The Ninth Session
Deborah Serani
Relax. Read. Repeat.
THE NINTH SESSION
By Deborah Serani
Published by TouchPoint Press
Brookland, AR 72417
www.touchpointpress.com
Copyright © 2019 Deborah Serani
All rights reserved.
Ebook Edition
PAPERBACK ISBN-10: 1-946920-75-4
PAPERBACK ISBN-13: 978-1-946920-75-1
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and events are fictitious. Any similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used only for reference. If any of these terms are used, no endorsement is implied. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book, in whole or part, electronically or mechanically, constitutes a copyright violation. Address permissions and review inquiries to [email protected].
Editor: Kimberly Coghlan
Cover Design: Colbie Myles, ColbieMyles.net
Connect with the author at www.drdeborahserani.com
First Edition
For Ira
“All of us are much more human than otherwise.”
—Harry Stack Sullivan, Psychoanalyst
Session One
Monday, June 5
Notes
Monday Night
Supervision
Tuesday, June 6
Tuesday Night
Session Two
Wednesday, June 7
Notes
Wednesday Night
Session Three
Friday, June 9th
Notes
Friday Night
Supervision
Saturday, June 10
Saturday Night
Session Four
Monday, June 12th
Notes
Monday Night
Supervision
Tuesday, June 13th
Tuesday Night
Session Five
Wednesday, June 14th
Wednesday Night
Session Six
Friday, June 16th
Notes
Friday Night
Session Seven
Monday, June 19th
Notes
Monday Night
Supervision
Tuesday, June 20th
Tuesday Night
Session Eight
Wednesday, June 21st
Notes
Wednesday Night
Session Nine
Friday, June 23rd
Notes
Friday Morning
Brookville
Saturday, June 24
Supervision
Tuesday, June 27
Huntington Village
Saturday, July 1
Mineola
Wednesday, July 5
Oyster Bay
Friday, July 14
Mineola
Tuesday, July 18
East Meadow
Wednesday, July 19
Boulder
Saturday, August 19th
Syosset
Wednesday, January 3
Oyster Bay
Thursday, January 4
Broomefield
Wednesday, January 10
Boulder
Wednesday, January 10
Boulder
Wednesday, January 10
Tenth Session
Friday, January 12
Session One
Monday, June 5
T
he light slowly filtered in from the other room as I opened the door. This was the last moment of the unknown, where two strangers meet and a life story begins.
Most times, I've no idea which seat in the waiting room a new patient will choose. Sometimes, though, I can make a good guess from the initial phone call. Usually, the depressed patient, feeling weak with fatigue, sits in the first seat available, whereas the anxious person, eager to feel relief, selects the seat closest to the consultation room.
Not that it really matters. There are only six chairs in my waiting room.
“Mr. Ferro?” I rolled my neck around the waiting room. Then checked my watch. Eight o'clock on the dot.
Seeing no one, I pressed my lips together.
Did I make the appointment for eight or eight fifteen?
I left the door ajar, walked to my desk, and re-checked my schedule. I slid my finger down the Monday, June 5th grid in my appointment book to the eight o’clock hour, and there was his name: Lucas Ferro. He’d be my last appointment of the night.
Okay, it’s for eight o’clock.
Maybe he’s running late.
While I waited, I reviewed my notes from my telephone conversation with Ferro. I opened the crisp manila file and heard a shuffling, then a sputtering hiss of air in the waiting room. I turned toward the sound, unsure of what it was.
A magazine falling on the floor?
The air conditioning shutting off?
I listened for another moment or two and, hearing nothing more, went back to my desk.
My office suite was a beautiful setting and one I didn’t mind spending so many hours in. The waiting room, a spacious rectangle, was lined with several Ficus trees and exotic plants, paintings from local artists, and burled wood furniture contemporary in design. The thickly upholstered leather chairs were caramel in color, and the teal-flecked carpet stretched from wall to wall. The vaulted ceiling housed three skylights, flooding the room with an abundance of natural light.
My consultation office was just as large, and there was ample room for my desk, two chairs, and the proverbial psychoanalyst's couch–and of course, an etched nameplate on the door: Alicia Reese, Ph.D. Psychologist.
Across from the built-in bookcase was a long picture window overlooking Oyster Bay. At this time of night, the evening sunset gleamed across the water, layering the inlet with a silvery orange hue.
I turned my attention back to the Ferro file, and I heard it again.
Thumping movements.
Hissing sounds of air.
Then silence.
“What is that?” I asked aloud with growing curiosity.
I'd been working in this building fifteen years and knew all its creaks, thuds, and mechanical whirrs. But I couldn’t decipher these sounds. They weren’t familiar.
