“And I handled myself just fine,” I spit out. “I didn’t need your protection then.”
“What if this happens again? What if you’re in danger again? I mean, you clearly have a knack for solving crimes. If you decide to make that your career, you could very well face danger again and again and—”
I hold up a hand. “Hold up. Did you say I put myself in danger? As if I wanted to be in danger? Are you serious? Was it terrifying? Yes, but I did what needed to be done.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do it alone. That’s all I’m saying.”
“And all I’m saying is that it’s my choice. I didn’t have time to find someone with the whole thing with Thistle. I had no reason to think he was the killer!”
“All the more reason why you need—”
“I don’t need someone to tell me what to do,” I say bitterly.
"Will you let me finish? I was just going to say that you need someone who you can trust to be with you."
“I thought I could trust Thistle.”
“He had a lot of people fooled.” Sage’s nostrils flared.
I narrow my eyes. “Are you trying to suggest that you knew better than to trust him?”
“I didn’t trust him, no,” Sage says flatly.
“Why not?” I demand, crossing my arms.
“Because.”
“Because why? Because he had a crush on me?”
“It wasn’t a crush,” Sage explodes. “I never told you this, but it used to freak me out how he would always watch you.”
“You felt threatened by him?” I ask incredulously.
“No. It wasn’t that.” Sage grits his teeth. “I was the idiot. I should’ve realized something was off and warned you, but…”
I can’t help being curious, and I try to calm down and by more reasonable versus being all raging mad. “Warned me? About Thistle? Why? Did he do something to you?”
“He threatened me,” Sage says. “I didn’t think much of it at the time, honestly. He was so thin and weak. I knew I could take him if he really wanted to fight—”
“You thought he wanted to fight you for me?”
“He called me a lot of names and told me to stay away from you. He said he could take care of you, protect you. Honestly, I thought he was high or drunk, maybe both and definitely crazy. I mean, Rosemary, he did fairy dust. He wasn’t a good fairy. He never was. I know you try to see the best in everyone, but he wasn’t a good person. He just wasn’t.”
“He could’ve been better,” I argue.
“How so?”
“Maybe if…” I bite my lower lip.
“Stop. Don’t. What he did isn’t on you.”
“Yes, it is! If I… I can’t help but think that maybe if I just went out with him once or twice, if I could’ve made him realize we weren’t a good fit, that he would have been better mentally, you know?”
“His actions are on him, not you,” Sage says.
“I know, but he… I don’t think anyone ever gave him a chance, Sage. If no one expects good things from you, a lot of people won’t bother. What’s the point? He could have done something with his life. I’m sure of it.”
“He is going to do something with his life. He’s going to sit behind bars in Dark Fae Penitentiary.”
I wince. “All he wanted was to be loved.”
“He didn’t love you. He was obsessed with you. There’s a difference.”
“I’m not worthy of being an obsession,” I mumble.
“Rosemary, don’t blame yourself.”
“I didn’t see him for who he truly was until it was almost too late, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen to Bay too.”
Sage says nothing.
“If you’re thinking that she should be on her own because she’s made past mistakes…”
“I don’t think that,” he says slowly. “I just think it might be best if you let me do this alone. I’ll look into Zoth for you. That way, Bay can’t be upset with you.”
“Why would she be upset with me?”
He just looks at me.
I rub my forehead in frustration. “Seriously, Sage, just stop. Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Trying to come up with reasons for me to let you do all of it yourself. I should’ve known better than to ask you. You hate everything about demons.”
Her eyes flash, and he looks wounded. “I don’t hate—”
“You do. You hate Damon, and I get it to some extent at least. It’s my fault. You two might actually be friends if it weren’t for me, and I’m sorry about that. I just… I don’t know if I can trust you to be objective with Zoth. Maybe I’m just being overly worried and cautious for Bay. It’s possible Zoth does love her, and I’m ridiculous for worrying. I don’t know if I can believe that you’ll be honest about that.”
“If you can’t trust me, well, that explains a lot right there, doesn’t it.” Sage shakes his head and flies off.
I stare at his retreating form. It’s not until he dips out of the sight that I realize I’ve squeezed my fingers into such a tight fist that the rest of the honey cake has been smashed almost to nothing.
Nothing. That’s basically how I feel. I ruined everything and all because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and just accept any kind of help. Is it that big of a deal that he wants to protect me? After all, my entire reasoning for asking him for help in the first place had been to help protect Bay.
All I ever do is make mistakes. Time and again, I fail.
Knowing my luck, it won’t be long before I fail again.
Chapter 12
At this point, I'm not sure it's worthwhile to head to class. I'm really late, and besides, Damon's approaching. There's hardly anyone else around because everyone else is either eating or in class. At least we won't have an audience for this talk. Maybe I should beg off and run away and be by myself. I'm afraid I'll damage things between us just like I did with Sage and me.
I hover in place and give a one-shoulder shrug at him. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Don’t want to get into it,” I mumble.
Damon nods. “So that’s it, huh?”
