Staring at her profile with the blurry eyes of lost sleep, I hoped she would accept mine. I recognized the entire thing as what it was – a last-ditch effort to claim her. Would she let me?
I relished in my speed as I pumped my arms and pushed harder. My house came into view, and after a few minutes, Kayla’s house, five doors down, came into view as well.
The sun was just cresting over the mountainside and light shone off of our front windows. I kicked harder when I saw her dark hair against the lightness of my front door. I stopped at the end of my driveway and walked the rest of the way. Hands on my hips and breathing hard, I nodded at her.
Kayla approached me, a drink holder in one hand and her sunglasses in the other. “I brought some of our smoothies. Extra protein for you since you’re being a good boy today. Did you want to take a shower first or skip it for a bit?”
“I’ll grab a shower really quick. Meet you out back?” I snaked my drink before she could disappear around the side of the house. No way was I going to hang out with her on the hammock and smell like I just ran a few miles. I probably had alcohol coming out my pores as well as the garlic in my dinner the night before. I wanted to entice her to stay with me, not make her a runaway.
We had seen each other in every possible scenario. In college, we had messed around one drunken night and I never forgot it. Some nights my dreams brought the night’s events into close focus. Kayla didn’t remember it, which was actually a hard blow to my ego.
Hurrying through my shower, I remembered her favorite cologne and dabbed it on afterwards. I didn’t want to be too desperate, but I knew the end was in sight. One way or the other things had to change. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to push it the way I didn’t want to go.
But my aching heart would demand that I accept it.
I grabbed my protein smoothie from the counter and joined Kayla.
Designed to be a haven, the landscaped backyard was often Kayla’s escape as well as mine. I’d created a wraparound deck which extended around the edges of the backyard in varying levels. The covered porch encircled a large grassy area which sloped to the pool on the far side.
Everything was created with an eye toward family and future children. I always thought of being married, always thought of children and a family, because I was always with the woman I loved. She didn’t think of me that way, but that didn’t stop my dreams.
Kayla kicked softly back and forth on the large yellow hammock. Under the shade of the big chestnut tree, sunlight speckled down on her in a fascinating pattern of bright diamonds and squares.
Her face lit up when she saw me, hiding a modicum of anxiety. “That was fast. I’m glad. We have a lot to go over. This might have to count as a business meeting. I can’t believe we drank that much last night.”
I laughed, claiming the seat beside her, grateful to the Hammock Gods for pushing us closer together as we swung. “You drank last night. I didn’t drink more than two. Do you even remember me bringing you home last night?” I had carried her up to bed and just took her shoes off. She probably didn’t remember anything which was confirmed by the shake of her head.
Would she mention the match? Would she say she was going to pass on me or accept me? Of course she had no idea it was me. We were best friends but I didn’t remember ever mentioning my mother’s maiden name. I don’t think Kayla ever took notice of my first name. I had always gone by Dylan because Sheldon was a pretentious ploy for carrying on the family “nobility.”
We sat there in silence for a moment sipping our drinks. Would I have to broach the subject? Did she even remember we’d signed up together?
“I got matched.” She blurted out, avoiding my gaze when I turned my head to look at her. Was she surprised?
I caught a whiff of her scent and I remembered how much I loved the smell of hibiscus. One of the reasons I was going to Hawaii in just a couple weeks. I would be able to be around Kayla without worrying I was going to stare at her with longing. I was fast turning into a dimwit. I needed this resolved.
Taking a drag on my straw, I waited, nudging her after a moment. “Really?”
Wrapping her hand around the crook of my elbow, she leaned her head on my shoulder then lifted it again. “I’m scared. What am I doing? I don’t know if I really want to get married.” She shook her head, her cheeks bright. “I was thinking it would take some time to find a match.”
