by Eric Vall
“I haven’t heard the name Tovish for many seasons,” the koala-elder said as he stroked the long, twirly beard on his chin. Even his long mustache was braided right into the beard, which only added to his crotchety appearance.
“Um,” I fumbled as I tried to adjust to the bright light that flooded my vision as it contrasted with the dark alleyway I was just in.
The place looked like it could be a hotel straight out of 1890s London complete with an oaken reception counter, a little brass bell, and a pegboard with half a dozen numbered copper keys hanging on the wall.
I blinked and turned back to Tovish. “Well, he spoke about you as if you both go way back. He trusted you would help us.”
“He still resides in Mec Valley, yes?” Tovish asked.
“Yes, he has been at the Kel estate since immigrating to Nata Isle,” Zoie said as she filled in for my lack of knowledge. “I didn’t know he knew anyone from here who was also from his homeland. How do you know him?”
“He was my apprentice archivist at the Great Hall of Records before the Engite Asher Lord was defeated and the new one decided to put the Hall out of commission,” the short furry man said. He tried to pull his twirling finger away from his beard, but his finger got stuck, and he winced.
“Jenner told us you might consider extending your hospitality just for one night before we head on our way,” Zoie said as she untied her cloak and pulled it off to drape over one arm.
“Oh, wait,” Tovish said as he pointed at her. “I know of you from the last letter he wrote when he explained Kel’s estate had changed hands. He wrote of a young Varthan wife purchased by some Dagmar fellow. Is that you?”
He directed this last question at me, and I shook my head.
“No, my name is Alex,” I said as I extended my hand for him to shake.
“Alex defeated Dagmar, and is now the owner of Old Kel’s estate,” Zoie explained as Tovish and I grasped forearms.
“Another Duelist, pah!” Tovish said as he took back his hand with a sour expression on his face. “Let me guess, you’re here to try and Duel the Asher of Gatetown for his four-rank status and glory and all that--well, if you think just because Jenner and I know each other that you can board here for free, then you have another thing coming! You Ashers always think you can just take what you want, but--”
“Woah, relax, we don’t intend to challenge any Ashers, and we weren’t going to take advantage of you,” I added as I pulled off my cloak as well to seem less menacing. “We don’t have any gold, though, but Jenner said you might consider tithe stones.”
I untied the hidden pouch from my belt and shook it so the pebbles inside would tumble around in a pleasingly full way.
Tovish’s beady eyes widened as they fastened onto the sack in my hand. He smacked his lips a little as if his mouth was really dry, and then he took out a handkerchief to dab at the beads of sweat on his face.
Suddenly, the caw of a crow sounded from overhead, and a pair of taloned feet snatched the pouch from my grasp.
“Hey!” I yelled and shook out my hand where the weird bird creature scratched me.
The thing that looked like a mix between a blonde magpie and a moth flew back up to the rafters on its scaly bird-feet while it turned the pouch over in its four fuzzy moth-paws. It examined the bag of rocks with its large red eyes and pecked at the drawstring with its tiny black beak.
“Now, don’t mind Roofus,” Tovish said with a chuckle. “He’s a gold-seeker moth, and once he realizes there’s nothing but pebbles in there, he’ll lose interest.”
“Kaw!” Roofus the crow-moth thing squawked, and then he dropped the sack of tithe stones on the floor where it landed with a bang and caused some of the stones to fall out.
“Thanks,” I grumbled up at the moth, and it fluffed its dusty neck ruff and tilted its head a full one-eighty degrees so it could train those bulbous scarlet eyes on me.
It was creepy as fuck but also kind of cute in the way that it gripped its four fuzzy fists together and wiggled its long antennae.
When I finished scooping the fallen rocks back into the velvet pouch, I stood back up and startled when Roofus fluttered down and perched on my shoulder.
“Oh, how interesting,” Tovish mused and started twirling his tuft of beard again. “Roo usually doesn’t trust strangers.”
