My name.
It came out in three syllables, in a variation I’d never heard before, but when I did?
Oh. My. God.
I couldn’t stop myself from releasing him.
His hand reached for mine when I moved, but I slammed around, pivoting to face him. His eyes were sleepy and tired, but there was a faint sheen of panic as he thought I was about to leave him, about to leave him hanging after I’d teased him into wakefulness.
With one hand, I went back to my original goal. With the other, I cupped his cheek.
“I love you, Max.”
His pupils bloated. There was no other to describe how dilated they were at that moment in the harsh morning light. They overtook the pale blue irises, showing me, without words, the effect my declaration had on him.
He closed them, tilted his head until our foreheads were pressing together.
“Jess. I love you.”
That rasp in his words had my clit throbbing with the need to feel it. I wanted his tongue on me. Hell, I wanted his cock and his fingers; everything this man had to give.
“We can take it slow,” he gasped, denying us for my benefit even as I tortured him by sliding my hand underneath the covering of his underwear. His hips pumped forward, dragging the bulge against my lower belly.
Shit, that felt good.
“Just…” I sighed. “Let me figure this out, okay?”
His nod was eager and reminded me of one of those nodding dog ornaments I’d seen on the dash of a car. He was willing to let me experiment.
I had a lot of bad memories; naturally. I didn’t want him to pin me down. Didn’t want him looming over me. Not until I was used to this, to us.
Then, when I was, I intended on him helping me through that. One step at a time. Because there was no way I didn’t want to experience everything with this man, my demons be damned.
If we worked through them together, then I just knew, somehow, we’d be okay.
I reached up and connected our mouths. We’d had brief kisses since the early days, and it was one way I’d come to be gentled to his touch. He never pressured me, always letting me access as much as I needed. I swear, some nights, it had been hard because I’d felt like a lustful teenager again. Even wanting to hump up against him, even if I knew I couldn’t follow through.
Damn, I’d put him through so much these past three months.
But after that kiss yesterday in the office… in front of Derek too.
While guilt soared through me, I knew I had a lifetime to make up for it. And hell, he wasn’t blaming me. Not for anything. He loved me.
He. Loved. Me.
Me.
I’d have shaken my head in disbelief but there was no disbelieving this. I knew it to be fact.
When I felt the kiss of pre-cum on my palm, I used it to lubricate my fingers. My grip tightened on him and I jacked him off for a handful of seconds.
“I’ve been wanting you too long,” he gritted out. “I can’t hold it for long, Jess.”
I moved my hand from his cheek and reached for the one that he’d rested on his belly. Grabbing it, I tucked it between my legs, loving how his eyes flared wide in response.
“You came to bed with no panties on?” He let out a pained moan. “Ow, that hurts.”
I snickered. “In a good way?” I asked, voice breaking as his fingers connected with my clit.
Fuck, had I ever been this wet?
I didn’t think so.
He touched me, rubbing my nub, sliding through the thick juices that my sex released in an obvious declaration that I was a totally willing party to what was happening here.
Hell, I was more than willing.
I was starting to get desperate when he focused those clever digits on my clit. My hips rocked, jerking back and forth as, for the first time in two years, my sex saw some action.
I couldn’t believe it when I felt the darkening edges circling my vision as release beckoned. Then, he shifted his hand, the underside of his wrist rubbed against my clit as he spread me with one finger.
And that was it.
It was as simple and as crazy as that, because I came.
Hard.
And loud.
At any other time, with any other man, I’d probably have been embarrassed at the sounds that came out of my mouth, but damn, it was good. So fucking good. It exploded throughout my system, breaking me apart and fitting me back together again even as he continued to touch me, to keep me riding the crest.
I clenched my thighs around his hand, keeping a tight hold even as my juices leaked from me. My own grip on his shaft firmed to the point I could hear his pained grunts as he jerked his hips, using my hand to get off.
The thought had my eyes popping open and pulling back.
“No,” I gritted out. He froze, and I realized… this man. “No, not like this,” I stated, scrabbling up, pushing him back until he was resting against the sheets and I was on top of him.
“Not with my hand. With me.”
I could see the relief in his eyes even as the sweat beaded on his brow and top lip. “For a second, I thought…”
His voice was shaky, telling me how close he’d been to climaxing. My throat closed but I choked out, “I know. But no. I want more for us.”
I peered down at the ruddy shaft between us and then rocked up higher so my knees were around his hips. Then, grabbing a hold of it, I began to slide his cock through my folds, rocking my pelvis for the best friction ever.
Coating him in my juices, I heard more pained groans escaping from his throat, and I knew it had to be one of the sexiest things I’d ever heard.
Those noises?
They were like catalysts for explosions in my core. I could feel myself getting wetter, and that was a good thing because Max was big.
Seriously big.
I’d felt it in my palm but seeing was believing.
“I-I can’t last much longer,” he gritted out. “Sweetheart, just get me off. I’ll be hard again soon.”
