by J. S. Cooper
“I guess we can’t do it anymore, huh?” I muttered regretfully as I felt myself growing hard against her.
“Huh?” She looked confused.
“Now that you’re pregnant?”
“Oh, you goof, of course, we can.” She laughed, and I watched as she pulled her sweater off and threw it on the ground. “Get your clothes off, Carter.” She winked at me and wiggled on the couch as she started taking her jeans off. I reached for my T-shirt and started pulling it off, and as I gazed at her giggling on the couch it suddenly hit me that I loved this woman, and it was at that moment that I started to feel even more scared.
Lila
“I Don’t Love You Much Do I?”
Beep beep. My phone made the familiar noise that alerted me to the fact that I had a text message. I smiled when I saw Carter’s name on the screen. Maybe he missed me like I was missing him. We’d been texting back and forth every day but hadn’t really said much asides from checking up on each other’s days. I’d been in Iowa for a week now, and my parents were driving me crazy. They had been shocked to hear that I was pregnant and not engaged and had been spending the last couple of days trying to convince me why I should just stay in Iowa and not even go back to New York; even trying to say that my Uncle Robert could drive to the city in his truck and pick up my stuff to bring back to Des Moines. I was ready to leave, but I still needed to figure out what do without Carter right there in my head. Not that he wasn’t in my head still, but at least he wasn’t there in my bed every night. The lines had become so blurred between us that I wasn’t even sure what to think or feel anymore. I unlocked my phone screen to see what Carter had to say.
“Hey, where are you?”
“I’m at the park. Why?”
“I saw your post on Instagram.”
“Yeah and?”
“It was of your dog with his head out of the window and I was wondering how you took the photo if you were driving?” I could feel my face starting to heat up. Was he about to tell me off again? I couldn’t believe how bossy and controlling he was, mostly because he hadn’t been that way at all when we’d first met. He’d been so carefree and light as if nothing could ever bother him. Now I felt like he was my dad. In fact, he was worse than my dad had ever been. It seemed he was always on my ass about something.
“Yeah, it was my parents, dog, Dumbo? I took him to the park.”
“Did you take the photo while at a light?”
“Sorry, what?”
“The photo looked like the car was moving.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t drive and text.”
“I wasn’t texting.”
“Don’t drive and take photos.”
“Okay.” I rolled my eyes at his text. I hadn’t actually been moving when I’d taken the photo as I’d been at a red light.
“You have to be responsible now, Lila.”
“I have to be responsible?” My jaw dropped as I read his text message. Was he for real? Mr. I gave up my job to make it as a musician? Granted he hadn’t known he was going to be a father at that point and really it wasn’t like I wanted him to have to work a job he hated just because we hadn’t practiced safe sex, but he made like no money now. Not that I needed his money, but still. Ugh, it was all so frustrating and aggravating.
“When are you back?”
“Next week.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“There are some things we need to discuss.”
“Oh?”
“I think we should move in together while we try to figure out what’s best for the baby.”
“Live together? The baby isn’t even here yet.”
“I think it’s for the best.”
“Carter . . .” I didn’t even know what else to say. Had he lost his mind? He wanted us to live together. I felt a little thrill at the thought, but it wasn’t practical for us to live together or smart. Hadn’t he said he didn’t want to get married just because we were having a baby? How was living together much better?
“I’ll pick you up at the airport and we can discuss further. Send me your flight info.”
“I don’t need you to pick me up.”
“Send it to me, Lila or I will come to Iowa and pick you up there. Talk soon.”
And with that. I knew he wasn’t going to be responding to any more of my texts that day even though he was the one that had initiated the whole conversation. Carter had a way of backing off and ignoring me when he was mad at me or didn’t get his way. It was one of his most annoying habits, and I didn’t really understand why he thought it was okay to just ignore me when he was frustrated with me. It was like he was trying to punish me for my behavior because he knew how much I hated being ignored. I’d have to speak to him about it when I got back. I hadn’t wanted to in the beginning because, well; I hadn’t wanted to be one of those women that was all demanding and complaining; especially when we hadn’t even been in a real relationship, but now it was getting ridiculous. And while we still technically weren’t in a relationship, I didn’t know what we were. We were about to have a child together, and we needed to have much more open communication and not just in the bedroom. In the bedroom, we had no problems at all. In the bedroom we were dynamite. It was weird how neither one of us had any reservations in the bedroom; especially me. I’d never been able to tell a man what I wanted him to do so easily and so casually before. Maybe it was because I wasn’t trying to impress Carter in the bedroom, or maybe it was because I’d gone into this knowing it was going to be a fling. Whatever it was we’d gelled immediately. Our bodies were almost made for each other. It was like we were out of our own heads when we made love. We were so caught up in the ecstasy of the moment that nothing else really mattered. But then again that ecstasy had gotten us into the place we were now.