“Wait, from what I understand you’re not technically married on the honeymoon option. What I gathered was if you chose the honeymoon option, you were going to go forward as if you were married and act like you’re on your honeymoon and see if you like each other. If you decide to move forward with being married afterwards, then you would. Does that sound right to you?” If I couldn’t get Kayla to go along with the match, I didn’t have much in my corner that was different from the last sixteen years.
The one thing Kayla didn’t believe in was divorce. If she thought she would be getting married before she went on the honeymoon, she would never do it. Although, she probably would be better off, if she just got married. She probably should’ve gone with the six-month deal.
“Okay, that makes more sense. I just didn’t want to get married to someone I wouldn’t be able to be around for the rest of my life. You know? I need someone I can rely on and I find attractive. Someone I need. Hopefully, I can figure that out in two weeks, right?” She laughed but ducked her head. I knew she was embarrassed about the whole topic, and I pushed her into doing the app, because enough was enough.
Did she see me as the one she could rely on? I know she found me attractive. She’d told me once that she couldn’t get through the day without talking to me. If that wasn’t need, I don’t know what qualified.
“Are you going to go for it? Were you only matched to the one guy?” Until that moment, I hadn’t considered that as a possibly. I worried at the top of my straw, chewing it flat. Hopefully, she had only been matched to one man.
Our answers were pretty close to the same based on how she answered last night. I knew we were perfect for each other. Plus with the two-thousand dollar price tag, I wasn’t sure how many people would be on the fairly new site yet.
“Yeah, just one.” She didn’t say anything else which worried me.
I cocked my head to the side, still drinking from my flattened straw. Speaking from the corner of my mouth, I watched her for a reaction. “What? Is he ugly?” I’d used a stock photo and adjusted the levels to put the picture drastically into contrast. Had I not done a good enough job? Had I picked the wrong kind of guy?
“Um... I couldn’t really tell, but there’s great info on his profile I like. I just don’t know if I like it enough to marry him, you know?” She twisted her lips to the side, swallowing. Kayla looked down at her lap.
“I’m confused. What’s the problem?” I tried to hide my mounting panic. What if she didn’t like the fake profile for me? Wouldn’t that be ironic that I couldn’t get her to like the real me, and even the fake bad boy that I conjured up didn’t appeal to her.
She shrugged, her elbow nudging mine. “No. he’s just... eh. I don’t know. I’m just being too picky again. You’re the guy I compare all of them to.” Her sideways grin was tinged with sadness.
Shaking my head, I wished she wouldn’t talk like that to me. Even though it was harmless, it still hurt. Holding out my hand, I hit her back with my own elbow. “Let me see.”
Pushing some buttons, Kayla reluctantly handed me her cell phone with the profile opened up. It was exactly the one I’d put up. Sheldon Anderson. I had created the perfect profile to appeal to her bad boy taste without lying.
I did love motorcycling. She just didn’t know that about me. I had to protect some of myself from her. That way, if nothing happened between her and I, and I did have to leave, there would be some things in my life that weren’t tainted with her memory. A small part of my heart planned on her not choosing me. Even after all the desperate measures I was taking, it was more
than possible.
“What’s wrong with him? He looks fine.” I couldn’t even pretend to be jealous even though part of me wanted to shake her and ask why she couldn’t like me for me, love me for me! All I wanted was for her to acknowledge the ideal match we would make.
“Nothing. I guess I just wanted to know what you though before just jumping into anything. You think I should go through with it?” She begged me for an answer with her eyes. As if telling me she would do whatever I thought was right. I sensed part of her didn’t want to and I wasn’t going to go along with that part. If it had been any other guy but me she’d been matched to, I would yank her out of it so fast. But... this was me she was paired with. Even if she didn’t know.
I needed her to say yes. I needed one last chance to get through to her.
I needed her to click I do.
Chapter 5
KAYLA
Everything was happening too fast.
Ever since Dylan had talked me into clicking I do it was like my life was a whirlwind of preparation. I was due to leave the day after Dylan left for his big vacation. Since we had to close the amusement park for the next few weeks anyway for renovations, we figured now would be the best time for me to take my honeymoon, too.
