by Guerin Zand
“Oh, Dad! It’s not like that.”
“Oh no, of course not. Oh, this is just getting better by the minute. What else, Julie? I mean, besides stealing my daughter and sending her off with lizard boy to some sex slave training camp? I should have known better than to make a deal with the devil.”
Julie gave me an evil grin and waggled her eyebrows. It took a while for the laughter to die down before Julie replied. “Roger will oversee the operations on Earth. Katie and Steve will remain as part of his team.”
“So, I’m being replaced?”
“Yes.”
“Am I being put out to pasture, or stud maybe? Or perhaps you have a special place in hell reserved for me this time?”
“Guerin, you have such an imagination. I admit, the special place in hell was my preference, but the Council overruled me. I hadn’t actually thought about putting you out to stud, but that could be quite profitable. Players in The Rebellion can earn significant credits, how shall we say, tutoring Guerin Zand.”
“Excuse me!”
“You were not aware of the credits involved, Guerin?”
“Wait a minute, Julie. You’re saying that women can score credits in the game by scoring with me?”
“Not just women, but yes. I’m surprised you haven’t even bothered to download the user’s guide for the game.” At this point, the crowd was having problems breathing because they were laughing so hard. This was turning into the Guerin Zand Roast.
I was changing into an alien shade of red at this point. “Well first off, no one even told me there was a user’s guide to download. So no, I am not familiar with the scoring system!” I gave Nancy a dirty look. How could she have not brought up any of this when describing the game to me? “But that’s not the point. How low will you pervs stoop to embarrass me? Were the fucking videos not enough?”
No one bothered to respond. The laughter was so intense it included alien versions of snorts and other obnoxious secondary laugh tracks. They all thought this was just hilarious. Is it any wonder I wanted to fuck up their universe?
“Prima? Seca? Please tell me you two aren’t players?”
Nancy stopped laughing briefly. “Are you kidding? There both in the top ten now thanks to you.”
I was, well, I don’t know how I was. I just wanted to run from this but something was stopping me. Perhaps this was Julie’s special place in hell and I had walked in voluntarily.
“Come on, Guerin.” Seca was taking pity on me. Maybe she thought she could score some more credits. “It was kind of fun.”
“Kind of fun? Was that the review you left on the game boards?” At this point, I thought I would need to go get my gun and shoot a few people at the table to get them all to stop laughing.
“Cindy? Have you been flirting with me to try and get game credits as well?”
“It’s a lot of credits, Guerin.” That wasn’t the answer I was hoping for from Cindy.
I looked next to me and even Milly, sitting within easy striking distance, was unable to control her laughter. I looked her in the eyes. “What? Did you get retroactive credits?” I was looking around for a lifeline and I couldn’t find one. Not even my little angel could stop laughing.
“You know what we call women who do that sort of thing for credits, don’t you?”
“Winners?”
“Et tu, Nancy?”
“It’s really, really, really, a lot of credits, Guerin.” She finally responded when she gained some form of self-control.
I looked over to Stella. “Seriously, now I’m pissed, Stella. You gave me shit about your daughter and she’s the one scheming to sully me! For game credits no less!”
I needed a drink, but the staff was laughing so hard I couldn’t get anyone’s attention. I stood up and went to the closest staff with a bottle of something strong and I yanked it out of her hands. I went back to my seat, filled my glass, and drank it down quickly while I waited for the ruckus to come to an end. It was a long wait.
Finally, Julie gathered herself enough to answer the question I had forgotten I asked. “The answer though, I mean to your original question, is no. Milly mentioned that you would like to take a break, tour the universe for a while. We are going to let you take that break.”
It took me a few seconds to rewind my mind to figure out exactly what was the question she just answered. “So, I can just go and bum around for as long as I like?”
“Well, you’re still responsible for Earth. Even though Roger is going to be running things down there, he will still need your help at times. We expect you to be available when necessary.”
“Do I get my own spaceship? I want something flashy, not like those shuttles. Slim, sleek, with wings so I can buzz through a planet’s atmosphere like a real asshole alien. Of course, I’ll need a portal drive, on top of a bitchin FTL drive. A large captain’s quarters. Real blasters, proton cannons, lasers, you know, ass-kickin stuff, and I’d like a decent ray gun with a holster. Oh, and a user’s manual would be nice.”
“Is that all?”
“Well, Julie, if you could swing it, a hot tub in the captain’s quarters would really be a plus. With all that time in space, a decent soak would help me to relax.”
Diane nodded in agreement. If you don’t get it, you probably haven’t got any of this so why are you still reading?
“The answer is no, sorry. We don’t have such a ship available. You’ll have to find your own way to get from place to place.”
“What about the ray gun?”
“No.”
“So, Julie, I do all of this for you guys and I ask for one measly spaceship and a ray gun, and you’re going to turn me down? Did I mention we saved the world?”
“Once or twice, Guerin, but the answer is still no.”
“Well, maybe I should look for a better bunch of aliens to hang around with. Ones who will appreciate me, and not make me the joke in some cosmic game.”
“Good luck with that, Guerin.”