“As I was saying,” I said as I tried to ignore the creature staring at me with unblinking red eyes. “I would like to compensate you for what it would cost for a room and a meal, and then we will be on our way in the morning. Just name your price.”
The bearded innkeeper narrowed his glare as he thought about it, and then he scanned me up and down and crossed his arms before he barked out his answer.
“For an Asher: Twenty-eight tithes.”
“That’s robbery!” Zoie growled and scowled at the little innkeeper as if he took away her birthday.
“That’s my price for an Asher’s night’s board with one hot meal cooked by yours truly,” he said. “Would you like me to itemize my labor costs to you, madam?”
“Sooo… I take it you don’t like Ashers?” I raised my eyebrows. “I thought they were respected across this world.”
“Yeah,” the kola man scoffed. “If you want, you can drag me out of my home and butcher me in the street. You Duelists think you can get away with anything. The entire world is enslaved to you, so we can be ‘protected’ against monsters that haven’t been seen in hundreds of years.”
“No need to be rude. I’m not going to drag you into the street and kill you. I just want a place for my wife and I to stay for the night. We’re not here to take advantage of you, and because you are a friend of Jenner, I’ll gladly pay you a rate that is fair.” I began to count out the pebbles from the sack, and I put one more in because this guy seemed like he’d been taken advantage of one too many times.
I held out my fist with the tithes clutched inside, but the cantankerous koala-elder didn’t move from where his arms were still tightly crossed over his chest.
“You… aren’t mad?” He scrutinized me up and down with his shrewd eyes.
“Naw, man,” I sighed. “We are tired. Can we just have a room? Jenner said you were a nice person, so we want to stay here.”
“Ugh, the lady is right. I couldn’t charge that in fair conscience. The rate is only two tithes.” Tovish held out his hand, but before I could move, he snapped his fingers shut. “But I trust you would not insult me by giving me one tithe more than that, in light of fairness and all.”
I looked him in the eye a little boggled at how he might have guessed I was going to give him twenty-nine anyway, just because he knew my favorite koala-butler, but the proud expression on his wizened face told me he really meant to be fair and square.
“Of course,” I said and dropped four tithes into the cup of his palm. “Thanks for letting us stay at your fine establishment.”
The difficult innkeeper grumbled under his breath as he squirreled away the purifying pebbles, took a pair of number six room keys off the pegboard behind the reception counter, and then placed one of the large copper old fashioned keys into my palm.
“Just make yourselves at home, why don’t you?” Tovish grunted as he loaded up both of our packs and our cloaks on his shoulders as if he was a pack mule. “The parlor is to your left. Dinner will be ready shortly. Nothing fancy, mind, just leftover stew and some stale bread.”
“Thank you, Mr. Tovish. That should be fine.” I bowed my head a little with a grin, but my gaze was one of respect.
“Kaw!” Roofus the gold-seeker moth cried out and fanned his tail feathers as if he was pleased everyone was getting along.
The innkeeper scowled at the creature. “Shush.”
Roofus fluttered his dusty wings as he twisted his head about like an owl and then launched off my shoulder to roost somewhere.
Tovish huffed at him before he went up the creaking flight of wooden stairs that must have led to the rest of the rooms.
; “He is certainly not as polite as Jenner,” Zoie said as we both listened to the thumps and curses the innkeeper made while he struggled up the staircase.
“I will never think of Jenner as difficult ever again,” I said and shook my head, and then I offered Zoie my arm. “Shall we go see the parlor, my wife?”
“Yes, let’s, my husband,” she said and tucked her arm into mine.
“I don’t think there are any other patrons in this place.” I looked down at the key for room number six in my hand as we passed the counter. Ours were the only keys missing from the pegboard, and I put my copy into the pocket of my pants next to the herald core I always kept on me.
“It looks like there haven’t been any patrons here for quite a while,” Zoie said when we entered a room that was supposedly a parlor, but it was covered in a fine layer of dust like it hadn’t seen people in a long time.
