“So, in other words, it’s not exactly clear?”
“Actually, it’s somewhat funny,” Sachi said, “Savita is the aggressive one, so she sees aggression everywhere. Markus is a strategist, so he wants to see it all as a board game. Carlito is cautious, so he sees everything as people taking precautions. It’s like a Rorschach test.”
“Well, what do you think?” I asked.
“I think the LoC is not long for this world,” Sachi said, “at least not in the way it exists now.”
“I’ve said as much to Rosy before,” I said.
“She’s a good soldier,” Sachi said, looking over to where Rosy was helping her son Enrique put together the doll house they’d given Yukiko, “but she’s blinded by ideology.”
“She sees herself as a guardian,” I said, watching Rosy smile as she assisted Enrique, who was seventeen but only looked ten, “just like you.”
“A guardian of something temporary,” Sachi said, “and she might live to realize that.”
Both of us sat quiet for some time before I said, “is she heading south with you after this?”
“Yes,” Sachi said, “I think to watch me as much as to watch the CSA.”
I nodded, “just remember who the real danger is down there.”
“Benecorp,” Sachi said, standing up from the chair. “I’m about to take off and catch up with my team.”
“Laura is your granddaughter, isn’t she?” I said.
Sachi froze a moment before slowly turning to look at me. She said nothing.
“I saw you as her grandmother when our brains were merged.”
She sighed, “yes. She is.”
“I never took you for the sentimental type,” I said.
“Have you told her?”
“No.”
“She’s important,” Sachi said, “to the mission. It’s not…it’s not just me being sentimental.”
“You shot the other patient,” I said, “when you could have saved her, too.”
“That would have complicated the-”
“But you lied when you said she couldn’t be saved.”
“It would have complicated the mission,” Sachi said, “but I will admit that my own personal feelings played a part in my decisions.”
“Why’s Laura important to your mission?”
“To our mission,” Sachi said, “and she still has a role to play. Benecorp is our main enemy here, but Sovereign is just as powerful over in Europe.”
I nodded slowly. It wasn’t worth getting into it with her. She was everyone’s damn boss and we all just had to fall in line. Important just meant that it was what Sachi wanted. The supreme dictator. Not worth the trouble.
“Is Rocky heading out with you now?” I asked, looking over to where he was chatting with Keme and Marlina, a characteristic large grin spread across his face.
“I told him he could catch up when he wanted to,” Sachi said, sounding relieved to be let off the hook, “I’ll keep you updated on what the CSA is doing down there. You’ll let me know how your tests come back?”
I knew she meant to tell her whether I was going to kill myself in order to come back in a new body. “Yes.”
She smiled, “I’ll talk to ya later.”
I forced a smile, but said nothing, watching Sachi walk over to Akira and Masaru and say something to them. Masaru nodded, smiling, and then turned back to Akira as Sachi made for the door and walked out. Akira said something to Masaru and then walked out of the room.
They were most likely talking about me. I knew they did that. Like some secret cabal. I wasn’t in the inner circle anymore. Not after my fuckups.
Whatever. Fuck them all.
When I knew Sachi was gone I stood and made my way over to the table of refreshments, next to where Rosy stood watch over Yukiko and Enrique.
“That’s a nice dollhouse,” I said to Yukiko, who was already playing with it even as Enrique fitted pieces together, his eyes focused.
“Is big,” Yukiko said, grinning to me, “want play?”
“Not right now,” I said, picking up my bottle of whiskey, pouring four fingers into my glass before turning to Rosy. “I heard you’re heading south after this?”
She glanced down at her adopted son again, seeing him enraptured in the project of assembling the toy, and then strode with me a few paces from the children.
“She thinks it’s to keep an eye on her, doesn’t she?” Rosy asked, taking a sip of her own drink – some cheap, foul-smelling gin.
“Isn’t it?”
She chuckled, “it was Sachi who hired LoC Security to help with this.”
“But you could’ve sent someone else,” I said.
“I think Sachi’s our biggest danger more than ever now,” Rosy said, “but my superiors disagree. In fact, they seem to be deferring to that guy Markus more than I liked, just cuz he’s a ‘West Point commissioned officer’ or some shit.”
“Sachi thinks the LoC’s days are numbered,” I said, taking a drink, wincing as I swallowed it, “she thinks you would be more effective if you didn’t cling to your silly philosophy.”
Sachi’s not the only one. The only idea that’s ever persisted through time is that might makes right. ‘The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.’
“Its times like this that it becomes more important than ever to hold onto our ideals,” she said, “if I give up on them, then why even fight?”
“Ideals are more important than family?” I asked, glancing back over to Enrique, who was now humoring Yukiko with one of the dolls.
“It’s for them that I need to protect this place,” she said, “and for Colonel Reynolds and the people who died at the Easter Emancipation. For Tanya and Regina.” Rosy shook her head. “The CSA. The PRA. Brazil. Whoever else. Those governments won’t protect them. And if I die tryin’, at least they’ll know I didn’t compromise what’s right for what’s convenient.”
“What about your anti-natalist thing?”
