by Kim Koby
And then it happened. One single moment. One single day. It changed everything. It was as if none of the other stuff she’d been working toward mattered anymore. She couldn’t focus. She couldn’t be around crowds. She couldn’t walk alone, like she had on campus and on city streets without hesitation. Now she questioned her every move. She looked over her shoulder continuously, and without Shadow she wouldn’t even leave the house.
She thought that day would be the worst of her life, until she got the news that her father died. That was the worst news ever. He was always there for her, Abby’s champion, her best-friend and favorite person to laugh with.
Abby’s stomach rolled, then buckled. Time healed a lot, but it didn’t bring him back.
Once home, she grabbed a cool drink, refilled the dog’s water bowl, and grabbed Shadow a biscuit. She scooped her phone out of her purse and flopped down on the sofa. Shadow joined her on the other side, placing his head on the arm rest.
While he snoozed, she’d get in touch with her brother. His phone rang three times, then went to voice mail. “Hey Ian, it’s Abby. Can you give me a call when you have a spare minute?”
Her mind drifted back to the firehouse. Okay, maybe not to the actual building, but one of the firefighters. It’d been a long time since she’d been attracted to somebody, and boy howdy as much as her mind lingered on Ben, she certainly was attracted to him. It even took her by surprise.
His short, dark hair was trimmed in a crew cut. His jawline was taut and solid. He had a Greek nose that was just about as perfect as a sculptor could make it. She hated how her own nose bobbed like a ski jump. And his shoulders, wow, they seemed to go on for miles. Abby swallowed hard and tried to push her silly school-girl feelings away.
She reached for the remote and flipped on the television. After surfing through a bunch of channels, she gave up on finding anything to watch and instead decided to pick up reading her book where she’d left off. Carl Hiaasen’s latest was out, and she got whisked away in the fun story with quirky, colorful characters. His writing always made her smile.
She jumped when her phone rang. It jerked her from the reading fog she’d been in. With a quick glance at the caller ID, she answered. “Hey Ian, thanks for calling me back.”
“Sure, Abs, what’s up?”
“It’s about Dad and the book I’m writing,” she said, then paused, knowing he’d have a comment to wedge in before she could continue.
“You really want to go into all of that? Can’t you leave the past in the past?” he suggested.
There it was. Abby drew a deep breath, then continued. “Ian, I’ve already explained this was important to me. Look, here’s the thing—I went to the police department and fire department today to get updated reports on the arson. I wanted to see if there were any new developments. Anyway, things didn’t go quite as I’d expected.”
Ian chimed in. “New developments? It’s been two years, Abs. That’s as cold as a cold case gets.”
“Exactly, and what I found was there was basically nothing of interest on the police report. Nothing new, no new leads, nobody even sniffing at the case, which is frustrating. Okay, but stay with me here, there’s more. After I left the police department, I drove over to the fire department to check on their reports. Turns out, the fire department’s records were tampered with. One report was written over, the paper version, and the computerized one was mostly deleted. Somebody didn’t want the truth to come out. Explain that to me.”
Ian’s tone changed. “What do you mean it was tampered with? That doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s what I thought, too. Something shady is going on. I would have been able to understand if it was one oversight, but both copies were changed. So, the paper file, updated, changed…okay, at least the computer report was correct. Wrong! That was destroyed, too. Tell me that’s not suspicious. Both files from a case two years ago have issues that point to tampering. I was flummoxed. Anyway, one of the firemen that I was talking to about this actually offered to come help me search the site and see if something might have been overlooked.”
“You’re going there? I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re digging at old wounds, Abby. Haven’t you been through enough? Why get tangled back into this now?”
“Honestly, I don’t know why you don’t want to know more. Doesn’t it bother you that we’ll never know the truth about what happened?” she asked. Seriously, their father was killed. It wasn’t an accident. She was sure of it. How could he simply turn away because time had passed?
“Those days are gone. Sure, at one point I wanted answers, but after this much time I’d rather let it go. You’ll never heal if you keep clinging to the past. It took a long time for me to deal with losing Dad. I don’t want to go through the emotions all over again. Do you?”
“I get it. I do. It’s just that without truly knowing…Ian, why was he even there? I’m finally stable enough to look into the details of this more. I need to. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it, but I need answers. It’s the only way I’ll find peace with all of it.” It had haunted her for such a long time, the thought of giving up now wasn’t possible.
“Well, nothing personal Abs, but I don’t want to be a part of it. I can’t.”
Abby sighed. “I understand. I was just calling to ask if you had any ideas that I might not have thought of. I figured I’d check with you before calling Mom.”
“Don’t do this to Mom. She’s fragile as it is, you know that. She’s never been quite right since it happened, and if you keep dragging this back up…”
She waited. She knew he wasn’t finished.
“Abs, do it for yourself, but keep Mom and me out of it.”
Chapter Four
“Foster, you and I need to talk,” the chief growled. They’d just returned to the firehouse after a call. He lumbered away and stalked into the station’s office space. “In the office. Now.”