My honeymoon.
If my mom found out, she would kill me. At least I could tell her I wasn’t married, which kind of made me feel dirty. I was going on this honeymoon with a man I hadn’t met and I wasn’t technically married to him either. If we agreed to pursue the relationship afterwards, then we were agreeing to be married. On the honeymoon, though, what would he expect from me? All of the connotations attached to the word honeymoon were more physical and intimate than I was ready to commit to at the point.
I didn’t know the guy! What was I doing? I constantly had to regulate my breathing, just stop what I was doing and breathe. Taking a shower? I had to lean my hands on the wall and hang my head while I caught my breath. Packing? Yeah, I sat on the bed and leaned forward, breathing with my elbows braced on my knees.
Dylan left the night before on a redeye and I already missed him. I locked up both of our houses and headed towards the airport.
Parking my car in long term parking, I grimaced at the weight of my bags pulling at me as I trudged to the covered waiting area. I needed to catch a shuttle to the terminals. Why hadn’t I done what Dylan did and caught a cab?
I got through security and decided I needed to stop in for a coffee. My plane would leave in about an hour and thankfully I got there early with some cushion time. Standing in line, I couldn’t help overhearing the conversations between the woman in front of me and the cashier. With a hand thrust through her tussled hair, the woman barely held her tears in check. “Please, just a black cup of coffee. I haven’t eaten since I left London. Someone stole my cashier’s checks and I have no money. I have my wallet but nothing else.”
I angled my head to see her face. She obviously had been through a lot. Red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks were not signs that were easily faked. If they were, it was a tell-tale sign that the person doing the faking needed more help than what they were professing. I felt bad for anyone in need and I hated that she was being relegated to begging a man in an over-priced café in the world’s tiniest international airport.
Leaning over, I tapped the counter in front of the cashier who was adamantly shaking his head. I smiled when I caught his eye. “Can you combine our orders, please? I would like a double-shot granita with chocolate and banana flavoring. I also want one of your scones and I’m thinking that cream cheese mess over there looks delicious. I don’t know what it is. I just want you to put it on the pile.” I nudged the woman and whispered, “Get whatever you want. Even get a little extra so you have some to take with you on the rest of your trip.”
“Are you sure?” She looked at me, desperation pushing the pride I knew was there down. At my gentle nod she looked at the cashier. “Can I get one of those sandwiches, please? And some cream with my black coffee?” She looked down, as if she was embarrassed to accept help.
“Add a few more scones, maybe two, and also two orange juices and a bottled water.” When the cashier rang everything up, I slid my card through the swiper and put in my pin. After the man handed us our food in our own bags, I smiled and before walking away said, “I hope you have a safe trip.”
She stood there and stared at me with her mouth half-open. “Thank you so much. You, too.” I ignored the sparkle of unshed tears in her eyes.
Biting into my blueberry scone, I jolted at the soft buzz in my pocket. Dylan better be texting me finally. I couldn’t wait to hear how his trip had started.
Dylan: Have you left yet?
I glanced at the TV monitor with the flight information on it. We were running a few minutes behind. I sighed and texted with one thumb while I claimed another bite. Not yet. Just grabbed a scone. Heading to plane now. Have fun in New York.
Dylan: I never said New York. Where are you going?
I narrowed my eyes. Hadn’t he said New York? Why was I thinking the Big Apple? Hawaii, the island of Kauai. I sent you my itinerary. Did you get it?
Dylan: Good luck, keep an open mind. I got a match. We’ll both be married when we get back. *fingers crossed!*
His last text sobered me. I reached my gate and stared at the screen. My boarding pass was just behind it but I didn’t care.
Wait. He was matched already? Was he meeting her on his trip? Had he turned his trip into his honeymoon? What did he mean he never said New York? I thought that’s what we agreed to. He was supposed to be going on a business trip and inspecting some equipment we were thinking of ordering for a new ride, but we’d never actually specified that’s what he was going to be doing.