“Hm,” she grunted, “I’ve never felt more strongly about it. Everything goin’ on in the world, you’d have to be crazy to bring a child into it.” She paused, furrowing her brows, looking like she’d had an epiphany. “What would happen to you if everyone stopped havin’ children?”
“You mean, would I die and never come back?”
“Yeah…”
“No idea,” I said, taking a sip of my drink, “but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
Rosy smirked faintly, eyes focused on nothing. “You know, I’ve been thinkin’ a lot about my aunt Marcy since we adopted the kids. You must’ve been through things I can’t even imagine. My mom thought you were crazy, and she convinced me you were, too. But seein’ what a single lifetime of abuse has done to these children…I’m surprised you’re as well adjusted as you are.”
“Desensitized might be a better way to put it,” I said.
“Why’re humans so cruel to other humans?” Rosy asked, looking back over to Enrique, who seemed to genuinely enjoy himself while playing dolls with Yukiko.
“Because they’re dumb, stupid animals that were never meant to live in the world they created for themselves,” I said.
And I’m one of them, aren’t I? Masaru’s right…whatever my consciousness is, it’s subject to human frailty and flaws as long as I am born as humans. That’s why I can’t stop fucking everything up.
Rosy looked back to me, “I think you’re right, in a way. But that’s why I need to hold onto my ideals. If I let go of those, all I got left is a cruel world full of dumb, stupid animals.” She turned and walked back toward her spouses.
Ideals have ever changed human nature. Maybe even being immortal wouldn’t work. Everyone would end up as bitter and nihilistic as I am. It certainly wouldn’t change the fact that they’re still dumb, stupid animals.
I topped my drink off again and headed back to my corner. Sitting by myself, getting progressively more drunk, I watched the room. A single, tiny moment in the hi
story of all existence. A celebration for the child Akira and Masaru brought screaming into a world of pain. Together they spawned something that contains its own inner model of the world. A human consciousness, with all its flaws and biases. A world that grows as the child learns new things and incorporates them into their inner model.
How easy it would be to annihilate that universe. It’s only here temporarily. Fleeting. It’ll be as if it never existed at all.
I shook my head. Those were the kinds of thoughts my right hemisphere thought. More and more they leaked into my unified mind.
I took another drink, my gaze going to where Masaru was talking with Rosy’s family, a pleasant smile on his face. He held his cane, using it to point around as he spoke. He still had a limp, but at this point the cane was likely as much to maintain his sympathetic brand as it was needed to walk.
He’s a liar. He fiddled with Akira’s brain implants and never told her. Besides that, he’s a liability. Really, it’s his fault everything’s failed after that border crossing. Turning Akira into a depressed recluse and then taking her away.
I exhaled slowly, keeping my eyes on him.
He’s selfish. You should go over there right now and tell him-
“Enjoying the party?” someone asked.
I looked up, seeing Aveena standing near me.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said, looking back down at my drink, “you?”
“Of course!” she said excitedly, “it’s kind of like a birthday for me, too.”
“How’s that?”
“I finished my chromosome treatment today,” she said, “I’m now officially a forty-eight!”
“Congratulations,” I said, “a toast?” I held my drink up.
“I don’t have a drink!”
“No problem,” I took a sip of mine, “so, how does it feel?”
“Not havin’ a drink?”
I laughed, “no. Being done with your chromosome treatment.”
“Oh!” she said, “I’m sooo hungry all the time!”
“Yeah, you’ll never get used to that.”
“I wish it came with something, like, more cool looking,” Aveena said, “how’s anyone supposed to know I’m a forty-eight, you know?”
“Having people not know is kind of the point,” I said.
She shrugged, “yeah, I guess. But it just seems so…I dunno. I mean, I know it’s like the most advanced genetic modifications available or whatever. But it’s all just like little bitty biochemical things. I mean, that’s definitely cool and all. But still…”
“Why don’t you go hang out with your other friends then?”
“Huh?”
“You don’t have to be around here all the damn time,” I said, “maybe you’d be better off somewhere else.”
“You…you mean cuz of the CSA?” she said, “cuz I don’t have another home.”
“What about Salia?”
“She spends all day with Kantor,” she said, “they’re totally ‘together’ now.”
“Then why don’t you go find someone who’ll fuck you so you can stay with them?”
“I…” she stammered, eyes dampening with tears, “w-why are you saying this?”
“Because I don’t need this shit,” I said, “these so-called ‘friends’ who all just leave or die. You’ll do the same, so why not just get it over with now?”
“Eshe…” she sniffled, “I know you’re lonely, but I’m your friend.”
“Until you leave or die,” I said, getting up out of my seat, coming face-to-face with her, “I don’t need or want any friends.”
“You know, for someone who’s supposedly like a million years old, you sure act like a stupid baby,” she said in a low voice, storming away.
I spotted Akira back in the living room again. She shot me a worried glance from where she was talking with Masaru and Doctor Taylor. The results were probably coming in. I downed the rest of my drink and started over toward them. Rocky stepped in front of me, a bombastic grin on his face.
“How ya doin’, buddy?” he asked.
