by Guerin Zand
“Sammy, Bart, Gladys, I’m glad you could join us. We’ve come up with a plan based on what we know and believe. We may know human politics better than any of you, maybe not, so our plans are based on our best guess on how different nations will react. Still, to me, it all seems like insanity. I believe that we should ask the smartest people here for their opinions. I am assuming you’re all smarter than us or you’d be riding in our shuttles, so what do you think?”
“Guerin.” Sammy was leaning against the counter that held the food replicators. His look at best was disinterested. Perhaps he wasn’t really happy with the way things turned out with the council, and what I was sensing was resentment. Exactly what Sammy’s relation to the Council was, I wasn’t exactly sure, but he held some position of authority. I had no doubt he was representing their interests here. “You said it yourself earlier, we’re just here to assist.”
“Seriously, Sammy? You’re going to cop an attitude because I may have been a little cross with you the other day? Well, I’m sorry. Ok?”
“That’s not it, Guerin. You know that what you said is correct. You are the ones responsible for making the decisions and ultimately you, Guerin Zand, have the final say. I believe that we have already bent the rules more than we should. The Council will…”
“The Council, as I already told them, can kiss my ass with their rules. You keep throwing these mythical rules in my face and I’m calling your bullshit. Show me the stone tablet with these rules written by God. Until you do, I don’t want to hear any more about the fucking rules. Am I clear?”
Sammy said nothing and lowered his head.
“If this is one of your bullshit tests, well, we are not the least bit amused by your cleverness. Flunk me. Send me back to remedial fucking emissary school or whatever. I’m asking for your help and I hope that my friends would do that, regardless of any of your alien bullshit.”
Probably not one of my better alien bullshit tantrums, but it had been a while and I was a bit out of practice. It was all coming back to me now, just like riding a bicycle. I looked around the room. Bart, Gladys, Sly, and Stella were smiling at me. Sammy was at least looking me in the eye, and my team looked confused. They didn’t really know what all of that was about.
Stella was the first to speak up. “Guerin, have you considered speaking to the Chinese directly?”
“Sure we have. The Chinese and U.S. ambassadors are…”
“Not them, you?”
“And who do you suggest I talk to, Stella?”
“The Chinese Premier and President.”
“And how do you suggest we get the three of us alone to have this talk?”
“I think you Americans like to say, ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’. We can take care of those little details.”
“Ok, but am I the person who should be doing the talking? You and others have expressed concerns that I may be letting my wife’s murder affect my judgment.”
“You’re exactly the one who should be talking to them, Guerin. That’s why we sent you.”
“Really, Stella, perhaps this isn’t the best time to be blowing smoke up my ass.”
“She’s right, Guerin.” Gladys jumped in to support Stella. “They need to see your anger. The diplomats are talking about victims, you’re talking about your wife. Let them see your anger when you point out to them the examples of the power you have in your hands. Ask them if they are having problems talking to their puppets. Explain to them it is because that is what you wished. We’ll be monitoring you and we’ll restore the communications to China on your order. Tell them they can contact North Korea then. Let them verify you stopped that launch in North Korea and the current state of the North Korean’s nuclear arsenal. Explain to them that as easy as it was to get them alone you could just as easily make them disappear, permanently. Put the fear of God into them. Then present them with an alternative.”
Stella rolled her eyes at Gladys and looked back towards me. “I was thinking of a more diplomatic approach. Something not so threatening.”
“You’re wrong, Stella. Gladys’ plan has merit.” Bart had joined the conversation. Perhaps my little tantrum had motivated my friends. “They murdered Guerin’s wife and he has every right to show his anger. If I understand the politics of Earth, Guerin being ‘diplomatic’ would simply be taken as a sign of weakness. The fact that he is talking to them may even cause them to believe that. That is why Gladys is right. He needs to put the fear of God into them.”
The room went silent. I looked around and asked, “Does anyone have a different idea or does everyone agree with the Stella/Gladys plan? Sly? Sammy?”
“I agree with my wife, Guerin. What do you have to lose by trying?”
Sammy nodded yes.
“So, what do I say to them?”
“You give them the same ultimatum the U.S. ambassador is going to present to them later today. I’d suggest we do this before that meeting. I’ll let the Americans know what you’re doing.”
“But, Roger, we all know that they’re going to want something in return to save face.”
Bart had an idea on that subject. “We had them kicked off the IOET security council and banned them from our technology transfers for their earlier transgression. Tell them America won’t object, and we’ll restore access to our technology if they can get a majority vote from the other members of the security council to reinstate them. You’ll have to get America to agree to that.”
Roger agreed. “I can get the Americans to agree to it when we talk. If not, we’ll convince them to agree. Just assume it’s a done deal and make the offer.”
“Ok but…” Maybe it was a good plan, but I didn’t like it. “It’s just why does it have to be me?”
“You know why, Guerin. It’s why we sent you. I think you just made me repeat myself.” Stella looked puzzled. “Anyways, we're not going to help you with that. It’s your job. It’s what an emissary does.”
