Valentine Night
Donovan entered the house slamming the door behind him, he went down the basement stairs like an out of control madman. After locating his suitcase, he ran back up the steps to the Massa bedroom. He yanked the closet door open and began pulling out his clothes, he haphazardly stuffed them into the suitcase. Theenda, quietly, stood in the doorway and watched as silent tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. She whispered, “I'm sorry.”
She turned and left. As she was going down the steps, Donovan yelled, “why an abortion?! Why the coward way out?”
Theenda continued down the stairs without saying a word, Donovan insisted on getting an answer, he yelled even louder, “why an abortion Theenda?!”
She went into the living room, Donovan was close on her heel, when she stopped walking, he bumped into her almost knocking her down and falling himself, he grabbed her arms, spun her around, he stood close to her and yelled, “why?!”
Theenda whimpered softly, “have a seat, I'll tell you why.”
Donovan sat in his favorite chair, he looked around the expensively furnished room, he remembered picking the couch and love seat out with her. His favorite chair, a lazy boy was a late wedding present from her. Theenda had written across the huge bow that was wrapped around the chair, “for your buns only, my love.” The memory caused him to smile.
He glanced at the pictures on the wall, the drapery, the phone that matched the decor, the plants that add completeness, “this is home”, he thought and said, “I don't want to leave my home, I don't want to leave you.” He sat on the edge of the lazy boy, and said, “give me a reason to stay.”
Theenda told her story, “when I was a little girl my...”
Donovan said angrily, “Thee I am talking about now, not when you were little, you said you aborted my babies, I didn't know you as a little girl.”
Ignoring Donovan, Theenda continues, “my daddy left my mom, he blamed us girls for their problems. He said my brother was all the children he wanted. During this time, I was five, my sister ten, and my brother thirteen. When daddy left, the beatings started.” Theenda showed Donovan her neck, and said, “see this scare here?
Donovan said, “yeah I've wondered how you got that and a few other scares on your body.”
Theenda continued, “mama was cooking chicken, I walked in the kitchen, I don't remember what I said or did, she didn't need a reason, she swung at me with the cooking fork, it was hot and covered with hot grease, the fork hit my neck. I was eight years old.” She opened her blouse, and showed Donovan another scare, and said, “see this scare on my breast?”
Donovan said, “yes, I’ve seen it.” By now Donovan had calmed down, feelings of sorrow flood within his heart.
Theenda continued, “mom's boyfriend slugged me with a wrench. I was six years old. You’ve seen my sister and asked the reason she limp; out of embarrassment, I didn't tell you. She limps because mom pushed her down the basement stairs, she landed hard on the cement floor and broke her hip, sis was twelve. When she turned thirteen, she had the first hip replacement, she grew the new hip didn’t. She’s had five replacements to keep up. Know how I broke my left arm?”
Very softly Donovan asked, “how?”
“Mama pushed me down the basement stairs after she pushed my sister, I landed on top of her, I got multiple cuts and bruises and a broken arm. I don't remember what we were doing, I remember we were too young to be treated like that. I can have the hospital in New York send my medical records if you need to verify that I am telling the truth.”
Donovan said, “you don't need to do that.” A question pounded within his head, what does this have to do with Theenda not wanting children? But from the colorless look on Theenda's face, he asked, “why didn't you tell me that you were an abused child.”
Theenda said, “child? The abuse never stopped, it altered from physical abuse to verbal. I may be grown, but the abuse continues in a different form. The insults are about my looks, my cooking, my dress, my hair, our home, you, she talked about me to her friends, my friends. I'm not sure what she said about me, but her church friends will have nothing to do with me. Not even a hello. And my relatives don’t come around because of whatever falls out of her mouth. That’s why I said yes to moving far away from New York. New start, new church, new friends.”
Theenda looked at Donovan, he had become squeamish and was looking uncomfortable, she stared out the window as though she was lost in her thoughts before saying, “I have to hand it to my brother, when he turned sixteen, he beat the crap out of mom, took the cash, her bank card, credit card, and her driver’s license out her purse. He went into her room and found her checkbook.” She looked at Donovan who was looking as though he was someplace else, Theenda asked, “with me Donovan?”