“Fine,” I said, feeling a wave of dizziness as the large glass of whiskey took hold.
“That’s great,” he said, “listen, can I ask you a favor?”
“Depends what it is,” I said, seeing Akira talking to the other three behind him.
“Aw, don’t be like that,” Rocky said, “help a brotha out.”
I focused on him but said nothing.
Rocky leaned forward, speaking quietly, “introduce me to that chick with the pink hair and elf ears.”
“Isn’t she a bit young for you?”
His eyes opened wide, “I’m only twenty-nine. I mean, how old’s she? She’s over eighteen, ain’t she?”
“Yes.”.
He looked relieved, making a quick glance over his shoulder at her, and then looking back to me with a thoughtful expression. “Is there even an age of consent here without a government?”
“I guess not.”
Rocky pondered this for a moment before saying in a declarative tone, “I stick by the eighteen-year-old rule. A man’s gotta have a code, right?”
“If you say so,” I said, “but you also might want to know that she’s trans.”
“I know dude,” Rocky said, talking in a low voice, “I gotta tell ya, I’m diggin’ the elf ears. And I never been with a chick who gots bioluminescence. Imagine what that looks like when she’s having an-”
“No. I mean transgender.”
“Yeah?” his eyes went wide for a moment before furrowing his brow, “pre-op or post-op?”
“Pre-op.”
“Oh…” he pondered this a moment and said, “then, is, like, Doctor Taylor married?”
“You have no shame, do you?”
He grinned, “being old don’t matter to me. Especially with a GILF like the doc.”
“GILF?”
“Granny I’d Like to Fuck,” he said, grin spreading wider.
“She’s divorced.”
“Excellent,” Rocky said, “we’re gonna hafta work on your wingman skills, but you did alright for a grumpy old geezer.”
Rocky walked away, acting nonchalant, seeing that Doctor Taylor was still talking with Akira, Masaru, and Aveena. I continued on my way over toward them. They all fell quiet, looking to me as I neared.
“I take it you have news?” I asked.
“Let’s go to your lab,” Akira said, looking about the room.
I signaled for her to lead the way and followed Akira and Doctor Taylor toward the basement door. Aveena shot me a dirty look as I passed by, her mascara slightly smudged from tears. I ignored her.
From the looks on the two women’s faces, I knew I wasn’t in for good news. The three of us reached the bottom of the stairs. Progress on setting up the lab was still plugging along, but it was still crammed with unassembled instruments and boxes. We filed through the mess to the computer, an image of my brain on one of the monitors.
“So, what’s going on?” I asked as Akira and Doctor Taylor stopped near the monitor.
“I’ve been analyzing the data, and…” Akira exchanged a look with Doctor Taylor and said, “the implant they put in you is slightly different than the one used in Laura’s brain. It has a modified version of a key end cap component that keeps the polymer chains of the implant stable.” She paused a moment and said, “The implant in your brain is deteriorating.”
“And what does that mean?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
“The polymer they used,” Doctor Taylor said, “is breaking down, releasing monomers into your brain. These monomers are building up in the synaptic clefts of your neurons and altering brain activity.”
“So, it’s going to kill me,” I said.
“Eventually,” Doctor Taylor said, “the breakdown is being slowed by the less effective version of the stabilizing caps, but as the caps spontaneously isomerize, the degradation speeds up.” She exchanged another look with Akira and said, “Before it kills you
, you will probably experience some adverse effects with your cognition.”
“Adverse effects…”
“Possibly something similar to Alzheimer’s,” Doctor Taylor said, “maybe mood swings, depression, sensory disruptions, maybe even psychosis. But I’m just guessing at this point. It’s difficult to predict with something as complex as the brain, and even more so with your…unique brain.”
“You can see in the time lapse,” Akira said, pointing to the monitor, “that over time, this fuzziness around the implant is spreading. That’s the monomer diffusing throughout your brain.”
“Is there anything that can stop it?”
“If it’s even possible, taking out that implant would require removing a significant portion of your brain,” Doctor Taylor said, “it’s made up of thin tendrils that snake all throughout.”
I looked to Akira, “so I might be better off just killing myself and getting into a new body?”
“There might come a point where you’ll want to consider that,” Akira said, making quick glances at Doctor Taylor.
“The isomerization of the caps is spontaneous,” Doctor Taylor said, pretending not to notice Akira’s darting looks, “but it seems to be inhibited by increased blood flow to the brain. I’m still running tests to see what component of your blood is inhibiting this, but the isomerization product seems to be a vasoconstrictor. That’s what’s causing your migraines. I can put you on a vasodilator that can both slow down the degradation and help with the migraines.”
“That will only slow things down,” Akira said.
“How long do I have?” I asked.
“If the acceleration continues unabated,” Doctor Taylor said, “no longer than a year. I’d have to see how you respond to the medication, but it could be anywhere from an extra three months to another three years.”
I looked back and forth between the two of them and said, “I’ll take the medicine. If only to get rid of the migraines.”
“It might help to lay off the booze, too,” Doctor Taylor smirked.
“If I’m going to fucking die anyway, what the hell does it matter?” I snapped
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