I blinked at that.
The other guys I’d been with had come once then passed out like I’d hit them on the head. That he had faith in his recovery time intrigued me, and I knew I’d be taking advantage of that in the future.
His statement also made me realize how long I’d been torturing us both. When I looked at him, my eyes heavy-lidded, I realized we were both drenched in sweat and my thighs and ass were aching from how long I’d been riding him without him penetrating me.
Considering I’d been trying to make this easier on him?
Yeah, that hadn’t worked out.
Still, he was my personal playground, and it was the first time I’d allowed myself to explore anything distinctly male in far too long.
I grimaced but disregarded his words. Lifting up higher, I settled the tip of his cock at my gate and let out a moan. I was both disgusted by how wet I was, my juices were slick between us and I knew I’d be embarrassed about that later. But I was also relieved. I’d need to be that wet to take him in.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I began to rock down on his cock. It was as hard as I’d imagined, but damn, it was easy too because of how turned on I was. The look on his face, the strain on his features, and the vein throbbing in his temple, told me how he felt.
At that moment, I was empowered.
He’d given that to me.
He’d showered me with attention and gifts these past few months, but this?
This was incredible.
He was giving himself to me, and I knew, I’d never forget that. Knew that he’d changed something between us with his generosity with himself.
As he fit inside me, going in the whole way—a fact that stunned me—I started panting when my sex touched his groin. I placed my hands on his chest for balance, and peered down between us.
The sight? It blew my mind, and I did something I’d never thought possible…
The nasty memories?
Those horrid moments where I’d b
een powerless and defenseless?
I allowed this image to replace that.
To forever delete the old and to put these in their place.
Because these were so much better.
My sex was slick, as was his. My juices were everywhere. That was still embarrassing but could I help how turned on I was? The thick root of his cock was burrowed between my pussy lips, and seeing how I’d taken him in was just staggering.
For a second, I just stared.
Then Max let out a low rumble. “Baby, if you don’t move, I’m going to lose my mind. You looking at me like that is driving me insane.”
I peered at him, saw how he’d gripped the sheets with his hands to stop himself from touching me. I saw that, felt saddened by it, and knew I was denying us both something special by letting him keep them there.
He was doing it for my benefit, of that I had no doubt.
But I needed him. I needed his touch.
I dragged my shirt overhead to bare myself to him.
When he saw me, naked, and let out a long, low hiss that hit me in places he was technically already hitting with another part of his anatomy, I reached down, grabbed his hands and dragged them to my breasts.
The moan he released quickened something inside me, and then he reared up. But he didn’t scare me. His mouth came to my nipples and he devoured them as he gripped my hips and began to urge me to move.
And move I did.
I was tired and already sore from how I’d tormented us, but this? It was worth the slight discomfort.
I could feel him deep inside me, could feel him on me and next to me, and it let me fling my head back and just enjoy the moment. He reached between us and began to touch my clit and the pleasure that speared through me was so close to painful that I started to sob. The sounds had him stiffening, but I reached for him too, holding his hand to my pussy to keep him in place.
As he wrenched the orgasm from me, he let out a loud roar that hurt my eardrums. I could feel him, deep inside, throbbing and pulsing, filling me with his cum.
It was so right.
So, so right.
Even as the pleasure cascaded through my senses with the power of fireworks fizzing through my veins, I felt him slump back and bring me with him.
As we both let the heights of our climax fade, as we settled into one another, I had to murmur, “You’re in the wet spot.”
He snorted. “I can cope.”
He reached for my hand again, bridging his fingers with mine as he whispered, “You’re not on the pill, are you?”
I stiffened, shook my head. “No. Shit.” I tried to sit up but he made a soothing sound, and with his free hand, rubbed it soothingly along my spine. “No need to fret.”
“I can take the morning after pill.”
“No,” he said, his words a low rumble. “We’ll use something from now on, but if this bears fruit?” He chuckled. “I’d say that would be pretty fucking perfect.”
For a second, I stilled, astonished by his words.
Did he realize what he’d just said?
That he thought this would have a perfect ending if I turned up pregnant?
Shit, why hadn’t I been thinking about stuff like that? With my past, you’d have thought I would. But waking up with his cock nudging my ass had just blown my brains because I hadn’t been scared. And I’d been running scared for so long, that the lack of fear had been like the best high imaginable.
I hadn’t been thinking.
For once, in too long, I’d been feeling.
But, did I want a baby?
A shaky sigh escaped me.
This man’s baby?
Yeah.
I did.
And what the hell that meant I didn’t know. But as he wasn’t freaking out about it—wasn’t dragging us up and about to get dressed so he could take me to a clinic—I couldn’t freak out either.
We lay there, drowsily sated, just resting and relaxing, being.
“I love you,” he whispered against my temple, even as he brushed a kiss there.
“I love you too,” I gave him the words back freely, needing him to know that. “Thank you.”
His chuckle rumbled through me with the power of a freight train.
