by Presley Hall
I don’t take what she’s given me lightly.
She’s truly mine in every way, and as I hold her close, I desperately hope I can be worthy of her.
23
Nadia
I fall asleep in Zatir’s arms, unable to think about anything other than the sheer, dizzying happiness that I feel.
Even though my virginity is gone, I don’t feel any sense of loss—I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything at all. I feel as if I’ve given him something and received something beautiful in return, a closeness that I’ve never known with anyone else. The bond is supposedly meant to be the joining of two halves of one whole, and I truly feel that with Zatir. I feel like he’s the partner I was always meant to have, the man I was always supposed to love.
For the first time in my life, I feel with absolute certainty that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
After the overhead lights brighten again in the morning, we sneak into the shower during our usual time, both of us slipping into the small, cramped space as I turn on the hot water.
I’ve enjoyed the opportunity to look at Zatir wet and naked every time we’ve been in here, but today it feels different. He’s mine now, and a possessive shiver goes through me at the thought. I can touch him freely, kiss him, do all the things I’ve dreamed about with him.
Now that I’ve given myself over to the connection between us, there’s a kind of certainty that I’ve never felt with anyone else. It’s a bond more solid than any vow I could have ever made with another human. It doesn’t require the words “until death do us part,” but it is irrevocable, and it will last until we die. Whether that’s in a few days on the Manea Colony or years and years from now at the end of our natural lives, Zatir and I are bound forever.
As we quickly wash off, using the hard soap that’s been stashed in the shower, I’m intensely aware of his every movement, unable to keep myself from swaying closer to him. Within moments of stepping into the small hot space, our soapy hands are all over each other.
The chemistry between us feels like a fever, burning both of us up, and before I know it, Zatir has abandoned the soap and is kissing me up against the wall, the hot water flowing over us as he buries his hands in my wet hair.
We have to be quick. The whole point of choosing this time to shower is that it’s when the rest of the crew on the ship is doing the same, and we don’t want to still be in here when they’ve all finished and gathered in the mess hall for breakfast. But neither of us can stop.
He lifts me as if I weigh nothing and presses me against the wall as my legs go around his waist. With a low groan, he angles himself against me, the thick tip of his cock notching at my entrance. I arch my back, biting back a moan as he begins to fill me.
I never knew it could feel this good. He fills me completely, every inch of him thrusting up into me, my own arousal flooding over him as I cling to him with my arms around his neck.
His lips are fierce and hard, his arms holding me up in his powerful grasp as he drives into me again and again, the gentleness of last night replaced by a furious need to finish quickly before we’re found out. My own orgasm is building up faster than I ever thought it could, my body ready and eager for the pleasure Zatir offers, and I clench around his cock, wanting him inside me as deeply as he can go.
Just as my climax peaks, Zatir thrusts up hard, his cock pulsing as he fills me again with his release. The hot rush of it sends me tumbling over the precipice again, a second orgasm hot on the heels of the first. His groan is swallowed by our kiss as we both strain against each other, our bodies shaking with pleasure.
Both of us have to stifle our laughter as we stumble out of the shower, weak-kneed and drenched, helping each other dry off and getting our clothing back on quickly so that we can resume our hiding place and eat a little breakfast. We curl up on the bed together again, nibbling on the food that Quulan left and basking in our newfound closeness.
Before long, I feel my blood heating again, Zatir’s cock thickening against my hip. In a matter of moments, he’s inside me again, our bodies rocking together as we devour each other’s noises with deep kisses.
* * *
The next few days on the ship are far more blissful than the first ones. There’s nothing we’re holding back from each other now, and we begin to share our dreams with each other, thinking about the possibility of the future now that we’ve talked about the past.
“When we get back to Kalix,” Zatir says, and I notice that he carefully phrases it as when and not if, “we’ll get a house of our own. I’ve been away from my home planet for so many years that I haven’t had a place to call my own for a long time. But I want a home to share with you.”
Something warm and gooey spreads through my belly. “That sounds really nice.”
“I’m glad you think so.” He nuzzles my hair.
“Brielle is going to lose her mind when we get back,” I murmur ruefully, grimacing a little. “She’s going to hate living alone. And she’s going to be worried about me—about my giving in to the bond. But I wish she could see that I need to be my own person. I need to find my own life on Kalix. And I’ve found it with you.”
Frustration seeps into my voice as I speak. I want to get back to Kalix as soon as possible and start my life with Zatir. I want to have a home with him, a place that’s just ours. But I’m not looking forward to Brielle’s reaction. She’s going to be furious with us both, and to be completely honest, I’m not sure who she’s going to be more pissed at—Zatir or me.
“You know your sister loves you, right?” My mate rises up on his elbow to look down at me, his horns gleaming in the dim light. “You know her better than I do, of course. But it seems to me that all of her overprotectiveness comes from a desire to keep you safe. From a very deep and fierce love. I would feel the same, if any harm came to you. I wouldn’t shelter you as much as she’s tried to, but everyone expresses love in their own way. I think this may be Brielle’s.”
