by J. S. Cooper
“It’s only because he loves her.” Danielle spoke up for her brother.
“He doesn’t love me.” I shook my head vehemently, slightly sad at that fact. I wished he loved me, but there was no way he did. Hadn’t he just told me he didn’t want to marry me? My heart was still aching from hurt by that comment.
“Trust me, he does.” Danielle rubbed my shoulder. “He might not know it yet, but I see the way he looks at you. He loves you.” She smiled at me. “He’s a big doofus that’s never had to deal with emotions before. He’ll get it. Eventually. I hope.”
“I hope so.” Dante looked doubtful. “How are you feeling about it all?” he asked me softly, his face concerned. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah.” I nodded and gave him a quick smile. “I’m good. Really good. My parents aren’t super happy that I’m going to be an unwed mother, but they are still supporting me.” I rubbed his shoulder. “Thanks for asking.”
“Let’s get lunch next week,” Dante said. “We can talk more then.”
“Sounds good.” I smiled at him. “Are you guys still getting a drink?”
“Yeah, you guys wanna do it?” Dante asked his cousins. Blake looked slightly bored as he stood there, but Steele was grinning from ear to ear as he chatted with Danielle.
“Hello, drinks on me. Follow me, guys.” Steele headed toward the side of the club, and we all followed him. I was slightly taken aback that the plan for the night had changed. I wasn’t sure how much dancing we would end up doing, but I knew from our talk at dinner that Danielle was sad that she hadn’t gotten to meet anyone special recently. I would let her have the evening to flirt with Steele. I didn’t need to dance up a storm.
“You’re home.” Carter opened the door for me as I fiddled with my keys. He was beaming at me through sleepy eyes, and my heart expanded with love for him. I reached over and ran my hands through his hair as I walked through the door.
“What are you doing up? It’s late,” I said as I closed the door behind me and slipped off my heels. “Ugh, my feet are killing me.”
“It’s only three a.m.” He looked at his watch. “Tsk, Tsk, Cinderella, you’re back late.”
“I was out dancing with my Prince Charming, ugly stepsister.”
“Oh yeah?” His eyes glittered as he pulled me toward him. “So who was there tonight?”
“It was just me and Danielle,” I lied, feeling guilty, but not wanting to have to get into any arguments related to Dante again. “We had a delicious sushi dinner and then went dancing.”
“You guys were dancing all night long?” He looked impressed. “With each other or . . .?”
“Carter, really?” I leaned forward and kissed him. “I didn’t do anything with any other guys. Even though we aren’t really defined as anything, anyway,” I said pointedly.
“I know.” He ran his hands through my hair. “You sure look sexy,” he said and then yawned widely.
“You sure look sexy too, sleepyhead.” I giggled as I took a hold of his hand. “Let’s go to bed and get some sleep.”
“I wanted to . . .” He started, and I cut him off.
“You really have the energy for sex right now, Carter?”
“Someone’s making an assumption,” he said as he lightly tapped my ass. “I was going to say I wanted to talk.”
“Oh, okay.” I laughed and pulled my dress off as we walked into my bedroom. “Shoot,” I said as I turned around to face him.
“I’m oddly turned on right now,” he said. “That’s a very hot see-through bra and those panties, mmm.” He licked his lips. “Hello, Granny.”
“Carter.” I smacked him on the arm. “You’re horrible.”
“I know.” He bit down on his lower lip and smiled. “Come to bed.”
“Hold on.” I removed my bra, and I heard his audible intake of breath as he stared at my naked breasts. I loved the way he reacted to my naked body. It made me feel so sexy and seductive. “Put your hands up,” I said, and he did so without answering as I pulled his T-shirt off. I then put it on and clambered to the bed.
“No fair,” he said as he followed me. “I thought we were both going to be topless.”
“I guess you thought wrong then, sucker.” I laughed.
“I still win though.” He grinned at me as we climbed under the sheets. “You look sexy as hell in my T-shirt.”