Ben knew what was coming. He could feel it in his bones. It’s not like he needed to be told what happened. He was more than aware, but at this point, he wanted nothing more than to clean up and shower. Soot mixed with sweat covered his face. He understood the priority and followed behind the large man.
The chief crossed his arms tightly across his chest. He scowled at the younger man before him. His voice was gruff from years of smoking. “Do you have a death wish? What was that nonsense? You put everyone at risk with that stunt of yours. What exactly was it that you were trying to pull? What have you got to say for yourself?”
Ben shot his gaze toward the ground. It was too hard to look the chief in the eye. The accusations were spot on. He did have a death wish, but it wasn’t something he could talk about. He grumbled, “I was trying to get in before it was too late. I saved that woman. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“You went without your back-up and risked getting trapped. You know the rules, two in two out. That structure wasn’t sound. What happens if I have to send somebody in to drag you out, because of your foolish thinking? You know how we work. You’ve been here long enough that it isn’t a surprise, and you know why we do what we do. Don’t play stupid. We were going to get her, but you needed to follow code. What if there was a backdraft?” The chief lowered his voice, realizing he’d been rough on the kid. “Listen, Ben, whatever is going on in that head of yours, you need to work it out. This isn’t the first time you’ve been reprimanded. I’m sorry to have to do this, but you’re on a thirty-day suspension. First ten days, you’ll be paid, after that, no pay until you’re back on the rig.”
“You can’t do that. I can’t go without pay that long,” he griped. “What am I supposed to do?”
“People’s lives are at stake. The decision stands. I’m sorry. Next time something like that happens, you’ll be out. Do we understand each other?”
“Yes, sir.” Ben’s shoulders dropped. He knew the chief had every right to say what he said and suspend him, but it didn’t make it feel any better. His pride sl
id to the floor.
“Good, now get cleaned up, and we’ll see you in thirty days. Counseling is available if you request it. I think it’s time for you to go talk to somebody. Whatever’s gotten into you, it’s time to resolve it once and for all. Your job depends on it.”
Ben shuffled through the office, then trudged through the bay and stopped at his locker. His heart ached as he pulled out his stuff. Thirty days seemed like forever. He had a little in savings to cover things, but close to three weeks without pay would be painful. He’d need to check his spending habits and use common sense.
It took everything inside of him not to kick his locker. An act of aggression was the last thing he needed tacked onto his record. Ben shook his head and balled his hands into fists, trying to stomach the anger pulsing through his veins.
It was a cruddy week. In fact, the only good thing to happen to him was coming in contact with the woman that stopped by the firehouse looking for information about an arson. Abby. She put a smile on his face. He liked her dog, too. He seemed to be good-natured and had a good temperament. What was the dog’s name again? Shadow, that’s right.
He actually looked forward to seeing her again. She had a girl-next-door quality about her, something that appealed to him. He could see falling for her gentle sweetness.
Thinking back to her visit, it did seem kind of weird how both reports had been changed. What exactly was that about?
He couldn’t imagine losing his father the way she had. It must have been so difficult. His father was the one he counted on the most.
In fact, after a traumatic situation he’d experienced, it was his father who helped him through some rough spots. He’d seen something happening and felt helpless. A man pointed a gun at his head and threatened him. He turned and took off, thankful for his life. He’d never forget that night.
There was a piece of him that choked. He should have done more, made a difference, but in the dire circumstances all he could do was run. If he’d done something different, would it have changed the trajectory of the day?
Ben’s life flashed before him as the cold steel shook in his face. Yet, after running, he felt less like a man than he’d hoped. He figured he was hero material, but at that moment the truth stared at him and he flew like the wind. When it came down to fight or flight, he did the opposite of what he always thought he’d do. He was a coward.
Ben’s father talked him through his heartache. He reminded him that he was human, and nobody knows how they’ll react until they’re forced to. There’d been shame attached to his flight. He could barely forgive himself for not doing more.
Ben made peace with his reaction the only way he knew how—he threw himself into a new career. Firefighter school was tough, but was worth every second of training. He’d make a difference, help people, work his way back to hero material, and be the strong person that people expected him to be. He’d been weak. He ran. Not anymore. Now he ran headfirst into danger, not away from it.
After vacating his locker at the firehouse and driving home, Ben headed to the bathroom to clean up. He flipped on the shower’s faucet and started the water. He was ready to wash the soot and pain away. If he was being honest, he knew his actions were wrong, but somehow it didn’t matter. He was forced to prove himself over and over again, if only to himself.
The hot water washed away his sorrow and anger. He’d let down his team. He’d let down the chief. He knew better and had to take responsibility for the way he’d let go of control. It wasn’t fair to the others. They needed to rely on him, and he’d screwed up.
After standing under the water and scouring his skin until he was practically raw, he shut off the water and watched the last of the soap bubbles spin down the drain.
He dried and got dressed before plodding to the kitchen. His mind clouded over. Too many could-have and should-have thoughts plagued him. He shuffled through the cabinets looking for something to eat. Nothing jumped out at him. Instead, he grabbed a cold drink from the fridge and scanned the freezer.
