by Desirée
“I didn’t mean to fuck with her head like that,” I groaned, gripping my own head as I closed my eyes. My mind was going crazy over what had just happened. I was still trying to remember Jade’s first name, still trying to grasp at the answers to her questions.
“Trent, you ain’t shit. You know that?” Olivia snapped, mushing me hard in the head. “I never set you up with none of my friends, because you are almost always guaranteed to fuck it up. Why would you even start something with Taylor if you never liked her?”
“I did like her,” I argued, looking up at my sister. “I just . . . I just wanted to fuck. That was it.”
She rolled her eyes with a smack of her teeth like the typical black female. “So now what? What are you going to do? You’re single, you—”
“Hey, baby,” Taylor greeted.
We both looked up, seeing her wrapped in a towel, body wet from the shower, and her hair shrinking up into tight curls as she smiled at me. Olivia cut her eyes hard at me before getting up to walk back to her room, closing the door hard.
“What’s good, Tay?” I said slowly as she came to sit on my lap, arms wrapped around my neck as she kissed me.
What is Jade’s first name? What the fuck is her first name? She told me. I hear it all the time. I should know that shit.
“How did it go?” she asked, rubbing my head softly. “Did she come down hard on you? You looked drained as shit, nigga.”
I looked at her, trying to put on a smile. “Nah, she let me go easy,” I said, picking her up easily as she laughed. As I carried her to the room, my mind went back to thinking of Jade’s first name, her age, and her friends’ names.
“So, that means you’re mine now,” Taylor said easily, cupping my chin as I laid her down gently on the bed.
I just gave her a weak smile as I forced myself to get hard for her. My mind was on some other shit that I wasn’t even in the mood for sex, but I made that shit work. Only now, I saw my biggest mistake was taking this girl’s virginity, knowing she felt the way she felt about it.
Once all was said and done, I lay in the bed quietly, listening as Taylor snored lightly next to me. Sitting up in the bed, I slipped on my boxer briefs and grabbed my phone, looking to see if Jade had called or texted me. When I saw my phone was dry, I slid down to the floor, gripping my head, and closed my eyes tight. My chest was feeling heavy as fuck. I needed to talk to her, hear her voice or something. Anything. Something to let me know I had a small chance of talking to her again.
I started feeling panic, calling her back to back before trying to text her.
JADE CAN U TLK 2 ME?
IM SRRY. IM SRRY. IM SRRY. PLEASE TLK 2 ME.
I DIDN’T MEAN TO STEP OUTSIDE OF WAT WE HAD. I SHUD HAVE TREATED U BETTER. APPRECIATED U MORE.
BABY IM HURTIN SO FUCKING BAD RIGHT NOW. JUST TLK 2 ME. I CNT SLEEP.
JADE?
?
?
IM SRRY . . .
Looking at the messages I sent, I tried calling her again. Never had I gone after a girl this hard. I went from not wanting her to be my girlfriend anymore to realizing I never treated her like my woman in the first place. Everything I did was for my benefit. Even during sex, she would tell me she didn’t want it rough, and I still took pleasure in dominating her, not even tending to her wants and needs. I just thought she was so fucking dominant in person that it was my one chance I could show her that I could be in control. Now that I looked back, I was in control the entire time. If I wanted her to hang out, it had to be with my friends or I wasn’t going. She had to dress a certain way with me, because I didn’t fuck with the tattoos and piercings. I made her cover up her own artwork. I made her work out, even though she didn’t need to, just because I did and wanted her at the gym with me. All this shit was adding up to the fact that I didn’t even know her first fucking name.
Feeling my phone vibrate, I saw an incoming text message from Shiloh.
TLK 2 ME WHEN EVER U FREE.
Staring at the message, I know he wanted to clear the air with me about what I’d said earlier. Right now? That shit just wasn’t on my mind. I wasn’t ready to talk about that, and probably never would be. Getting up, I slipped on my clothes and shoes. I slowly made my way out the of house, realizing Olivia wasn’t even home. She was never home this time at night. Where the fuck did she go at night? I’d been meaning to ask her that, but I didn’t want her thinking I was in her business.