“Uh-huh.” I blushed as he stared at me with a long intense look of desire.
“Come here.” He pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head against his chest as we lay back. “I really, really missed you while you were gone. I’m so happy you’re back.”
“I’m happy to be back too,” I said softly, my heart filling with love for him. I wanted to be able to tell him how much I adored him, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment.
“So, I guess I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to tell you that I know I’m probably not your first choice to be a father to your child, but I will do my best to be the best dad possible. This is all really new to me, and I don’t really know what I’m meant to say and do. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship before, and I obviously have no kids, so this is all a learning experience for me. I want to be the best man I can be for you, Lila, but I also don’t know what that means in terms of what I can give. I want to be honest with you because you’re really special to me. I just want us to take this day by day. Is that okay?” His voice was serious and sincere, and I knew that he must have spent the whole night thinking about what to say. His words touched me, but I was saddened but what he’d said. It wasn’t good enough for me. I didn’t want to take it day by day. But I knew I couldn’t push him for more. This had been my own fault for getting involved with someone I knew was a playboy and not looking for a committed relationship. I’d thought I’d just wanted to have some fun as well, but I should have known better. I’d never been the sort of girl that could just hook up and not develop feelings. And now this is where I was, pregnant by a man I loved who didn’t really know what he wanted from me.
“I understand where you’re coming from, Carter,” I said softly, and he kissed the top of my head. “I’m really tired now though, do you mind if we talk tomorrow?” I faked a long and tired yawn and closed my eyes to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.
“Okay, darling,” he whispered and kissed my forehead. “Sweet dreams.”
“Night, Carter,” I whispered back, and my hand stroked the side of his arm as I drifted off to sleep. I breathed in his natural body odor, and I felt myself calming as I drifted off to sleep. There was nothing I could do to make him love me as I loved him, but maybe this could be enough for me.
Carter
“Perfect”
Lila’s body felt warm next to mine while I held her close to me as she slept, watching her face as she dreamed dreams that I could only guess about. She moved slightly, and her leg moved over mine as she turned over, her hair now covering her face. I moved her hair back slightly so that I could see her features. She was beautiful, and my heart pounded as I lightly traced the curve of her nose and then ran my fingers across her silky eyebrows. It was 6:00 a.m. and I was wide awake, but I didn’t want to move. I loved these moments when I awoke early and was able to just hold her and be with her. A part of me felt like it was creepy to just watch someone as they slept, but I dismissed it. I’d never had this feeling before. I’d never just yearned for someone with my whole being. I’d never felt so whole just being with another person.
I reached for my phone so that I could check my emails while she slept and decided to go on Instagram. I clicked on Danielle’s profile to see if she’d taken any pics from the night before, and my face froze as I saw the latest upload on the screen. It was a photo of Danielle, Lila, Dante, and two guys I didn’t know. I could feel anger boiling inside of me. Had this been the plan all along? Why hadn’t Lila told me Dante was going to be there? She’d told me it was just the two of them. Jealousy stirred in me as I noticed that Dante’s hand was aroun
d her waist and both of them were beaming at the camera. It looked like they’d had a great night. She looked stunning in her black dress, and she looked happy.
She’d been happy to go out without me, while I’d been sitting at home waiting for her. I was about to shake her awake to confront her about the lie, but then it struck me that maybe she didn’t know how to tell me. After all, we had both gone into this thinking that it was going to be a one-night stand. A fling of sorts. I’d made it very clear that I hadn’t wanted anything more, so did she really owe me an explanation if she was also dating Dante? I knew that I couldn’t confront her. I didn’t want to upset her again, and I didn’t want her to think that I was changing the tenets of our agreement. But that didn’t stop me from speaking to Dante. I decided that I needed to talk to him man-to-man and figure out what was going on. He looked like the sort of guy that would be straight to the point and that was what I needed right now. I needed to know where I stood. I needed to know what the situation between them really was.
