“She’s the one,” she whispers fiercely. “The one you lost your heart to all those years ago in Alaska.”
Whoa. Dropping her arm, I step back in shock. My sister is one of the most astute people in the world, but— “What makes you thinks that?”
Shooting me a filthy look filled with disbelief, she proceeds to blow me away by saying, “You met the one, and she filled your soul. Then between one day and the next, you changed. All the life drained from you. Everyone attributed it to you leaving your friends.”
“Maybe it was,” I challenge, uncomfortable by my sister’s armchair analysis.
Greta rolls her eyes. “Nobody who knows you can say you haven’t had a full life, but it’s been missing the kind of fulfillment that comes from having met that one person you were meant to connect with.”
I stay silent because the problem isn’t that I haven’t met the one. It’s that I couldn’t be with her. Well, now I finally have a shot at changing that. Then again, that depends on what I find when I get there.
If I ever get a chance to leave.
“Then you came home from Jed’s funeral, and I honestly thought you were going to go mad.” A lone tear falls down her cheek.
“I miss him. I never realized how much I could.” Especially right now when I could use his wisdom more than ever.
Stepping forward, Greta pushes a lock of hair off my face. “I know you do. The only thing I give you credit for is you didn’t try to ruin some other poor woman’s life by shoving her in someone else’s place.”
“Give me a little more credit than that,” I mutter, unintentionally confirming everything she’s insinuated while in my office.
“So, what’s your plan? You’re going to ride in on your big black truck with your cavalry of workers and save the day? To what end, Kody?”
“To the same end I’ve always had—to help make her happy. And in the end, if it means giving her that and walking away, I will,” I respond simply.
Greta’s lips part, but no words come out. After a few moments where nothing but the outside hum of the office can be heard, she finally asks, “How are you sure it’s real?”
I pause, not out of uncertainty of how I feel about Meadow, but because I’m trying to remember exactly what I said to Jed at the house we rented a few years ago. The home Meadow now manages, in a twist of fate so unexpected, I’m still reeling from it. I think back to the night Jed and I sat on the deck overlooking Flathead Lake and pull the words from deep within my memory. “Because even after all this time, it didn’t matter that she didn’t choose me as long as she’s happy. I could live the rest of my life content with glimpses of her so long as I know that.”
“Kody…” Greta begins, but I plow on.
“On the rare occasions when I saw her, my heart forgot she didn’t choose me that night.”
“Why?”
“Because one smile from her and I was transported back to a time when we’d lie together talking with the earth at our back.” I take a deep breath and finish. “If I could have that memory every night for the rest of my life, I’d never want for anything more.”
“Or anybody else?”
I shake my head, suppressing a smile over the irony of my sister’s question. It’s the same one Jed asked me that night. “The heart loves who it loves. I don’t believe it’s a choice we make but something destined between two souls.”
“Then why didn’t you do something back then?” Leave it to my sister to ask the question I’ve been tormenting myself with for seventeen long years.
“Because back then, I was a young man who foolishly thought destiny would step in to bring two souls together. Then I became a man who recognized love isn’t always about being together. It’s about wanting what’s best for the other person.” I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. “Now there are repercussions to deal with as a result of that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that in the process of being Mr. Altruistic, I essentially walked away from someone who was one of my closest friends to protect myself. And as a result, I only found out about what’s happening in Montana the night of Sandra’s prom. Now do you understand—umph!”
Knowing my sister, I should have expected the jab to the stomach. “What was that for?” I wheeze out.
“For years, you taught me, Candy, Victoria, Alissa, Amelia, and Sandra to not put up with a man who would treat us any differently than our brother or father would.” She narrows her eyes. “And yet, what have you done?”
I can’t find the words to respond, but I can’t find them because my sister’s right. I let Meadow go because it hurt too much to keep her close, expecting others to keep me informed of her.
What kind of reception am I about to walk into?
Greta reaches up and cups my chin. “It’s going to get complicated, Kody. You just have to keep in mind that once you commit to her for the job, you can’t storm off if the personal stuff gets to be too intense. This time, you have to see it through to the end.”
Having such a large family has driven me crazy on more than one occasion, but right now, I’m grateful to my younger sister’s words of wisdom. “Thanks, G.” I tug her forward and wrap her in a hug.
“I’ve got your back, but you still can’t have Lenny for two more weeks.” Her words are muffled against my chest.
“We’ll see,” I croon against the top of her head.
She whacks my back with her perfectly organized schedules over and over. When I let her pull back, she asks, “What can I do to help you get ready?”
I don’t know whether I’m praying to God or Jed, but if either are listening, let there be a day where I can introduce Meadow to my family. Because if the young woman who haunts my memories is anything like the woman I’m about to confront, she’ll fit in perfectly with the Laurence clan.
Letting Greta go, I circle my desk and hold out my hand for the papers. “Let’s go through these and come up with a rough bid that I can upload and adjust on-site.” I’m calmer now. And with Greta’s help, taking the time now will save me hours in Montana.
Which is where I’m going to need them with Meadow.
Meadow
It’s a dark day even though the sun is shining brightly outside.