“He is so bossy and arrogant. He thinks he can just tell me what to do,” I mumbled to myself as I looked around for Dumbo. “Come on, Dumbo, we have to go home.” Dumbo looked at me from about five yards away and then ran in the opposite direction to go and play with some other dogs. Typical Dumbo, I thought. He loved the dog park, and it was always a hassle getting him to leave. He reminded me a little bit of Carter in that they were both stubborn and set in their ways. It made me worry that our baby would be like that; totally wanting his or her own way all the time. Oh God, I didn’t know what I would do if our baby turned out to be as stubborn and boorish as Carter. I didn’t know how I’d cope. For a few seconds, I thought about a little baby boy or girl giving me the obstinate look that Carter sometimes did and I groaned, and then something in me started to warm. Our baby would be cute, even with the obstinate face. I hoped our baby would have his big blue eyes. I loved Carter’s eyes. There was something so dreamy and teasing about them. And even though I’d always thought blue eyes could be so cold at times, his eyes were always warm and welcoming. I always felt at home when I looked into Carter’s eyes. I always felt at ease.
He was so dreamy when he wasn’t being an arrogant bossy boots. My heart melted when I thought about us having a baby together and him holding her. He’d make a good dad, I thought. He was loving and caring and protective, and he would love our baby. I knew that without a doubt. He’d already bought the baby a toy. That made me laugh.
I knew he was scared because I was scared as well, but I knew in my heart that he would make the best dad. I cradled my stomach for a few seconds, feeling slightly stupid, because I wasn’t showing at all and my baby was likely the size of a peanut or something right now, but there was a life growing inside of me and it made me happy. I realized then that I was happy to be having this baby. I could do this. No matter what happened with Carter, I could do this. And it was at that moment that I knew that I wanted more. I wanted us to be a family. I was in love with Carter Stevens, flaws and all, and that scared me because I had no idea what was going to happen. We barely knew each other, but we were going to have a baby. I knew that I would move in with him. It would be a test t
o see if we could be together. It would be a test to see if he could fall in love with me as well.
“I don’t love you much do I, just more than human tongue can tell that’s all,” I sang a Guy Clarke song that my grandad had always sung to my grandmother. It had always made me feel weepy because he had loved her so much. That was what I wanted for Carter and me. That was what I wanted for our baby. I wanted us to be a happy family. I wanted us to be deeply in love. I wanted him to not be able to imagine his life without me. I wanted the picture-perfect family, and I wanted it with him. I smiled to myself as I thought about the hot sex that we had. I wanted that to remain as well. I wanted us to still keep our adventurous side. I wanted to explore my wild side with him. I laughed to myself as I realized that I was totally losing my mind.
“Dumbo, come on, we have to go,” I shouted to the dog that was staring at me from across the park. He knew I wanted to leave, and he knew he was in trouble for not listening to me, but he still didn’t care. I ran across the park to catch up to him. “Dumbo, come on,” I shouted as I reached him, and then he started dodging and darting as he ran toward me and away again, his tongue hanging out, happy at the game he thought we were playing. “Dumbo, you have five seconds.” I stopped still and raised my voice. Finally, he came running up to me with his tail wagging. I quickly released him and gave him a treat. “Come on, boy. It’s time to go home,” I said as I headed toward my car with a smile on my face. I put him in the back seat and then checked my phone quickly before I turned the ignition.
“Didn’t mean to be bossy. I miss you. Text me your flight details, please. Have a great time in Iowa, and I can’t wait to see you.” I smiled at the text from Carter. Oh, how I was falling for this man. I was about to put the phone back in my bag when another text came through.
“Can’t wait to kiss you and make love to you again. It feels weird sleeping without you. :P.” The last text made my heart melt. Maybe there was hope after all. If he missed me, it had to mean something.
Carter
“You Can Find Me in The Club”
“Don’t mess this up, big brother,” Danielle lectured me as I walked into the airport. “I absolutely cannot believe you guys are pregnant.”
“It’s not like we planned it.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that this would be anything any two people would plan after having known each other a little over a month.”
I didn’t bother to correct her and tell her we hadn’t even known each other a month before we got pregnant. I mean, we had known each other over a month when we’d found out, but we’d gotten pregnant earlier than that. I almost couldn’t believe it myself. It was quite possibly the most irresponsible I’d ever been.
“Are you listening to me, Carter?” Danielle started lecturing me and I wanted to tell her that it was her bossiness that most probably was making her fail in the relationship department. It was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black and I also didn’t want her to be mad with me. I needed her in my court right now.
“I’m listening. Look I’m walking into La Guardia now. We’ll see you when we get back, okay?”
“Okay,” she said sounding amused. “Who would have thought my big brother would finally be growing up?”
“Whatever,” I said, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “You’re a brat.”
“Whatever, doofus. Give Lila my love and see you guys soon,” she said and then hung up. I smiled at the phone and then looked to see if I had any texts. I didn’t want Lila to think that I wasn’t coming if she’d texted me or something, but there were no missed texts.
