by Dylan Allen
“Right now? In College Station. Hayes came back to town and she scampered. She doesn’t need money since my stepfather left her an annuity. We’ve all been estranged from her for years, except Dare – my youngest brother.”
“Wow. I’m sorry.” The pity in her eyes makes my skin feel one size too small.
“Don’t be. I’m not. Like you said, family isn’t for everyone.” My mother didn’t completely abdicate her role. But she didn’t do much more than was required to keep Child Protective Services off her back.
All the things a parent is supposed to guide you through— friendships, falling in love, learning to drive, getting applications in on time —I taught myself, and then tried to teach my younger brothers. I did the best I could, but it wasn’t always enough.
“Yeah, but still, I’m sorry,” she repeats, her expression not at all what it should be. I don’t want to talk about my mother and tarnish the shine off this last night with the bitterness just talking about her evokes.
“Come here and I’ll show you how you can make it feel better,” I say with a lascivious grin and a waggle of my brows. She laughs, and glides through the water toward me.
Adieu
Regan
We’ve been quiet most of the morning. Stone’s family has already arrived, and we’ve agreed that when we get back to the resort, he’ll drop me off and go drop off the rental. We won’t see each other again until the night before we’re both set to leave.
I’m bereft of him already.
This trip has been like finding my way home. I was a planet on the verge of extinction, saved by this man’s divine light. I may not get to keep him, but that light, the perspective, the feeling that I can do the hard things I’ve been avoiding – I’m taking those home with me. It’s time to figure out who I am. But God, I wish we had more time.
“I don’t want to go back.” I give up trying to hold it in and sit on the bed, the T-shirt I was folding gripped in my hands.
He joins me, sitting so our thighs touch, but he doesn’t put his arm around me. And I need him to, so desperately.
“I know,” he says, his voice is as hollow as my heart feels.
“Are you okay?” I ask, running my fingers along the soft scruff on his jaw.
He nods. “For now,” he whispers. He leans in and my eyes flutter closed. My lips tingle in anticipation of his touch. Instead of his mouth, the firm pads of his fingers stroke my lips.
My eyes pop open in surprise, and the conflict and misery in his eyes make me want to scream and cry at the same time.
That tortured gaze follows the path of his hand. He runs his fingers up the center of my nose, over the arch of brows, ghosts them over the tips of my lashes and then finally he cups either side of my face.
“You’re so much more than I could have imagined, Regan. I…” His voice is strangled, his eyes full of desperation that makes me tremble. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before he seems to abandon the idea of speaking.
Instead with a groan that sounds like surrender, he swoops down and claims my lips in a searing kiss.
His magical mouth thrills me to the edges of my senses and sends my imagination scouring for a new word to describe what we’re doing.
Because to call this a kiss, is akin to calling pearl, sand. It may start that way, but when pressure, passion, and fate collide– simple, small things become extraordinary, fathomless treasures.
With every breath we share, we are creating something so priceless that we’d be fools to let it go.
I’m falling in love with him.
God help me. How could I be so stupid?
It’s only been a handful of days, but Stone Rivers has already made me feel more alive than I thought possible. I feel connected to the earth, grounded to the moment. When I look at the night sky, I don’t notice the dark. I just see an endless spray of brilliant, blazing possibilities.
We make love one last time. There’s a rhythm, a natural push and pull between us that is at once cadent and capricious.
We are wanton, wild, wicked and so fucking happy.
My lips may say this isn’t real.
But my heart beats with the secret truth…and there it shall have to stay.
Crash Landing
Regan
“Oh, dear Lord, I feel almost human again,” I groan and lever up to sitting.
I can’t quite meet the eye of the woman who just finished washing my hair. It felt so delicious that I closed my eyes for a few minutes and pretended she was Stone. I might have come if she hadn’t stopped right when she did.
“You’ve got such incredible hair. It’s like the wigs everyone wears; these curls are to die for.”
It’s not vanity that makes my eyes roll. It’s boredom. My hair is unique, but then…so is everyone else’s.
But I’ve learned that attempting to dissuade or explain my resistance to accepting compliments is far more painful than just saying thank you.
I hear a commotion from the front of the small salon. Never one to ignore a fracas, I leave the flabbergasted hairdresser and stroll out front to see what is happening. A very familiar blonde is arguing with the extremely discomposed young receptionist. It’s Hayes’ Rivers fiancé. Stone’s soon to be sister in law and the very last person I should want to see.
But she’s pregnant, and clearly in distress. The woman at the counter isn’t even looking at her anymore.
“Confidence?” She spins around, her eyes wild with panic before recognition flickers and then fades. She gives me an assessing once over and a confused frown mars her incredibly pretty face and then her jaw goes slack.
Her shocked expression makes me feel like I’m standing there naked.
“Regan Wilde? Wow, your hair... is amazing and…I’ve never seen you look so… young before,” she says after tripping on her words.
“Good to know I look like an old hag normally,” I say in a dry voice before I can stop myself. I forget that my RBF means that my jokes tend to go over not so well.