There was a lit fireplace at the far side of the room, and in front of the hearth was an arrangement of random but comfortable looking furniture like a quaint table, a worn armchair, and a lumpy looking sofa. On the sofa, there was a pillow and a blanket mussed and crumpled as if someone had been sleeping there for some time, and just going on the state of the place, it seemed as if what once was a nice inn was now a hermit’s dream.
Zoie and I took a seat at the only table that didn’t have stacks of books towering to the ceiling and took a moment to let our tired bodies rest. The fire cast a warm glow, and my mouth watered when the heady scent of food grew even stronger.
“Wow, I’m so hungry I could eat a canterfly,” I said as I looked longingly at the pot of stew bubbling away over the fire, and while it didn’t smell quite as delicious as Arvid’s, it would definitely do for my empty stomach. “When did Tovish say dinner was again?”
The door to the parlor banged open just then, and the grumpy koala-innkeeper stalked in on his peg-leg with two flagons in each hand, water and wine respectively, and a loaf of crusty bread under his right elbow. He set both crystal pitchers on the table with a thunk and then walked over to the fireplace and retrieved bowls, goblets, and spoons that were lined up along the mantel in a weird hodgepodge.
Zoie and I sat in silence while he went about serving us with an attitude of a spoiled child who was told to do his chores before he could go out to play.
“So, tell me,” Tovish finally said as he dished a helping of stew into my bowl with a slop. “You said you aren’t in Gatetown to try and Duel the top Asher, so what exactly are you here for that Jenner would reveal to you my humble abode?”
“We are just passing through on our way to the Ruins,” I said as I tucked into the piping hot food. It was salty and rich with spices, but I noticed it was mostly root vegetables and something that might have been a type of fish even though it didn’t taste like any fish I’d ever eaten.
“Why in the blazes would you ever want to go there?” he asked as he ladled out Zoie a portion of the hearty stew. “It really means almost certain death.”
“We have no choice,” I said as I tore off a hunk of bread. “I have an estate now, and I need to take care of it so I can defend myself from others who might be interested in a quick rise through the Duelist ranks at my expense.”
“Hmmm,” Tovish said, and then he poured himself a goblet of wine, but before he could take a sip, he cocked his head at me. “Where do you hail from, Asher?”
I finished chewing my bite to give myself a moment to consider how to answer him. If this guy was someone like a mentor to sharp old Jenner, then it was only a matter of time before he guessed my Traveler heritage. I wasn’t someone who fell for the same trap twice, so I took a sip of the sweet berry wine, set my goblet down like I had all the time in the world, and met his shrewd gaze head-on.
“You seem to be a man who appreciates directness, Mr. Tovish,” I said as I glanced at Zoie, and her eyebrows twitched upward as she swished her tail to the right, so I took this as a signal to keep going. “I respect that just like I respect your apprentice, Mr. Jenner, who is now under my estate. But more than that, Jenner is like my adviser and my friend, and he has proven to me I can trust his judgment, so this is why I think I can trust you. Was Jenner wrong about this?”
Through the course of my speech, the innkeeper’s wizened face took on a thoughtful expression, and when I finished, his eyebrows pinched together as he gauged my body language.
I just looked at him expectantly as I took another bite of warm salty stew.
“Jenner was not wrong,” Tovish finally said as he dragged a stool over to the table, “and I think I know what terrible secret you are about to tell me… Traveler.”
“So, you have heard the rumors, then.” Zoie paused from taking a sip of broth with the bowl hovering in front of her lips as she locked her indigo eyes onto the innkeeper.
“Look at this place,” Tovish grunted with a bitter smirk, and then he gestured around his hermit hovel. “Does it look like I go out enough to listen to the Valley gossip? No, I just took a logical leap--it’s not that hard when you put together the signs.”
“Jenner said something similar,” I said with a grin as the atmosphere seemed to ease between us and the ornery koala-elder. “I guess I stick out like a sore thumb.”
“Yes, your mannerisms can be obvious to anyone who knows where to look,” Tovish said, and his ears trembled a little. “Stick out like a sore thumb… what a delightful turn of phrase.”
