by Levine, Nina
I leave them and make my way outside, calling Tom on the way.
He answers almost straight away. “How’s Claudia?” His obvious concern means a lot to me.
“Not good, Tom. Did Van fill you in?” I hope so because I really don’t want to go through it with him.
“Yeah, and he told me you want to put everything on hold. I think it’s a good idea.”
“And the label? Are they on board with it?” At this point, I’m not sure I could care if they aren’t.
He takes a moment to respond. “They’re not happy, but I’ve made it clear to them you need this time so they’re running with it at the moment.”
“Thanks, Tom.”
“It’s what I do, Jett. It’s why you pay me the big bucks, right?”
I love that he’s trying to lighten the mood; I need it this morning after my conversation with Claudia last night. That conversation still sits heavy in my gut, and I keep replaying it in my mind. “Seriously, though, I’d be lost without you. I hope to God you never stop working with us.” I pause for a moment, a thought coming to me. “Actually, how are things between you and Van?”
“I don’t hold grudges, you know that. Fuck, not in this industry with all the drama and shit that goes on. We spoke and I made it clear to him that if he does it again, it’ll be either him or me walking away, so I’m fairly confident that won’t happen again. But, he’s not happy, Jett, and I don’t think it’s got much to do with the band even though it’s you guys he’s taking it out on. So, I’m hoping this time off might do him some good.” His thoughts echo my own.
I arrive at Presley’s car and end the call with a promise to keep him in the loop. I’m relieved he spoke to Van and hope like hell Van doesn’t step out of line with Tom again; we can’t afford to lose either of them.
Nearly half an hour later I arrive at Presley’s apartment after sitting in rush hour traffic for longer than I cared to. She answers her door wearing a tiny scrap of material that most would probably call a dress, and on any other woman, I would agree, but on Presley, I wouldn’t even call it a dress.
She greets me with a smile as I trail my eyes down her body, taking in every inch of skin on display. “I take it you’re not planning on going out today,” I say as I brush a kiss over her lips.
Frowning, she replies, “I’ve gotta go and do some grocery shopping, and I thought I’d come with you when you visit Claudia later.”
“Right, so we’ll need to find you something else to wear when you do all that,” I answer as I step inside and close the door behind me. “And I’m gonna need a key to your place, and I’ll give you one to mine.”
“I see you’ve come home all bossy and shit,” she mutters as we walk down her hallway into her kitchen.
Heading straight to her Nespresso machine, I give her a smile. “I love the way you say ‘you’ve come home’.”
She comes to me and takes my face in her hands and lays a kiss on my lips. Then she smacks me on the ass and takes her turn bossing me. “Go sit down. I’ll make you coffee.”
I do as she says and pull up a stool at the kitchen counter. Resting my elbows on the counter, I drop my chin into the palms of my hands and watch her make the coffee. My eyes track the sway of her ass and appreciate the smooth skin of her legs. Sex is again the last thing on my mind but I’m enjoying the hell out of watching her.
“How’s Claudia?”
“Not too good.” I don’t elaborate for fear I’ll break down and I don’t want to do that this morning.
Her eyes come to mine and she narrows them, watching me for a moment. I wait for her to say something more, to try and make me tell her more, but she doesn’t. She simply nods and then goes back to the coffee.
I breathe a sigh of relief.
A few minutes later, she places a hot mug of coffee in front of me and sits next to me. Taking a sip of her coffee, she asks, “Have you spoken to Tom?”
“Yeah, he’s sorted us out with the label. For now, anyway, and screw them if they aren’t happy with our decision.”
“What would happen if they tried to force you back to work on the album and you didn’t do it?”
I don’t want to think about that. If she’d asked me that a few months ago before my shares crashed, I would have told her I’d buy our way out of it, but now I wouldn’t want to hand over any cash. “Let’s not even go there, baby. Let’s hope it never comes to that.”
She changes the conversation again. “What’s your plan for today?”
“A shower, some sleep in a bed rather than a chair, and then I’m going to head back to the hospital,” I reply before taking a long drink of my coffee.
“I’ll go shopping while you shower and sleep.”
I eye her dress again. “After you change.”
She leans close to me and her hand lands on my knee. “You wanna help me with that?”
She can’t even begin to imagine how much I want to help her with that, but my energy levels are at an all-time low. “Baby, I could help you with that, but you’d be doing all the work. I don’t even have the energy to dream of fucking you, let alone doing it.”
“All right, let’s get you showered and into bed then,” she takes over as she hops off the stool.
I do as she says with a grin on my face while dirty thoughts fill my mind.
“Why are you grinning like that?” she asks, watching me with slight confusion.
“Because I was just thinking that at some point I will have energy and when that happens, it’s gonna be a marathon sex session. And that thought made me really fucking happy.”
I watch as she thinks about that, and I love the sexy smile she gives me.
Motioning for me to walk, she bosses me, “You need to start moving and stop talking, because otherwise I’m going to be happy to do all the work while we change my dress, but I really don’t want to take what little energy you do have. So move, Mr. Rockstar.”
