by Morgan James
Con slipped the key into the lock and pushed open the door. Instead of mildew, the scent of fresh paint and new carpet assaulted Blake’s senses.
“Which office is yours?”
He pointed down the hallway. “Last one on the left.”
Blake meandered that way, peering into each office. “Mind if I take the one across the hall?” He flipped on the light and strode toward the center of the room. A single office chair sat to one side, a cardboard box propped on the seat.
His friend smirked. “I guessed well.” He gestured to the box. “Cards for you and new shirts.”
Blake lifted an eyebrow. “Shirts?”
“Marketing.”
He pulled the polo from the box and studied the thick color-blocking stripe across the chest and shoulders. “There’s no fucking way I’m wearing this.”
Con rolled his eyes. “What the hell’s wrong with it? Our colors are blue and black.”
“That is fucking purple. And I’m not wearing it.”
“You will if I say you will.”
Blake glared at his friend. “I really hate you sometimes. You know that, right?”
A grin spread over Con’s face. “Yep. Just once or twice, that’s all I ask. You can go back to your regular suits or TDUs or whatever the rest of the time.”
“Am I the only one who gets this kind of preferential treatment, or will the other guys have the same pleasure?”
Con shrugged and smiled. “I prefer to think of it as hazing.”
Blake shook his head with a resigned sigh and slung the offensive article over his shoulder as he strode toward the door. “Asshole.”
Con grinned. “Takes one to know one.”
Chapter Six
Victoria glanced again at the clock on her computer. It was now almost two o’clock and Rachel hadn’t shown up, hadn’t even called to cancel or reschedule. Worry slid down her spine. Victoria picked up the phone and dialed the number again. It was her third attempt today, and it rolled over to voicemail unanswered, just like each previous call. It wasn’t like the woman to just not show up. Any time she’d been sick or unable to make it, she’d called to let Victoria know.
They’d developed a strong bond over the last several months, and Victoria saw herself in the young woman sometimes. Rachel had been subjected to sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather for years before finally gaining the courage to press charges against him and put the man behind bars. She’d struggled with depression off and on and had started therapy almost three years ago after her attorney suggested it. Victoria herself had struggled after the incident in high school, and she’d often despaired that she’d never feel normal again. She thanked God every day that she hadn’t been violated, and she couldn’t begin to imagine what Rachel had endured for all those years. When she’d stumbled into a psychology course as an elective her freshman year, she had immediately fallen in love. Now, she used her experience to help people just like herself and Rachel.
She wasn’t perfect, she knew that, but she’d come a long way in the last ten years. While she’d dated in college, she’d never quite found anyone who made her feel... more. Both of her boyfriends had been extremely staid, but she hadn’t been able to open up to either of them. Without a foundation of trust, the relationships had quickly fizzled out. After college, she’d been too busy first with her clinicals, then opening her own practice. With everything going on in her life, dating had fallen by the wayside.
She was like the last single virgin in Texas. Most of her friends were married, and many had already started families or had babies on the way. She didn’t want to settle, but she wasn’t quite sure she was ready for more, either. She’d begun to think recently that maybe there was no one out there for her.
The phone vibrated in her hand, jolting her from her reverie, and relief washed over her as she glanced at the screen.
“Rachel, thank goodness.”
A shaky breath exhaled on the other end. “Dr. Carr?”
Victoria tensed. The voice was most decidedly not Rachel’s. “This is she.”
The woman faltered. “I... I’m sorry it took so long to return your call.”
“It’s no problem at all,” Victoria soothed. “What can I help with?”
“It’s about Rachel. We would have called sooner, but there were so many things...”
Victoria didn’t recognize the strangled voice coming from her mouth. “Did something happen?”
A choked sob came from the other end of the phone. “I’m sorry, Doctor. Rachel’s... gone.”
“Gone?” Her mind whirled with possibilities, and a sense of foreboding had her stomach clenching into a tight knot. “I don’t understand...”
The woman on the other end let out a shaky breath. “Rachel took her life last week.”
LIPS PRESSED INTO A tight line of irritation, Victoria pulled into her driveway and parked next to Johnathan’s shiny red Porsche. He glanced at her through the window then stepped out of the sports car in tandem with her, shooting her a sympathetic smile over the roof.
Start to finish, today had just been crappy all around, and the only thing she wanted to do was go inside, take a long, hot bath, and drink a glass of wine... or maybe the whole bottle. Entertaining really hadn’t been on her agenda, and her voice held a trace of annoyance as she spoke. “What can I do for you, Johnathan?”
“I know it’s been a bad day for you, but I thought you might be hungry.” He held up a brown paper sack with a sweet smile, and Victoria groaned inwardly. It was hard to stay mad at him when he went out of his way to be nice, but sometimes it was all just a little too much.
Victoria had been in shock when she’d hung up the phone this afternoon. Rachel’s sister Elizabeth had haltingly told her of Rachel’s overdose last week. Though they didn’t know exactly what had transpired, Rachel’s mother had called her on Tuesday afternoon but hadn’t been able to reach her. They’d found her later that evening, but by then it had been too late.
