by Reana Malori
A titter of laughter came through the phone. “He’s been on your ass? I just bet he has.”
“Okay, how old are you? Aren’t you the mother of a young and impressionable son?” Lisa responded as she shook her head in exasperation.
Kara was the most grounded of all her friends, but every once in a while, she could be just as silly as the rest of them. “Seriously, he’s been pressing lately about coming out to you guys and just being ourselves in front of you. I think it’s wearing on both of us to be around each other and not be able to touch or just be together.”
“Then why continue to do it?” Kara pressed.
At a loss for words, Lisa wasn’t sure how to answer. So she said nothing.
“Don’t you want to share the relationship you and Jack have with the world? To let all those other women know that he’s taken?” she continued to question.
“That’s actually the problem. I’m not sure.” There, she’d finally admitted it.
“I’m confused. What does that mean, Lisa?”
“Think about it, Kara. I’m not sure that he is taken. And honestly, I don’t want to make that mistake,” she admitted.
“Wait, Lisa. Now you’re really worrying me. I’ve never heard you this unsure about anything. Especially a man,” Kara said.
“He’s just… It’s different. Jack’s not like Austin. When Austin first found out you were pregnant with baby David, he moved heaven and earth to be with you. Even as you pushed him away, he refused to give up on the two of you. I just don’t think that’s Jack. Not right now.”
She took a deep breath. Was she wishing Jackson could be more like Austin? No. Yes. Well, maybe. “Your man got out of the Navy a few months ago just so he could be at home with you. Jack’s not like that.”
“Wait, are you pregnant?” Kara interjected.
“Hell no, I’m not pregnant. Girl, get a grip. What is wrong with you? No,” she exclaimed. Her friend was a damn loon. Clearly becoming a wife and mother had gone to her head.
“I’m just drawing a comparison. Being with Jack is fun and we both enjoy each other’s company. When I think about what it would mean to go public, to let everyone know we’re together, that scares me a little,” Lisa admitted.
“Why? Wait, hold that thought—your godson has managed to undo the latch on the baby gate again. He’s making a break for it.”
Lisa heard Kara talking to David and telling him not to try and escape again. That little boy could escape any playpen, child gate, or crib Kara set up to restrict his movement. Lisa swore he was a genius child and that he must have gotten his intelligence from his mother, and his sneakiness from his father.
Kara rejoined the conversation, her voice harried and stressed. “Okay, I’m back. That boy is gonna give me gray hair before I’m ready.”
“You know he’s amazing. You leave my godbaby alone and let him explore,” Lisa retorted.
“Now, back to my question,” Kara interjected. “Why are you afraid to let people know about you and Jack?”
“What if it doesn’t last?” Lisa asked, finally admitting her fears about her relationship with Jackson. “The fun of this arrangement we have could wear off in a few weeks or a few months. Then what?”
“Who cares about ‘then what’? You shouldn’t sell yourself short. You should take a chance on him. On the both of you. You never know what’ll happen. How am I the one telling you to take risks?” Kara asked.
“Yeah, I hear you. But I sure as hell don’t want any looks of pity if we’re no longer seeing each other and he brings another woman to a family event. Nope. Don’t want the drama of people staring at me and wondering what’s going on in my head,” she said. Just the thought of Jackson with another woman made her stomach churn.
“You know Jack never brings women around us, but now that I’m thinking about it, that could be because he’s with you. Lisa, I just don’t think he would be that way. I think you’re worrying about nothing.”
Kara’s words gave her a moment of hope that maybe she wasn’t alone in this.
“Yeah. I guess you have a point,” she paused. “Did you know he had a long-time girlfriend years ago? Someone that he loved enough to move in with and consider marrying.” Sadness filled her tone at the thought.
“No, I didn’t. Jack? In love?”
“That was kinda my response as well. He never said the actual word love when he mentioned her. Based on his words, though, and what he’s explained to me so far, it was borderline crazy love.”
Pausing to take a sip of her drink, she let her words settle and sink in. “Let me tell you something. If you’d heard the inflection in his voice and the tone of his words, then you would say the same thing. There’s more to the story than what he’s telling me, but I know enough.”
“Damn,” her friend whispered on the other end.
“Any who, this woman he loved so much…well, when he was away for a three-month stint, she apparently met someone else. From what I can tell, he came home to an empty apartment and a Dear John letter waiting for him on the kitchen counter. I don’t think he’s ever been the same since.”
“Wow,” Kara whispered. “How long ago did this happen?”
“When he was around twenty-five. Apparently, he hasn’t had a relationship since that time.” Sadness filled her tone. An ugly thought entered her head that she couldn’t get rid of.
“Did he mention what the letter actually said?” Kara questioned.
“No. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it much. I’ve only pieced this together based on snippets of things he’s said over time.”
“Wow. I would have never guessed that Jack had been in love before.”
“I think that’s the hard part about all this. I don’t even know if I have the full story. He’s so closed off about his past. It’s like he’s afraid to talk about it,” Lisa sighed.
Had he been scarred so much she would never have a place in his life? Exactly what the hell was she to him?