“Yes, yes, I’m listening, what does this have to do with a baby?”
“I’m getting to that. My brother used mom’s credit card to buy a ticket to Spain and two thousand dollars in clothes. We tried to find him but either he left there or changed his name, he could be dead, he could be here in the states, he could be anywhere. mom said she had twenty-two thousand dollars in the bank, my brother left her, one dollar.”
“How?” Donovan asked.
“He wrote a letter stating she had a medical emergency and needed the cash, he signed the letter and check, his handwriting and signature were carbon copy moms. The bank teller pulled mom’s signature card, it was a perfect match.”
Donovan was speechless and uncomfortable, he shifted several times in the chair before he said softly, “I’m sorry. But your father is home.”
“Sweetie, I am not telling you this for pity, you asked why an abortion, I do not want to be that woman to any child, absolute evil hate. People perceive my mother as a saint, her drinking and partying days are over. The minister and the church members see a lonely sweet elderly lady, whose no-good daughters abandoned her.” She looked at Donovan and said, “even you thought she was perfect until our wedding day, all the beatings and verbal abuse that my sister and I endured, I should be crazy, a drug addict,” Theenda folded her arms and shouted, “and an alcoholic to forget my childhood!”
All Donovan said was, “ahh.” Then cleared his throat.
Theenda inhaled and seethe through gritted teeth, “my father returned home when my sister and I left, I went to college, sis went to having babies.”
Donovan said calmly and cautiously “I thought the beatings stopped when you were seven.”
“I only told you a few, you looked uncomfortable like you do now.” She walked around the room and said, “Oh yeah, at our wedding, mom punched your three-year-old niece with her fist. I thought your aunt had lost it.”
Donovan said, “yeah, I heard about that. Where were you?”
“I was crying in my pretty white wedding gown. While my sister and your aunt yelled at mom, your mother took me out the room, during this fiasco you, the groomsmen, and bridesmaid was outside waiting for me to come out and throw the flowers.”
“I remember that you came out with mom, she kept wiping your face, I thought the tears were because of your happiness.”
“On our wedding day, your mom became mine.”
Donovan chuckled as he said, “I think my aunt beat the crap out your mom. When they came outside, your mom’s hat was sideways, suit messed up, and…”
“She gave mom two black eyes,” Theenda laughed softly, “your aunt apologized a few weeks later. I gave her a hug and said, thank you. Your family is awesome.”
“People say the Bright's are educated, sophisticated, yeah right, we can get pretty ghetto when we need to,” Donovan said laughing.
Donovan gazed into his beautiful wife's watery eyes. It broke his heart to see tracks of dried salt on her cheeks from the tears she'd shed earlier. Still, he had to know, he must know, so he swallowed, clenched his teeth and ask, “why don't you want to have children? Your sister did.”
“You would walk out on me like daddy and my brother did. I wo
uld beat our child just like mama and my sister. I don't want to put anyone through the same ordeal. I suffered child abuse, now I am going through prolonged anguish of character annihilation by my mother. When does it end?” She shook her head, and dismissed the matter by saying, “I will not put anyone through my trauma.”
“Where did you get the hair brain idea that if we have children, I'll leave, and what's character annihilation?”
Complete destruction of a person’s character, their personality, and the media say battered children abuse their children, and women marry men like their daddies.”
“Thee, that's not completely true, there are several adults who were abused as children. Now they have children and they don't abuse their little ones, because they remember how the abuse made them feel. For the rest of their lives, they will always have to come face to face with the physical and mental scars that are left behind. Many realize that their childhood abuse can make or break them, so they choose not to be broken, like you they don't want their babies to suffer. Some go to a psychologist, others get close to God, they find ways to ward off the evils of ill-treatment. People who still receive affliction from their parents like yourself, learn to love them from a distance like you’re doing.”
It all sounds good, but it won't work for me. It's in my blood, you're leaving me, we don't even have children.”
