by May Dawson
“I always believe in making the best of any situation.” His straight, white teeth practically twinkled when he smiled. “I think I’ll do okay here.”
I bet he will.
Mr. Turner started talking, and I reluctantly turned my attention to the front of the class. Why had I turned so awkward the minute Josh’s deep blue eyes met mine, then crinkled at the corners? I folded my hands on my desk and tried to contain my cringing. You’re new here. Portland is a cool town. I’m a complete imbecile.
I could have sworn I felt Josh’s presence behind me when he shifted in his seat, when he leaned back and tapped his pencil against the desktop. Every little movement he made seemed to tug on my attention.
I was interested in following my plan, not in boys.
So why the hell was he so distracting?
Chapter 2
The last thing I wanted to do at lunch was sit alone in the crowded, warm lunch room that smelled like hot dogs, with nothing to eat since I didn’t have my wallet. Instead, I slipped outside. There was an open, hilly yard between the back of the school and the playing fields, with a handful of splintery picnic tables that were already occupied by groups of kids laughing with their friends. Some of them glanced at me as I headed toward a knot of trees, only their barren upper branches visible over the crest of the grassy hill. Sheltered from the sun and the wind, it was where I liked to hide to read my book sometimes. Luckily, one survivor of my earlier backpack mishap was the paperback tucked between textbooks.
I reached the top of the hill, and the three guys who sat under the trees came into view. They looked up at me, their faces curious and unwelcoming. My gaze bounced between them.
Josh was there, all wind-blown blond and ruddy cheeks. A tall, leanly-fit guy with dark hair leaned against one of the trees; his motorcycle boots were kicked out in front of him, his hands in his pockets. He met my gaze with intense brown eyes, and I looked quickly toward the next guy. He sat cross-legged in the grass, his dark brown curls ruffled by the breeze; his cheekbones were so sharp, his eyes so bright a green, that it was hard to tear my eyes away from him. I started to raise my hand to wave apologetically at interrupting them, because they didn’t look friendly at all.
“Come sit down with us, Piper,” Josh called. He gestured me over as the other two turned their cold stares on him.
I started to walk forward. It was only once I was committed that Josh said something to them, quietly, that I couldn’t hear. The guy with the dark hair shook his head. I didn’t want to go where I wasn’t welcome, but Josh jumped up from the grass and strode toward me.
He smiled at me, that big square-jawed grin that made it hard to resist smiling back automatically. “You want to join us for lunch? We’ve got a pizza.”
“It’s your first day of school and you ordered delivery?” I asked lightly, trying to camouflage just how much I’d love a slice of pizza. My stomach growled, just faintly, and Josh cocked his head to one side.
“Yep,” he said. “Got to start as you mean to go on.”
“And you mean to go on with…Italian food?”
“I mean to do what I want in this school.” He winked at me, resting a hand on my shoulder and steering me toward the other two guys and a white pizza box on the grass between them. “I don’t plan to be miserable here. Even though it isn’t Portland.”
If there was one thing I’d learned growing up, it was that part of being young was being miserable.
“Sit,” he told me. To his friends, he said, “You guys, be normal. Be social for once.”
Reluctantly, the boy with the dark hair held out his hand. He had gorgeous deep brown, almond-shaped eyes, and his fitted black t-shirt clung to his muscular arms. “I’m Kai.”
“Piper,” I said, shaking his hand. He had a nice handshake, his hand firm and warm.
The boy with the curls nodded. “I’m Nick.”
“You’re all new here?” I asked. “Did you all move here together or did you just happen to meet up and form like, a new kid coalition?”
Kai stared at me so hard that I regretted ever using the words new kid coalition. At least when I had been awkward with Josh, he had pretended not to notice. “Do you always ask so many questions?”
