by Wendy Smith
What am I doing?
“Mia? Are you okay?”
I blink a couple of times, just staring at Kelly. My hand’s gone to my lip without me even meaning to. That kiss. That’s what I want. More of that.
But I shouldn’t want more with James Campbell.
“Uhh, I’m fine. Just busy right now and a bit tired.” I let out a long breath. “Garrett starts work at the university tomorrow.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
I nod. “Yep. All of Auckland, and by some miracle, the job he finds is at the place I work.”
“It must be so tiring, dealing with his mental gymnastics. Why on earth does he think that it’s appropriate?”
Shrugging, I take another sip of my drink. “It’s not like I can do anything about it.”
“Maybe now you can take up one of those overseas offers you got. I bet anything they’re still keen.”
I lick my lips. As much as that appeals, I like living in New Zealand. Maybe in a few years’ time I’ll consider a move, but right now I’m not giving up ground because of my ex.
“I’m here for what’s left of this year and next year to sort out all the legal stuff with Garrett at least. I like my job. I’ll see what happens when the dust settles.”
She nods. “I can understand that. If you ever need an ear, day or night, I’m here. You know that, right?”
I smile. “Of course I do. And I appreciate it so much. I’m not sure what I would do without having you to talk to.”
The wine appears, and we take a look at the menus.
“Eye fillet, medium rare.” I smile at the waiter.
He nods.
“Same.” Kelly laughs. She shifts her gaze to me.
We spend the rest of the night talking and catching up, but the whole time I’m keenly aware of this buzzing in my body.
Anticipation.
Excitement.
Excitement caused by James.
It’s not late when I get home, but it feels like it. I head straight to the bedroom.
I pull off my clothes and put on my pyjamas. It’s a cute little shorts-and-tank-top set I treated myself to a while ago. I always wore silky nighties before, even though I hated them. It’s sad how much of yourself you can put aside when you love someone.
Returning to the living room, I fall onto the couch. I shouldn’t have done this on a Sunday night. I have an early lecture tomorrow morning, and while I’m not drunk, I’m quite tipsy.
Reaching for the remote, I turn on the television. I’m not sure what the movie is, but it’s got Tom Cruise in it, and he’s running. So much running.
My mind wanders to the night before and James’s kiss. Kelly would have wanted to go out and celebrate if she knew. James Campbell is so hot.
So fucking hot.
I’ve never been attracted to a student, and he should be no different.
But.
What’s wrong with a little fantasy? Besides, he’s not in my class. Yet.
I close my eyes. Memories rush forward from the night before. His soft lips, the way they tasted, the feel of his tongue against mine.
Holding my breath, I slide my hand down the front of my shorts and into my panties. I’m wet—surprisingly so. I never took the time to get to know my own body. Maybe it’s time to change that.
I let out the breath, stroking my clit with my fingers.
My eyes are still closed, and I’m picturing James. It’s not fair. I’ve been in a cocoon for nearly twenty years, never giving myself a chance to learn about my own sexuality—to grow into it.
I wish I was fifteen years younger.
When I first left Garrett, I’d never even thought about there being another man in my life. It was an act of self-preservation.
James’s dark eyes burned a hole in my soul. They pierced through the facade that I’ve had in place for so many years. Maybe this is a chance to unlock the real Mia, the Mia who should have always been. Maybe this is a part of learning about that Mia.
I slip my other hand up under my shirt. Cupping my breast, I squeeze my nipple between my thumb and index finger. Involuntarily, my thighs squeeze together, trapping my hand.
I dip a finger into my pussy. It’s for James. It’s all for James. In this moment, I no longer care about right or wrong. I don’t care that he’s a student and I’m a teacher. I don’t care about the age difference.
I want him.
He’s woken something in me.
And I want to grab hold and enjoy it.
He’s parting my legs, lowering his head and licking me. He can’t get enough, and neither can I. This is what I’ve always needed—to feel wanted and appreciated.
I curve my fingers back over my clit and rub. Rolling to my side my gaze falls to the movie I was watching. The actors move and talk on the screen, but all I can think about is finding my own pleasure.
With James’s help, of course.
I suck in my bottom lip, trapping it with my teeth. My breath quickens, and I fight the urge to close my eyes again.
My stomach clenches as the waves roll over me. I buck, letting out a moan. I close my mouth, my eyes widening as I look around. Of course no one can hear me. What if Garrett walked in right now?
I let out a long breath. My face is blazing. I don’t need to touch it to know my cheeks are pink. From exertion or embarrassment, I don’t know.
I just masturbated on my couch thinking about a student.
There’s no way I can ever tell anyone about this.
4
James
I can’t stop thinking about Mia. It’s Friday, and nearly a week since I kissed her.
Maybe if she’d been angry, I wouldn’t be thinking about her so much.
Instead, all I think about is the way she felt in my arms, how soft and warm her lips were, and the way she opened her mouth as if inviting me in for more.
It’s confusing.