Elizabeth had apologized again for not calling sooner and invited Victoria to both calling hours this evening and the service tomorrow afternoon. After thanking the woman and hanging up, she’d sat frozen until Phyllis had come in to speak with her. She’d spilled the story to her receptionist, and Phyllis had immediately taken charge, rescheduling the rest of today’s appointments as well as those lined up for tomorrow. Phyllis had sent Victoria home to prepare for calling hours, and she’d spent the last three hours at a funeral home on the outskirts of town, speaking with Rachel’s family and friends.
With a soft sigh, Victoria locked the car door then made her way past Johnathan and up the stairs of the porch, leaving him to follow. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, tossing her keys and purse on the table and kicking off her shoes by the door. Sullenly plodding toward the couch, she collapsed in a corner and closed her eyes. She heard Johnathan come in and close the door behind him. His soft footsteps approached the couch, and the paper bag rustled as he set it on the coffee table.
“I’ll grab us plates. I’ll be right back.”
Victoria let her head drop back against the couch, and she rubbed her temples. Her mind felt as if it was full of white noise, a constant buzzing that wouldn’t go away. She still couldn’t quite believe that the beautiful young woman was gone. What had caused the sudden change in attitude? Could she have stopped it? God, she wished Rachel had given her some sort of indication that something was wrong.
His footsteps drew nearer again, and she opened her eyes just as Johnathan strode through the large archway separating the living room from the main hallway, his arms full. He set down the plates, forks, and wine glasses, then pulled the bottle of wine from where it was tucked under his arm. Digging a corkscrew from his back pocket, he efficiently uncorked the bottle and filled her glass. With a grateful nod, Victoria swiped it off the table and took a long swallow.
The cushion beside her dipped as Johnathan’s weight settled into it. His hand landed on her knee, and she
fought the urge to squirm under his touch. She appreciated everything Johnathan had done for her—really, she did—but right now, she just needed some time and space to herself.
“How are you feeling?”
How do you think? Clearing her throat, she sat up and discreetly shifted away from him. “I’m... I don’t know, honestly. Her death was a shock. We had a good session last week, and I still can’t believe she’s gone. I really thought she was improving. I guess it just wasn’t enough.”
Already emotionally exhausted, she had no desire to deal with him tonight. She didn’t want to vocalize her thoughts and feelings, even with Johnathan. She would need to deal with her errant emotions eventually. But not yet. Right now, she just wanted to curl up and cry herself to sleep.
“It happens, Victoria. It’s not your fault.”
She sighed. “Her poor family. I just feel so bad.”
“Maybe she should have stayed on her medication. We could have switched it up, found something that worked for her so it would have been better controlled.” As he spoke, he opened the paper bag and began to extract small white boxes, the flavorful aromas permeating the air.
Bristling at his comment, Victoria leveled an irritated glare at his back. “She tried several if you remember. She said she hated the way they made her feel.”
“We can’t fix it tonight,” he said softly as he passed her a plate full of General Tso’s chicken. “Have some of this. You need to eat.”
Half-heartedly, she obediently scooped a couple of bites into her mouth. Despite the delicious smell, the food tasted like cardboard in her mouth and what little appetite she’d had fled. She set the plate on the coffee table and picked up her wine glass.
Johnathan studied her from the corners of his eyes as he ate, methodically cutting the chicken into precise pieces. “Rachel’s death today got me thinking about something.”
Victoria closed her eyes, wishing she could tune out whatever he was about to say. She was sure it was some variation of the argument they’d had many times before. She had no intention of joining practices with him. She opened her mouth to stop him, but his next words surprised her.
“I think you should go on a date.”
Her mouth hung open for a moment as she swung around to look at him. Was he serious? He didn’t know the extent of her past, but he certainly knew enough. He was aware that she hadn’t dated in several years, and that those relationships had failed because she couldn’t bring herself to trust either of the men enough to really let them in. She didn’t want to be alone forever, but she still struggled with the idea of intimacy.
Although that wasn’t exactly true, was it? The moment she’d laid eyes on the security guard, he’d turned her inside out, warming her blood and causing a frisson of awareness to slither along her nerve endings all the way to her tips of her fingers and toes. Never before had she had that kind of reaction to a man.
Her thoughts from earlier bubbled to the surface. She did eventually want to find a man and fall in love. Her friend Kate encouraged her from time to time, suggesting online dating or going to singles functions. Maybe it wasn’t the worst idea in the world. Didn’t she deserve to be happy, too?
She regarded Johnathan warily. “Why?”
He took off his glasses and polished one lens with the hem of his shirt. “You said that Rachel had been moving on with her life.”
Victoria’s brow furrowed. “She was. And?”
“What are you doing about it?”
She threw her hands in the air. “There’s not much I can do at this point. She’s gone and...” Her words trailed off as he shook his head.
