by Guerin Zand
You don’t jump right into the main ship, again it wasn’t worth asking why. The shuttle exited the transit portal several thousand kilometers out from the ship. There Sammy would coordinate with the main ship and other traffic to plan his approach and where to dock. It would take a couple of hours to arrive and disembark the shuttle. Once again, if I really cared, I would have asked why couldn’t we just use a portal to go from the shuttle directly to the main ship. Perhaps there was a book of portal protocols and practices, or maybe some of this was simply based on tradition. The other, and most probable answer was they just did this shit to fuck with us!
Thinking about this, while waiting to dock on the main ship, it reminded me of one of my old mating habits. Back in the day, when a casual encounter at some sleazy bar would result in me taking a less than desirable mate home for the night, I would drive around in circles on the way there and when taking her home afterward. This would reduce the chance that she would ever be able to find where I lived again. I know what you’re thinking, but I know I’m not the only person to ever do that. I’m going to quote a guy named Matthew here, “Don’t judge lest thee be judged.”
According to Matthew, this is what Jesus said, but by American law that would be hearsay and not proof. If you add in the fact that the Bible was rewritten by humans with political agendas several times, and there are actually several different versions, the actual quote could have come from anywhere. That’s why I try to avoid quoting the Bible at all.
This little theological debate in my own mind, probably an effect of the Gluark I had just drunk, kept my mind occupied until we had docked. We cleaned up our mess in the cafeteria, went back to the transport room to grab our bags, and took an elevator to the top level of the shuttle. Then we walked to the back of the shuttle and exited through the open cargo bay.
The main ship, for those of you who missed the first book, is basically two giant domed cities connected by a center area that is the spaceport, for lack of a better term. Gravity was artificial, although very close to Earth normal as far as I could tell, and the direction of gravity was not a constant. Your down in one dome city was your up in the dome city on the other side. Down and up were relative terms and you needed to deal with that. My simple rule of thumb was; up was always the opposite direction of down, and down was the direction shit fell. Obviously, if there was no gravity, up and down were meaningless and best just ignored.
I assumed Sammy docked so that the shuttle down was the same as the down at this particular location in the spaceport. If not, it would have hurt when we exited the shuttle. We would have noticed that. Based on my past experience, I also assumed that the side where we were staying would be up from here, but I could have been wrong on that. This is useful to know when using the elevator to get from the spaceport to the city. If you told the elevator to go down too far, you would end up going up anyways when you crossed the imaginary center line that separated the two domed cities. Just don’t ask. I was ready to take my daughter and friends up to the city when I realized that with all that I did know, the one important thing I didn’t know was where we were all going to be housed. So I just stood there with my entourage trying to look like I had this all figured out until an escort arrived.
“Guerin!” Shit, it was Julie. I started to grimace but then I saw the twins, Prima and Seca accompanying her. I was glad to see them and hopefully, they would provide an adequate buffer between Julie and me. Julie came up and hugged me. My arms stayed at my sides, and then she kissed me on the lips. Thankfully she didn’t try to slip me any tongue or I would have hurled. “My dear boy. It’s so good to see you back here among us.” She had her hands on my cheeks, squeezing them like some old grandmother, or something, and I was close to losing it. Luckily Prima and Seca came over and each gave me a hug and a very sweet kiss with just the right amount of tongue. I appreciated that.
“Are you going to introduce us to your friends?” Julie asked with her sick imitation of a smile. This version of Julie was beyond annoying.
“Roger Smith, Katie McDougal,” I pointed to each individual as I called out their names. “Steve Holmes, Diane Slater, and my daughter Maria, this is Prima and Seca.”
“Wrong again, Guerin. I’m Seca, and this is Prima.”
“I’m sorry, but now that I know I’ll remember. I appreciate the different colored highlights in your hair. Now I can tell the difference.” Prima had a fluorescent green streak in her bangs and Seca’s was hot pink. Julie rudely interrupted by clearing her throat.