I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“You’ll ask Sage for help, but why won’t you ask me? Don’t you think I’m in a unique position where I might actually be able to talk to the demon and get somewhere versus Sage having to just tail the guy and observe him?”
“You were eavesdropping,” I accuse.
“I just don’t understand why you won’t ask me for help with Zoth. That’s all.”
“And you only know that I asked Sage for help because you were listening in on a private conversation.”
“It’s hard not to overhear people when they’re shouting.”
I grit my teeth. “We weren’t that loud, and you weren’t nearly close enough to have overheard without using magic, so don’t pretend otherwise, Damon. As for why I didn’t ask you… Maybe I’m reeling from the fight I just had with Sage. Maybe I hadn’t gotten a chance to yet, but you jumped down my throat without giving me time to. Or maybe I decided I’ll just handle things myself.”
“Like you always do.”
I shrug and put a hand on my hip. “What’s the harm in that? I get things done.”
"I'm not going to say that the way Sage treated you was wrong. We both know it was so we'll leave it at that. The meaning behind the words… You can't deny that sometimes, it's better to do things in pairs or small groups. Just to be safe."
“I don’t think I have any reason to fear Zoth,” I protest.
"You didn't think you had any reason to fear Thistle either and look how that turned out."
“This is different,” I argue.
“Is it? You’re worried that a demon is, what, using your sister? Is that your concern?”
“I… Yes,” I admit.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to have a half-demon help you with this?”
; “Maybe, but maybe I think it best to just go about things alone.”
Damon nods a few times and looks over my shoulder versus at me directly. "You keep doing that, and that's how you'll end up, Rosemary. You'll be all alone."
I swallow hard. “Why does that sound like a threat?” I whisper.
“Damn it, Rosemary, it’s not a fucking threat. It’s a sad reality, a reality I don’t want you to face, but think about this. Sage and I both are trying to protect you.”
“From Zoth?” I cross my arms. “He won’t hurt me.”
“Because he cares for your sister? But then why do you want to go after him after in the first place? Oh, yes, because you don’t trust him, and you’re worried he’ll hurt her.”
I say nothing.
“And that’s not even to talk about who we are trying to protect you from in actuality.”
I narrow my eyes. My stomach twists, and I really don’t want to hear what he has to say. I hate that I fought with Sage, and now, I’m fighting with Damon. Today is turning into one of the worst days ever.
“We want to protect you from you,” Damon says, his tone turning softer, gentler from his harsh, bitter one moments ago. He’s turned off the sarcasm and turned on a low heat that should warm me with his compassion but instead reignites the fire of anger burning hot throughout me.
"Protect me from me. As if I'm a child who doesn't know any better. Forgive me, but no one suspected Thistle, am I right? Certainly not the guards or any of the official investigators of the murders. In fact, I'm pretty sure they suspected you. I never did, not for one second, and I defended you. I knew you were innocent. Just because I was blindsided like everyone else—everyone else including you!—doesn't mean that I'm naïve and foolish."
He opens his mouth, but I’m not done.
“I don’t want to have to deal with judgment from you or from Sage or anyone else. That’s not right, and it’s not fair.”
“The world isn’t fair.”
“Don’t I know it,” I say bitterly. “I know better than most.”
“You try too hard.”
“Try to what too hard?” I spit out.
"You want to change the world for the better, and it's admirable. I won't deny that, but the world is always going to push back. There can't be good without evil. There can't be light without dark."
“My sister doesn’t need more darkness in her life.”
His eyes flash darkly. “Are you truly worried about your sister? About her heart? Her soul? Or are you more concerned by the fact that her boyfriend is a demon?”
I gape at him. “Do you honestly think that his being a demon is the issue here?”
“Why do you think that he isn’t good enough for her?” he challenges, lifting his chin.
"I saw them together. She adores him, but he doesn't pay her much attention or affection or anything. She's like a puppy dog, begging for him to throw anything her way, and I just… He's using her. I don't know why or for what, but he is. I know he is, and—"
“Some people like to be used,” Damon says softly.
“No.” I shake my head vigorously. “No, Bay wouldn’t degrade herself—”
“She’s ‘degraded’ herself by dating a demon, hasn’t she?” he mocks.
My nostrils flare. “You’re putting words into my mouth.”
“I’m just voicing your thoughts aloud.”
“Because you can read my mind.” I scowl. “Do you honestly think my issue stems from his being a demon?”
“You tell me,” he says coolly, suddenly acting indifferent, as if he doesn’t care anymore.
“That’s not the issue at all!”
“If she were dating a fairy—”
“She’s not, and playing the ‘what if’ game won’t help any. Just stop, Damon. You know how I feel about you—”
“Do I? Honestly, sometimes, Rosemary, I question that. I question what I mean to you, what Sage means to you, and then I just stop.”
“Stop what?” I murmur, dreading the answer.
“Stop forcing myself to care so damn much,” he growls.
“And what does that mean?”
