Every time I woke up Dylan was somewhere new. At one point he bobbed in the water, taking in the sun. He was close enough to see his features but far enough I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or not. Another time, I looked and he waded closer to me, the sun glinting off the smattering of hair on his wet chest.
Why had I never noticed how beautiful he was? It must be the bug talking. I had always noticed his good looks, but as he got closer and I could see the ripples of his muscles and the tenderness in his eyes, I wondered just what it was I was running from.
Slipping back into sleep and then awake again became a pattern. I woke up to find Dylan lying on the tile beside me. His hands were out by his sides and his legs were stretched out flat. His form was in the sun while I was still in the shade.
I spoke softly, hoping he wouldn’t hear me but I just had to say it. “I don’t tell you this but I’m so grateful for you. I’ve never told you how beautiful you are, when you should hear it all the time.” Not telling him before was a way to protect myself. I laid back down, the warmth of the sand beneath the towel enveloping me.
The ambience of the island was dragging me under, and I hoped it wouldn’t haul me all the way into the dream world Dylan wanted me to create with him.
We weren’t together.
We weren’t married, and nothing we did was going to change that. Well, unless of course we got married. Why would I think that? That wasn’t an option.
After a few minutes, Dylan turned his head to me, his eyes bleary from just waking up. “Did you want to go to dinner tonight or stay in? We could order out, if you’d rather stay in.”
Following an afternoon of watching him swim, I didn’t know if I wanted to be inside with him for very long in such a romantic arena. There were emotions and longings that demanded to be met. Having dinner together would turn into watching a movie on the bed and getting comfortable. With the way I was feeling on that island, I may or may not try to kiss him. I didn’t have a lot of self-control and my lack of self-discipline was showing.
We weren’t going to be together. We weren’t even going to entertain the idea of trying out the marriage thing. I’d already put my foot down.
So why was his suggestion so appealing?
I shook my head and rolled over on my side, yawning. “Let’s go out. I’m feeling like Italian or something. Does that sound good?”
Dylan’s slow, sexy smile could have meant he’d read my mind and knew I was avoiding being alone with him anywhere private. “I rented a bike. We can take it up the street to this little Italian place I wanted to try when I first got here.”
A bike? Like a motorcycle? Dylan was a safe guy. He didn’t do motorcycles. If he did, when did he learn to ride and why didn’t I know?
Chapter 12
DYLAN
Kayla stunned me with her confession while I lay there as if asleep. She was grateful for me. And she thought I was beautiful. I kept myself from wincing because it was everything I wanted to hear except she loved me. How could she not see we were perfect for each other? I knew she was just avoiding getting hurt like when her father left her mom. It tore the two women apart and drove a wedge between Kayla and anyone else in the world.
Hadn’t I shown I was nothing like her dad in all the time we’d been together? Would I be just like him, if I finally gave up and left?
Still weak, Kayla accepted my help to the bathroom for a shower. She didn’t mention that I’d changed her when she was sick, probably because I’d done it a hundred times before – if not more. Before she even asked, I turned the water on and got it to her preferred temperature. Once she was behind the curtain, I handed her the toiletries from her bag in the order she used them.
When I’d handed everything that she would need to use to her, I stepped out into the bedroom and pulled out a dress for her to wear. She preferred dresses. She was the type of woman who would wear a dress grocery shopping because it made her feel feminine. Kayla was all kinds of feminine. She didn’t try to pretend to be a tomboy or try to be anything but the woman she was, which was amazing since she did a lot of rough-and-tumble things but always in a dress.
She took me for granted as she stepped out of the shower and came in to get dressed. She knew I would lay one out for her. Again more things I’ve done for her in the past. She hated picking out her own clothes.
We walked side-by-side to the parking lot and her eyes widened at the sight of the black and turquoise Harley I’d rented. I didn’t want to waste my time on the island in the car when I wanted to feel the salty air whipping around me.
“I didn’t know you rode. What other secrets are you keeping from me?” She tossed me a coy smile.
I swung my leg over the seat of the Harley. She perched behind me, side-mounted with both legs hanging off to my left. Flinging her arms around my waist, she laughed. “Hopefully we’re only going a block or two down, I don’t have a helmet.”
The helmets were in one of the closets back in the condo.
When we pulled into the parking lot at Rockie’s, the restaurant, Kayla excused herself to use the restroom. I knew she was putting on lipstick. What she did every time we went out. I’d go to wash my hands when she got back. It’s what we did.
The waitress arrived and I ordered calamari and mozzarella sticks for Kayla, as well as a Mai Tai and a beer for me. I would have lasagna and salad and Kayla would most likely eat some of mine. It’s how we did it. She preferred appetizers.
I preferred her.
She finally took a seat across from me and smiled. Her face glowed. “It is gorgeous here. Did you know that Kauai is the most northern island? At least that’s accessible by tourists. I guess there’s another one off the coast from here.” Kayla was a collector of odd facts. Another thing I loved about her.
As we fell into an easy conversation, I couldn’t believe she couldn’t see this. It was easy for us to be around each other. It was easy for us to have fun and be comfortable and just be around each other.
It was so easy for me to love her.