“Oh, yea. In case you haven’t figured it out, this is Julie.”
Julie threw me a look and then went over to greet each of my team individually. “It’s so nice to finally meet all of you. I’ve heard so much about you.” She stopped a little longer when she got to Steve. “My, I’m going to look forward to getting to know you better.” She then turned her attention to Maria. She gave Maria a big hug and stepped back to look at her. “Such a beautiful young woman. Are you sure she’s yours, Guerin?”
“Not a hundred percent. She’s a vegan, and that makes me wonder. I mean, who knows what demon seeds you implanted in me when you turned me into a mutant.”
“I’ve so missed your sense of humor, Guerin.”
“Whatever, Julie. Can we just cut the shit? I’m about to hurl. I rather enjoyed my lunch today and I’d like to keep it down. If I’m here to be executed, then please just get it over with. Is torture really necessary?”
“What are you talking about, Guerin.” Julie still had that sick imitation of a smile and I was fighting to not just smack it right off her face. “No one is getting executed.”
“What was the final vote?” I asked with a smirk.
Julie ignored my question. “Well, why don’t we get all of you settled into your quarters. If you’d follow us.” Julie led us to the elevators and we headed up. We exited the elevator, at what I referred to as ground level, and we headed to the closest transportation.
“Ok,” Julie started. “Katie, Diane, Steve, and Roger. If you’ll go with Prima and Seca, they’ll take you to your quarters and explain how everything works. Once you get settled, if you’d like, they’ll take you for a little tour of this side of the ship to get you oriented. Guerin, you and Maria will come with me and I’ll take care of the two of you.”
“Can we go with Prima and Seca instead?” I asked, hoping there was a chance the choice had been random.
“No, Guerin. You and your daughter will be sharing a larger suite meant for families. It’s on one of the upper levels closer to my residence. Plus, once you drop off your bag and we get Maria taken care of, we have to meet with the Council. The twins will come and get Maria if she wants to join the others for the tour.”
“Seriously, Julie? Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I kind of have the urge to drink myself to death right now, but I promise, right after I get up and hurl tomorrow morning, I’ll meet with the Council.” My team and Maria were laughing, and Steve seemed to be the one laughing the hardest. I looked at Steve directly. “Leave the twins alone, Steve, or I’ll make sure Jackie finds out.”
“Shall we?” Once again Julie ignored the question I had just asked her. I noticed that there was something different than I remembered. It was the walls. There were beautiful murals painted on what used to be drab looking walls. Alien graffiti perhaps? It was definitely an improvement. She gestured Maria and I to one of the transport pads and the others boarded another. Off we went. As we climbed higher and higher, I thought about jumping but I knew I couldn’t. These magic pads wouldn’t let you. Maria was taking in the view and she had the biggest smile on her face. I thought how poor Prima and Seca were probably having to deal with Diane’s non-stop questions right then. We finally docked the pad at a level that looked to be five levels below Julie’s penthouse and maybe twenty levels over where I had stayed before. I nicknamed this level Death Row.
The first thing I noticed was that on this level the quarters must have been fairly large based on
the distance from the door in front of us to the next door. I was wrong of course. The quarters were even bigger than I had thought since the next door down was actually another entrance to the same quarters. We walked through the door to our quarters and entered a foyer. It was nicely decorated in the typical IKEA style, not like the ornate, and the bit over the top furnishings in Julie’s penthouse. To the left was a door leading to a half bath for guests. When we walked a little further we entered a large living area.
“This is the main living room. There is enough room to entertain a small group and on the far wall there is a fully stocked bar.” It was a beautiful bar. Full of different spirits from all over the universe, most of which I had never sampled before. We walked straight across the living area to a large set of double doors. Julie opened the doors.