I should be grateful for the weather as I lug another box of salvageable items out of Nature’s Song down to the portable storage I rented. The unusual lack of snow and rain have kept me from having to bring in the contractors before I was ready to make a decision on one of the bad choices I’m being presented with.
Russell was shocked when he came by the other day. “If you asked me what was going on, I’d say the homeowners were in the middle of a flip, not that they had any kind of vandalism. I can’t believe you did all of this on your own, Meadow.”
I nodded toward the bids on the bar. “With each and every one of those, this should knock off the 20K they line-itemed for ‘Unknown Trash Removal.’ Despite the police report, the contractors still wouldn’t remove that, so I took it into my own hands.”
Russell gaped at me like I had two heads. “Meadow, your job description doesn’t involve disposing of all of this.” He waved an arm to encompass the waste of food and rotted hardwood on the first floor.
“You tasked me with getting a job done, correct?”
“Well, yes.”
“And I’m doing just that.” Russell started to protest, but I held up a gloved hand. “Take a look at the bids on the counter before you say anything else.”
Turning, he picked up the bids I laid out to remind myself why I was going through this disgusting exercise. There, circled in bright red, was the trash removal charge from each of the general contractors. I snapped open another bag to prepare it for another shovel full of rotted food I knocked off the shelves earlier. I’m utterly infuriated by the bids we’ve received over the last few days. “Tens of thousands of dollars to remove trash? I’ll have this place cleaned out in a few days. Then maybe the stench won’t b
e as apparent and influencing the numbers I see on those pages. I mean, it’s not like he cut every wire in the damn house or blew off a wing!” I shouted.
He became thoughtful. “I agree. And I’ll agree you can clean up enough to get those rugs out, but that’s it.” The smile that began to form on my face quickly died. “We need to get the professionals in soon, Meadow.”
Rolling my head on my aching shoulders, I knew he was right. But with so much spinning out of control in my life, I needed just a few moments where I felt like I had all the power. “I know.”
With a quirk of his lips, he declared, “I’m impressed, Meadow. It’s been a week and you’re well on your way to earning your first bonus.”
A thrill ran through me at his words. “I don’t want you to ever think you made a mistake in hiring me, Russell.”
He barked out a laugh. “I can assure you, I don’t. And don’t be surprised to find something waiting on your doorstep. Also, Anne and I would love to have you over for dinner this weekend.”
After I made it to the cottage, I found a gift certificate for a day of pampering at the Lodge at Whitefish Lake with a note stating, “My wife assures me you deserve this. There will also be an adjustment to your salary. Upward. — RC.” Tears pricked my eyes at the simple gratitude. “I guess I can do this job after all,” I whispered, clutching the note to my chest, Russell’s words meaning much more than anything, including the money.
Back at work, I discovered buried treasure in each of the closets I found to be locked. Russell hurried over with a key. Other than smearing them with the unknown substance, Mr. Wilde’s brother didn’t include them in his rampage. “It seems so small in comparison to the rest of the damage, but it’s something,” I exclaimed to Russell.
“I agree. There’s an excellent cleaner who handles fire and water damage. I can’t handle the physical work you’re doing, but I can handle this.”
Even as Russell gathered the family’s clothes to be brought to the cleaners to be cleaned and put into storage boxes, I’ve hauled loads of linens to my own cottage to be washed and folded before doing the same.
Finally, two weeks after finding Nature’s Song in the condition I first saw it in, the most I can say for it is that it’s clean from the rot and rubbish James Wilde left it mired in. “I’m looking forward to seeing you the way you once were in your full glory,” I say out loud. It’s about the only thing I’m looking forward to these days.
Especially after the FaceTime call I had last night.
“I think she’ll be different. The one thing I’ve learned about Nature’s Song is she evolves as if she truly is a part of nature and the people who stay in her. A piece of timber they find on the slopes, a rock from the top of the glacier, her visitors always leave a part of themselves here.”
I jump at the sound of Russell’s voice. “Where did you come from?” I laugh.
“Sorry about that. You did such an amazing job getting everything cleaned out, there’s no more glass outside to announce my presence.”
Laughing, I walk over to the cooler I now feel comfortable bringing inside with me from the cottage filled with water and pull out two. He shakes his head. Dropping one back in, I twist the top off and take a long drink. Wiping my mouth, I answer, “What’s going on?”
“I received a call from a potential contractor from out of state. Very exclusive. Word is getting out about the house needing repairs.” His face is worried.
Even though my heart is thumping inside of my chest, I say calmly, “Well, at least we haven’t been wringing our hands together and saying woe is me.”
He barks out a laugh. “That’s because you haven’t, Meadow. You’re a strong, determined woman. I might have curled into a ball.”
And just like that, the wounds from Elise’s shrieks over FaceTime begin to mend just a little. “Thank you. But I have to say, I’m not entirely certain I would have been that person before my separation a year ago.”
He opens his mouth, I’m sure to ask me more, but the reason for dropping by pulls him back. “The contractor says he’ll be here in a few hours and will check into his hotel before dropping by. I’d say that gives you at least two in order to get cleaned up.”
