by Jessa Archer
My eyes traveled up the side of the building. A pale light flickered like a ghost behind one of the windows on the ground floor. For some reason, that faint, wavering light terrified me. My bravado about doing this on my own, without backup, sailed away on the night breeze. A wise person, someone with a sensible head on her shoulders, would get back in the Jeep and let the police handle this.
But apparently I was not that person. And while I definitely did not have a death wish, the guy inside that house was Tanya’s brother. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that if Tanya had been here, she would have done whatever she could to help him. Odds were good that she’d have chewed him out royally after doing so, but Tanya would never have abandoned him to the questionable ethics of Steve Blevins.
The niggling, traitorous thought that Bud could well be the reason that Tanya isn’t here crept back to the front of my brain, but I pushed it away. I didn’t believe that. And because I didn’t believe that, because I had a duty to Tanya, I would take some deep, calming breaths and then go back around to the front and simply knock. I would call out Bud’s name, to be sure that he knew it was me and not Blevins. Just in case he had a gun.
When I reached the front of the house, however, Bud was standing between me and the Jeep. My heart began to pound so hard that my vision pulsed with it. One second Bud was in sharp focus, and the next he was a blur against the night sky.
“Hi, Bud,” I said in a voice that sounded a bit like Minnie Mouse.
“Hey, Ruth,” he said quietly. “I thought you might find me. You always were smart. I kind of wish you’d waited, though. Then you’d have just found the painting, not me, and this would have been easier.”
Unsure exactly what he meant by that comment, I took a step away from him. He gave a frustrated laugh. “That came out all wrong. I’m not going to hurt you. I do have something I want to show you, though. I’d bring it out here if I could, but…I didn’t have a canvas for this one. I had to use the wall.”
He motioned toward the front entrance. “The door is open now. I had to go in through a window this afternoon, but I unlocked the door from inside so you wouldn’t have to do that. But like I said, I really thought it would be after.”
“After?”
He nodded. “After I was gone.”
I hesitated, wanting to ask where he was going. But there was a note of finality to the word gone that left me little doubt as to what he meant. And so I followed him onto the porch, keeping one hand in the pocket of my cardigan, which held my phone and my tiny canister of pepper spray.
“This all happened a lot faster than I thought it would. I’m not really good at planning, and Mom…well, I didn’t expect her to take all those pills. I guess she didn’t want to be embarrassed when everyone found out. Or maybe arrested. I don’t know. Can you be arrested for knowing a secret?”
“Depends on the secret. If it’s about Tanya’s death, then maybe. The statute of limitations is probably up on anything other than murder, though.”
He nodded. “Maybe it’s better this way. If you see it before I’m gone. So I can answer any questions. Make sure you’ve got the story straight. Otherwise, what’s the point of all this?”
That was a really good question, I thought. What was the point of all this?
“So, are you coming?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, mentally kicking myself and thinking that this was quite likely a horrible mistake. But I wanted to know. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Bud twisted the knob, and the door creaked open, exactly as you’d expect from the door to an abandoned hotel. The interior was dark, lit only by a flashlight Bud had propped up just inside the doorway and by a fainter light coming from the large open room up ahead. It looked like the glow of a candle, and I thought maybe it was the light I’d seen from below the deck.
“Your paintings are really good,” I told him. “I think you could actually sell them.”
“Really?” he said, clearly flattered. “My mom taught me to paint. She used to paint birds and flowers and stuff.”
That surprised me. I’d never really thought of Sally Blackburn as creative. Or as someone who might have taken the time to pass that along to her son.
“She stopped after Tanya died,” Bud said. “I did too, for a while, but I couldn’t stay stopped, you know? I like to paint.”
“I can tell. But…why did you want me to think your paintings were by Ms. McBride?”
“So you’d want to see them. She was your favorite teacher, right?”
“Yes. But you could have sent them to the newspaper office. Or…you could have just come to talk to me about all of this.”