“Maybe. I mean, I know she loves me,” I add hurriedly. “But she’s always afraid something is going to happen to me. She doesn’t trust me.”
“I think it’s less a matter of trust in you, and more a matter of her trying to make up for the fact that she wasn’t able to save you the first time. She wants to do better with this second chance.” Zatir pauses, smiling down at me wryly. “Don’t get me wrong, at first I thought she was just difficult, and I was frustrated with her getting in the way of our bond. But now that I know the whole story, I can understand better why she reacted the way she did. She feels that she failed you once. She’s trying to make up for that, in her own way. It’s her form of penance, to focus all her efforts on seeing that nothing bad happens to you ever again.”
I can hear the reflection of his own experiences in his voice, his belief that he failed his men. He spent the years after that Orkun attack trying to make up for it, trying to do something to ease the guilt he felt.
And framed like that, Brielle’s actions do make more sense. I’m still not looking forward to telling her that I’ve consummated the bond with Zatir and chosen to be with him, but I can see her point of view. I’ve always known that she loves me, but now I see how guilty she must have felt after Kevin attacked me, and how badly she wanted to make sure that I was safe.
“Thank you.” I lean up to kiss my mate. “I love that you try to see things from someone else’s perspective. It helps when I look at it that way.”
He wraps an arm around me, and we lose ourselves in the kiss for a moment before settling back into a lazy embrace.
We talk more, discussing anything and everything in hushed voices.
Zatir tells me that he wants to stay in the city, and I agree. I don’t want to leave the friends I’ve made, and I’m hoping to grow closer to some of the other women now that I’ll be on my own more. Despite the danger that we’re facing as we go up against Kildred, I can feel myself starting to become more and more excited about the prospect of the future.
Living on my own with Zatir, I’ll be able to choose how I spend my time. I’ll have more freedom—freedom to explore, to make closer friends, to flourish in my new life. It’s exhilarating to think about, especially when I’m finally beginning to trust myself to make the right choices.
As nerve-wracking as the task in front of us is, the few days before we reach the Manea Colony are truly wonderful. And I can see my own happiness reflected in Zatir, too. No matter what happens, these days have been some of the best of my life.
When the ship finally docks on the asteroid, we quickly piece together a semblance of a disguise, raiding one of the crates to find a flight suit for me that hides my figure and makes me look a bit boyish if my long black hair is tucked into the collar. There’s not much that could possibly fit Zatir, but we find a long tunic that he’s able to fit over his broad chest. It’s not much, but it at least makes his markings and bronzed skin less noticeable.
“The good news,” Zatir tells me as he wriggles into the tight tunic, making a face, “is that the asteroid has been colonized by a mixture of alien species. So we won’t have to worry too much about obviously standing out. Still, it’s good to attract as little attention as possible and be as nondescript as we can.”
We wait until evening to sneak off the ship, since we overheard some passing crew members saying that the cargo will be unloaded first thing tomorrow morning. When they’re all in the mess hall eating dinner, we carefully make our way to the exit.
It’s the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done. Zatir is armed, but I don’t know how effective his weapons would be against an entire crew. The idea is to not have to fight, and we sneak down the hall and down the main cross-section of the ship, ducking behind cargo containers and slipping as quietly as we can around dark corners until at last we reach a set of doors that open onto the docking bay. The lights gleam down on us as we duck our heads and slip out into the crowd.
“We should go scope out Kildred’s compound,” Zatir says quietly as we make our way down the streets. The night is chilly, and I’m glad for the relative warmth of the heavy canvas flight suit instead of my lightweight dress. “We can stay better hidden right now, in the dark. Afterward, we’ll find a place to sleep and make a plan for tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
There’s a tremor in my voice, but I don’t know whether it’s from fear or excitement. Maybe it’s both.
I know, logically, that this is dangerous and we could die. But I trust Zatir so completely that I have to believe no harm will come to us. I’ve seen him fight. I know how strong and brave he is.
We’ll make it out of this, somehow. And when it’s all over, we’ll have a great adventure to look back on.
But my optimistic thoughts are quickly dashed when we reach the compound.
The place where Kildred lives is huge, surrounded by an imposing fence made of some black iron-like metal. The building in the center of it all rises up like a monolith out of the barren ground. It’s made from some white stone, so that it almost glows in the middle of the brown and black rocks and earth that make up the topography of this place, and it’s grossly ostentatious, both in its size and its mere existence. I can see just from looking at it why Kildred is so disliked—no one who lives in a mansion like that got there by being a nice, amiable person.
Zatir’s jaw tightens as we crouch behind a rocky outcropping, looking across the street to the looming residence.
“What is it?” I whisper as I take in his hard expression.