Scrolling through my contacts, I dialed Shiloh’s number as I let the car warm up.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Where you at?”
“Noe’s house.”
“Can I come by?” I asked. If the nigga was feeling like he wanted to talk about some shit with me all of a sudden, he could help me figure out the girl situation I had.
“Uh . . . yeah,” he said hesitantly before hanging up.
When I pulled up to his girlfriend’s house, I stepped out, rubbing my hands together as I walked up to the open door. He stood a few inches shorter than me, wearing his boxer briefs with a joint in his hand and a broom in the other. He had Polo house slippers on, looking like he had truly settled in with this girl.
“Yo, take yo’ shoes off,” he demanded softly, and I popped my Jordans off in the corner.
Sitting on the couch, I watched him continue to clean up like it was his place. TV was on mute as he emptied out the ashtray into the small black trash bag. I sat on the couch, waiting and watching my brother clean another woman’s house.
Lighting up an incense stick to get rid of the weed smell, he said, “Noe is going to go off on me, bruh,” with a small smile. “Soon as she smell this weed, she’s going in.”
“She doesn’t seem like the type to go off on anyone,” I mumbled.
Shiloh cut his eyes at me. “Don’t be fooled by that good girl shit.”
“So, why you smoking in her house?” I pressed, confused.
“I got too comfortable,” he said, sitting down on the couch opposite mine. With a simple scratch of his head and a pull on his joint, he blew a thick cloud of smoke out. Putting out his joint, he looked hard at me.
“What the fuck is yo’ problem with me?” he asked bluntly.
I dropped my head. “I don’t have a pro—”
“You do,” he said, cutting me off. “You always did, Trent.”
“No, y’all always had a problem with me,” I snapped. “I don’t do shit. I don’t say shit to y’all, but y’all stay ragging on me because I’m not as hood, or whatever, like y’all. I don’t give a fuck about being the biggest gangsta on the street. That was never my life, and I don’t ever want it to be my life, but y’all seem to think it’s funny when I talk about college, school, and—” I stopped, shaking my head as he stared at me, blank expression. It was like talking to Elijah if he had no heart, no personality, and no fucking soul. That’s what it’s like talking to Shiloh, if you want to know.
“No one thinks it’s funny, Trent. You insecure as fuck. That’s the problem. Both you and Elijah are insecure. Olivia got more balls than y’all two combined. It’s not a contest to see who’s the dopest nigga on the block or the smartest nigga with the books. It should never be that. If I made you feel less of yourself, then you need to rethink that shit, nigga. I didn’t make you feel like shit. You did. You got issues that only you can fix, because as far as I know”—he put a hand to his heart as he leaned in to look hard at me—“you are my flesh and blood. I don’t give a fuck if you was this or that. College or streets. It doesn’t matter, because we family, and you know if anyone fucks with you, or E, or Livie, it’s done.
“Am I closer to E? Yeah, I am, because he chose this fuck-ass lifestyle that I chose. I can’t relate to being in college and shit. You didn’t see me not one time when I was locked up, but you never hear me throw that shit in yo’ face, ever,” he spat.
I dropped my head in regret. I went every chance I got to see Elijah when he was in, but not once did I see Shiloh.
“This is going to be my last time talking about this shit. You are my brother; therefore, you are a part of me,” he said sternly. “Never will I make you feel less of yourself or take away from your accomplishments and goals. At the end of the day, all we got is each other. I love you as much as I love E and Livie, but keep my name out yo’ fucking mouth next time you feeling insecure. You hear me?”
I nodded just as a door opened and Noelle came out, looking half asleep. I almost had to check myself, looking at her in a little shirt and panties with that sexy-ass complexion. She was gorgeous for a dark-skin girl. Her country accent was even appealing, and I’m from the fucking South. I still didn’t understand how she got stuck with a stone-cold nigga like Shiloh.
“Shiloh,” she said in a low, warning-like tone, arms slowly crossing over her chest as she stood in front of him. I could have seen pigs fly that night, because the nigga looked up at her like he was scared. Never had I seen my older brother show any trace of fear in his eyes until that very moment. She was his weakness. “What the fuck did I say about—”
“I know. I put it out already,” he reasoned as she cocked her head back.