I tapped my pocket, confirming the presence of my panic remote. In all the years I’d been in practice, I never found a need to use it.
I got up from my desk and moved toward the door that led to the waiting room. An emerging sense of uneasiness took hold. I heard a hollow voice say something I couldn’t catch and then trail off.
I jolted forward, took out the panic alarm, and held my thumb on the button, ready to send the signal. I entered the waiting room but saw no one.
Again it happened. The bang of something hitting the ground. Then a rush of air.
I focused my vision on the sounds, turning my gaze toward the far-right corner of the reception room.
The darkened bathroom.
I walked in willed steps toward the nearly closed door. Drawing in a deep breath, I opened it all the way with a poke of my index finger.
There, standing against the corner wall, was the shadow of Lucas Ferro having a panic attack.
“The tile...it’s cool,” Ferro said, breathing raggedly like a drowning swimmer.
Hissing sounds of air.
“It’s okay, Mr. Ferro.” I followed his frenzied movements with my eyes. “I’m gonna step away and giv
e you some room.”
I flicked on the bathroom light as I moved away. As the room brightened, I saw Ferro's face. It was sweaty and chalk white. His black hair flopped in wet patches across his forehead, and his eyes were narrow slits of blue. His body moved in spasms, halting and then starting again.
Ferro tugged at his shirt collar as he drew in rapid breaths. Watching him, I felt the anxiety leave my body and the return of my clinical posture. This was a crisis, and I went into crisis mode.
“I want you to listen to my voice as you take in a deep, slow breath.”
Ferro lifted his shoulders, straightening himself from the stooped position against the wall. His knees bent several times as if unable to bear his own weight. Then, all at once, his body buckled toward the sink, but he anchored his two hands on the porcelain base to steady himself. As he drew in a series of deep breaths and huffed them coarsely through his mouth, his feet wobbled and slapped the tiled floor.
Thumping movements.
“You’re doing great,” I said. “You're gonna be just fine.”
Soon, color began to return to his face.
“I want you to slow your breathing even more. Like this.” I modeled the technique for him.
Ferro followed my instructions and formed a slower breathing pattern, ending the hyperventilation that gripped him. Bit by bit, he raised himself to a solid standing posture. A self-conscious impulse took over as he saw his reflection in the mirror. Ferro slicked back his hair with his fingers, smoothed his clothing, and blotted the sweat from his face with a swipe of his arm. Then he smiled at me weakly.
The crisis was over.
As he found his way back from this acute attack, I realized there was no longer a need for me to be holding the panic alarm. I tucked it back into my pocket. I waited for what I thought was a good moment to ask my very first question.
“Can you move out of the bathroom?”
Ferro nodded his head and walked toward the reception area. Upon moving into the waiting room, his eyes sought my approval to sit down.
“Yes, of course,” I said.
He slumped into the chair and tilted his head back against the wall. I moved a few seats away and waited for him to find a sense of balance.
In the long stretch of silence that followed, I studied him in sidelong glances, trying not to be obvious. He was young, probably mid-to-late twenties, and his dark blue eyes glowed with intensity. He was dressed in a green and white Abercrombie & Fitch shirt. There was a moose logo on the left chest pocket. His slacks were washed in a dark tan hue, and he wore no socks with his deck shoes. On his wrist, a flash of gold—a watch with chunky links. He was vulnerable right now, but as the panic faded, I noticed he was muscular in build. And tall. Six feet or more.
We remained quiet in the room for a while. I was always good with silence. It was a comfortable experience.
“I’m worried you won’t be able to help me,” Ferro said finally. His voice was dry, cracking slightly.
“What makes you say that?”
He was silent as he regarded me. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to find the right words or still seized by panic. The silence stretched as he continued looking at the ceiling, occasionally rubbing his hands over his eyes and face. He cleared his throat several times, fighting the dryness.
“Let me get you some water,” I said, getting up. I filled a paper cup with cold tap water in the bathroom.
Ferro drank it down in one large gulp. He crumpled the cup and rolled the shapeless form between his hand and fingers.
“Been in therapy before. Nothing’s helped,” he spoke again.
“But you’re here tonight. Something made you feel hopeful.”
Ferro said nothing but shifted restlessly in his seat. I gave him a few moments before leaning forward to talk again. Just then, he stopped moving altogether and turned his gaze toward me. It was a searching look, and at that instant, it was as if he was seeing me for the first time.
“I guess... I’m hoping you can help me.”
“How about we move into my office?”
A beat later, Ferro nodded.