Josh pushed gently on my shoulders, encouraging me to take a seat with them, and I sank cross-legged to the grass. He sat next to me, almost protectively close, then handed me a slice of pizza. Suddenly the air smelled of fresh-cooked bread and spicy red sauce, and I inhaled deeply. I’d skipped breakfast, like I often did—I couldn’t eat in the morning until I’d had my coffee, and I was usually busy taking care of my sister—and the pizza was delicious.
“I only know one guy who does whatever he wants in this school,” I said once I’d swallowed, glancing up the hill toward the school. I couldn’t see Eli. He’d be holding court in the lunch room with the popular kids.
I was always welcome to sit with them, but the catty relationships between the girls and the outright harassment from Eli and his buddies was a whole lot worse than sitting alone.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to dethrone him then,” Josh said, smiling easily. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.
“Senior year, right?” I asked him, and he nodded. “Hell of a time to shake things up.”
“It’s always a good time to shake things up,” he said.
I stole a glance at Kai and Nick. Nick was stuffing pizza into his mouth with one hand—he managed to look cute even with his cheek as full as a chipmunk—and had picked up a book, which he held open, pinned against his knee.
Kai stared back at me, his eyes full of challenge. What a weirdo. I guessed we weren’t going to be regular lunch buddies. When he went on staring at me, I widened my eyes at him, pulling a face. He glanced away, his mouth tightening.
“Do you know Misty?” Josh asked cheerfully.
“I know everyone. It’s not that big a school.” Did Josh have a crush on Misty, already? It wouldn’t surprise me. Misty was bubbly and sweet and magnetic. Everyone liked her. Even now, when our friendship had been broken, there were times she’d meet my eyes and grin, as if she knew I’d get whatever she was thinking. I’d grin back before I remembered. She always looked away, like that moment of connection was an accident. Like she was embarrassed.
Josh shot a meaningful look at Kai and Nick.
“Do you like her?” My tone matched his for cheerfulness, but for some silly reason, there was an ache in my chest at the thought.
“I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better,” Josh said. “It’s a little early to like anyone, since I’ve been at this school for fifteen minutes.”
“What’s her type?” Kai asked.
Wow, it was a good day for Misty. Either Kai was trying to help his friend out or he liked her too, and they were both stupid-gorgeous. It was weird how three guys this good-looking and fit and mysterious had all started school at the same time. But for now, I’d answer their questions. I’d figure these three out eventually.
“She likes athletic guys.” She had a thing for guys dressed out for soccer or basketball. I knew that from the days we used to play soccer together.
Kai groaned, beneath his breath, and my gaze swiveled to him just before Nick said, “Looks like we’re watching Varsity Blues tonight.”
“No,” Kai said.
“Oh yes,” Nick said.
I didn’t know what the hell was going on, but there was an intriguing, vibrant energy lingered between them. I checked my watch, reluctant to leave their magnetic pull and go back toward school. I should give them space though, since that seemed as though that was what Nick and Kai wanted.
“Did you move here from Portland?” I asked Nick, and he glanced at Josh before he said, “Yes.”
These guys were pretty, but they were not exceptional conversationalists. At least, not with anyone beside each other.
“We’re like brothers,” Josh explained to me. “More or less. Nick is my brother, and Kai is my cousin. Our parents were driving toget
her when they were killed by a drunk driver. So we all live with our uncle, Callum.”
The way he rattled off those awful facts felt rehearsed, but I would be a terrible person if their tragic story was true and I doubted them. Plus, why would they lie about something like that? I chewed my lower lip. “Where do you live?”
“Why?” Kai asked.
Josh shot him a glare. “As long as we’re asking why. Why are you like this?”
Kai shrugged. “I don’t want to be here, you know that. I just want to keep my head down and…” he shot Josh a look I couldn’t quite decipher, “graduate.”
These guys were gorgeous and magnetic.
And really, really weird.
Chapter 3
That evening, as I worked on my Pre-Calc homework, the doorbell chimed downstairs. I bit on the end of my pencil, hard enough that my teeth sank deep into the yellow-painted wood, before I caught myself. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was Girl Scouts selling cookies.