“Get out,” she said, pointing to the door.
My mouth dropped. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but she went from zero to one hundred. “You are so fucking inconsiderate! I told you not to smoke that shit in my house! Did I not? Got my whole house smelling like this! This is new furniture, Shiloh!”
“Noe—”
“Get out!” she spat as he stood up, towering over her short frame. “So fucking sick of you. Don’t even know why I still entertain your ass! Get out!”
He signaled for me to follow him as he grabbed his shoes.
She turned to me, eyes wide in horror before flipping out some more. “And you bringing people to my house knowing I’m dressed like this? Oh my God! Shiloh, it’s like you—”
“We leaving, Noe. Calm all of that down!” he said, cutting her off as he threw on some clothes.
“Well, get the fuck on then,” she spat, walking back to her room as she slammed the door shut, still yelling to herself within the walls.
Shiloh looked at me again as I followed him out to his house. “Told you my bitch was crazy,” he mumbled. I nearly fell out from laughing so hard. Never seen anyone go off on that nigga, and he just took it.
“Yeah, but you slick like that shit,” I said and laughed.
I caught him smiling to himself as he glanced at me. “I love that shit about her,” he cheesed.
As we walked into his house, my mind instantly went back to Jade. “Aye,” I said, sitting on the couch, already taking my shoes off. “How do you make it up to a woman after you cheated on her? What would you do if she didn’t want to see you again?” I watched him move around his space.
“You want to get back with yo’ girl?” he asked knowingly.
“She found out I was fucking around on her,” I said in a low voice as I looked at my hands, gripping my fingers together.
“Well, shit. If she was worth it, do all you can do. Words at that point wouldn’t mean shit, because you been lying to her. Once you feel like you’ve done everything you could do to get her back, let that shit go. If she truly wants you, she will come back to you. Never fight over no bitch, never fight for a bitch,” he stated.
“You wouldn’t fight for Noelle? Fight to get back in that house, in that bed with her?” I joked, watching him sit down on his chair, rolling up another joint.
“Not tonight,” he said, shaking his head. “She not giving me none no way.”
“Whaaaat?” I let out.
He nodded slowly, putting a lighter to his joint as he took a long drag on it before passing it to me.
“So, you okay with that? No sex, but y’all together?”
“I’m good. Nigga, when you been locked up and ain’t had no pussy around for years? You learn to have patience, li’l bruh. I’m done chasing after these hood rats and dumb-ass bitches in the streets. I’m so tired of that shit. Ain’t nothing but drama that I don’t need. I’m too old for it,” he said, and I nodded. “Now, my life is basic as fuck, and I’m good with that. I make my money, run my shit, come home to a beautiful girl who can cook better than Mama, and she treats me like she gives a fuck.”
“So, you settling with her?” I asked, stunned.
He nodded slowly. “When you find the right girl, you catch yourself doing shit outside the norm for her. Just like she would for you. Noe came in the bathroom one day while I was taking a shit. Just walked in like, nigga, what the fuck?” he let out as we laughed. “She talking about she had to flat iron her hair or some shit. Or sometimes I wait at her job for her, entertaining them fuck-ass uppity mothafuckas while she finish up doing what she’s doing. The little things, Trent. You heard E talking about his girl got him eating healthy now?” I nodded, remembering how we clowned his ass. “E is in love with that girl. He don’t move, think, or breathe without that bitch knowing. You’ll meet the girl, Trent, and when you do, you’ll see what I’m preaching.”
“So, she’s the girl?” I smiled, happy to see Shiloh happy with someone for the first time in his life. Yet, when he didn’t answer my question? I stared at him, seeing he was caught in his silent daze.
He looked at me with a blank face before shaking his head.
“Nigga!” I laughed. “You preaching all of this to me, and you telling me about the right one. You don’t even believe that for yourself!”