“Ok. I can use a transit portal to get to this meeting place, but how do we get the President and the Premier there? You guys wouldn’t happen to have a transporter in your back pockets you haven’t told me about?”
My alien friends all started to laugh.
“What’s so damn funny? I’m serious.”
“Guerin.” Cindy was shaking her head. Making me look stupid was one of her favorite past times. “What do you know about what you call a transit portal?”
“Well, it’s a tear you make in our spacetime, actually two tears, one at the origin and one at the destination. These two tears are connected through the void, which has no dimensions since it’s outside of the spacetime of all the universes, so the portal has no thickness. Just a circumference that you can adjust the size of. So, I guess maybe it’s just one tear in our spacetime and it is actually a multidimensional thingy that somehow… Shit, how the hell am I supposed to know how they work.”
“Well, close enough.” Cindy smiled at me. “Normally, we open a portal between two points in spacetime, that from your perception are fixed, but they’re not. They’re actually both moving. They’re fixed in reference to a given object, like the Earth or this room in the shuttle. Are you following me so far?”
“Yes!”
“Well, if you understand that then I don’t see why you couldn’t figure out that the two sides of the portals are actually moving in this spacetime as well. To ‘transport’ somebody we just have to open a portal close to them and move it so they pass through it. We’re using some pretty simple physics there, Guerin. Something I know you learned as a child in college.”
“Well, of course, I knew you could do that, Cindy. I’m not an idiot.” Several people in the room raised their eyebrows. “Real funny. I was just thinking you might have something else simpler, you know, less upsetting?”
“Well, don’t worry. We’re not going to use transit portals. We’d have to take time to arrange a meeting spot and I don’t think we have that kind of time. You know how you met the Bree Council?”
“Oh no! I tried not to show how badly that messed me up when I addressed the Council but you’re not fucki…”
Chapter 22
The Ultimatum
And then I was never and forever nowhere again. That BITCH! It was just like the first time Milly yanked me through a portal without my ok. This was not ok with me. I’d say, “and there I was”, but there was no there, there, or something. See, this was not a good idea. When I got back to where there was a there I was going to rip that bitch a new one, which I thought I was doing before I wasn’t there. I’d remember to get back to that thought later, but there is no later anymore. DAMN IT!
In front of me stood the President and Premier of China. They looked confused, as if they wanted to say something but couldn’t make themselves talk. Ok, this was more or less home turf for me I guess. At least I knew where we weren’t even if I couldn’t say where, where, had gone to.
“Mr. President, Mr. Premier. I’m Guerin Zand, and welcome to my world.” I raised my arms gesturing to our surroundings. “My friends thought it was time I spoke to you both directly. You are still physically back on Earth where you last remember, but the important part of you is here. Time back on Earth will not pass while you are here, so you will be returned to exactly the same place and time you last remember.” They both looked at their watches. “Don’t ask me to explain it to you because I don’t have a clue how any of this works myself. For now, all three of us are here and we’re going to talk.” I didn’t even want to try and explain how there really was no here.
The President was the first to speak. A chubby politician just like the stereotype. “We demand you return us back to where we were taken from. You…”
“That’s not going to happen. As I said, we’re going to talk, and you’ll remain here until we’re finished.”
“Then talk and be quick about it.” The Premier spoke up still acting as if he had some control of this situation.
“You may have noticed you no longer can communicate with your butt buddies in the DPRK. That was me in case you can’t figure that out. When you return we will allow you one hour to communicate with them. You can then verify that the test launch of their short-range missile failed this morning because of us. If they haven’t figured it out yet, tell them to check the fuel. Also, while you are talking to them, you can ask them to check their nuclear arsenal. You’ll find every last one of their warheads is as inert as a paperweight. That was us as well. We’ll let you verify this so you will know that we can do the same with your weapons, and a lot more.”
“Are you threatening us?”
“No, Mr. Premier. I’m simply enlightening you to the facts. I want you to know that if you don’t back down and stop this aggression we will not only defeat China, but we will humiliate you publicly.”
“We’re done here.”
“No, you’re not, Mr. Premier. You’ll be done when I say we’re done and not before. You need to come to terms with the fact that you are as impotent here as you will be back on Earth if you continue this aggression. You bastards murdered my wife, and personally, I’d be just fine with letting America nuke the shit out of you and settle this once and for all. My friends, the ones that help me do all of this, suggested that I try to curb my enthusiasm for your destruction and attempt a diplomatic solution.”
“You have a proposal?”
“Yes, Mr. President. China will back down. You will offer a public apology to America and the victims of the recent attacks. You will also pay reparations, you can work out the details with the American government.”
“We will not.” The Premier wasn’t used to not being in charge obviously.
“Yes, you will. You can do it now or after China is made insignificant by my friends. We’ll allow you to save face by blaming it on a rogue MSS operation, like the American Bay of Pigs incident. You can pick your own scapegoat, but I think your minister of security, who clearly was involved in this, would be a good candidate. We would expect you to deal with him publicly as you would any traitor. You will not try to blame this on Uyghur terrorists and take reprisals against them to cover your ass.”