“Piper!” my father bellowed. His voice carried all the way upstairs and through the door of my room like we weren’t in a four-thousand-square-foot McMansion.
“Coming!” I called back immediately, jumping from my chair. But once I was standing, I wracked my brain, trying to think of a way out.
Even if he was going to hurt me tonight, it could serve a purpose. That was the thing that made it easier to survive lately. My father only seemed to grow more hateful the closer we came to my birthday.
I ran to my bookcase, fumbling for the teddy bear with wide black eyes that hid among the other stuffed animals on the shelf. I’d found the NannyCam at the thrift store—despite all my father’s wealth, he hated to give me any money of my own—and as soon as I’d picked it up and realized what I held, the seeds of a plan started to blossom.
Of course, if he found out what I was doing, I’d be in worse trouble than ever before. I was playing a dangerous game, but it was the only way I could take care of Maddie.
I stepped into the hallway. Maddie’s door remained closed. She was at a sleepover at her best friend’s house, thank God. My father didn’t hit her often—not like he hit me. He was easier on the baby of the family. She got to leave the house more than I did, too, even though I was ten years’ older.
“Piper!” my father shouted again.
“I’m coming!” I called, running down the stairs.
I was only halfway down when I saw my father’s back, and behind him, standing in the entryway, Eli and his father. Mr. Kingston had his hand on his son’s shoulder, as if his little boy—who was six-foot-two—was some kind of victim.
My father turned to me, his eyes full of fury. “Did you attack Eli?”
The truth was often not my friend in this house, but my lips still parted. The desire to defend myself raged, and my chest tightened. But I had to be smart. Survivor, you’re a survivor, my inner cheerleader reminded me. I could fight through anything. For Maddie. For our future.
And this was how I fought: with my wits and my courage and my willingness to fake it.
“Not exactly,” I said. The one thing that might win my father to my side was how much he hated the thought of anyone getting too close to me. “Eli asked me out. He wouldn’t take no for answer.”
My father’s lips tightened.
“I’m sure Eli was a gentleman,” Mr. Kingston said. “Girls these days. Always looking for something to overreact to.”
My father gazed at him blandly. The two of them were good friends, or at least, they spent a lot of time together. I wasn’t sure either of them really had friends.
“She pushed me,” Eli said calmly, crossing his arms. “I didn’t mean any disrespect to her or to you, sir. I’m sorry if she misunderstood me.”
“I told him I’m not allowed to date,” I said doggedly. “And he put his arm around me.”
“I brought this back.” He held out my Kate Spade wallet and my scientific calculator. “She dropped them on our way to school.”
My father’s eyes widened as he takes in the two expensive things that Eli held out. Then his gaze flickered to me. I stepped forward and awkwardly took the two things out of Eli’s outstretched hand, trying not to touch him. A smug smile played at the corner of Eli’s lips.
“What do you say, Piper?” My father’s voice was tart.
“Thank you.” The words sound hollow.
“You weren’t going to tell me that you lost your wallet or your calculator?”
“Sorry,” I said. “I thought I’d find them.”
“You thought you’d find them,” he repeated, his voice mocking. “You owe Eli an apology.”
So my father had weighed the two of us and decided I was the one who’d offended him. God.
You’re a survivor, Piper. Be smart. Just say you’re sorry and take your licks and fight another day…
It was getting harder with every day closer to my eighteenth birthday and my escape, but this was when I’d have to be the most careful.
Still, a lump lodged in my throat, and it was hard to form the words of an apology around it. I owed Eli something, but it’s sure as hell wasn’t an apology. One day he’d find himself getting exactly what he deserved. And I’d be the one who gave it to him, so help me God.
Eli’s eyes met mine. There was victory in his gaze and in the way his lips turned up around the edges, even though he was trying to bite back his smile. He enjoyed my misery.
“Piper.” My father’s voice was full of warning.
“It’s all right, Steve,” Mr. Kingston said. “It was just a misunderstanding. Let the kids work it out.”