We used to pass each other in the corridor and not meet each other’s gaze. Now, I can’t help but look.
Twice, we cross paths, our hands brushing against each other. There’s a spark, an electricity between us, and I know I’m not the only one feeling it. I just hope no one else has noticed her blushing.
I came to Auckland following my heart, only to have it broken. The feelings I now have for Mia bring me hope. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, considering who she is.
Irrational thoughts fill my mind. I don’t care about my master’s. If I have to, I’ll finish up this year and pursue her. I am consumed by Mia Scott.
This is either the most stupid thing I’ve ever done, or it’ll be the best.
Her office door is open, and for a moment, I take in the sight of her.
She’s dressed professionally, like she always is. Some lecturers dress down in jeans and a shirt, but not Mia. It’s so fucking hot. I don’t think she has a clue.
I tap on the door. “Have you got a minute?”
She looks up. Her red-painted lips part when her gaze hits mine. “I …”
“I really need to talk to you.”
She swallows hard and licks her lips. It’s not helping.
When she nods, I step into the room and close the door behind me. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” I need to tell her and end the torment I’m feeling either way. There’s no point in holding back. I need to say it, and hope for the best.
She drops her gaze and nods. “I’m the same.”
“What do we do about it?”
She fidgets, her fingers intertwining. She’s struggling. “I don’t know.”
“If I have to give up my studies, I will.”
Mia stares at me. “James, that’s crazy.”
“I know, but I feel this really strong connection with you. It’s not like anything I’ve ever had before.”
“Me too,” she says, “but I’m so confused. I’m not sure if it’s because of something between us, or because I’ve just spent nearly twenty years in a shitty marriage with so
meone who didn’t want me the way you seem to.”
I sit on the chair opposite her desk, maintaining my distance. I can’t push her. “If you tell me that it’s that, and I’m imagining things, I’ll go home and we can forget what happened.”
“I’m not sure I can forget.” She picks at her fingernails. “It wasn’t just a kiss.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
Her jaw ticks for a moment. “What if we spend some time together and see what happens?” she asks.
I nod. “I’d like that.”
“Maybe we’ll find it was just a case of you coming to my rescue and feeling chivalrous.”
I laugh. “Well, while I would have helped anyone, it meant more to do it for you.”
“And not just because of who I am?”
Shaking my head, I lean closer. “I didn’t know you. I mean, I’m an admirer of your work, but I saw the real Mia Scott.”
“I’m not sure if the real me is worth—”
“Don’t you dare say that. That’s not you talking—it’s your piece-of-shit ex.”
Her cheeks flush.
“You are worth so much more than he ever gave you credit for, Mia. And I’m not talking about your research. You are worth everything.”
“James, you don’t know me.”
“I know enough. And I know I want more.”
She smiles. “Are you always this forward?”
“Honestly? No. But I’ve also never had such a reaction to another human being as I have to you.”
She shoots a glance at the door, but it’s still firmly closed. “Me either. I find you really easy to talk to, which is weird. I’m not that good at making friends that I can just chat with. And then you appear out of nowhere.”
I laugh. “I find it really easy to talk to you too. There’s a small group I hang out with from time to time, but I’ve not made that many friends since I moved to Auckland.”
She nods. “I know what you mean. Garrett managed to isolate me from all of mine. Then he always twisted things to make it seem like I was at fault.” She sighs. “If nothing comes of this, at least I think I’ve made a friend.”
I smile. “So, let’s explore this. It’s not against the university rules.”
Mia pales. “I know, but ….” She sighs. “This has to be well under the radar. It took everything to leave Garrett. And if he finds out I’m dating anyone, he’ll do his best to make my life hell.”
“He got a job here to follow you. He needs to sort out his own issues.”
She nods. “I know that. He’s been told that. But until the divorce is over and the house is sold, we’re tied together. I think he thinks if he’s close to me, I’ll change my mind.”
Irritation builds in me. If it was that bad, he has no right to be anywhere near her. “Wow.”
“But I can’t live that life anymore, James. I can’t spend my whole time being run down and made to feel inferior.” She sighs. “Even our marriage counsellor thought he was a narcissist.”
“Shit. That just makes you even more amazing.”
Her smile is small, but it’s there. “How?”
“Look at you and all you’ve achieved over those years. While dealing with his shit. No one should ever make you feel small.”
Tears well in her eyes. God, how I want to kiss her and feel her body pressed against mine again.
“What are you doing for dinner tonight?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Probably fish and chips in front of the television.”
“I’ll come over to your place if you want. It’s probably safer than you being in my building where I’m surrounded by other students.”
She still looks unsure.
“I’d like that,” she says. “I’ll leave the garage door open.”
Standing, I grin. “I’ll bring the fish and chips. Anything you want in particular?”
She shakes her head. “Just a piece of fish and some chips.”
“I’ll be there about six.” Leaning forward, I peck her on the cheek. She freezes, and I realise what a dumb arse I am. We’re on university property.