“No, no, you misunderstand me. What have you done to address your own fears?”
Her mouth flattened into a thin line. “I’m just fine.”
“Are you?” His chocolate brown eyes bored into hers as if probing her soul, and she snatched her gaze away, pinning it instead to the wall across from her.
“I dated in college. I just never found anyone I was really interested in. And now I’m just too busy.” She took a sip of wine, feeling his intense gaze on her all the while.
“Maybe you could try again. Many successful marriages and partnerships start with friendship.”
She stiffened at the implication. He’d never said as much aloud, but she’d felt on several occasions that he wished to ask her out. Tipping the glass upward again, she realized it was empty. Leaning forward, she reached for the wine bottle but Johnathan beat her to it.
“What about you?” she asked as she watched him fill her glass. “Are you still dating... whoever that was?”
Had he ever told her the woman’s name? She didn’t think so.
Something flashed across Johnathan’s face as he recorked the bottle. “No, that’s over. And we were speaking of you, not me.”
He shot her a look, and she rolled her eyes. “I just don’t think this is a good time.”
He stared at her for a moment before responding. “Well, just think about it.”
She offered him a small smile and picked up her fork. “I will.”
They spent the next several minutes eating in silence. Once she’d eaten all she could force down, Victoria scooped up the dishes and carried them to the kitchen.
Johnathan carried in the leftovers and placed the cartons in the fridge. “Are you working tomorrow?”
She turned toward him. “No, I had Phyllis cancel my appointments. I’m going to Rachel’s service tomorrow afternoon.”
He nodded. “Would you like some company?”
She considered it briefly before shaking her head. “No, thanks, I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s something I need to do by myself.”
“All right. If you change your mind, just give me a call.”
She feigned a yawn. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”
His lips curved in a tight-lipped smile, clearly interpreting her evasion tactic for what it was. “I’d better head out, then.”
They walked to the front door together in silence and Johnathan hesitated, his hand on the knob. “Why do you park out front?”
Her eyebrows drew together in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Why don’t you park in the garage?”
She shrugged. “I do, sometimes. But if it’s nice out, it’s just easier to come in the front.”
His lips turned down in a disapproving frown. “With everything going on, it might be safer to park inside.”
She waved off his concern. “Crime here is non-existent. Besides, everyone has to stop at the security gate before coming in.” She’d added Johnathan to her list about six months ago, a decision she’d recently begun to regret. With that single invitation, she now realized she’d given him the impression that she might one day entertain the idea of a relationship with him. She didn’t dislike Johnathan; she just didn’t care for him the way the way he deserved. He’d been nothing but nice to her and she couldn’t in good conscience date him when she felt nothing for him.
“I worry about you.” His eyes searched hers as he spoke, and her heart softened, touched by his show of concern.
“I know you do. But really, everything will be fine. I promise.” She pasted on what she hoped was a convincing smile and, after a moment, he relented.
“Fine. But if anything happens, please let me know. I hate having to read about you online or see you on TV before I hear it from you.”
Victoria blushed, suitably chastised. “I’m sorry. Next time I promise to keep you in the loop.”
He smiled and brushed a hand down her arm. “That’s all I ask. Good night, Victoria.”
“Night.”
Johnathan stepped outside and closed the door behind him with one last smile, and she immediately flipped the lock into place. She tapped the code into the security system and trudged up the stairs to her bathroom, turning the water on as hot as it would go. Stripping off her clothes, she stood under the spray and allowed the water to beat down on her, the knife-like pricks pelting her
skin no match for the tumultuous emotions roiling inside her.
She hadn’t cried yet, but that would come later. Grief was a funny thing. Until you really acknowledged it, allowed it to take over, you could push it down, pretend it wasn’t there. Failure, however, wasn’t. It hung heavy around her neck, pulling her down. She touched her chest, the action dredging up the memory of a necklace that had once hung there years ago. It was a replica of one that Leah had owned, the one that had been stolen from her the night of her murder. Victoria’s locket lay in her jewelry box, broken but not forgotten. She knew where she’d gone wrong that night with Leah and the stranger, but what about Rachel?
Heart heavy, Victoria climbed out of the shower and toweled off. Not bothering to dry her hair, she pulled on an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt, then curled up in bed, thoughts of Rachel and Leah parading past her mind’s eye. The darkness outside turned almost to dawn before she fell asleep.
Somehow, she made it through the morning, dressing and heading to the church for Rachel’s service. Elizabeth and Rachel’s mother, Joanne, were welcoming and kind, and both expressed their thanks for helping Rachel over the past few months. Victoria wanted to refute their statements, protest that she could have—should have—done more for Rachel. What had she missed?
Fueled by the need for answers, she drove to the healthplex and took the stairs in lieu of the elevators, hoping to avoid any stragglers. As soon as she reached her office, she locked the door behind her. Finally alone, she leaned her head against the cool glass of the door and drew in a shuddering breath. A riptide of emotions rolled through her and she wished that, just once, she had someone to lean on—someone to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay.