My father’s jaw set. Mr. Kingston was trying to help, but he was just making things worse by undermining my father’s authority, and nothing was as precious to my father as his authority. Certainly, I’d never been anywhere near as precious.
I just have to get through this. I stared into Eli’s eyes, hoping to communicate telepathically that no matter what I said now, I’d be his bloody end one day.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?” My father’s voice was low and dangerous. This was just getting worse. If I’d managed to apologize right away, if Mr. Kingston hadn’t said anything, maybe this would be over already.
“For pushing you,” I said to Eli. The memory rose quickly in my mind—Eli falling backward, about to land on his ass—and it was my turn to hide the impulse to smile. They could make me say ‘I’m sorry,’ but they couldn’t change what happened.
“And for being rude,” my father said. “If Eli still wants to go out with you, despite all your foolishness, I’ll allow it. She’d be a lucky girl.” He said that last to Mr. Kingston, who nodded.
“Thank you, sir,” Eli said.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Piper and I can talk about it at school.” Eli’s lips turned up even more. The smug, self-satisfied, sick asshole.
“Sounds good,” my father said briskly. “All right, well, my apologies again.”
He was already swinging open the front door. As much as I didn’t want Eli and Mr. Kingston to stay, I didn’t feel exactly peachy about having them leave, either.
“Have a good night,” Mr. Kingston said. “We’re on for poker this weekend?”
“Of course,” my father said.
He hosted every month. It was always a good night. Maddie and I watched movies in my room while his friends took over our basement. We weren’t allowed downstairs, but he always got us a pizza and snacks. It was my favorite night every month, a bright spot that I looked forward to.
He nodded goodbye, and Eli and Mr. Kingston filed out the door. They headed across the long green lawn. Eli’s black Hummer was parked on the street. Mr. Kingston must have let him drive. I still hadn’t learned.
When my father closed the door, he stayed very still for a second, his back to me, his hand on the doorknob.
I waited, still as a rabbit, my heart pounding in my chest.
He closed the deadbolt and turned to me, t
he expression on his face thunderous.
“You embarrassed me, Piper,” he said, his voice low. “Mr. Kingston is my friend. Eli is one of your oldest friends.”
I didn’t think either of us believed that was true.
“What’s come over you?” he asked me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, and even though I didn’t mean it any more than I did before, the words fell easily from my lips.
His fingers crawled over the buckle of his belt. There was a soft whisper of leather as he pulled it out of his belt loops before it hung from one of his big fists.
Still, the belt wasn’t the worst thing that’d ever happened to me.
“Get up to your room now,” he told me.
Chapter 4
My father kicked an empty laundry basket across the floor of my room.
I was putting all my stuffed animals into a trash bag, like he told me, and I was so thankful I was the one who dropped the nanny-cam bear into the black plastic bag. Please, God, let me get this thing back. Without it, I didn’t know how I’d ever get custody of Maddie.
“You want to have an attitude?” my father told me, breathing heavily. “You can stop and think about how lucky you are to have everything I’ve given you. You don’t have anything on your own, do you?”
“No,” I said quietly. I jammed what used to be my favorite teddy bear into the bag, and its little face looked up at me as I tired the bag shut. They were just stuffed animals, and I was almost eighteen. It wasn’t like I needed them. But this reminded me of all the other times he’d stripped my room when I was younger. I’d choked on my hot tears and my desperation, afraid I’d never get back the things that comforted me at night. Because all I had was things; I didn’t have anyone.
Maddie had me, and I wasn’t going to lose her. I’d never leave her feeling as lost and alone as I’d felt.
My eyes were hot, and I carried the bag down the long, sweeping stairs, through our foyer and the kitchen to the attached garage. It was quiet in the three-car garage, away from his anger, and I took a second to breathe. My heart still pounded wildly in my chest at the thought of fishing through the bag for the nanny-cam bear. I didn’t want to risk him finding out what I was up to. I looked over my shoulder, irrationally afraid he was watching—he was always watching.