“No,” he said. “I couldn’t. And like I said, it wasn’t supposed to happen this fast. Everything moved too fast. I saw you going to Lucy McBride’s house, and I thought that was my best chance, but I should have waited until after they found the car. I didn’t think they’d find it so quick. I thought I’d have time to finish everything and be gone already.”
We went through the doorway into an open room with a high ceiling and a large fireplace at one end. The smell of fresh paint hung in the air. So did the smell of bourbon. Some of that was coming from Bud, but also from the mostly empty bottle next to his paints.
“That’s the last picture,” Bud said, pointing to the wall. “I mailed you some papers, too. So you’d have them. Tanya’s song notebook and some stuff I wrote down about all of this. Just in case you didn’t figure it out from the paintings. This one would be a lot better if you’d found it during the day, though. I didn’t count on you coming out here in the middle of the night. Why did you do that?”
Excellent question, I thought.
“Because the sheriff is looking for you,” I told him. “I wanted to hear your story before he found you. Also, I wanted to tell you not to talk to him without a lawyer.”
“You don’t trust him, do you?”
“Not really.” I squinted, wishing the light was better, and then remembered the flashlight app on my phone. It didn’t help much.
This new picture took up most of the wall, but it almost looked as though the plaster had just been painted a different color. It was completely blue, with slight variations in tone. It seemed to be moving slightly, but that was probably the flickering light of the candle in the center of the room.
“I don’t get it,” I told him after staring at the painting for several seconds.
“Take a few steps back,” he said calmly, almost like a teacher. “You’re too close to see it.”
So I did as he asked, again wishing that there was a stronger light in the room.
“How does it look now?”
I tilted my head, unsure of what he wanted me to say. It really didn’t look any different to me. And then, slowly, it did.
The painting was still entirely blue. But now I could see depth. Layers. Rocks and other objects hiding below the surface.
“It’s the river,” I said.
He nodded, smiling. “Very good. That’s exactly what it is.”
“This is supposed to show where Tanya was.”
“Yes. And where I’ll be.”
A chill washed over me, even though I’d been worried about exactly this. “What do you mean?”
“That’s where I’m going. It’s where I’ve always been going, and it just took me a really long time to see that. The night Tanya died is when it all ended for me, too. I tried to move on, but I couldn’t just push it down like my parents did. A few months ago, I went out to Lover’s Leap, to the spot where her car went over. I was going to jump then, but I realized that if I did that, Tanya might be stuck in that trunk forever. That seemed wrong. I needed to make sure someone found her. And now that they have…it’s time to finish it.”
“I can’t let you do that, Bud.”
He gave me a sad smile. “You can’t stop me.”
And I realized he was right. I really couldn’t stop him. He outweighed me by at least sixty pounds. I was in
better shape. I might even be able to outrun him. But I would be physically unable to keep him from walking onto that deck and swan-diving down to the river below.
What I could do, however, was hit the panic button on my phone. Ed was going to be scared, and I hated that. I also hated the fact that I’d made this big stand with him and with Cassie, and hours later, I was having to call in the cavalry.
But I didn’t think Bud was bluffing. So my choices were to make the call or risk his life. And no matter what he’d done in the past, I wasn’t willing to do that.
Five finger taps on the power button, and the app would send a call to Ed. Assuming I had a signal out here. In retrospect, that wasn’t a given, and that could be a huge flaw in my plan.
But I had to try.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
✰ Chapter Nineteen ✰
I wished there was some way I could check the phone without Bud knowing. Check to see if I’d even had a signal when I sent the SOS. Or better yet, send a message to let Ed know that it was Bud who was in danger, not me.
But that wasn’t an option, so I’d just have to play for time and hope for the best.