“Here is the master suite. This would be for you, Guerin. To the left you have a private office and here is the washroom.” It was massive with a giant walk-in shower and large soaker tub. We continued to follow the hallway with Julie pointing out the large walk-in closets on both sides. Then we got to the actual bedroom that was quite large, with a king-sized bed and windows that faced the opposite side of the building from the entrance. There was even a balcony that wrapped around the outside. I dropped my bag on the bed. This residence spanned the entire depth of this level. I tried not to look too impressed.
We walked back to the living area and then proceeded to the right back corner, as seen standing at the front entrance, and another hallway led to a large kitchen area. I don’t know why she thought I needed a kitchen this well furnished. I only needed a table, a food replicator, and a beverage station. The kitchen extended to behind the living area with a little cutout behind the bar for passing items between the kitchen and living room. We returned to the hallway that led back to the second bedroom suite. The bathroom was at the back of the suite with large windows providing a beautiful view from the soaker tub. This bathroom was almost as large as the one in the master suite. Towards the front was another smaller foyer for the guest entrance. Just outside the bathroom was a large walk-in closet and dressing room which made Maria drool a little bit.
“I thought you’d prefer this room since you’ll have a private entrance and you can avoid seeing your father when it suits you.” Julie and my daughter exchanged smiles. I wasn’t liking that.
We returned to the living room and Julie asked, “Does this meet your approval, Guerin?”
I responded with the most unimpressed look I could muster and said, “It’ll do. Where are the servant’s quarters?”
Julie laughed. “If you should by chance decide to entertain we will provide you whatever staff you might need. I’m sure the twins would be more than happy to help out. They were very excited when they heard you were coming.”
I smiled my sly dirty old man smile. Maria rolled her eyes. It had been almost a year since I lost Anna, but still, I realized that my actions weren’t really appropriate, especially in front of my daughter. The daughter who thought her father was a prude.
“Why don’t you go and get freshened up, Maria. The twins will come up to get you for the tour, and if you’d like, they can explain how to use the viewer to order any clothing or other items you may want. The control panels on both doors have been programmed for you to access the suite. Only you have access through the private entrance, so your father won’t be barging in. I do remember what it was like to be a young lady myself, even if your father doesn’t believe that’s possible.” Again Julie and Maria exchanged smiles.”
“Guerin, if you’d come with me to your office we can start the Council meeting. It’s just about that time. We don’t want to keep the others waiting. They do have other important items on their schedules.” I guess that was Julie’s backhand way of saying I wasn’t that important.
“Please have a seat.” Julie pointed to the chair behind the large desk. I took a seat and looked around the office.
“We’re not…”
And I was again back to never and nowhere, and yes, I was alone. They were really starting to piss me off with this void meeting space bullshit. I did what I always did when I was alone, never and nowhere in the void of nothingness. I started to whistle and tap my foot while I waited. Finally, the thirteen men and women of the council appeared in front of me in their flowing cloaks reaching almost to the ground. Well, I mean, if there was actually a ground. I hadn’t thought about what I was wearing while in my previous visits to the void meeting space, but this time I wondered if I got one of those cool cloaks as well. I looked down and was disappointed. I was in the same jeans and t-shirt I’d been wearing. In honor of this visit, I wore one of my favorite t-shirts with the following written on the front.
“I don’t have an attitude problem.”
“You have a problem with my attitude”
“and that’s not my problem.”
I scanned the other members of the Council and I suddenly froze. One of the 13 members, a woman, was not the same member I met last time. I knew this woman. It was Milly. She was as beautiful as ever and she was smiling. Her green eyes piercing through me. My throat, heart, and lungs, pretty much the entire me, tightened up and my eyes watered. I didn’t even wonder how that could be since I wasn’t physically there. I had spent the last twenty plus years trying to forget about my feelings for Milly. In a second all that suffering poured threw me again and all of it at once. I couldn’t look away, and at the same time I was getting mad. How dare they pull this shit on me. They had to know, at least Julie and Milly had to know, how this would affect me. I knew they did it to throw me off guard, and it did, but it also had just made me madder than hell.
