seated in the main cafeteria. They were designed to function that way. The management group, however, knew instantly to listen for the announcement that followed. “Alpha Prime Group and Department Heads report to Conference Room Lambda One in thirty minutes.” The female voice was direct and yet somehow calming in a matronly sort of way.
“Who do you think the voice really is?” Sergei pondered aloud. “She reminds me of my grandmother. Every time I hear that voice I am almost overcome with an irresistible desire to curl up in her lap and lay my head on her fat cushy bosom and take a nap.”
Doctor Aideen Brennan looked up from her bowl of aquaponically grown tilapia and micro greens and cast a stare of incredulity at Sergei. “Seriously, Sergei? Do you have some sort of Oedipus complex going on with the synthesized PA voice? Did your mother put you to bed with a toaster every night?”
Sergei pushed back from the table and leaned back in his chair as a kind of pause to consider carefully his response to his colleague in astrophysics. “Well, I suppose I just had a happier childhood than you did, Dr. Brennan. I’m sorry that my happy memories of my grandmothers comforting bosoms,” Sergei increased his volume to emphasize the words, “offends your icy feminist ideology. Could it be that you suffer from a degree of insecurity based on your lack of any noticeable child nurturing apparatus yourself and perhaps a psychological void for looking more like a teen-aged boy than a girl?”
“What Mother Nature deprived me of in my chest,” Dr. Kuznets, “she overcompensated for in my mind. I mean, after all, who reports to whom?”
Sergei drew a measured breath. “And are you happy with what Mother Nature has given you, my esteemed colleague? Are your maternal instincts satisfied by caressing digital data sets and algorithmic analyses rather than suckling fat little babies at your meager paps? Are you really satisfied?” Sergei pressed his inquiry. ”Are you truly happy with spectacles as opposed to,” Sergei cupped his hands in front of his chest, “chesticles?”
“I don’t know why you two carry on this ridiculous charade of insulting each other in public. The worst-kept secret in this facility is that you two are joined at the hip. You’ve been shacked up since you both arrived here. Here’s a news flash for you both,” Dr. Agoston sighed. “Nobody cares. I know that I certainly don’t give a rat’s patooty that you guys are shag-buddies. What I care about is have you completed the sub-atomic super-magnetic venturi injectors and if, and I anxiously emphasize the word ‘if’, you have completed the computer simulations and finalized the derivative coefficient factors that I have been waiting on for over two weeks? My finalized thrust and speed tables have fatal holes in them and the Director of Propulsion Mechanisms was livid with me this morning for taking so long. I like my job here folks. I want to keep my job here, but I swear I’m going to get homicidal, right now, if you two don’t start producing results.”
Aideen turned her head toward Sergei and smiled a rather blithe smile. Then she turned back toward Dr. Agoston. “Our final schematics and figures were posted to your inbox yesterday. I suppose the reason you may have missed them is because that dreamy zero-grav welder and you were discussing the dangers of weightless composite materials welding operations in his quarters…again!”
“Ahem, well, I ah…”
All three began laughing at the same moment.
“Okay,” Dr. Agoston continued. “What are we looking at? Total traverse program time? Here-to-there? How long?”
Aideen lifted her blouse away from her chest and peered inside. Then looking at Sergei she mouthed, “Meager paps?”
Sergei smiled and then shrugged his shoulders. “I was improvising here. I’m not good at thinking on my feet.”
“Hey!” Dr. Agoston insisted.
“Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a knot.” Aideen turned to her. “Twenty-six point two trillion kilometers, give or take, will require approximately forty days. If by ‘day’ you assume that I mean one-thousand Earth Years or EY’s or whatever. Give or take a century or two.” Dr. Brennan dismissively waved her right hand through the air. “I’m kidding – of course. Although four thousand years of space travel in parts of the galaxy w
e know almost nothing about potentially presents unforeseen problems we can’t even begin to anticipate - our numbers are nonetheless accurate. You may rely on them completely. Especially since by the time the ship arrives we will not even be a distant memory. We will be nothing more than a mystery.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Sergei said between sips of his coffee. “I have been on board the ship many times and have noticed that the construction teams often write little notes on the inside of wall plates. So…I may have left a little love note about us also. Who knows, maybe someday… Anyway, four thousand EY is within the time window that you gave us,” Sergei stood to leave. “The propulsion system exceeded all computer simulation stresses. We are assuming that the fuel numbers are correct to within less than one percent deviation. This will leave the Ark with a five percent fuel reserve upon arrival. They will be stuck in the targeted system but will have acceptable reserves to select a suitable candidate planet within that system. We are only slightly behind schedule but our schematics are being finalized as we speak and will be posted to you by COB. I’m sorry but I have a medical appointment. I must go,”