“I know you’re depressed, Bud. Between your mom and Tanya, it’s not surprising. But you’ve still got your dad—”
“First off, my dad has cancer. He’s got maybe a month or two. And second, my dad was the problem! Mom, too. If they’d let me tell the police what happened, maybe I’d have wound up in jail. Maybe they were right about that. But it wouldn’t have been forever.”
“It’s awful that they wouldn’t let you tell the police. But maybe you could talk to a counselor now. To help you work through things.”
“No.” His eyes widened. “Dad said I couldn’t. Not ever. And he was right. We’d have all gone to prison. That doesn’t mean I killed Tanya, though. I know that’s what you probably think, but I didn’t.”
“I never believed you killed her, Bud. If I had to guess, I’d say it was Frank Daniels. My only question is whether you were one of the guys who attacked Wren’s brother.”
There was a long pause. He stared at me, almost angrily. “You weren’t supposed to figure that out yet. The thing with James, that was Frank’s idea. He had a lot of bad ideas. At first I thought he was cool, you know? When I was a little kid, we’d all line up to watch the River Rats come roaring through town on holiday weekends. I always said I was going to ride with them. Saved up for my motorcycle—”
“I remember,” I told him. “You mowed a lot of lawns.”
He smiled, but then it faded. “Frank said he could get me in when I turned eighteen. And I could just ride with them until then. They were okay guys. Got into some fights, and maybe did some drugs, but nothing major. Frank had a thing for Tanya, though. He used to chat her up at the diner. Ask her to sing for him, because he’d heard her at one of the talent shows the year before. Find little excuses to touch or rub up against her. She thought he was a creep, and she was right.” He shook his head. “I should’ve just killed him then and saved us all a lot of heartbreak later. Anyway, we were at the diner that day, on the Fourth, and Frank saw James come in. Said he was flirting with Tanya at the register. Called him some awful names when Tanya came over to refill our drinks. And she—”
“Cooled him off,” I said. “Dumped the pitcher in his lap.”
Bud nodded. “That was a mistake. Frank stormed outside, and when I went out to talk to him, he said he was going to make Tanya regret it. I got mad. Told him that was my sister he was threatening. Figured I’d end up having to fight him and that would not have ended well, I tell you. He would have mopped the pavement with me. But then he backed off.”
“So what happened?”
Bud shrugged. “I’d signed on to work the shift up here, for that cocktail party, but I was supposed to meet up with Frank after. I didn’t know James was working here, too. Frank pulled into the parking lot when James and a few of us were out back, finishing off some of the bottles before we tossed them into the dumpster. Then I saw Frank’s taillights. I didn’t stay for the cleanup detail. Rode back into town and met Frank down near the park. He said he had a chore to handle. Did I want to come or was I a sissy?”
He was quiet for several minutes. “I didn’t know what he was planning, but I had a bad feeling when we headed back out this way. Kept hoping James had gotten a ride, or maybe Wren had come to pick him up. Or maybe whatever chore Frank was talking about was down at the marina or his grandma’s campground. I followed on my bike, barely keeping up because his Harley was way faster, and he wasn’t paying attention to the speed limit. He drove past the Torrance House driveway, and I was so relieved, but then he parked just inside the woods, past the willow and the clearing. Said we were just going to scare James a little. And I believed him. I shouldn’t have. But I did.”
Bud rubbed his face with his left hand. “Frank beat the crap out of James, right there on the side of the road.” He shook his head sadly. “I didn’t help. Even told him to stop, but I could have done more. I was scared. Scared I’d be next. He would’ve killed James, I think, but suddenly there were headlights on us. Frank had left a note on Tanya’s car at the diner, telling her where she could pick her boyfriend up. She came storming out and shoved him away. I wish to God she hadn’t come, and I know that’s awful. James would have been dead, probably. But she wouldn’t have been.”
“Tanya stopped him?”
“Yeah. She yanked on his shirt collar, pulling him back. Frank swung his elbow back and she fell. Whacked her head against that weird fin by the headlights on the Mercury. She never got back up.”