“Oh, sweetheart, the pleasure’s all mine.”
Chapter 11
Max
Six Weeks Later
Miami was boiling hot.
I knew I was a whiner; I complained about Chicago being freezing and then, my hometown, being scorching hot.
But seriously. Where was the air conditioning? They needed it out on the streets; needed to do something to make it cooler because I was close to melting. Had it really been so long since I’d been back?
It made me recalculate a lot considering we were only in Spring and I already felt like I had central heating in my veins. I suppose it had been a long time, and that made me feel ashamed because that meant I hadn’t seen mom for years.
What kind of son was I if I hadn’t seen her in ages and didn’t even realize it?
I made a vow to myself to change all that.
My mom wasn’t getting any younger, after all; neither was I. Just giving her money wasn’t enough. She’d long since moved out of that shitty building we’d lived in when I was a kid, because that had been one of the first things I’d insisted on when I’d made a decent living out of my coding. She’d moved into a better building, but as I’d earned more, I’d insisted she move too, and now, she had a house in one of the more expensive parts of town, didn’t have to work and had a monthly allowance that had probably been her annual salary back when she’d worked three jobs to make ends meet. That was no longer the case.
Even though I knew she appreciated what I gave her, I knew she wished she saw me more. All her kids lived in other states now, and I knew she missed us all. It was just shitty that she was scared of flying and that I never had any time to do anything with my life save for work.
Work was and always would be important. I’d never be able to completely separate myself from Avalon, but neither did I have to work crazy hours, and live in my office. Hell, some days, I’d never left the building. Had woken up and worked then slept, eating takeout and just living at my damn desk. Well, no more.
Jessica was strong, in her own way. She wouldn’t wither away without my attention, but I wanted her to have my attention. I needed her as much as she needed me.
Now that I was a soon-to-be-married man, I’d have to make alterations to my schedule because I refused to be the kind of husband who neglected his wife, his family.
I’d proposed that same day Jessica first fully gave herself to me. I couldn’t resist, I had to know she’d be mine forever. That she’d allow me to protect and cherish her always. And she hadn’t said no!
I would have whisked her to a registry office that very same day too, but she’d wanted to meet the rest of my family first. So, here we were.
Our connection went bone deep. I wanted to be with her, to be in her.
Last night, I swear, we’d almost been glued together after one such occasion of being in her. We always ran hot, of course, but in these temperatures?
As we’d come, our bodies seeking release as a fluid line, we’d almost seared each other with our body heat. Then, afterward, flopping back against the mattress had been way too hard.
My cock, already thickening with morning wood, got a little harder as I thought about her soft moans as I ate her out, and the way her thighs got a workout as she tightened them about my head. I loved her taste, the slick juices that she gifted me with when I hit the right spot. The way she clung to me and begged me to fill her.
I loved it. After having her push me away for so long, I seemed to crave her demands. Loved hearing her cries and pleas when she called out for me, wanting me inside her.
I usually teased her, because that was my way.
She called me a jerk but I just loved knowing that she felt that way about me. Sliding into her was like coming home,
and considering I’d come home, it was a double whammy being inside her in Miami.
In fact, I wanted inside her again.
Just thinking about her slickness, the way she writhed underneath me, the way her breasts jiggled as she rocked into me… I shuddered a little, making my way out of the deep sleep that had overcome me after our night’s passion.
She was so tight, and I loved being inside her.
She gave everything that she got. In spades. She didn’t just lay underneath me, making the appropriate sounds here and there. She was an active participant. She reveled in what we did, enjoyed it with all she was, and it made the experience a thousand times more thrilling because she was so into it. So into me.
I knew she loved me; she told me often enough.
But the shadows of the past still plagued her from time to time. I wished, wholeheartedly, I could take them all away from her, and though I was working on that, I knew no matter what I did, she’d always have the memories. They would always be with her.
She would always know what it was to have her choice taken from her, and I hated that.
It made me want to give her everything, the world, but, crazy though it was, she seemed to be content with just me.
Maybe that was why I overcompensated.
I needed her to beg before I slid into her. Needed her to know that she was as much in charge of our sex life as I was.
Speaking of…
Grunting as the late April sun speared through the slats in the shutters and managed to fall straight on my face, I opened my eyes and heard the toilet flush.
Again.
Now I thought about it, I was sure that had happened twice already.
It was more like a subconscious memory though. I didn’t actively recall it. And it sure as hell didn’t constitute as a dream! Yeah, Jessica might be my dream women, but I didn’t dream about her on the porcelain throne.
Frowning at the thought, I wondered if she was okay. I started to speak, then cleared my throat when my voice was nothing more than a sleepy rasp. Still, I eventually managed to call out, “Jess? You doing okay?”
“Yeah, I think I ate something bad.”
Her voice was a wobble that had me rolling off the bed. I nearly landed on the floor though, and grunting, I managed to right my balance as I strode over to the bathroom.
Cherishing Her: A Protector Office Romance Page 11