After debating, he settled on a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. Hardly a meal fit for a king, but it’d get the job done in a pinch. He tossed his plate in the sink when he finished and rinsed it off. Ben ran on autopilot, his mind bound up like gum stuck to a carpet.
He flipped through the contacts in his phone and stopped when he saw Abby’s information. He’d mentioned the weekend for their plans, but nothing was stopping him from seeing her sooner. He was free and clear for the next thirty days. If she was available, they could check out the site sooner. Wouldn’t hurt to ask.
Ben dialed her number. He wasn’t ready to tell her he was suspended. He’d tell her that he’d freed up some extra time, so he could help. It was only a little white lie…or more like withholding information. It’s not like it touched her life. Besides, he was embarrassed to admit the truth. What would she think of him if she learned he’d been suspended from his job? He was certain her opinion would drop a few notches. Not the way he wanted to make inroads with a pretty girl.
The phone rang a couple of times. She finally picked up. “Hello?”
He was happier to hear her voice than he’d expected. “Hey, it’s Ben from the firehouse.”
“Hi. It’s nice to hear from you.”
“I wanted to let you know that my schedule freed up this week if you wanted to go to the arson site sooner than the weekend. I don’t know what your days are like.” It would be a good distraction, at least better than sitting around thinking about his suspension. He’d never told his chief what happened before he ended up at the firehouse. He wasn’t sure it would be a smart thing to do. Probably for the best. The less people that knew, the better. Maybe it was his ego talking. Either way…
“Wow, that would be great. Are you sure it isn’t a bother? I’d love input from somebody who knows more about fires than I do,” she said.
“Not a bother. In fact, if you want to go tomorrow, I can squeeze it in around lunch time,” he offered. He was pleasantly surprised by her reaction. Maybe having time off wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.
“Seriously? That’s great. I can meet you there. The sooner I can learn something new, the better it will be. I’m not sure what we can learn, but I’m hoping there’s a shred of something…anything. I don’t even know where to start at this point,” she admitted. “I guess it’s just a lot of hoping for now.”
“We’ve got to start somewhere, right? Let’s see what we can find. Before we go digging around, we’ll need to check in with the Anderson’s and make sure they’re okay with us poking through the remnants. It is on private property. I don’t see it being an issue. I’ve sort of known the family for a while and think they’ll be okay with it.”
Abby’s voice was filled with excitement. “Oh, that’s helpful!”
“They weren’t home the night it happened, so I don’t think they’d be able to offer us any details in that aspect, but maybe they got word of something over time that they simply didn’t think to report as out of the ordinary.”
“I can’t thank you enough. I have the seed of an idea in my head, but without enough facts, it’s going to be hard to write the story. Either way, I need to try. My father deserves that much,” she said.
“I understand. It’s nice that you’re trying to tie up these loose ends and find some justice where there’s been none. I can meet you around noon. How about in front of the long drive that leads to their main house? The new stable is on that side of the road now, too, but the one that burnt down was across the street.”
Abby repeated the information back. “Noon, tomorrow. We’ll see you at the end of the driveway. I’ll have Shadow with me. Thanks again for doing this.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. It felt better than the drudgery he was feeling earlier. At least he’d have something to focus on, rather than sulking around the house over his careless mistakes.
Ben lapsed back into a depressed state. It shadowed him and refused to
leave. A death wish. It stung with the truth. He could still picture the gun in his face like it was yesterday.
The man’s voice reeked of urgency and panic. “Get out of here! Don’t look back. Leave!”
The words haunted him. He didn’t see the victim’s face, but his stomach convulsed realizing he needed to turn away. He ran, as fast as he could, as far as he could until he stopped fearing for his life. When he stopped to slow down, he dropped his hands onto his thighs and bent over, catching his breath. He needed to call the cops. His caller ID would show. No. He couldn’t get involved. The guy already threatened him once. If he found out his name…where he lived…he was too young to die.
Ben shook his head and tried to pull himself out of the moment. The past was the past.
He focused his attention back to the fire call from earlier. He’d gone in too fast, not waiting. There wasn’t time to wait. He had to act. He was compelled to move, to push, to go farther, faster, harder than the others. Did he have a death wish? Yeah, maybe he did.
A few deep breaths to focus himself, and his mind drifted back to Abby. He looked forward to seeing her the following day. She’d be good for him, a healthy distraction. It didn’t hurt matters that she was an attractive woman.
Her copper highlights shimmered. It was the first time in a while that a girl stayed on his mind. His last relationship was before the incident. After that, it was hit and miss, date a girl here or there, but he could never get past a certain point. He’d freeze up in a moment of intimacy. His confidence was in the gutter. It stole his sense of masculinity and pushed him in ways he’d never imagined.
The following afternoon, Ben made his way out to the Anderson’s property. He waited in his red pick-up at the edge of the driveway. He’d left a little early so that he could stop and speak with the family before they did their exploring.