“And if we don’t?”
“If you haven’t already noticed, Mr. Premier, we have already devastated your MSS abroad. We have the MSS major in charge of the actions that occurred in New York City and we know everything. We have your own documents that show this action was approved by both of you. How do you think the rest of the world will react when they find out? We have your agent’s files and the passports they used to enter America as Uyghur refugees. We will release the details of the weapons system you tried to place in orbit. Face it, you boys fucked up big time and we’re giving you a way out here.”
I decided I would give them a chance to respond. I have to admit, I didn’t really care what they decided. The outcome would be the same. I wanted the Chinese officials behind my wife’s murder to all die, and that included these two. I remembered that in one of my talks with Roger he had pointed out that we wouldn’t need to kill them ourselves. The Chinese government had a way of removing these types, especially after an embarrassing failure.
The Premier took his time. He waited for me to pause long enough that he wouldn’t seem to be interrupting. “You, and in that, I include the Americans which you are definitely one, have forced the removal of China from the IOET security council. You removed are crews from all current IOET space operations. Your ‘friends’ came to the Chinese Ministry, without asking permission I may add, and threatened the Chinese people. China is not the aggressor.”
“That was all your doing, Mr. Premier. I contacted you directly and asked if the Trogan agents were in China. You lied to me and denied it. Part of the IOET treaty requires every security council member nation to notify the council of any alien contact. You did not. When we confronted you with proof you were lying, and asked politely to have the Trogan agents turned over to us, you again lied. Then you broke the IOET treaty again and used the alien tech for military applications by placing that system into orbit. You thought you could gain an advantage on the rest of the IOET, in particular, America and Russia, by siding with the Trogans. We warned you who they were and what their goal was, but you were too stupid to listen. Compared to the Collective the Trogans are cavemen. What kind of idiot would make the decision you did knowing that?”
The Premier and the President of China were not used to being talked to this way. You could see that they were furious. “You insult us and expect us to agree to your terms?”
“Mr. President. If you continue to lie to me I will continue to call you liars. Don’t tell me China is not the aggressor. I didn’t come here to explain myself or negotiate with you. You’ve been defeated, and it’s best you accept that now while we are offering you an honorable way out. I am allowing you to communicate with the DPRK, so you can realize we are not playing around anymore. They won’t be able to help you. How long do you think you’ll be able to maintain order if we shut down the power and communications everywhere in China? Your nuclear arsenal will be useless, your planes will be grounded, and every seafaring Chinese military vessel will be dead in the water. We don’t have to invade China. We can simply sit back and watch it tear itself apart.”
“So, you are threatening us.”
“As I said earlier, I’m simply informing you of the facts of the situation. If you are stupid enough to ignore the facts, fine. I’d personally prefer you did. How long after the power goes out do you think the two of you will last before the party offers up your heads on a silver platter? The American and Chinese ambassadors are scheduled to meet in a few hours at the U.N. The Americans will submit the terms, as I have just stated, for China to apologize. You can negotiate with the Americans, but I am telling you now that you will have 48 hours after the meeting to reach an agreement. We won’t tell the Americans we’ve given you this time limit to give you some room to negotiate. If you don’t reach an agreement in the time specified, or should you make an aggressive mov
e with your military, we will start shutting down China, one step at a time, until China is in the dark, literally.”
They started to protest, but I raised my hand. “Now, we’re done here.” Then they were gone, and I was left alone nowhere and never forever. I don’t know how this nowhere meeting space app actually worked, but I had some questions. How did they know when to return the Chinese President and Premier? Why was I always left alone after one of these meetings? I started whistling and tapping my foot again, thinking this had worked for me last time.
Chapter 23
Killing Time
“…ng...” I heard my voice finishing the last words I uttered before they had yanked me to nowhere space. I looked over at Cindy and it wasn’t my usual look of lust and desire. “Damn it, Cindy. Would a little warning be too much to ask? Maybe something simple like, ‘Are you ready?’, would be helpful.”
“Sorry, Guerin.” Cindy smiled her innocent little smile and batted those baby blues at me. I shook my head. I’d learned long ago the Bree enjoyed pulling this kind of shit on me, and really, what could I do about it? Apparently, they all found this little monkey amusing.
“What are you talking about, Guerin?”
“Ask Cindy to explain it to you, Roger. I need a drink.”
While Cindy explained what just happened to me to my team and daughter, I started to rummage through the cabinets under the food replicator looking for a glass and a bottle of Gluark. I probably should have listened to Cindy’s explanation since I had no idea what just happened. It might have been helpful to pay attention. I was too busy though trying to find a drink, which had they not just scrambled my internal being in nowhere space, I would have found a lot faster. I poured two fingers into a glass and slammed it down. I stared at the wall behind the replicator for a few seconds while the taste of a New York sewer morphed into something quite pleasant. Just one of the weird properties of Gluark.