Donovan thought about his sloppy half packed suitcase upstairs. He knelt at Theenda’s knees and said, “you’ve given me a reason to stay.”
“Your bags are packed.”
“I was angry, and not thinking, Baby Girl you thought you were saving babies from your experience as a child. I can't condone abortions, but I will forgive.”
Theenda ask, “you know why I'm so skinny?”
“You don't eat much, and you run all the time.”
“Correct, I don't have an appetite because I can't forgive myself for having the abortions, I can't have a child cause my mother’s destructive hateful ways will seep out. Like mother-like daughter-like sister. How can you forgive me? I can't forgive myself?”
*******
On the plantation in the early evening, the sunset turned the sky into multiple shades of pink, purple, orange, and blue. Several slave teens sat under a tree discussing the hopelessness of their future on the plantation. Cush was with the group of teens, he fought against all that was in him to keep his mouth shut about the walk-about. He squirmed around like he had to use the bathroom, one of the teens asked, “whad’ be wrong wid’ ja’ Cush?”
Cush answered, “nothin.”
One of the girls spoke up and said, “yesta'day old Massa say it be time that I's' git married and start havin' babies, cause I's' turn sixteen on ta’morrow.”
Another teen asked, “what yo' mama say?”
She said,” I's' guess Massa right.”
Cush said in anger and deep intensity, “we have da' babies’ den Massa take da' babies, he say slave too dumb ta' raise babies.”
Another slave teen said, “I's' sick and tired of Massa yelling at us every other Sunday.”
One of the slave girls said, “Cush I's' like it when yo' uncle preach.”
All the teens agree with a unanimous, “me too.”
A seventeen-year-old male teen told the group about his beating that he received a few weeks ago. He said, “I's' memba' like it was yesta'day da' overseers beat me likes' dey' won’t’s me dead. Den' dey pored salt on my back where dey' beat me. Ohh dat' hurt powerfully bad.”
One of the female teens said, I's' memba dat,' nobody could help you not even yo' mama, not until the sun had set.”
Cush said, den' we all come out da' house to get you, likes' we did when dey' beat my daddy last week.”
“Dis week my last week livin' wid' mama, cause it be time I's git' married.” The teen that was beaten said.
“Whars’ dey' gonna' put you?” Cush asked.
“Ova on Charles Street.”
The sixteen-year-old girl asked, “who you be' marrin?”
The young male teen said, “I'd don't know, who eva' dey' put in my house, we be married.”
The sixteen-year-old said, “I’s wonder if it be me?” she looked around the group and asked, “anybody else be told dey’ need ta’ have babies?”
Silence swept over the young group. Cush said, “iffen sixteen be da age, I’s got two moe’ years.”
A female said softly, “I’s turned sixteen yesta’day, Massa ain’t said.”
Cush asked, “I's' wonder iffen' it be easier on other pantation?”
One of the other teens replied, “I's' wonder dat' meself, do you eva' wish you could leave here and walk and walk...”
Another teen cut in, and said, “I won't ta' ride a horse likes' da’ overseers.”
Cush looked at the teen and said, “I's' neva' thought ‘bout dat, ride a horse sit up high, I's' wonder iffen' dey' see ova' da' gate.”
At that moment Bo stormed across the field, he looked like an angry rhino charging towards the teens. Undisciplined hostility ignited deep within Bo's soul. He yelled to a degree that was unreasonably loud at the teens, who peacefully sat under a tree on a quiet evening. Bo pulled out his whip and yelled, “what yaw' doin' here?!”
The teens scooted back from Bo, Cush spoke up, “we just talkin’ bout...”
But before Cush could finish speaking Bo said, “you's thanks' just cause you's Lee's boy you can talk back ta' me.”
An older teen spoke up, “we's just be talkin' bout our future.”
Bo screamed in a voice internalized by Satan, “what future!” He growled, “I's' thank all yaw' ain't nothin' but a waste of space,” Bo began to swing his whip towards the unsuspecting teens, they jump up and run towards their shacks, Bo yelled at them, “git home, I’s boss round dis parts!”