I looked for her law firm online and searched for his name in the practicing attorneys section of the site. Dante Vanderbilt popped up, and I recognized his face right away. Smug bastard. Litigation partner. Of course. I tried to suppress my anger as I copied his email address. I couldn’t be rude in my email to him. I had to be polite. My grandma always used to say, “You catch more flies with honey.” I sent him a quick email and asked him if he would be free to meet for a drink later that day or the next. I needed to talk to him soon, and I needed to do it before I made any decisions regarding the band touring.
I had another email from Harley and Carlos saying that I had forty-eight hours to sign the contract or the music execs were going to sign another up-and-coming band for the tour. I didn’t know what to do. I had so much doubt about going. I had so much doubt about staying. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I shifted Lila in the bed and slid out of the sheets. I needed to have a shower. My heart was still racing from the photo I’d seen. I was scared to find out the truth. I was scared that she didn’t want more. All this time, I’d been thinking that she had somehow trapped me. But maybe it was me that had trapped her, maybe this was something she hadn’t wanted at all. Maybe I had ruined her life by impregnating her. I hadn’t considered that before, but maybe instead of her having turned my life upside down, I’d turned hers on its tail.
“You’re up,” I said as a sleepy-looking Lila walked into the living room.
“Barely.” She yawned and smiled. “I’m hungry.” She rubbed her stomach. “I need lots of food. I’m eating for two now.”
“So then you shall have lots of food.” I grinned. “Wanna go to brunch? I know this cool place called Sweet Chick. It’s not far from here. I’ve been a couple of times with Danielle. I think you’ll like it.”
“Oh, I know it. It’s yummy. Yes, let’s go. I’ll go change.” She beamed and then hurried out of the room. I watched as she walked down the hallway, and I wanted to call out to her.
“Why did you lie?”
“Oh, man, I want the fried chicken and waffles, and I want the breakfast burrito, and I want the ricotta pancakes.” Lila licked her lips. “I’m so hungry if you couldn’t tell.”
“I could tell. Just a little bit.” I grinned at her. “I have an idea.”
“What?” She drank some of her Arnold Palmer, her eyes bright as she gazed at me.
“You get the fried chicken and waffles, I’ll get the breakfast burrito and we can split them. And then we can get the pancakes on the side and share.”
“Oh my God, I love you.” She grinned at me excitedly. “That is the perfect plan.” She reached her hand forward and squeezed mine, and my heart jumped into my throat. I wanted to tell her that I loved her as well, but I knew my declaration had nothing to do with food.
“We’re going to be so full when we’re done.” I added some milk to my coffee. “We should do something afterward.”
“I was planning on going to a bookstore to go get some baby books, if you want to come?” she said and then looked down. “I mean, you don’t have to . . .”
“No, I want to come. That’ll be fun.” I don’t know why I said it would be fun. Buying baby books didn’t seem fun in and of itself, but just being with Lila was enough for me to be happy. “And then maybe we can go to Prospect Park?”
“Yeah.” She nodded eagerly. “I have a frisbee. We could throw that.”
“Perfect,” I said. “That sounds perfect.”
“These are the books I think we should get,” Lila said as she handed me a stack of about ten books.
“Whaaaa?” I held onto the books tightly. “All of these? Really? Are you sure?”
“We want to be prepared, right? I mean, neither one of us really knows anything about babies.”
“Yeah, but all these books?” I was starting to wonder when I was going to have time to practice and do my music.
“Well, my doctor said I should go to prenatal classes, and maybe you can come along to some if you want . . .” Her voice trailed off, and suddenly she looked unsure of herself. “I mean, you don’t have to or anything. I was just thinking that perhaps you might want to come along, if you have time, and if you don’t end up getting the contract to go to Canada.”
“Yeah, that sounds cool.” I rubbed her back. “Anything I can do, Lila,” I said, wanting to ask her if she hated me for getting her pregnant. “I’m sorry, by the way.”