“The compound is far, far more heavily guarded than I expected. This isn’t good. It’s going to be difficult to get in undetected.” He takes a deep, slow breath. “Nadia, I know I said I don’t want to separate, but it might be best if we find an inn and you stay there until I can complete the mission, one way or another. It might be better if… well, if I go in alone. I can give you the few tokens I have on me, and if the worst happens, you can contact Tordax and—”
“No!” I hiss the word quietly at him, but the forcefulness behind it is clear.
I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to protect us both. Trying to guard my life and guard himself from the heartbreak of losing me if something were to happen. I know he’s remembering the last time he went into a fight with others he cared about, and I know those feelings are probably multiplied a thousand-fold with me. He doesn’t want to lose anyone he loves again. I can understand that—but I’ve fallen in love with him, too. And I don’t ever want to be without him.
We can’t do this separately. We’re beyond that now. We’re in this together, and I’m not running and hiding while he goes in there to face Kildred alone.
I reach out, taking my mate’s face and turning it toward mine. Then I lean forward and kiss him fiercely. I pour everything into this kiss, all of my love and desire and hope for our future, and I thread my fingers through his hair and hold him there for a long moment, my lips pressed against his.
“I’m not letting you do this alone,” I tell him when we break apart, my gaze fixed on his. A thought pops into my head, the germ of a plan, and I lift an eyebrow. “Plus, I have an idea.”
24
Zatir
My chest clenches with a rush of emotion as I look at Nadia, my lips still tingling with the force of her kiss.
I’m captivated by her, by her grace and beauty, her strength and her resolve. She’s everything I could have ever dreamed of in a mate, everything I never knew I needed. The idea of letting her help me makes my stomach clench with fear, but I know she’s strong and capable. She’s shown that a hundred times over since we flew away from Kalix in my ship and into that ill-fated attack.
What’s more, I refuse to force her into a tower, to lock her away out of fear of losing her. That’s what Brielle tried to do, and it was wrong. She meant well, but I won’t do the same. I would be doing wrong by the woman I love if I tried to do that, if I denied Nadia her agency and the choice to follow me or stay—whichever she wishes.
“What’s the idea?” I ask, keeping my voice even.
Her eyes light up with relief and determination. I can tell she half expected me to argue, to insist she stay behind, and I’m more glad than ever that I resisted the urge. I can tell that it means a great deal to her that I’m accepting her choice.
“It’ll be hard to sneak in,” she says, glancing toward the fence.
“It’s too well guarded,” I agree. “We’d have a very small chance of success. And we’ll only get one chance.”
Nadia nods. Then she takes a deep breath, seeming to gather her courage as she turns to face me in the small space behind the rock where we’re crouching. “There’s a bounty on your head,” she says finally. “And Kildred is hoping that someone will deliver you to him.”
I nod, confused at first. I’m not quite sure what she’s getting at—this is all information we both know already.
“True,” I confirm.
“Well, what if that someone is me?”
In a rush, it hits me—I know what she’s suggesting. She’s proposing that she be the one to bring me in. She’s thinking of posing as a bounty hunter and “delivering” me to Kildred as a means of getting us into his compound and giving us a chance to fulfill our mission.
Just the thought of it makes me tense all over again. I hate the idea of her walking into danger like that, right into the middle of Kildred’s compound, open and brazen. But I force back my immediate instinct of fear for my mate and resistance to anything that might cause her harm. I try to think it through, to play out in my head how the plan might work.
I’ve been fighting and working on my own for so long that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a partner. To have someone to back me up, someone at my side. And I know that as terrifying as it is to have Nadia in harm’s way, I wouldn’t truly want anyone less as my mate. I wouldn’t want a mate who I left at home while I went off to explore and have adventures. I want a partner, someone who will be at my side through all of it.
And I’ve found that in Nadia. Danger or not, I know she’ll always be with me.
What’s more, she’s smart. This plan really might work.
The thought sends a rush of exhilaration and pride through me, and I reach for Nadia, hauling her against me to kiss her hard. She kisses me back with equal ferocity, wrapping her arms around my neck as we lean against the rock, completely wrapped up in each other for a long moment.
“All right,” I tell her as we break apart, panting lightly. “We’ll try your plan.”
25
Nadia
The emotions that surge through me as Zatir agrees to my plan are a mess, joy and terror and gratitude all mixing together.
But even more than that, I feel a fierce pride in myself for coming up with something that he obviously thinks could really work. Zatir is an experienced warrior, one who’s been through many battles and who knows strategy and planning, and he thinks this idea could succeed. After spending so long second-guessing myself, the validation feels good. It bolsters my confidence, and I find myself grinning at him, my nerves running high as I try to focus.
I could die doing this, obviously. I’m not stupid. I don’t for a second think otherwise. After all, I’m planning to march into the compound of a dangerous, petty, mercurial alien overlord and pretend to hand over Zatir so that we can kill that same overlord.
But if the worst happens—if I die in the course of carrying out this plan—at least it will be on my own terms. I’ll die helping the man I’ve come to love, my mate, the other half of my soul.