The teens were not hurt physically, only emotionally. They wanted to talk and discuss their feelings, which was their only form of therapy.
Inside the church, Lee and Glaidous had finished cleaning. Lee took the broom and dust cloth to the Backroom. Lee returned to the chapel and said, “looks good in here.”
Glaidous said joyfully, “Lawdy, Lawdy we's gonna' meet a walk-about.”
Lee went to the podium and got the book filled with names of the slaves. He flipped through the book, the last names listed was Paula and her boys. He read what Paula had written. He said more to himself, “how’d she get out da gate?”
Glaidous sat on the front pew, he looked wonderingly at Lee, his mind in deep thought as he said, “Doo-noo-van comin' ta' meet us, I feel’ it in these old bones.”
Lee muttered, “I’s wanna stretch wide, see beyond da' trees.”
Glaidous asked, “you’s git da' note by da' gate?”
Lee said, “I’s did, bout six days later it be gone.”
Glaidous stood and said, “Glory be to God I’s hope Mr. Doo-no-van got it.”
Lee said, “Amen, uncle.” He looked at Paula’s notation again, then asked, “I’s wonda’ where she run to, how she git out da’ gate”
Glaidous looked at Lee and asked, “who?”
“Paula, Unk.”
Confused, Glaidous asked, “who dat?”
*******
Still talking with Theenda, Donovan tried to fix the mess and said, “you, my precious reached inside yourself and drew out virtue, so everyone love and sees a virtuous woman. On the other hand, I reached inside myself and yanked out anger. Both of us will go to counseling, we will have children and you will be a wonderful mother and wife. I will be a good father and husband. You understand?”
Theenda sighed deeply before saying, “I don't want to repeat this day, I want this day gone forever, I don't want to have this conversation ever again, I don't want the word abortion mention in this house. It already crowds my mind.”
“And so, it is. You promise me, no more abortions.”
Theenda exhaled and said, “I promise, she asked Donovan, “you promise you won't leave me?”
“I p
romise. You see Thee, your family issues are all over the place, mine is hidden. My granddad died of a drug overdose, he gave his son to his brother to raise as his own, and not nephew. My grandpa is my uncle.
Theenda said, “changing the subject, a few days ago, I tried to find the Brown plantation but there are over six thousand plantations with that family name here in the south. With sixty-seven being in this state, counting the one you went to.”
Donovan laughed, “you are kidding me? She could be from any place. But wouldn't it be funny if she was from that particular plantation.” He laughed even harder.
Donovan had no idea that his grandma, was from the very plantation he had left the Essence Magazine.
XXIII
Becky Lou Brown
Week After Valentine
Becky Lou was from the line of Harry’s grandson Duke Brown, who named his first son Cody, after his brother he tried to kill. Cody Brown, Charles Paddleton first grandchild, married an Irish woman with red hair and green eyes, all their children took after their mother. Cody named his first son Tom, who had a son named Ben, he married a beautiful Italian woman with cold black hair. Ben named his firstborn, Sam, born 1960. His second son Charles was born in 1962, who became the plantation master. When Ben was thirty-eight his wife gave birth to a baby girl, they named her Becky Lou, she was born 1970. She was the only family member Charles was close to.
Charles and his brother had dark hair with amber eyes, Becky Lou looked like her Irish grandma, she was a redhead with freckles and green eyes. Her brothers called her carrot top. Becky Lou’s dad and grandpa Tom spoiled her rotten, she was the apple of their eye, the beat in their hearts, she was the first girl to be born in the brown family in years. Becky Lou turned out to be spoiled, loud, wild, rowdy, and pregnant at age fourteen. She was an embarrassment to the family, Ben sent his precious daughter to a home for girls in Florida where she had the baby, she named him Anthony Brown. Ben paid a woman to raise the child in a far western state. The only contact the Browns had was through the woman, who every year on Anthony’s birthday sent the family a picture. Anthony’s fifth birthday Becky did not receive a picture.
All But One Page 29