“Well, what does that mean for the two of you?” Kara’s words echoed her own thoughts.
“Honestly, I have no fucking clue,” she admitted as the situation fully hit her.
She might not think of Jackson as a casual fuck or booty call, but did he feel the same?
CHAPTER TWO
Jackson loved this shit.
The noise of his favorite bar surrounded him as he and the guys played pool in the back room. The whiskey flowed freely and his aim was true. He’d be winning some bets tonight, adding not only additional cash in his wallet, but another notch on his list of bragging rights.
All the guys had come up to DC for the week, since they were all coincidentally on leave. Some had family in the area, others just wanted to enjoy a little fun in a place where they could melt into the crowds. A bonus was having Austin around as well. It was gonna be a good night.
“Austin, get your ass over here. Chris is about to lose again, and I need someone who can actually give me a challenge,” he called out.
“Fuck you, man,” Chris grumbled.
Jack laughed in response and blew him a kiss just to fuck with him. “Only if you bottom, sweet cheeks,” he responded with a smile. He got a kick out of busting his friends’ balls and laughed at the look of shock on his buddy’s face.
“Whatever, man. You just got a lucky shot. I’ll get my money back before you leave tonight,” Chris answered as he stood by and watched Jack begin to run the table.
Laughing out loud as he sank the eight-ball in the corner pocket, Jack stood up straight, grabbed the money sitting on the table and stuffed the bills in his pocket. They should know by now that he was a damn pool shark.
The only person who’d ever come close to beating him was Austin. Damn, he missed having his friend locked and loaded with him as he went out on missions. The rest of his team was damn good. He was hella proud to have each and every one of them on his six. But it was different now that his buddy had gotten out.
Someday soon,
he would be forced to do the same. He’d been in the game a long-ass time and seen more than enough action in places he prayed he’d never have to see again. At what point would enough be enough? He was damn good at his job, but that was only part of it.
It was inevitable. His luck would eventually run out and he wouldn’t come out of the skirmish as healthy as when he went in. Luck always ran out for those who stayed longer than they should.
Then what? What would he have when this was all over?
One by one, his friends were settling down. Or, if they weren’t settling down and getting married with kids—as Austin had done—they were slowing down. Their bodies got older and reflexes became sluggish.
While he would put money on it that he could still outrun, out-fight, and out-shoot almost any man in this room, at some point, he would have to step aside and make room for the next generation. Isn’t that what Austin had done?
“What’s got your ugly face all scrunched up, buttercup? You know you’re about to lose?” Austin taunted as he walked up to the pool table with a stick in his hand.
Jack’s smug tone returned the insult. “You wish. I need to take my lady out for a nice lunch tomorrow and you guys are gonna be paying for it. Rack ’em up and get ready to pay me my money, motherfuckers.”
Placing the balls in the rack, Austin looked up at him with a strange look on his face. “Would this special lady happen to be Lisa?”
Surprise covered his face for only a millisecond, but from the smile on Austin’s face, Jack knew he’d seen it. “Why would you ask that?” He tried to play it off.
“Because I’m a smart man. I’m also observant. You and Lisa have been at the house enough for me to see the two of you in the same room. The heat between you could set the fucking place on fire,” he called out as he set the balls within the wooden triangle. “Just wondered if you were finally gonna admit that the two of you were seeing each other,” Austin uttered in a calm voice as he removed the rack and placed it back on the wall.
“Who says we’re seeing each other? Just because I think she’s hot as fuck doesn’t mean she’s in my bed every night.”
Jack wasn’t sure why he was trying so hard to deny what was happening between him and Lisa. Maybe it was that they’d been hiding their relationship for so long, he didn’t know any other way to respond.
“Hey man, I’m not judging. You know I think Lisa is an amazing woman. Any man would be happy to have her. Just wondering why you’re hiding that the two of you are an item. What am I missing?” he asked casually, but Jack knew there was more to it. Austin had known him from the jump and he knew what was going through his head.
Jack had never dated a black woman. Ever. There had been plenty of women in various shades, but never a black woman. Not that he hadn’t had the chance, but it had just never worked out that way. Deciding to just admit what Austin already knew, he took a deep breath.
“You’re not missing anything. We decided to keep things light and fun. Neither one of us want anything serious. I have my team and the job. She has her life and her job. We just don’t want to interfere with that. Plus, with you and Kara involved, we don’t want things to get messy.”
Which was partially true. With best friends who would want all the gritty details of their relationship, it could be a headache. More for Lisa than for him. Men didn’t want to know all the details. All his boys cared about was if the woman had moved out of booty call status to “old lady” so that they knew how to treat her.
“So why are you ashamed to let everyone know she’s taken?” Austin challenged with a hint of steel in his eyes.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he responded with gritted teeth. “I’m not ashamed of her. Quit trying to get a reaction out of me, man. It’s not happening tonight. It feels good to be at home and I’m having fun. Don’t mess up my vibe, Austin.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Austin took the next shot and missed. Stepping back, he grabbed his beer and took a sip.