Her ocean blue eyes widen in horror and then, she laughs out loud.
Hmmm, that’s unexpected.
She puts a hand on my arm, “And you’re funny, too. You know what I mean, girl. You look like you’re sixteen years old. I can see your freckles. You’re stunning all the time, but right now, you look like you’re a sun goddess or something. I can tell you’ve had a great trip.”
Her congratulatory smile makes my stomach dip.
If only she knew. I wonder what she’d say if I told her that I drove a nail into the coffin of my oldest friendship. Before I spent four days fucking, feasting and finding my religion with a man who isn’t my husband, but seems to know me better than anyone else ever has. Oh, and I think I fell in love with him, but it doesn’t matter because there is no hope for us.
Since I can’t say any of that, I focus on trying to help her with whatever I just walked in on.
“I wish I could say the same for you. You look downright distressed. What did I interrupt when I walked up here?” I arch an imperious eyebrow at the young woman behind the counter.
Confidence’s smile dims and she purses her lips. “Oh, I was being a little bit of a diva,” she admits with a sheepish smile. “I wanted to get my hair done. I didn’t make an appointment and they’re booked. I’m terrible at doing it myself.”
“You have an event?” I feign ignorance.
She darts forlorn azure blue eyes back to the young woman behind the small desk before she nods tentatively. “Yes. A beach wedding. At sunset. It’s a surprise, though. So, if you see Hayes please don’t say anything.”
“Don’t you worry,” I assure her. If I see Hayes, all I’ll be doing is moving in the opposite direction.
“I’m so mad at myself, I’ve never been to one of these places, I thought I could just walk down and get a quick blow out.” She bites her lip fretfully. Her hand rests protectively over the small rounded swell of her belly.
I was a pregnant bride, but there was nothing rom
antic or whimsical about my nuptials. Even in her distress, it’s clear that this is a woman who is in the full flush of love.
My pang of jealousy is tempered by my secret fascination with the idea of happily ever after. It wasn’t in the cards for me, but I love watching it happen for other people, so I make a snap decision.
I eye her cut off denim shorts and white t-shirt with a conspiratorial smile.
“It won’t do for you to become the new Mrs. Rivers with your hair looking like that. Leave it to me.”
Her pretty face is full of confusion. “Leave what?”
I turn back to the counter. “Excuse me.”
The girl who’d been ignoring Confidence smiles genially at me. “Yes Mrs. Landel, how can I help you?”
“This woman is getting married tonight, surely you can fit her in,”
She pales, her eyes widening and darting over my shoulder before returning to me full of dread and apology.
“I’m sorry, but we aren’t taking walk ins.”
I quirk a brow at her and frown, confused. “You took me.”
She flushes bright red and her eyes dart around as if she’s looking for help. When none of her co-workers meet her pleading eyes, she looks back to me with resignation. “Because you’re… you. VIP. And now, we don’t have any bowls available.”
“It’s okay, Regan. Really,” Confidence puts a hand on my shoulder.
“No, it’s not. She can have my bowl. I don’t have anything more than a good book waiting for me. If you can make me an appointment for tomorrow?”
The girl turns to her coworkers and speaks to them in a rapid fire, authoritative voice that sends them scurrying.
“Of course, Mrs. Landel, what time tomorrow?”
“Oh no, I couldn’t,” Confidence protests.
“You must. I insist.” I smile at the young woman. “I’ll call in the morning to see what ‘s available. “
I turn to Confidence, “I’ll just go get my things, so you can get started.”
“Thank you so much, Regan.” She’s bubbly with giddy relief and before I see it coming, her arms go around me in a hug of gratitude.
I’m so surprised, I stiffen. But only for a moment.
In the group of people I call friends, air kisses are the greeting of choice.
But boy…does she give good hugs.
Almost as good as Matty’s.
I’ve been so mad at her, but I wish I’d hugged her like this before she left. I roll my eyes at my own silliness. As if a hug would have healed everything between us.
I miss having girlfriends.
I’m tempted to nestle my head on her shoulder and tell her everything.
I pull away before I do or say something I’ll regret.
Confidence is smiling wide, and in a louder voice she says, “Is your husband here? We’ll be at the beach at 6pm. We’d love to have you.”
At the mention of my husband, Hayes and his brothers in the same sentence, my panic flares.
“He’s not here. And I’ve got a video call with my kids at the same time. I haven’t talked to them for a few days, so as much as I’d love to…” I lie. I wouldn’t love to. “Good luck tonight. It’s quite a feat you’re pulling off.”
“He’s my forever, and I just want him to be happy.” she says with a dreamy sigh that makes my dry husk of a heart wheeze in longing
“Oh, I’m sure he will be.”
She shakes her head in self- rebuke. “It’s ridiculous that you and I had to come all the way to Mexico to have our first conversation. Let’s have lunch when we’re all back home.” she says with so much sincerity that I can’t suppress the girlish hope that maybe, she means it.
“I’d love to,” I say but when she goes to hug me again, I lean in and press a kiss to each of her cheeks. Hugs are nice, but so are these, when you mean them.