After we finished eating, I paid the check and she climbed on my bike, obviously nervous as she fidgeted with her fingers at my waist. Her touch was distracting and I was grateful for the short distance back.
We got to the hotel and I turned to her, gripping her waist to help her from the Harley. I studied her face and ducked mine to see her face better. “What’s the matter? You seem nervous.”
“Are we... do you...? I mean I know that we agreed we’re just being friends on this trip, but there’s only one bed. Were you serious when you said you’d sleep on the floor?” She narrowed her eyes at me as if trying to make sure she didn’t miss anything.
I laughed, shaking my head. “No. I’m sleeping on the floor. Unless...” I laughed harder when she shook her head with her hands up. “All right, so I’m sleeping on the floor.”
Did I catch a glimpse of disappointment as I hurriedly agreed or was that just me hoping again?
Chapter 13
KAYLA
We played at the beach until the moon reached high overhead. Finally, we couldn’t wait anymore and it was time to go inside to bed. He followed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. I loved how in Hawaii I never got cold. Even when it rained it was still warm.
Not like in the North West when it looked sunny and beautiful, but was still frigid. Appearances could be deceiving.
I climbed into bed, and Dylan, true to his word, put himself into the sleeping area he’d created for himself.
Selfish. I was so selfish. I looked across the expanse of the King mattress and realized I was only on one side. What kind of a friend was I? Forcing him to sleep on the floor because I was suddenly nervous things might go somewhere. I didn’t want them to go anywhere. I didn’t want to give him a false impression.
Why did I feel disappointed that he hadn’t pushed it? I wasn’t allowed to think with my hormones. That was something I decided a long time ago.
Things were eas
y between us. I loved how comfortable we were around each other. But as soon as the idea came into my head that he might actually have expectations for me, I felt things become awkward. I hadn’t changed in front of him like I usually would, and I hadn’t wanted him to watch me brush my teeth or get ready for bed. In the past, it never really mattered because we were so comfortable with each other.
I couldn’t lose the easiness. I opened my mouth to tell him again that we would never work as a couple but the steady pattern of his breathing in the silence of the room assured me he was asleep. He was comforting to have around. He was so steady.
I needed steady.
Nothing could ruin that.
THE NEXT MORNING DAWNED bright and sunny as it always did in Hawaii. Dylan and I grabbed bagels and donuts from the continental breakfast buffet in the lobby.
“Let’s go to the Coconut Marketplace today. You always wanted to get a toe ring.” Dylan took a drink of his orange juice and then placed it on the table. I had always wanted to get a toe ring. They were different in Hawaii. They were sized to fit your toe and they didn’t come off. Other ones around the country were available as open rings that could be easily sized to fit anybody. The ones in Hawaii were the ones I always wanted.
Luckily for me, Dylan remembered the smallest things. I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Okay, thank you. That sounds fun.”
We walked together toward the Coconut Marketplace which was an open mall. The jewelry shop had a sign that said closed for the holiday.
I looked at Dylan and cocked my head to the side. “Is it a holiday?”
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to ask.” We turned back toward the condos and held an easy pace as we walked. He bent down and picked up a stray palm frond and tossed it to the side of the sidewalk. “Is there anything else you want to do today?”
I shrugged. I was feeling a lot better and I was interested in getting the trip underway.
“Are you feeling up for anything adventurous? We could check out the Nepali coast and go snorkeling. Or we could go to the rope swing out by the cane fields. If you’d rather keep it more relaxed, we could walk around Princeville and get lunch up there or we can go to Waimea Falls. Obviously, we have a ton we could do.” Dylan turned and walked backwards with our slow pace.
I laughed, reaching out and pushing against his shoulder. “You sound like a tour guide. I’m fine with whatever. What do you want to do?” We both enjoyed similar things. Whatever he picked that day, I wouldn’t be disappointed.
“Let’s just go to the Nepali coast. It’ll be fun just to spend some time together.” He looked at me with hooded eyes and a tremor of anticipation shivered through me.
If I pretended that he understood we were just friends, everything would be fine. Everything would be normal. If I acted like friends and kept everything the way it was always supposed to be, then he would pick up on my hints and wouldn’t push this.
Maybe I could convince myself of that. But did I have enough time before my defenses crumbled underneath his pressure?
Chapter 14
DYLAN
“Do you think anything we did the last three days counts as something new?” I panted behind Kayla as we pushed ourselves up yet another rise in the trail. Twisted tree stumps stuck up through the well packed clay-like red dirt.
Kayla tossed a glance over her rounded shoulder and smiled. “You mean swimming, eating out, and generally just hanging out aren’t new?” She snorted, eliciting a laugh from me.
Of course, none of it was new for us. We did that in Hayden. We were always together. Normally, this would be my idea of paradise. “Well, maybe seeing that seal would count as a new experience. Or, hey, the stingray was pretty amazing.”
“Oooh, yes. Those definitely count.” She leaned against the rough bark of a nearby tree and squinted through the thick foliage on the ocean side of the trail. “Too bad we don’t have any pictures of those to add in though.” She pointed toward a larger opening in the leaves. “Do you think that’s a whale?”