“It just seems to me you’re happy with her being in the background, being there when you need her, being available to you when you want and when you deem her worthy,” he drawled in that fucking big-brother voice that Jack knew too well. “Yet, from what I see, you won’t bring her around the guys as your woman. You won’t touch her when you two are together in public. Why is that? Seriously, man, I need to know.”
Now Jack was getting pissed. What the fuck was Austin trying to say? “Dude, what the fuck? I’m not ashamed of Lisa.”
“Then why the fuck are you hiding her? Why won’t you tell every motherfucker in here that she’s your woman?” Austin continued to press.
Throwing the pool cue on the table, it crashed against the surface with a bang, drawing the attention of all the guys in the back room. “I’m not fucking hiding her. We like it just the way it is. We’re not serious. We fuck. That’s it. Nothing more.”
“Then leave her the fuck alone,” Austin barked in an exasperated tone.
“Fuck you, Austin. Do not come between me and Lisa. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but you need to get the fuck out of my business.”
Jack was livid. Who the hell did Austin think he was, questioning him like this?
“Man, you just don’t even fucking see it, do you? You’re fucking the best friend of my wife. The godmother of my son. Yet you hide your relationship with Lisa like it’s something you’re ashamed of.”
Voice raising even higher, Austin continued, “Doesn’t fucking matter if you both agreed to it. A real man doesn’t do that.” Austin hurled his pool stick on the table with enough force, a loud clatter reverberated throughout the bar. Patrons turned to look at the two men standing across from each other.
“Man, you’re pushing it. Stop. Now.” Jack spoke in low voice, practically growling at his best friend. Hackles raised, he was getting more pissed the longer this conversation went on.
“No. Fuck that. A man doesn’t have sex with a woman he respects and cares for while keeping her hidden away like a dark, dirty secret. Unless that’s how he really feels about her. The only reason I can think that you would consider Lisa a dark and dirty secret is because that’s how you see her. Are you afraid to tell your friends you’re fucking a black woman, Jack? Because if you are, then our friendship is done and you can go fuck yourself and the bigoted fucking horse you rode in on.”
Jack’s fist flying into Austin’s face was the next thing the guys saw. The two of them started walloping on each other in anger and righteous indignation. Jack saw red. The haze of anger and frustration wouldn’t lift and Austin was the one he was taking it out on.
Austin’s fists flew just as fast and hit their mark almost every time. Both men were angry at the other. Sure, they would get over this eventually. But right now, neither of them was giving an inch.
The other guys in the room finally managed to pull them apart. Both of them snarled in anger at the other. Jack had a black eye and a busted lip. Austin’s nose looked as if it had been broken—again—and his lip was bleeding.
“Hey guys, what the fuck just happened?” one of their buddies asked.
“Ask him,” Jack spit out.
“Fuck you. Either you step up and be the man she needs or you step to the fucking side and let her find someone else. You ashamed to be with a black woman? Then quit fucking her and keeping her in the dark,” Austin countered. “My goddamn wife has to look at this situation and wonder what kind of man do I call my best friend. You’re the godfather of our son. Yet, you treat her best friend like she’s a fucking whore.”
Jack finally heard the words Austin was saying and he stopped fighting to be released. Looking at his friend—his best friend for the past fifteen years—he just stopped moving. “Is that how you think I feel about Lisa?”
“It’s how you treat her,” Austin uttered in return, pulling away from the guys holding him. Touching his bloodied lip, he looked at Jack and shook his head. “I don’t care what your problems were in the
past. I don’t give a fuck about what Sarah did to you all those years ago. Either put up or shut up, but I won’t have my wife seeing you treat her best friend like this.”
“Austin, you gotta hear me when I say this, Lisa and I are grown. She doesn’t need you to protect her and I sure as hell don’t need you to try and control me. She knows what this is. We both know what this is and we agreed to it. I’m not hiding her and I’m sure as shit not ashamed of her. That you would think I’d do that…man, what the fuck?” he asked in a frustrated voice.
“You lied to me for two fucking years! You came to my home, you sat with me and my wife and you fucking lied to us. We figured the shit out about six months ago, and I just waited for you to tell me. But, no… You and Lisa both kept coming to our home, spending time with us. Both of you lying and hiding shit,” he bit out after spitting out a clot of blood. “Kara was most hurt by it. She thought she’d done something to prevent Lisa from telling her what was going on. You know what? Fuck this. I’m going home to be with my wife and son. When you grow some balls, let me know.”
Austin stormed out of the bar, the entire group of guys looking at him as he left. Jack was stunned. Gingerly touching his own busted lip, he looked at the guys standing around him. Some of them had smiles on their faces, while others looked at him with shock. “What?” he demanded.
“You’re fucking that beautiful-ass Lisa and you ain’t put your claim on her yet? What the fuck, man?” one of the guys asked.
“I’ve never seen you with a black woman, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.” Another guy entered the conversation.
“Well, I guess if you’re gonna go black, might as well test the waters before you tell the whole fucking world about it.” This from a newbie who’d joined their team after Austin had given up his commission. “Fuck, I didn’t realize Austin was married to a black chick. Is it true what they say?”