She’s marrying a man very much like Marcel - a titan of industry, powerful and from an old, classist family that disinherits its heirs the way the Catholic Church used to excommunicate heretics.
But in all the ways that matter, he’s also very different. Every time I’ve seen them together, it is clear that he is beside himself with love for the little blond bombshell he’s marrying. And she returns his affection.
Yet, empire building is not for the faint of heart. Marcel and I might not have fared better if we’d had love on our side. Without it, we never stood a chance.
Confidence waves and disappears around a corner with the now fawning receptionist. I wave back and send her a silent wish for better luck with her billionaire titan than I had with mine.
Oh, Brother
Hayes Rivers
“Why the fuck are you smiling like that?” I nudge Stone with my elbow.
He immediately stops smiling. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, and I eye him in the mirror but drop it. He’s always been a private person and I know that pushing him is the surest way to shut him up.
I turn back to the mirror, but I feel him watching me and dart an inquisitive glance in his direction.
“I can hear you thinking....” I draw.
“How do you know, Hayes?”
“Know what?” I run my fingers through my hair one last time and turn to face him. He looks uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
“That you want to spend the rest of your life with her.”
“Because in general, I’m a selfish asshole. But I’d rather swallow hot lead than see disappointment in her eyes.”
Stone laughs, and I freeze.
“I haven’t heard you laugh out loud in at least three years,” I say.
“That’s not true,” he scoffs, and a smile plays on his lips.
“Has there been an invasion of body snatchers? Who the hell are you?”
“Fuck off, Hayes.”
“I saw you two weeks ago on FaceTime, and you looked like the same miserable fucker you’ve always been. Last time you looked like this you were eating one of those lemon scone things you used to be obsessed with.”
He purses his lips in a self-satisfied smile and nods. “You don’t say…”
“Are you two peacocks done hogging the mirror?” Beau shouts and I stick my head out of the bathroom. He’s lounging on the bed, and Dare is nowhere in sight.
“Where’d he go?” I ask and eye Dare’s bed. It’s strewn with more clothes than he could possibly need for a weekend, hair products, his laptop, two cell phones, and several wads of cash. I push away the unfair flare of suspicion as I take in his things. Dare has been home from rehab for two months. He’s doing well. I can see the change in him. I just need to accept that his lifestyle is less traditional than mine.
I clap my hands together both to refocus my thoughts and to get my brother’s attention. “Listen, whatever C is up to, I want you guys to promise me you didn’t let her rope you into anything crazy.”
“Too late. That little blonde Napoleon you’re engaged to can’t be reined in,” Beau says cryptically and grins. He hops up and saunters to the small bar by our balcony door.
He hands me a glass and another to Stone and raises his in a toast.
He makes a lewd joke about marriage and balls in vices. I laugh even though it’s not really that funny. I’m happy. I’ve missed my brothers.
We’re scattered all over the place, and it’s been too long since we got together outside of the holidays.
Confidence never ceases to amaze me. They told me she made it clear that she wouldn’t take no for an answer when she called them to plan this get away. Even though I’ve missed her this afternoon, it’s been nice to spend the afternoon with them. I feel bad that I didn’t thank her before she went off on her mysterious errands.
A simple and easy day is the best gift anyone has ever given me.
In my family, those kinds of words—simple and easy—were met with suspicion.
“Okay, let’s go. Everything is ready.”
Beau’s abrupt declaration startles me. “Ready for w
hat?” I ask.
“For you, dumbass. That’s all I’m allowed to say,” he adds when I start to press him for more.
I turn to Stone, who is distracted by whatever he’s looking at on his phone.
He’s smiling again.
This time, with teeth.
My curiosity about the evening is forgotten. I give him a suspicious once-over. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see it. But why the fuck are you smiling so much?”
He flushes, and his eyes get an almost dreamy look, one I’ve never seen.
“I think… I’m falling in love.” He sounds like he can’t believe it himself.
“Wow.” I can’t hide my surprise.
He smiles wryly. “I know. It’s a little complicated, though.”
“How so?”
“She’s married. Don’t say a fucking word. Not to anyone,” he whispers.
Then, he claps me on the shoulder and follows Beau out the door. I put my shoes on, grab my wallet and hurry after them.
The elevator doors open on our floor, just as I’m catching up with them.
“Good timing,” Beau mutters, as we step onto the crowded car.
Conversation is impossible, but I catch Stone's eye and give him a look that he knows means I’m not done with him.
He smirks and shrugs.
I smirk back and plan my attack as we descend.
When we step off the elevator, I pounce.
“I forgot my phone upstairs,” I lie.
“Aww, shit. Hayes. If you’re late, Confidence will fucking kill me,” Beau whines.
“Then you go get it. And Stone can escort me to whatever this is.”
“Good idea. I’ll be five minutes behind you,” he says, and turns back for the elevators.
“That’s not a little complicated.” I fall into step beside a speed-walking Stone.
He scoffs. “It is. She won’t be married for much longer. Now that I know for certain she could be mine; I’m just going to wait for everything to align and make my move.”