“Welcome, Guerin,” Julie spoke first before I could tear into them. “As you can see we have a new junior member on the Council. I believe you two know each other quite well.”
“Hello, Guerin.”
I couldn’t help but look at Milly when I heard her voice for the first time in so long. “Milly.” That was all I could get out. I lowered my head and looked back towards the center of the Council where Julie was standing.
“We’d like to start off by congratulating you on how you handled yourself during the crisis on Earth. We…”
“You want to congratulate me? For what? Passing another one of your stupid tests? My wife was murdered, we almost started a nuclear war, and thousands died for what? Another one of your fucking trials. It was a clusterfuck of colossal proportions. You know what…”
“Enough, Guerin.” I stopped talking but not because I wanted to. Julie had silenced me somehow. “We know that you suffered as a result of the situation on Earth and we wish we could have prevented the loss of life, especially your wife, but we are not gods. We can’t control how events unfold. We knew that sending you to Earth to act as our emissary had risks, but it was important enough that we had to take those risks. When the Trogan agents arrived it caused the situation to become more volatile. If we hadn’t sent you then perhaps millions or even billions would have died. That wouldn’t have been the end of the suffering. You know that’s the truth. This wasn’t a test we arranged for you, but as I have said before when we talked, we are always being tested in our lives. We gave you the power you asked for and yet you barely used it, and what was most important, you didn’t abuse it. So yes, we want to congratulate you and I want to say to you, from my heart, how proud I am of you. You got the nations working together, colonization of your solar system is beginning, and the Earth’s population has at least stopped increasing. A lot of successes over a small period of time, and yes, some setbacks.”
A noise came out of my mouth. I think it was the trailing syllable of what I had previously been trying to say. I cleared my throat to try and cover up my confusion. “Ahem. Oh, so I guess I can talk now?”
Julie nodded.
“Nice trick by the way. As I was trying to say, you know what you can do with your congratulations. I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore, or who I should trust. You o
bviously think I’m too fucking stupid to tell me anything that might help me, so all I can do is guess as to what is really going on. But as much of a waste of time that this might be, I’m going to ask. Tell me Julie, is douchebag me, and am I just another douchebag?” Ok, that didn’t come out as I thought it would and I could see the confusion in the Council.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, Guerin.”
“I think you do, Julie, but maybe it will help if I use small words and short sentences. Was Heesa Deuce Baghan, aka douchebag, one of your former emissaries? Is this Trogan mess your fault? Is it the result of one of your failed projects?”
There was silence in the room. I waited for a response but none came.
“You want to know why I’m so mad, this is why. Would it kill you to answer a few simple questions? I can guess by your silence that it’s true, like I had to guess what was within your power when I planned my response on Earth. The problem is my entire stupid fucking plan hinged on my guess being correct.”
“Stella said something at one of our dinners that came back to me when Roger and I were talking and drinking copious amounts of whiskey. She said something to the effect that you didn’t want to create an even bigger monster when I asked why you were testing me the way you were. It didn’t register at the time. It seemed to me that you were wary of me and that was all. But thinking about that statement, one could easily infer that it also meant you had created the other monster. So I’ll ask you once again. Was he one of your emissaries?”
Again there was silence, but this time I just returned the silence. I wasn’t going to rant and rave or demand they answer. I was just going to wait for them to answer my question or end this meeting. Either was fine with me.
Finally, Julie replied. “Yes, but what difference does that make to you? Do you want to boast that you were once again correct?”
“You couldn’t simply say yes and skip the insult? But to show you how we’re different, I’ll answer your question. No, I don’t want to know so I can boast. I might later on, just to piss you off, but I want to know as much as I can so the next guess I make might have a better chance of being correct. I want to be able to tell my team what they’re getting into and what to expect. They’ve backed me all this time with very little reason. I want to give them a reason.”