“Sorry for what?” She looked at me with a confused expression. “What did you do?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t?”
“You know.” I looked at her belly and then she burst out laughing.
“Oh, Carter.” She just shook her head. “Come on, let’s go and pay.”
“Okay.” I followed behind her to the cash register and then felt someone tapping me on the shoulder.
“Oh my God, oh my God, are you Carter Stevens? The Carter Stevens!” A young kid about nineteen was standing behind me. “Oh shit, man, can I get a photo for my Insta?”
“Um sure.”
“Damn, my friends are not going to believe it. I love The Bedroom Rockers.” He grinned. “Sorry, I know I’m being so uncool right now, but you’re so big in Toronto.”
“Oh, you’re from Canada?” I smiled back at the kid. “That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, my friends and I listen to underground rock bands, and we stream all your stuff on Spotify. That last album man, so cool. That’s why I love indie bands. You guys can do what you want.”
“Thanks, man. Yeah, we’re actually thinking about signing with a label. We might even be touring in Canada soon.”
“No fucking way. That would be awesome.”
“Yeah, it would be. I’m just deciding whether or not to sign the contract.” And as I said the words, I realized that Lila was standing right next to me and was listening to everything I was saying as was evidenced by the distraught expression on her face.
“Cool, man.” The guy stood next to me and put his phone up to take a selfie of the two of us. “Wait until I tell my friends,” he said and then walked away.
“Looks like you have a lot of international fans,” Lila said in a stiff voice.
“Yeah, looks like it.”
“So you’re deciding if you want to sign the contract? You’re not waiting for them to send you the contract?” Busted!
“Well, I . . .” My voice drifted off as she gave me a stern do not lie to me face. Damn, I’d never seen that expression on her face before. “Yes.”
“So you can go. You have the contract?”
“I don’t know if this is what I should be doing right now.” I nodded toward the baby books, and she sighed.
“No, Carter, you do not not go because of this baby. This is your dream. This has always been your dream. You have to go.”
“I don’t want you to feel abandoned,” I said earnestly. “I don’t want you to think I hit it and quit, and now you’re pregnant and well, I just don
’t want to walk away. I like you a lot, I even lo . . . I even think that this could be something special, and I don’t want to lose that by going on this tour.”
“Listen to me, Carter, you’re going on that tour, even if I have to forge your signature on the paperwork. And then they’ll send me to jail, and our baby will be born behind bars. Do you want that? Do you want a jailbird baby?”
“Not really.” I laughed ruefully. “But I still don’t think that . . .”
“Sh.” She put a finger on my lips. “This is an amazing opportunity. Go. If I didn’t have to work, and if I wasn’t a lawyer, I would jump to be in your shoes.”
“You would go if you were me?”
“In a heartbeat.” She leaned forward and kissed me. “You have to do this, Carter. I would never forgive myself if you didn’t go. Pursue your dreams. I will still be here. I promise.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. You’re so talented and amazing, you have to share your music with more people.” She nodded solemnly and my heart melted at the kind and loving words. She was so amazing and wonderful. I could barely believe she was real.
“Ooh, it’s Ed Sheeran,” Lila exclaimed gleefully as music started playing from the speakers in the store. “I love this song. I think it’s called, ‘Perfect’.”
“Oh God, here we go,” I groaned as the song started playing, but I grinned to myself; this was how I knew she was real. If she were a figment of my imagination, she wouldn’t be listening to and enjoying Ed Sheeran. However, as I listened to the lyrics, I realized that this was one song that actually made sense to how I felt right now. Ed’s lyrics were exactly how I felt at that moment, “I found a woman stronger than anyone I know, she shares my dreams, I hope someday that she shares my home.” I knew how he felt. I loved Lila. I knew that as sure as I knew anything. I wanted to live with her. I just didn’t know what was next. And I didn’t know what she wanted. I was going to meet up with Dante later that evening, and once I’d spoken to him I would figure out what my next step would be.