Again, I do as she says.
I love her bossy ways and wouldn’t change her for the world.
Six hours later, I’m showered, rested, and ready to face the hospital again. And I’ve got Presley out of that scrap of material and into a respectable dress that covers her legs. Every inch of them.
“Do you want to drive?” she asks, holding her keys out to me as we walk downstairs to the car park.
“Christ,” I grumble as I take the keys from her, “we need to go to my place at some point and get my car. I keep hitting my head on yours when I get in and out of it. And I need clean clothes, too.”
She pokes her tongue at me. “Maybe you should bend your head when you get in my car.”
I chuckle. “You’re attached to your car, aren’t you?” It’s gotta be five years old, and I can’t see the attraction, but she seems to really like it.
“It’s the first car I ever bought brand new, so yeah, I am kind of attached to it.”
We reach her car and I unlock it. Smiling at her, I say, “I get that.”
“Crap, I forgot my purse,” she says while rummaging through her handbag. “I’m gonna run up real quick and grab it.”
“Sure, I’ll wait here for you.”
I watch her go and then lean my back against the car while I pull my phone out and check my text messages. There’s one from Claudia from a couple of hours ago that I missed so I tap it to open.
* * *
Claudia: I meant it when I said you are the best brother. I love you, Jett.
* * *
My eyes skim the words over and over but I can’t bring myself to type a message back to her. I don’t fucking want to.
I rub the back of my neck and stretch.
Maybe a miracle will happen.
“Shit,” I mutter after pushing a breath out and sliding my phone back into the pocket of my jeans.
What’s the fucking likelihood of two miracles in one lifetime?
A siren sounds in the distance, diverting my attention to it for a minute, and I can’t help but think h
ow the world carries on around us even when everything is falling apart.
Pain.
Loss.
Grief.
The world doesn’t know and it sure as shit doesn’t care.
My phone rings, vibrating against my leg and dragging me out of my thoughts.
“Mum . . . everything okay?” I ask after checking caller ID and worrying that she’s calling for a reason other than to tell me she’s leaving the hospital.
She doesn’t say anything and the dread circling in my gut climbs up to my throat. I gulp it back and am just about to ask her again when a sob leaves her mouth and travels down the line to me. “Jett . . .” Her voice cuts off as another sob fills the air between us.
Fuck.
Fuck!
“What is it?” I demand as my limbs turn to jelly and my head begins to spin. This can’t be happening. It can’t be what I think it is.
“Claudia . . . she’s gone . . .” Agony screams down the line at me as my mother says the words no mother ever wants to say.
I double over as the pain claws at me. Fighting for a breath, I try to form a question. “How? Why?”
I don’t understand.
Her sobs are coming hard and fast, but she manages to calm them down enough to answer me. “She went into cardiac arrest and the doctors couldn’t do anything for her… about half an hour ago.”
“No!” I scream into the air as my phone falls out of my hand to the ground. Straightening, I punch the concrete post next to the car. The pain it causes to my arm hardly registers.
No!
I never got a chance to reply to her message.
Torment punches through my body as my thoughts come at me like a fucking freight train.
The world around me is a blur; none of it is important.
None of it means anything.
Not anymore.
The pain swallows me and I spin into an abyss of misery.
Doubling over again, I wrap my arms around my body and let the sobs come. They rack my body and I allow them to take over. I allow my grief to spill out.
“Jett.” Presley’s panicked voice fills the air and I lift my head to look at her. Her hand flies to her mouth and distress clouds her features. “Oh my God . . . what is it? What’s happened?”
I stare at her as tears blur my vision and slide down my face. No words come and I don’t force them. The taste of them on my tongue makes me want to vomit so they’re better left discarded and unsaid.
She comes to me and wraps her arms around my body. I don’t move. I simply let her do her thing while I stare at her through my heartache.
I’m sure her touch is caring and gentle and soft, but I don’t even feel it.
I’m numb.
My worst fears have come true and I don’t want to feel anything ever again.
32
Presley
I watch Jett open the fridge from where I sit at his kitchen counter. He grabs the milk out, shuts the fridge, and then makes coffee on autopilot. Going through the motions is all he’s been doing since he was given the news of Claudia’s death yesterday. I can’t blame him, but I want him to let me in. I want him to let me be there for him. I want to be the one he leans on now.
It’s just after five in the morning, and neither of us slept much last night. Jett looks as exhausted as I know he is. Physically and emotionally.
“What are your plans today?” he asks as he puts the milk back in the fridge.
I frown. Surely he would realise I’m keeping my schedule free for him. “I’m here for you, baby. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
His gaze swings to mine as he walks back to where his coffee sits on the counter. I hate what I see in his eyes. Or what I don’t see. His eyes are empty as they stare at me. And when he replies to what I said, his voice is also hollow. “You don’t need to do that. I’m going to be busy with Mum and Dad today, going over the funeral arrangements and everything, so I imagine you’d be bored shitless. I’ll call you once we’re done and see where you are.”