“Nah,” Shiloh said, shaking his head with a smile. “I said I’m settling down with Noelle. I’m happy with her and hope she’s happy with me, but I’m settling because she’s the closest I’ma get to the real thing. I’m going to be her first, her only, and last, bruh. Believe that,” he stated firmly.
I squinted my eyes, wondering who could possibly have him putting Noelle in second place.
His phone suddenly vibrated hard against the table. He sighed.
“This nigga here. Fuck is going on tonight?” He answered the call. “Hello?”
I could hear someone damn near screaming into the phone as Shiloh dropped his head, eyes closing hard.
“Where he at?”
Looking around as he spoke on the phone, I realized I’d never really been to my own brother’s house. He was constantly switching houses and moving around, so I wasn’t going to take the fault on this one, though. But as I looked around, I noticed he read a lot. Books were everywhere, stacked up on tables and counters. Some were open, the ones close by had lines that were highlighted. The books were as thick as the law books I read for class.
“Yeah, I’m on the way,” he said, hanging up. “We gotta pick up Elijah. He’s over at Jahiem’s crib right now.”
“What happened?”
“Ain’t no telling with that dumb nigga,” he mumbled.
When we hopped in his black Mustang, I smiled as I looked around the interior. Shit was clean.
“You paid for this in cash?” I asked, looking around, feeling the seats.
“Yeah, paid it off in a year so they wouldn’t suspect shit.” He shrugged, watching me eye the car.
“This shit is too clean,” I mumbled, feeling him pick up speed.
He grabbed the clutch as he switched lanes with ease. No one was out tonight. Shit, it was going on 2 a.m., Monday morning.
“You know how to drive stick?” he asked, glancing at me.
“Nah.”
“I’ll teach you before the end of the year. I’m about to buy another car and don’t have no use for this one, so you can have it,” he said easily.
My mouth dropped. I looked at Shiloh with the biggest, gayest grin I could form.
“Graduation gift, nigga. Don’t tear my shit up now.”
“I won’t.” I smiled. The one person I wanted to tell was the one person who wasn’t speaking to me right now.
Shit, I hated fucking Sundays.
Let The Drama Begin
Tia
“Jahiem,” I let out in a gro
ggy voice, body sore from the sex we’d had just a few hours ago. Nigga was snoring like his life depended on how loud he could be, and if he could get louder. The banging on the front door was getting louder. “Ugh! Jahiem!” I snapped angrily, pushing him hard in the arm.
“Hit me again,” he threatened in his sleep, and I did just that. I hit him right in the ribcage, but the nigga didn’t do shit but turn over and continue to sleep. The banging on the door persisted.
“Jahiem, answer the fucking door!”
“The fuck? You go answer that shit!” he snapped at me.
I swung the covers back, dragging my pregnant ass out the bed because someone wanna be a bitch and not open his own door. I threw on his shirt, barely covering myself as I walked out to the living room. The knocking on the door was becoming more rapid.
“Yooo, open up!” I heard Elijah let out slowly.
I rolled my eyes. I was sick of these fucking brothers, I swear. Checking my weave to make sure it was still straight underneath my scarf, with the long braid coming down my shoulder, I opened up the door to a drunk-as-hell Elijah Carter. He fell face first into the apartment, and I barely caught him, almost dropping to the floor myself because of his weight.
“Where is Jahiem at?” he slurred, dreads all over the place, smelling like straight rubbing alcohol, face fucked up like he got into a fight. He was still fine, though. I had to throw that in there.
“He’s in the room, ’sleep. What the fuck is yo’ problem, turning up late in the middle of the night, drunk?” I snapped.
He just looked at me, low eyes glossy as he licked his lips hard at me. I felt his arms come around my body.
“You still want me?”
“Nigga, move!” I flipped, trying to push him off me. He was so fucking gross. I don’t even know what I was thinking when I first saw him. I didn’t know how Jordyn could even fuck him. “You need to be at Jordyn’s house with all this foolishness!”
“She don’t wanna fuck with a nigga no more. She got a boyfriend now.” He laughed sarcastically before his facial expression immediately changed to rage. It was like night and day, almost scary to even be around him. His jaw was working slowly as he stared mindlessly at the floor.