The rest of the dinner went as expected. This dinner I wasn’t being evaluated, no this one was just to make fun of me and criticize me. I decided alcohol was my only refuge and I hunkered down in several bottles. The problem was, that after Julie’s upgrades, I couldn’t really get smashed anymore. I could feel the effect of drinking, but my body would metabolize the alcohol faster as the level of alcohol increased in my blood. It was like having a rev limiter built into your kidneys. I found that the only thing excessive drinking actually accomplished was making the hangover that much worse. I hadn’t yet come to grips with this new drinking problem I had. The urge to get drunker still forced me to drink more. It was a vicious circle that I happily joined on several occasions.
Milly took me back to my residence at the end of the night. She asked me to ask her in for a drink. That’s how I remember it, and it may sound just as confusing as it was. We headed over to the bar, Milly took a seat, and I went behind the bar to fix a few cocktails. I made us a couple of Manhattans, straight up, and it was a first for Milly.
“You do still know your tasty beverages, Guerin.”
“I used to be a semi-professional, Milly.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“The secret of a good Manhattan is to use just enough sweet vermouth to take the edge off the bourbon, but not drown out the flavor. Now some people will add a bit of the cherry juice, but that’s wrong. The cherry is just the garnish and you should save it for last. Let it absorb the whiskey and finish your drink by biting into this little treat. Then, if you’re at a bar trying to score, you can tie the cherry stem into a knot with your tongue to impress a potential mate.”
“And that worked for you, Guerin?”
“Who me? I never did that. I knew people who did though.”
Milly just smiled. “So what are your plans, Guerin?”
“Well, I’m really disappointed I’m not getting my spaceship and ray gun. That sort of ruined all of my plans.”
“Come on, Guerin. You can’t expect
me to believe you were serious about that.”
“Why not? The Great Wizard gave the rest of my team what they wanted and/or needed. Roger got his courage, Katie got a heart, and Steve got a brain.”
“More Wizard of Oz analogies, Guerin?”
“Well, it does seem appropriate.”
“Ok, then explain it to me, because I don’t see it. Are you comparing Roger to the cowardly lion? How does that fit?”
“Well, he is the lion of the group, but never had the courage to be honest about his feelings for Katie. You did notice the ring on her finger at dinner tonight, didn’t you?”
“Not really.”
“Well, it wasn’t there the other day. He asked her to marry him after meeting with the Council.”
“Ok. I’ll give you that one, maybe. I mean it’s a bit of a stretch.”
“Katie was a bit of an ice queen, but she obviously accepted Roger’s proposal. She has a heart now.”
“Not buying it.”
“Oh come on, Milly. It’s obvious. Steve never had the mind for any of the science or technology involved at NFT. Now with his upgrades, he can understand it all if he wants. He got a brain.”
“What about Diane, Guerin?”
“An anomaly. I wouldn’t worry too much about her. She’s like one of the munchkins, or maybe Toto, I guess.”
We both laughed. “So that makes you, Dorothy?”
“If the ruby red slipper fits, right?”
“So you represent the innocent little Dorothy. I just have to hear you explain how that’s the case.”
“Well, I was just an innocent human swept up off Earth and taken far away from my home. The ruby red slippers can be seen as my soul, and the only way the Wicked Witch of the West can get my slippers is to kill me, and she’s tried. The only way I’ll be safe is if I kill her before she kills me. And, just like Dorothy, all I wanted was a ride, and I didn’t get it.”
We both started laughing. Milly knew I had her. Monkey logic just was so superior to alien logic it seemed to baffle them.
“So does that make me Glinda, the Good Witch of the South?”
“I think that might be stretching it a bit.” I smiled at Milly and she pouted.
“Why is it that you always make these analogies between fictional stories and reality, Guerin? Why can’t you just see things for what they are.”
“What are these things really, Milly? I think that all the stories we’ve heard do explain specific parts of our reality. All things have been written about and seen before. Sure, we can change the characters, the background scenery, but the story remains the same. If you can see that, perhaps you can see what’s coming next.”
“So the Wizard of Oz is a prophetic text?”
“You mock me because you have no argument. You know I’m right.”
“We don’t argue with you, Guerin, because it would be pointless.”
“Exactly. Because I’m right.”
Milly just sighed. She finished her drink, ate the cherry, and tied the cherry stem into a figure eight knot just to show off. Fucking aliens! I made us a couple of more drinks.
“So, are you not going to answer my question?”
“What question was that?”
“About your plans?”
“I don’t know. Once I have Maria settled, I’ll figure it out.”
“Why is she so hostile towards me?”
“Well, everyone needs a good villain. I have Julie, and I guess Maria has you now.”
“That’s not an explanation.”
“Yes, it is. In case you haven’t noticed, her life has just been destroyed. She lost her mother and she thinks you’re trying to replace her. She knows our story and how I felt about you.”
“You don’t feel that way anymore?”
“Milly, you’ll always be a part of me, but things are different now. Maria saw the effect seeing you had on me. How do you think it looks to her? Her mother is gone and my ex all of a sudden pops back into my life.”