Wanting him to find a level of comfort, I avoided unnecessary words or actions as he made his way into the consultation room. He walked and sat in a nearby chair. He drew in a few deep breaths trying to get comfortable, but it felt like he could take flight at any moment—leaving the session altogether.
“I’m not exactly sure where to begin.”
“Why don’t you tell me how long you’ve had these attacks?” It seemed a good starting point.
“About two years.”
My eyes widened. “A long time.”
“Yeah,” Ferro replied.
“Any idea why they happen?”
“It’s –uh—it's complicated.”
“Complications are my specialty.”
Ferro laughed and sat back a little further in his chair.
“Tell me about your work with Dr. Karne,” I asked, giving him another place to start. Dr. Paula Karne was a well-regarded psychologist who practiced cognitive behavior therapy in Great Neck.
“Saw her for a few months, y'know, trying to stop the anxiety.”
“What kinds of things did you work on?”
“Changing how I think, replacing bad habits with better ones. Stuff like that.”
“I see.”
Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on in-the-moment issues and how to change them to find greater well-being. Though I worked differently than Dr. Karne, my goal would be the same: to help the patient feel better.
Ferro cleared his throat and spoke again. “I wasn’t always totally honest with her, though.”
“How do you mean?”
“Didn’t exactly tell her what was really bothering me. Thought I’d just go there and learn how to control things. That’s all I really wanted anyway.”
“To control the panic on your own,” I said, reframing his thoughts.
“Yeah. But I know I gotta be more open. That’s why I decided to try again.”
“Being honest is important in therapy.”
Silence came down like a curtain, and we lingered in its folds for a while.
“Why do you think it was hard to be more open with Dr. Karne?” I asked him.
“Well, she doesn't really work like that.”
“True,” I eased back in my seat. “She works just with the behaviors you have. She doesn't get into the nitty gritty things like emotions, memories.”
Ferro nodded in agreement.
“Well, what’s honesty mean to you?” I asked when it was clear he wasn’t going to speak again.
“Showing all the cards, I guess. Talking about things I don’t wanna share.”
“And feeling things.”
Ferro nodded. “Makes me feel weak.”
“How so?”
“I really don’t like needing other people.”
“Dependency makes you feel weak?”
“Yeah.”
“Have there been times in the past where needing others wasn’t easy?” This was a gentle probe to move him deeper into his thoughts. Ferro said nothing, shutting down by looking away. Sensing I might be moving too quickly, I shifted my approach. “We can talk about those kinds of things at a later time.”
“It’s hard to just open up to someone you meet.”
“I get that.”
Keeping track of time, I checked the clock on the end table where Ferro sat. The session was nearing its end. So much occurred and yet so little was done to obtain a formal clinical interview.
“We have just a few more minutes. How about scheduling another appointment?”
“Uh, okay,” he said, handing me the shapeless cup.
I took it from him, wondering why he hadn’t placed it in the trashcan himself.
“How about seeing me on Wednesday?”
“Twice a week?”
“Actually, I was thinking three
times a week.”
Ferro glanced out the window and then raised his eyes to mine. As he did this, he shrugged his shoulders. “All right.”
“We’ll look at why you're feeling anxiety, explore your early childhood, your connections to others.”
Ferro nodded.
“Do you know much about Psychoanalysis?”
“A little. Dr. Karne talked about it.”
“We’re going to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, but in a deeper way.”
“The unconscious.”
“Yes,” I said, pleased he was familiar with the term. “These techniques will help us kick your anxiety to the curb.”
“I'd like that.”
“How does seven o’clock work for you?”
Ferro nodded.
I picked up a pen and filled in the Wednesday, June 7th slot. Taking an appointment card from the holder on my desk, I completed his name, the time, and the date. His eyes seemed glued to my every movement.
“Here you go,” I said as I held out the card. “We have to stop for now.”
“That’s it, then?”
“For now.”
The arc of the session went from one extreme to the other. Lucas Ferro walked into my office at his worst and left seemingly in control.
“See you Wednesday, Dr. Reese.” Ferro paused, looked at me, and extended his hand.
Many classical analysts hold back from any form of touch in sessions. I was a modern analyst, and incidental touch wasn’t something taboo to me.
“See you Wednesday,” I said and met his hand with my own.
His grip was firm and tight.
Notes
Lucas Ferro, white male, mid 20’s. Tall, muscular, well-dressed, and groomed. Presents as cooperative, alert, verbal and intelligent.
Unsure of presenting problem because patient had full blown panic attack before appointment started. Takes up most of the session - so no formal intake done.
Treatment focused on triage and crisis management. Patient is stabilized by the time session ends.
Previous therapist Dr. Paula Karne. Need to get signed release to speak with her. Recommending multiple sessions as week for patient.
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