Tears were streaming down his face. Mine, too. I could envision Tanya, backlit by the headlights like an avenging angel. Which is exactly what she had been for James.
“She didn’t get up,” Bud repeated. “And I lost it. I pulled out my pocket knife and dove for Frank. He didn’t even see it coming. I killed him right there by that willow tree. Tanya…she was already dead. I didn’t know what to do. I dragged Frank and Tanya into the woods where we’d parked the motorcycles. James was alive, though. I put him in the car. Drove him to his grandma’s house. Left him on the porch and rang the bell. Then I got out of there. Drove home. I didn’t know what else to do.”
He was quiet for a long time, and then he said, “I thought they’d call the police. But Dad drove back out with me. I didn’t mention James. Figured I’d cross that bridge when we came to it. But it was probably a really good thing that I took James home. I don’t know what my dad would have done if James had still been there. I think there’s a good chance there would have been three bodies in that car.”
Bud started crying again. Without even thinking, I reached out and touched his arm. He hardly seemed to notice.
“All I wanted to do was call the police and tell them everything. Dad wouldn’t hear of it. He said there was nothing we could do for Tanya, and he wasn’t going to lose everything he’d worked for over some good-for-nothing biker. He made me wait there while he drove back into town to get Tanya’s things. And then we took the car up to Lover’s Leap. Put Frank behind the wheel. Dad put Tanya in the trunk with her stuff. That was the only time I saw any emotion on his face that whole night.”
I gave his arm a squeeze. “And then the two of you pushed the car over the edge?”
Bud nodded. “He said we’d tell everyone Tanya had just run away. Told me and Mom that we were never to speak of that night again. Never. I kept thinking the police would be knocking on my door anyway, because James would tell them about the fight. And I kind of wanted that to happen, because maybe he’d remember Tanya being there, too, and then I could tell them everything. I wanted to tell James I was sorry for being a coward. Try to make it up, you know? But he moved off to Chattanooga. I guess they never even called the police, because we’d have heard around town. There would have been talk.”
I nodded. “They didn’t call. He didn’t remember much. I don’t know if he even remembered Frank’s name
until we were talking about it today.”
“You want to know the weird part, Ruth? I think my dad started to believe the story they made up. Mom, too. That’s how they moved on. That’s how they dealt with it.” He shook his head and swallowed hard. “But I never could. And I don’t want to try anymore.”
With that, he sighed heavily and went to the door that led to the deck.
I ran after him. The weight of the phone in my pocket was maddening, jostling against my leg as I ran. How long had it been since I sent the SOS? Had Ed even gotten my message?
Grabbing Bud’s arm, I spun him around. “Stop it! You do not get to take the easy way out, Bud Blackburn!”
He looked at me in surprise. “What?”
“You heard me! You don’t get to take the easy way out. Maybe your mom and dad didn’t give you any choices back then, but you have them now. If you really mean it, if you really wanted to tell the truth back then, what’s stopping you now?”
I was mostly playing for time. But I was also telling him exactly what his older sister would have said. “If you wanted to apologize to James, to try and make it right, what’s stopping you now? You were sixteen back then. Tanya wouldn’t blame you for what happened that night.”
To be fair, I wasn’t sure about that. I thought Tanya probably would have blamed him for what happened to James. But she wouldn’t have wanted him to die for it.
Bud yanked away from me, and I knew in that instant that he’d been right earlier. If he decided to jump, there was no way I could stop him.
“No!” he bellowed. “I’m tired—”
“I don’t care! And neither would Tanya. She would tell you to use the rest of your life making things right. To be a better person. Make a difference. If you jump, you’re every bit the coward that you were that night. You owe it to your sister to make this right.”
He reached out, and for a moment, I was certain that Bud Blackburn was going to toss me over the edge of the deck. But then his arms went around me. All of the fight left his body. His shoulders began to shake. He dropped to his knees on the deck and cried.