His words pierce my heart a little but I keep that to myself. He’s hurting and trying desperately to cope with his loss so the least I can do is give him some space to do that. I want to tell him I’m coming with him but I don’t want to intrude on his family so I just nod to signal my agreement.
We sit in silence after that until he finishes his coffee. He rinses his mug in the sink and leaves the kitchen without a word. I contemplate following him to make sure he’s okay but immediately discount the idea.
I will give him his space.
So I stay where I am and drink the rest of my coffee, waiting for him to reappear.
Only five minutes pass before he returns. He walks to where I am sitting and places a key on the counter. Finding my gaze he says, “A key to my place.” He waits for my reply and when I nod my head, he bends his face to mine and kisses me. It’s a quick kiss with none of the passion he usually gives me and definitely none of the possessiveness his lips usually hold. I didn’t expect any of that today but still, I don’t like the lack of it.
He picks up his keys and phone that are sitting on the counter, and turns to leave. “I’ll call you,” he says over his shoulder and a minute later, he’s gone.
I’m left praying he’s going to get through this without too much of his heart shredded to pieces.
“When do you think the funeral will be?” Erin asks me later that day over a coffee.
“I don’t know. Jett’s discussing it with his family today.”
“Why aren’t you with him?” She seems as confused as I was this morning.
Sighing, I lean my elbows on the table. “He’s pulling away from me and didn’t seem to want me there, so I let it go.” I stare at her for a moment and then add, “I totally understand him needing some space, but I hate that he’s going through this alone.”
She blows out a breath. “God, it happened so fast. I can’t even imagine that. To find out your sister has cancer again and then just days later, she’s dead. No wonder he’s distant, babe. You’re doing the right thing by giving him room to work it through in his mind. I reckon he’ll come to you when he needs you.”
“I hope so,” I say softly as I think about what she’s said.
“Have you decided if you’ll go on tour with the band yet?”
I shake my head as I sip some coffee. “They’ve put their album on hold while Jett was with Claudia so I hadn’t thought anymore about it. I don’t know what they’ll do now but I think I would like to take on the job. Shooting them for that interview in LA was fun, and I love watching Jett perform so it’s kind of a no-brainer.”
“I guess that as long as you guys manage to get along okay while working together, it should be all right.”
She’s brought up the only thing still holding me back from jumping straight in. “Yeah, it’d suck to get out on tour and start having problems because of working together.” Wanting to change the subject, I ask, “Did you ever hear from that lawyer?”
Settling her elbows on the table and leaning her face forward, she says, “Girl, you are so far behind on the gossip that I need to catch you up. That dude called and we went on a date, and let’s just say I’m re-evaluating my thoughts on men in suits. Suddenly the bartender is looking good.”
My eyes widen. “Start talking, and don’t stop until I know it all.”
Jett
* * *
I park my Jeep in the car park outside the pub I’ve been coming to for ten years, and rest my head back against the headrest. Memories of Claudia fill my mind. I brought her here for lunch the day she turned eighteen because it’s the kind of secluded pub I can come to and not get recognised or bothered. It was just me and her, and lots of drinks. She shared her dream of giving back to the world with me that day; she wanted to give back as a way of saying thank you to the universe for giving her the miracle of life after her battle with cancer as a child.
Yeah, so much to be thankful for.
Pul
ling the key out of the ignition, I open the door and exit the Jeep. I’ve come from my parents’ house where we spent all day going over the funeral arrangements and various other things, and I’m meeting the boys here for a drink. My head is throbbing, and I’m exhausted, but I need this time out with the guys.
“Jett,” West calls out when I enter the pub. They’re all here, sitting in the back at the table we usually sit at.
“Hi Dan,” I say to the bartender on my way, signalling to him that I want my usual.
“Sure, man,” he agrees and the look he gives me tells me that he’s been filled in on Claudia’s death.
Better that he knows. Then there’s no awkward moment when he asks me how she is.
I make my way to the back table and collapse onto the spare chair. Rubbing the back of my neck, I say, “It’s been a long fucking day and I don’t want to discuss it. You guys good with that?”
They stare at me for a beat and West and Van nod their agreement, but Hunter shakes his head. “No, that’s not gonna happen. Your sister dies, you need your friends, Jett. And I reckon you need to talk about it.”
I glare at him and mutter, “What exactly do you want to know, Hunter? I’ll give you five minutes and then we drink.”
“When’s Claudia’s funeral?”
“Day after tomorrow.”
“Make sure you text us the details. We’ll all be there.”
“Fine. Is that all you need to know or do you also want to know how fucking pissed off I am that she’s gone? That I will never understand the world ever again, because why the hell did they take her when there are murderers and rapists and paedophiles out there that should have been taken instead.” I run out of breath so I stop talking, but my heart rate is running a million miles an hour and every vein in my body is buzzing with adrenaline.
Hunter nods and sits back in his chair. “Yeah, that’s what I want to know.”