I walked toward the arrival gates feeling excited. I hadn’t seen Lila in a little over two weeks, and I missed her more than I’d thought would be possible in such a short time frame. She had been in my dreams and in my mind most of my waking moments and even performing shows hadn’t felt the same without her there. It wasn’t just because she wasn’t there; it was because I knew she also wouldn’t be home waiting for me when my night was over. It had been nice having someone to go back to at the end of a gig. Especially, someone like Lila that was so supportive and sexy.
I stood waiting at the arrival gate anxiously. I didn’t know where her mind was at. We hadn’t spoken in the last week at all. She’d asked me to not contact her after she’d sent her flight information. She said she had needed some time to think about things, and that was difficult with me being in contact with her. I didn’t understand or like it and had started to contact her several times, but I’d stopped myself. I wanted to respect her wishes, and I also felt that maybe she’d been smart to say that we should have a little bit of distance.
People started to walk out of the gate, and I put my phone in my back pocket. I held up the sign I’d made on a white piece of cardboard. It read, “I met you, and you met me, little did we know, we’d create a baby.” I knew it was corny, but I wanted her to laugh when she saw me. I wanted her to seriously consider living with me. I knew it was a big step, and I knew that it was something that ruined better relationships than ours, but I figured it would be the best way to really get to know each other and figure out what we were going to do once the baby came.
“Carter.” Lila walked toward me rolling her red suitcase and smiled. She looked at the sign and laughed as she stopped in front of me. I put the sign down and gave her a huge hug, holding her tight to me.
“Hey you,” I said and kissed her cheek.
“Hey you,” she said and laughed again rubbing the side of my face. “I like the facial hair,” she said as she ran her fingers along my newly grown beard. “Sexy.”
“I’m glad you think so.” I took the suitcase from her and walked toward the exit. “Let’s just get a yellow cab home. We would have to go to another terminal for the Uber and that’s just too much bother.”
“We don’t have to do that.” She shook her head. “We can take public transportation. It’s much cheaper.”
“We’re not taking buses and trains home.” I frowned. “It’s too much, and I’d rather we take a cab.”
“Fine,” she said, and she just looked ahead.
“What?” She looked like she was annoyed with me, and I had no idea why.
“We shouldn’t be wasting money. And I don’t want you wasting your money getting cabs when you don’t even have a job anymore.”
“I’m not a broke-ass, Lila. I have savings, and I’ve already got a new gig signed up,” I said as I stopped to look at her seriously. “You don’t have to worry about me having enough money.”
“What’s the gig?” she asked, looking at me curiously. I hadn’t wanted to tell her just yet, but I guess there was no time like the present.
“Harley knows this manager guy Carlos, and he talked to the guys at Universal and they’ve offered us a two-month gig to play shows in Canada and parts of the States. They’re going to pay us forty thousand dollars each.”
“Whoa, what?” Her eyes widened, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Wow, that’s amazing. What parts of the States?”
“Mainly in the South and the Midwest. They have the best test markets for new rock bands, supposedly,” I said. “We wouldn’t have any shows in New York.”
“Oh.”
“We’d be leaving in a month.”
“Oh.” She licked her lips, and her eyes looked away from mine. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking and feeling. I wanted to know if she was happy for me, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if she thought I was deserting her.
“It’s a really good opportunity. If it goes well, we could book gigs in Europe as an opening act for some big bands, maybe even The Rolling Stones.”
“Europe, huh?” She looked back at me and smiled. “That’s really awesome. Congrats.”
“Obviously, this would complicate things a bit.” I sighed. I wanted to ask her if she would tour with me, but I didn’t even know if that would be feasible. She had a job, and she was pregnant. Why would she come with me? Especiall
y because I still didn’t know what I wanted.
“No, why would it?” she said. Her voice sounded higher than normal, and I stopped to stare at her properly. Her eyes were wide, and she looked like she was about to cry. My heart stopped for a moment, and I wondered what was wrong.
“Are you okay?” I asked her softly, my heart thudding. She didn’t look like she was happy. Maybe she had decided in the week that we hadn’t seen each other that she no longer wanted to be with me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” She shook her head. “Nothing at all. So when do you go?”
“We haven’t signed the contract yet? We’re still waiting on a few things to be ironed out. It might not even go through,” I said grabbing her hand. “The music business is crazy. One day you’re hot, and one day you’re not.”
“You guys will never be not hot,” she said, her voice soft. “You’re all very talented.”
“Thanks, Lila,” I said as we waited in line for the yellow taxi. “So have you given any thought to us living together?” I asked. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with a plan.”
“Let’s talk about it later,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “I think we have a lot to talk about.”
“We’re going out tonight, Lila. You and me. We’re going to dance and have fun and catch up.” Danielle hugged Lila close as she walked into the apartment. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Lila laughed, and we all headed back to the living room. “You have to tell me all about London, and the job, and that guy you sent me the photo of. What happened with him?”
“Oh my God, he was a loser. You will not believe what happened.” Danielle groaned. “I thought he was going to be this charming English polite gentleman, but no he was this weird-ass guy with a foot fetish, and he wanted me to dress up in diapers.”
“No way.” Lila burst out laughing. “Baby diapers?”