“I have been told I have a certain way with words,” I said and then winked at Zoie because I could.
She brought her bowl up again to take another sip, but I was pretty sure she was just using it to hide her own small grin.
“So, why are you really going to the Ruins, then?” Tovish asked as he dished himself up a helping of stew and then refilled our wine goblets like a proper host. “I understand needing to secure your estate from vagrant No-Rank mercenaries, but there are other less suicidal ways for you to earn gold.”
“Yeah, but this way is the quickest,” I said as I wiped my mouth on a cloth napkin and then reached into my pocket for the herald core. “I will also need gold in order to pay a smith to fuse this with a sword so I can challenge another Asher, and I get the feeling there’s not a lot of time I’m working with before he tries to finish off both me and Lord Mec.”
“The Asher you want to challenge is planning to Duel for the seat of the Asher Lord?” the innkeeper asked as he brought his fuzzy fingers up to his beard again. “Maybe I should have been paying attention to the rumors. Sounds like you’ve got a berry pit in your glottal.”
“A what?” I frowned and looked at Zoie for help, but she was just as perplexed as I was based on her one raised eyebrow.
“It means you’ve got yourself a bit of trouble,” the strange little man said with a twinkle in his eyes similar to Jenner’s when he was up to mischief. “Tell me, Asher Alex, don’t you have another saying in your culture that means the same thing?”
“Well…” I said as I searched my brain for an idiom that was similar and would amuse him just as much as the first “delightful” turn of phrase. “I have two for you, actually.”
“Really!” Tovish gasped and rustled around in the pockets of his greatcoat for a battered leather notebook, a pair of tiny glasses, and what looked like a short ballpoint pen. Then he pinched the glasses to the bridge of his nose and twisted the pen. “Okay, go on, then, entertain an old man.”
“Okay, number one: you find yourself in a pickle if you are in a tough spot of trouble,” I said and couldn’t help but feel like I was Alex Trebek on Jeopardy!
“What is a pickle, Alex?” Tovish asked, and it was too perfect, so I grinned wide at my own private joke.
“It’s a vegetable stored in vinegar, but actually the saying comes from Shakespeare, I think,” I said as I frowned at what limited high school English knowledge remained in my brain over the years.
“Right, well, I believe that one is too esoteric to your culture for me to grasp, let’s hear the othe
r one,” he said as if he was a fine diner sampling the house wine, but instead of wine, he was sampling words.
“The second one is this: you find yourself between a rock and a hard place if you are faced with a difficult decision,” I said and smiled when I saw his white ears twitch.
Yeah, I knew he’d like that one.
“Oh, yes, that paints quite the image, you are quite a word-smith, Asher Alex,” Tovish said as he scribbled away in his small notebook before clapping it shut. He returned it, the pen, and his teeny glasses to his coat pocket, and then he picked up his spoon again. “Have you found a metallurgist who can craft your weapon once you have your gold?”
“Uh, no, actually,” I admitted as I dropped one of my tithes into my water goblet. After it finished bubbling, I took a long drink to wash away the extra salt flavor still lingering from the stew. “We are just trying to get to the Ruins as quickly as possible and then go from there.”
The koala-elder sighed, and he finished chewing a bite of bread. “I am beginning to know why Jenner thrust me into your path. He was always too clever for his own good.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Instead of answering, the innkeeper brought his fingers up to his mouth and let out a piercing whistle.
A flapping of wings sounded from above, and Roofus fluttered down to sit on the table on his two crow-like feet. He shook his little tail, and a yellow feather floated down to the floor.
“Roo,” Tovish said, and the little crow-moth sat up straight and focused his red eyes on the koala-elder. “Go get me the book, you know, the one with the shiny gold pages. Quickly now, and there’ll be some sugar for you!”
“Skra!” the gold-seeker moth said and then took off in a yellow puff of dust.
“Why did you suggest Jenner had another agenda for us to meet you instead of just the use of one of your rooms?” Zoie asked while we waited for the funny little crow-moth creature to come back.