“That’s an excellent idea. And maybe I should burn these clothes while I’m at it.” We both laugh.
“Would you like me here with you?” Russell asks as he helps me pack up and carry the packing materials out to my SUV.
“If you’d like.” I slam the tailgate down. The sound echoes in the quiet. “I’m so glad the worst of the dumpsters were picked up yesterday,” I murmur to myself before turning to my boss for his decision.
He opens his mouth and then closes it. “I think you’ll do fine on your own. But if you need assistance, any kind at all, I’m only a phone call away.” He starts to move back toward his Shelby with an economy of motion.
Just as he’s about to slide in, I call out, “Russell?”
He pauses and looks back over his shoulder.
“I’m glad that since I had to move anywhere, it ended up being to a place where someone feels concerned about me. How lucky am I that person is my new boss?” Leaving that hanging in the air between us, I walk to the driver’s side of my SUV and slide into the seats I’ve covered in garbage bags.
Russell still hasn’t moved when I drive by and wave as I head back to the cottage to shower and change.
I have a contractor to negotiate with.
Standing under the sharp needles of the shower spray, I can’t prevent my mind from drifting back to the conversation between me and Elise last night.
“What do you think about Aunt Rainey’s idea?” I asked as I laid out the idea of her and MJ staying in Alaska a little longer than expected.
“It’s fine. Whatever.” Elise’s hair fell in front of her face as she ducked her head.
“It would give you longer to spend time with your friends, do all the fun things you—”
“What do you care?” She lifted her head up, her desolate eyes blazing. “All you care about is you and what’s best for you. So, it has a side benefit for me and MJ. So what?”
My breathing was so shallow, I was surprised I didn’t pass out. “Honey, all you have to say is you want to come to Montana like we arranged and nothing changes.”
She laughed bitterly—a sound I’ve heard so often over the last year, but still haven’t gotten used to. “What difference does that make to you, Mom? You’re just going to move on with your life as if there’s been no changes in ours.”
“What? No, sweetheart. That’s not true,” I protested.
“Then tell me why we have to move away from everything we know,” she demanded.
But just like all the other times she’s asked since I kicked Mitch out, I held steadfast and refused to respond. Elise and her father have a special bond, and I refuse to be the one to shatter it. That might cause more damage to a child who’s already feeling so much than I can help her through.
“Yeah, it’s just like I thought. More secrets. Just like Dad said.”
“No, Lise. It’s not like that.”
“Is it a guy?”
“What? No!” I exclaimed. “Honey, your father and I barely made things—”
“Save it, Mom. I’ll be glad to stay here for a while longer. Does that make you happy?” Before I could answer that no, what would make me happy is having my daughter back, she ended the call.
I couldn’t even pick up when I saw Rainey try to call me back.
As the sting of the shower mingles with the pricks forming behind my eyes, I realize as bad as last night was, it still wasn’t the worst.
No, that was shortly after our family friend Jed Smith died. I had taken Rainey’s kids home with me right after his funeral. Mitch came home from his overnight shift, dropped his gear bag on the laundry room floor, and gave me a kiss on my lips in that order. And then everything erupted.
After returning Rainey’s kids to her house, that night we told the kid
s that Mitch and I would be separating, Elise hurled at me, “I wish you’d died instead of Uncle Jed,” right before she ran out of the room. MJ didn’t say a word, but he followed his sister.
Mitch opened his mouth, but I just held up a hand and hissed, “Go. Haven’t you made enough of a mess of our lives?”
And without saying another word, he did.
I’ve been paying for his crimes ever since.
Stepping from the shower, I deliberately pull myself from the headspace I could so easily drown in. And I pause in the act of slipping on a pair of panties and a bra, because inadvertently I do owe my ex-husband a thank-you. If I were still living in Juneau, I’d be constantly hovered over by concerned family and friends wondering how I’m doing since the divorce. Both Mitch and I worked in jobs that put us in the public eye. Here, I’m simply Meadow Borneman, newly divorced single mom. My past is what I share of it, nothing more or less. Sure, there are going to be bad days, but I can get through them. The hard times are going to be what I make of them, no one else.
I can do this, I think fiercely. The only thing that can hold me back are the limits I place on myself. I quickly dry my hair and put on minimal makeup. Deciding the worksite still doesn’t lend itself to a pair of heels, I slide into a pair of jeans, a silky top, and a pair of replacement riding boots I found online for a steal. Quickly, I slip on minimal jewelry. And that’s when I see it.
The ring made of woven grass that Kody made me nearly seventeen years ago resting in the back of my jewelry box.
I don’t pull it out like I used to do when I’d miss him in the early years of my marriage. Much like the ring, my relationship with him is way too fragile to be repaired if something happened to it. I gently touch it with the tip of my finger and whisper the same thing I do every time I spy it: “Please be happy.”
Slamming the lid down on the memories of decisions past and present, I leave my bedroom and grab my jacket, wallet, keys, and tablet from the kitchen and focus on one thing—the restoration of Nature’s Song.
Return by Land (Glacier Adventure Series Book 2) Page 9