“I’m terrified, James. I hope you know that.” She seems to force a smile.
“I’m not. This feels right.”
She nods, and I leave her office feeling happier than I have in months.
It’s a little after six when I pull into Mia’s place. The garage door’s open, and I drive straight in. It closes behind me.
Grinning, I step out of the car and grab the parcel of fish and chips. She knows I’m here.
She’s waiting at the door with a big smile on her face. “You’re here.”
I walk past her into the kitchen, dropping the package on the bench. “Did you think I was going to stand you up?”
“Is this a date?” She sucks in her bottom lip.
“I’d like to think so.” I take a step forward as she walks toward me. When we meet in the middle of the kitchen, I lean and plant a kiss on her cheek. “I hope so, anyway.”
She’s so cute when she blushes.
“What did you get?” She nods toward the bench.
“Four fish, two scoops of chips.”
“That’s a lot.” She laughs.
“I’m starving. I didn’t have lunch.”
She shakes her head. “You have to take care of yourself.”
“I was pretty excited about tonight.”
Mia grins. “Me too.”
I take one of her hands in mine. “I’m glad I came to see you. It was driving me crazy.”
She lets out a long breath. “I was the same. I’ll grab some plates.”
I unwrap the food while she pulls out two dinner plates.
Mia shakes her head as she watches me grab two pieces of fish and pile my plate up with chips.
“What? I’m a growing boy.” I laugh. I bite down on my lip. Highlighting our age gap wasn’t what I wanted to do. But Mia seems to take it in her stride.
She rolls her eyes, making a grab for my stomach. I twist away, laughing louder.
“Where does it all go?” she asks. “My mother used to say I had hollow legs.”
“Mine did too. Nothing hollow about mine.”
Her palm rests flat against my abs. “I don’t think there’s anything hollow about any of you.”
Placing the plate on the bench, I grasp her arms. “Are you coming onto me, Doctor Scott?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Sorry, Doctor Scott.”
Her mouth falls open, and she pinches my waist.
“Ouch.” I laugh. “Sorry, Mia.”
Her cheeks dimple as she smiles at me. With each passing minute, I like her more.
“I’m not even sure why I’m acting like this.” Her smile grows bigger.
“Because you’re so hot for me. Duh.”
She laughs. “Stop it.” Her cheeks go pink, and her eyes are so full of life.
“I like it when you’re playful.” I grin, picking up my plate. “Don’t let the food go cold.”
It only takes a few minutes for her to join me on the couch, and she’s carrying a large bottle of tomato sauce.
“That’s what I forgot. You distracted me by feeling me up.”
“I did not.” She gapes as she sits and hands me the bottle. “Stop casting aspersions on my character.”
I chuckle. “You’re allowed to feel me up. Just not in public.”
Mia smiles. “This sneaking around thing is not going to do anything good for my blood pressure.”
“I wish we didn’t have to.”
“Me too, but … it’s what I have to do for my own sanity, as screwed up as that might sound. At least for a while. It’s some time before the divorce is final.”
“How long is that?”
She sucks in her bottom lip.
“Mia?”
“We have to be separated for two years. Which means we still have eighteen months to go.”
“Shit.”
She nods. “Want to change your mind?�
��
I shake my head. “Hell, no.”
A smile spreads across her face. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“As if I could walk away from you.” I hold my hands up. “I didn’t mean that to sound so stalkerish.”
Mia laughs. “I know. I took it in the way I’m sure it was meant.” Her eyes are so full of life, and it’s a far cry from the way she was when I found her in the car park. She looks relaxed and happy.
I like her. Really like her.
The movie’s playing, but I’m not paying attention.
Mia sits next to me. Not too close, but close enough that I can smell her. She’s wearing fragrance of some sort. It’s light, and I’m not sure what the scent is, but it suits her. I like her being this close.
Licking my lips, I slide my arm onto the back of the couch and around her. I don’t try the sneaky yawn when I do it—that’s way too corny, and I don’t want her to think I’m playing with her.
She smiles and snuggles closer.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Very okay. I like this.”
“Are you watching the movie? I have no idea what’s going on.”
She laughs. “Not really.”
“Me either. Is this weird?” I ask.
“A little. But it’s a good weird.” She cups my cheek. “I like having you here.”
“I like you being in my arms.” I lick my lips. “I really want to kiss you.”
Mia smiles. “What’s stopping you? You didn’t hesitate last time.”
I laugh. “Can I kiss you, Mia?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
There’s no more hesitation as I cover the small distance between us and press my lips to hers. She opens up, and I slip my tongue into her mouth, probing hers with gentle touches. She tastes like the sweet wine she’s been drinking, and it spurs me on. I want this woman more than anything.
Mia sighs when I end the kiss.
“Still okay?” I ask.
“Even more so than before.” Her eyes radiate happiness. “The way you kiss me. It’s like … well, I don’t know how to describe it. You’re so gentle, and caring.”
“It’s the least you deserve.”
“I want more.”