“We aren’t dating, and even if you could claim in some way that you’re dating both Sage and me, we wouldn’t be anything close to exclusive. Why should I wait around and not have fun? I’m not tied down.”
“Have fun with who?” I ask, failing entirely at acting unconcerned. “Other girls?”
“It shouldn’t bother you if I did,” he says with a noncommittal wave of his hand. “Considering what you’re doing to Sage and me.”
I bite my lower lip. He’s right. There’s a human expression for this, something about a pot and a kettle. I can’t expect them to wait around forever for me to make up my mind, but to my knowledge, neither of them is involved with other girls. I can’t expect them to wait. I’ve known this, but still, it hurts to realize that Damon might be doing stuff with a girl or girls while I’m waiting.
The feeling of hurt crushes me, and I blink back tears. There’s nothing for me to say. I’ve brought this on myself, and it’s all because I’m too damn selfish for my own good. I love them both, and I can’t have them both. In the end, I really will end up all alone.
He’s so very right. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does. Is this how Sage feels? How Damon feels? No wonder they hate each other.
“I…” I choke over the word and can’t get any more out.
No. No, I won’t be a wimp.
“I think you know I care about you deeply,” I say haltingly. “I care about Sage too. I never wanted to hurt you, and… and… if you want to—”
“You know what I want, but I won’t wait.”
With that, Damon flies off.
Chapter 13
I’m a mess. Anger. Hurt. Frustrated. Sad. Guilty.
So many emotions wrestle within me, but I let anger simmer and rise to the surface. Zoth has been a thorn in my side since that double date or whatever you want to call it, and I’m not about to let him potentially hurt Bay.
The first time I met him, Bay brought me to Zoth’s house. Apparently, he has two because this one isn’t in the dominion of the demons. It’s close to the border between the fairies and the demons, but it’s actually on our land. In a way, that thought is even more unsettling than I ever felt in Brandon’s presence.
Who knows if Zoth will even be there right now, but at least Bay’s in class right now. Shoving aside the realization that I should be in class too, I dash away, leaving the campus behind. My thoughts plague me all along the way, but focusing on my fights with Sage and Damon won't change what happened, won't erase the hurt caused by words spoken. Honestly, I don't even understand why they like me so much. I don't deserve either of them.
But I’m not going to worry about that right now. My focus has to be on Bay right now, which means having a talk with Zoth. There’s no reason to play games or beat around the bush. No need to sneak around and follow him to try to discern his intentions. A straightforward conversation is the way to go.
Of course, Zoth's being a demon means he can lie, and I, being a fairy, can't, but that doesn't mean I won't resort to using magic. Maybe telepathy. Or even the magic of music if I must. If I wanted to just spy, I could try to use astral projection that I learned and mastered last year, but demons and angels tend to be able to pick up on souls outside of the body more easily than fairies can.
It takes me about an hour to reach his place. It's a house comprised of black stones that actually looks beautiful instead of frightening, given its occupant. I wince inwardly as I realize I am more than a little prejudiced against demons. I do accept Damon with everything I have, but other demons, I don't. I just assume they're evil, and that's not right.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I'm seeing things. Bay's made poor decisions in the past, but that doesn't mean that she automatically made a bad decision by choosing to be with Zoth. He is a demon, after all, so maybe it's not easy for them to experience and show l
ove. It's entirely possible that he's showing love the only way he knows how, and I'm holding him to a standard he can't ever reach.
Maybe I am one hundred percent in the wrong here.
And if I am, I’ll apologize to everyone.
But only if I am wrong.
If I’m right…
I can’t be worried about right or wrong at the moment. All I can do is react, and right now, everything inside me is telling me that I have to confront Zoth.
Confronting a demon. Should be a piece of honey cake. After all, I’ve already confronted a thieving arsonist and a murderer. How hard can it be to face a demon?
Still, I can't deny being nervous as I slow my approach toward the door. I knock and wait and wait and—
The door opens. Zoth eyes me.
“Hi, Zoth. Do you mind if I come in?”
“As a matter of fact, I do mind.” He crosses his arms and juts his chin toward me. “What do you want?”
“I…”
“Why are you here, Rosemary?”
No cringe-worthy jokes today.
I force a smile even though it has to look pained. “I’m here to talk to you.”
“About?”
“Well, I was thinking. You’re dating my sister and have been for some time now, and I—”
“You what? Want to get to know me? Is that it? Why now?” His eyes narrow to dark slits. “What do you really want?”
“I do want to get to know you,” I protest.
“And?” he prompts.
“And I want to make sure you have my sister’s best interests at heart.” I say this in a rush.
“What makes you think I don’t?” he asks.
“I would be asking any guy dating my sister about his intentions,” I say.
“Is that so? Hmm. You talk to the guy she was with before she started to date me?”
I drop my gaze to his feet. He’s wearing black shoes, and they’re gleaning. They’re that shiny.
“I take that as a no,” he says dryly.
“She didn’t tell me about the guy she was with before you,” I protest.
Light Fae Academy: Year Three Page 6