I always pushed him away when we started to get romantic, which made sense for me but that was because I didn’t want to have anything happen to us.
Dylan always dated. I was never worried though, because they never ended up being anyone serious. The few times I dated, they’d always crashed so spectacularly I went to him for consolation. But a wife... Or husband... Nothing was serious or possible to me until he’d been matched. I knew nothing was serious for me, but Dylan...
Without overanalyzing anything, I was selfishly jealous. I didn’t want to text him anymore. I needed a break from the onslaught of information, and the no electronics rule on the plane would be a nice excuse for not texting him back.
I would get on the plane and just read. As I boarded and took my seat, I knew there would be no way I’d be able to focus on any of the books I brought. I could already see I was going to over-analyze Dylan’s new wife and what she would look like, what would she be like, would she and I get along?
Knowing she was kissing Dylan and sleeping with Dylan and being with Dylan all the time, I knew I wouldn’t like her. How dare she? Who did she think she was? His wife?
Wait. She could be. She would get all the great parts of him. She would replace me and I would be alone. He would eventually leave me and I would be all alone.
Had I taken him for granted? Of course I had. Was that one of the things I did wrong? That’s how I did it. I always assumed he would just be there for me.
What had I done?
MY LAYOVER WAS ON OAHU and I still didn’t want to answer his text message. I did have to check in on the app as I was traveling. The notifications dinged at me repeatedly when I sat in the Waikiki airport. On the little island hop flight, I looked excitedly at the crystal clear water and the beautiful green islands beneath me. I could do this.
Dylan was doing it. I could do it.
I would just be clear about my expectations and tell him we didn’t have anything in common and that we weren’t going to go any further. I would have to express I wasn’t interested in anything physical until I knew if we were going to be together for a while. I wasn’t in it for a quick lay.
After landing on Kauai, I stood at the baggage claim and scrolled through the app. I checked in using my GPS. Then it ga
ve me a checklist of tasks my partner and I had to accomplish in the next two weeks. I wrinkled my nose and glared at the list.
Take a selfie upon check-in within the first twenty-four hours
Do something neither of you have done yet - together
Eat local fare
Try something adventurous together
I rolled my eyes at the list and didn’t bother reading more. Creating a fist, I shoved my hand into my stomach and pressed just below my navel. A wave of nausea left me feeling weak and I hoped my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. Maybe the climate change was affecting me more than I’d thought possible. The dry cool spring of North Idaho compared to the humid heat of Hawaii was enough to leave me feeling disoriented.
Plus, all the stress from not texting Dylan back combined with being in Hawaii with someone I didn’t know was getting to me. I needed to sit down. What if Dylan forgot me? What if he wanted to move away because of his new wife? He was so easy to get along with, how could anyone not want to be married to him?
Soon as I claimed my luggage, I hailed a taxi to the Kauai Shores hotel in Kapa’a on the South East part of the island. A headache was forming, but I allowed the gorgeous scenery to sway me into relaxing. I looked for animals, blinking at the roosters and hens running along the roadside. I couldn’t even muster up excitement at their presence.
It would only be a matter of time and I would be walking up to the hotel room door and meeting my “husband.” Did I have the nerves for this?
Chapter 6
DYLAN
The table wasn’t that hard to procure but the sushi was a couple blocks away and I wasn’t sure what exact time Kayla would get there. If I left the dish out in the warm Hawaiian air, it wouldn’t be as crisp or fresh as it should be. Not the best impression when you wanted to propose to the girl of your dreams.
The Kauai condos had a private section of a long beach along the southern part of the island. The sand wasn’t too fine or too coarse and I kicked my flip flops off as soon as I could. Every time I caught a beautiful sight like a cloud’s shadow cruising across the ocean’s cerulean blue surface, I searched for Kayla to point it out to her. I kept forgetting that I was waiting for her. She would be there soon and then I would have a chance to broach the subject I wanted her to seriously consider.
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