“I guess. I don’t mean to come across that way, but you have to know I missed you. I’m sure you have mixed feelings about why I left you, but it wasn’t what I wanted either. Is it so wrong of me to want to spend a little time with you while we have the chance?”
“No, but do you always have to look so beautiful?”
Milly smiled. “I should be going. I hope we can spend some more time together before I have to leave.”
We started to walk towards the front entrance. “You’re leaving? When?”
“I’ll be taking Maria and Sid to the station where I am currently assigned. I’ll be looking after her for you to start with. I’m hoping we can get past her anger.”
I walked her out the front door to the transport pad that was waiting. Milly kissed me on the cheek gently and then placed her hand on the other cheek. “Goodnight, Guerin.”
“Goodnight, Milly.”
I watched as she flew off. How had things gotten so fucked up in my life?
Chapter 29
Down Time
The twins came by to get me out of bed the next morning with some spiced buns and coffee. I’m sure the two of them just figured they could score a few more credits without much effort. I was supposed to be on vacation now and the last thing I needed was to be used by a couple of aliens playing games. I got up and had breakfast with them in the kitchen, then sent them on their way. I made up some lame excuse and it was probably even lamer then I thought. The twins saw it for what it was but didn’t push it. I sat in my quarters the rest of the morning and just started writing again. It had been a long time since I worked on the second book and a lot of things happened that I needed to write about.
I went down with my daughter to meet the rest of the team for lunch at the food court. I hadn’t been to the food court since I got to the ship. The twins were bringing me breakfast, and since my quarters had a kitchen and a replicator, I spent most meals there. It was really amazing the difference I saw. There were a lot of young people playing around on their hoverboards in the open green area, and a lot of people were wearing clothes that weren’t onesies. It was an entirely different atmosphere down there, and I liked it. I found a new place to eat, Earth Burgers, and it was just like it sounded. I grabbed a double cheeseburger, chili cheese fries, and a chocolate malt. Maria found a salad, of course.
We found the team already enjoying their lunch and we joined them.
“Roger, have you guys already been through medical for your upgrades?”
“No. We’re scheduled for that tomorrow. How do you feel about being replaced? You didn’t really say much about it at dinner last night.”
“I’m not really sure what that means. According to Milly and Julie, I’m still the emissary and I’m supposedly the one to make the final decisions. How can I do that if I’m not involved? It doesn’t make sense, so there is obviously something else they have in store for me. They just don’t want to tell me. I was surprised that you would agree to that though. I would have thought that you’d had enough after what happened.”
“We agreed because they wanted to give you a break. I think they feel bad for what happened to Anna and are trying to make it up to you.”
“Still, I would think knowing what happened to Anna would make you even less likely to agree to their request. Especially now.”
“What do you mean by that, Guerin?” Katie asked.
“I noticed that big rock on your hand, congratulations by the way. Don’t the two of you want to have time together without all of this nonsense?”
Roger smiled. “Thanks, Guerin. I don’t think it’s going to be like it was for you. Things are different on Earth now. We have permission to bring on some new team members, so we won’t have to do it all and we don’t have to start from scratch like you did.”
“What are your plans, Steve? I heard you’re staying on, but what is your job going to be?”
“Well, Jackie will be coming to Earth with us. She’s going to fill in for Diane wh
ile she’s gone. Being a Bree, she can pass for human without a problem. I’ll be working security as well, but now, with the Moon and Mars projects, I’ll be getting to spend time off planet a lot. I always wanted to be an astronaut so I’m looking forward to that. From the security aspect, this opens up a whole new can of worms we’ll have to learn to deal with.”
“Well, I’m glad for you, Steve.”
Roger looked at me. There seemed to be a sadness in his look. “What about you, Guerin?”
“Like I said, I’m not sure what their plans are for me. I have something I need to do, and after that, I’ll see what happens.”
“Care to share what that thing you need to do is with the rest of us?”
I ignored Roger’s question and took another bite of my burger. I looked up at Katie and smiled. I hoped she hadn’t shared with Roger what I had planned. It’s not that I didn’t trust Roger. He might try and talk me out of it though. The one thing I didn’t want to do is discuss it with anyone. I didn’t want anyone else to be held responsible for what I was going to do. I was sure when I did what I had planned, the aliens would be furious. I didn’t care, but I didn’t want them to blame anyone else. I was glad that Roger was taking over on Earth. It meant that whatever I did wouldn’t affect what we needed to accomplish back home.
Prima and Seca found us and joined us at the table. A few minutes later Nancy showed up as well.
“So, did you have a good breakfast with the twins this morning.” Katie was changing the subject for me. Of course, she was also having fun doing it.
“I guess. It was just breakfast.”
Prima who was sitting next to me gave me a sexy grin. I shrugged it off. Seca decided an insult was the best response.
“He had some performance issues.” The table burst out in laughter.
“I did not! We didn’t do anything but talk and have breakfast.”
“Exactly. You failed to perform.”
“Very funny, Seca. You’re just mad because I wouldn’t help you score more game credits. Really, I’m disappointed in both of you. How could you use me like that?”