I glanced away from her and studied where she pointed. After a moment, my eyes blurred from not blinking. “I can’t tell.”
Nudging me with her elbow in the ribs, she giggled. “I told you, age will catch you.”
Laughter burst from me and I reached an arm around her shoulders and pulled me close to her side. “Oh, my gosh, I love you.” I said it so naturally because my shields were down and I’d slipped so easily into the act of being married.
She froze beside me. I didn’t give in or act like anything was out of the ordinary until her frigidity melted and she sank into my hold. She didn’t reply, but her acceptance of the moment was a bigger win.
While it was a victory, I was exhausted. I was overly attentive, overly complementary, trying to be everything she would find perfect in a husband. I tried so hard to prove we belonged together, I think she noticed and was subconsciously pushing me away. My expression of affection came as second nature.
Our days of fun were coaxing me into believing we had a chance. Even as great as those days were, they dragged out, extending my pain. We hadn’t been different from how we were at home. Nothing was different. We were friends.
Six days had passed... I had eight left to convince her to give us a shot.
Hiking the Nepali coast had given us an appetite. The steep caverns and sloping trails mesmerized us as we climbed higher and farther. We’d snacked on granola bars somewhere deep in the jungle and then we returned to the trailhead.
As we got ready to leave, we watched a lot of people snorkeling in the northern bay. We packed our things into the saddle-bag on the bike. Kayla had worn a pair of skorts - a skirt over shorts - that fit her toned legs like skin. I’d hiked behind her long enough to know I needed a cool down.
We stopped in Princeville at a small burger place and they sat us. I stood from my seat and jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “I need to use the restroom. Would you order for me?” I knew what Kayla liked, just like she knew what I wanted.
In the bathroom, I used the facilities and washed my hands.
Local decorations leaned toward extravagantly comfortable with coconut chandeliers and lei necklaces strung together on the walls like streamers. Koa wood spotted the interior with various frames and other types of figurines they had on display. Soft Hawaiian music played overhead. The more I was on the island the more I fell for the local island life.
Walking down the hall from the bathroom, I accidentally bumped into a waitress who smiled at me with a tray filled with sodas. I nodded my head and walked around her. “Excuse me. I’m sorry.” I continued with a long stride down the hallway, ignoring her lingering touch on my arm as she said no problem. She was gorgeous with exotic coloring and come-love-me eyes, but I didn’t look back.
There was only one woman for me and that woman was talking to another man.
What the... As the table came into view, a man stood beside Kayla, a large smile across his dark skinned face. With a hulking shape and tattoos all over his upper body and down his shoulders, he looked like a local. With Kayla’s coloring, she could’ve been a local, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about any of it. Why did she have to flirt with everybody? Why wouldn’t she do more than flirt with me? She did nothing else and I had so much to offer her.
What if I rushed up beside them and told the man that she’d never let him get close enough to really know her and that he would have to share her with me?
My jealousy came into play and even when I normally wouldn’t acknowledge it, my fatigue and discouragement allowed it to come through. “Do you work here? Is there a reason you’re standing at my table, talking to my date?”
With an affable smile, the man held his hands at chest level and backed away. “Apologies, bro.”
I yanked my chair out from the table and slumped into the seat. I leaned back, taking my fork in my hand and thumping it on the table. I didn’t need to look at Kayla to see her confusion or mounting disgust.
&nb
sp; “What was that?” Her pointed question drew my attention and I finally focused my gaze on her.
“I’m not even gone ten minutes and the vultures descend.” I was being honest, and I was honestly sick and tired of walking on egg shells around her. We were real. As friends, I could be honest with her. Even if she thought I was joking, I at least always told the truth. Maybe that’s part of what was bugging me. She hadn’t seen my efforts for what they were. Or she had seen them and she had just been in denial.
Either way, I was done and I couldn’t keep pretending I wasn’t so hardcore in love with her it choked me.
“We aren’t together, Dylan. You can’t be mad at me for a man stopping and talking to me. Or for me talking to him, for that matter. I don’t get mad at you for the women who talk to you.” She pressed her lips together and glared at me.
And as sure as I was trying, I could feel her pulling away from me.
I reached across the table and pulled her hand into mine. “Kayla. I want to try.” Why was I always begging her?
She shook her head, avoiding my gaze and trying to pull her hand from mine. “No.”
I wouldn’t let her go, clinging to any point of contact that I could maintain. “Why? Let’s try it. I’ll make you a deal, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll pretend it never happened. If it works out? Who knows how amazing it could be.” Please...
“Give it a few days.” She finally escaped my grasp and leaned back, folding her arms across her chest.
“We only have a few days left. If I give you any more days, we’ll end up home and our chance will have passed us by. Kayla, we’ll slip into our old routine. We may or may not be matched to someone else on that site or maybe we’ll meet someone else. Please, before we lose this time, let’s just try. We were matched. Come on, are you even having fun with me? Let’s try it.” I was working too hard and I could feel it. But my desperation demanded that I give everything I had. I couldn’t go back to where we were. That trap that I’d been in for the last sixteen years was too painful for me. “Please.” I sought her gaze with mine.
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