by Deana Birch
There was something happening between the two of us that deserved to be explored. It was why, when he’d offered to take me away—even fucking camping—I couldn’t say no. We were different when we were out of Covington. And while Leo was holding something back, I was pretty sure there was a mutual underlying acceptance growing between us that couldn’t be nurtured with my mom or Anton around. For the first time in a long time, I was grateful. It warmed me more than the steamy water around me.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“You okay in there?” Leo called from the other side of the door. Why did he knock? He was a barge-in kinda guy.
“Never better.” I weighed the truth of my statement. Out of Covington, out of danger, hot man in a motel room… It might have been true.
“We need to get going. We have to get supplies and we have a long hike.”
Blerk. Had he not heard the part about me and bugs?
“You’re not coming in to ogle me naked?”
Even through the door I could hear his airy grumble, and it made me smile.
“Hurry up.”
I drained the tub. After a shimmy and a bit of a dry, I wrapped myself in a towel and used the hairdryer on myself and my underwear. I was dressed and about as ready for camping as I’d ever be.
Or so I thought.
I’d known there were stores for people who liked to do things outside. I had just never been in one. Two hours after checking out of the motel, we had a portable tent, I was wearing hiking boots and we had all sorts of shit I’d never imagined existed in my life—like tick spray. Just the idea that I had to put something on my body in hopes a little bug wouldn’t crawl up my leg and suck my blood was disturbing.
We grabbed some sandwiches for lunch and some food for dinner and breakfast, and drove north for another hour. Leo exited the highway for a town I’d never heard of and the winding, rural roads had me transfixed.
Green grass and darker trees sprawled over hills. We drove through actual small towns where houses had mailboxes at the end of their driveways that were disguised as smaller matching houses. My goal to get out of Covington had always been limited to another part of the city. Maybe it was time to think about a whole new kind of escape.
“You’re quiet.” Leo glanced over to me before turning down a tree-lined dirt road. It was like we were in a tunnel of forest.
“It’s beautiful up here.”
His response was a small smile. He was peaceful, serene. I would have never imagined how much it suited him. We came to a stop in a gravel parking lot.
“We walk from here.”
With our packs loaded, we followed a small path uphill. Leo would stop every now and again, pick off a wild blackberry or tiny bright red strawberry then offer it to me. Their juicy flavor was sweeter than any candy I’d ever eaten.
At one point, on a particularly steep and rocky bit, Leo offered me his hand for stability and I was sure I swooned. I was also becoming more and more certain that the Leo I’d met in black jeans and a muscle tank was all an act. This gentle side of him was who he really was, and it was mesmerizing.
My legs were sore, my feet ached and I’d swatted away my fair share of flying bugs, but I didn’t complain. In fact, I couldn’t lie to myself. I loved it. The steady gushing of a river not too far off and the calling of various birds mixed with the sun peeking through the foliage, and I was sure I never wanted to step foot into the city again.
After what must have been three hours and with my back at its complete limit of exhaustion from carrying the heavy load, Leo held back a tree branch and motioned for me to go first.
A small lake glimmered in front of me with a large, deep green hill on the opposite side. My heart skipped a beat. The dirt and grass below my feet led to a rocky beach where a long wooden dock reached out a quarter of the width of the deep blue water. It was a secluded paradise.
“It’s beautiful.” The grin on my face hurt, it was so big.
Leo studied me as if a compliment was on the tip of his tongue. Instead he dipped his shoulder and let his much larger pack slide to the ground. “You can drop your bag and chill. I said I would do everything, and I will.”
The weight off my back was a massive relief and it was true that three hours of walking uphill wasn’t exactly something I’d trained for, but I didn’t want to be an ungrateful ass. “I can help. Just tell me what to do.”
“Go sit on the dock and put your feet in the water. They must be killing you.” He winked and my throbbing feet screamed that he was right. “I got this.”
“You sure?” I bit my lip but prayed he would insist.
“Go.” He shooed me away.
On the little dock, I unlaced my boots and took off the thick socks Leo had also insisted upon. The cool water tickled my toes and the clean air purified my lungs. The warm sun lulled me into a lovely, tranquil state. I had always been right. Life outside of Covington Heights was better.
The crackling of wood woke me from my meditative bliss and the smell of smoke hit my nose at the same time. The tent was up and a fire was burning in front of it. While I’d sat on my rear and daydreamed of never going home, he’d made a campsite.
I dried my feet on the warm skin of my bare legs, put my shoes and socks back on and found a big rock next to the fire pit opposite Leo. He stirred the flaming wood with a long, pointed stick.
“You’ve been here before.”
His gaze shifted around the landscape before it met mine. “My dad used to bring my brother Frankie and me here to train.”
He hadn’t needed to add the last detail and I took it to mean that he was letting me in, and even if the opening was small, I decided to take it.
“Train for what?”
“Survival.” Leo grabbed the backpack I’d carried and unzipped it. “Hungry?”
The change of subject was duly noted, and I decided not to push.
“Starving. I’ve never walked that much in my life.”
He chuckled and pulled out the thick hot dogs. “I was sure you were going to bitch and moan.” Leo dug out a Swiss Army knife and flipped it open to the blade. He sliced the ends of the sausage in a cross, impaled it on a stick and handed it to me. As I held my dinner above the fire, he repeated the same process for himself.
“I think I might like camping,” I said, barely believing my own words.
We ate our char-burned hotdogs as the sun set behind me. A chill blew off the lake and I rubbed my arms. I could have reached for the sleeping bag or the hoodie that was somewhere buried in one of the bags, but the perfect day needed a perfect night.
I stood and Leo’s dark eyes followed me around the fire. The energy shifted between us as he recognized the intention I was sending. I lowered myself onto his lap.
“Thank you—for this, for everything.” I brushed my cheek against his stubble and kissed his neck—my pressure as gentle as my words had been. He was only docile for a minute before his little grumble steamed out of him.
He held me at arm’s length. “You can’t do this. You can’t give yourself to a version of me that’s not real.”
A pain in his eyes reached into my heart and took hold.
“I think this version of you is a hell of a lot more real than you in black jeans.” I lifted my eyebrows, daring him to object.
He looked away, confirming I was right. I laid my head on his shoulder and threaded my arms under his. His heart beat fast and his breath was shallow. But he’d wrapped his arms around me, a sign that I could stay where I was.
I swallowed past the nerves. “Why are you hiding in Covington?”
He let out a slow hum. “Anton is going to ask me to leave.”
“What will you do?”
The darker it got, the braver I became, and the crackling of the fire filled the space between the long pauses of our exchange.
“I’ll turn into the man I grew up hating.” The honesty of his words, the most revealing thus far, broke my fragile heart. Their weight hovered in the air above
us and I struggled to fill my lungs.
For the first time since we’d met, I understood that Leo needed me more than I needed him—that he was sharing a part of himself that was not just secret but exposed everything about him.
My next question was the most daring and I asked it with care. “And what was that man?”
“A killer.”
I let his confession sink in. His deepest fear was essentially my own—turning into the bit of a parent that lived inside us. It was why I wanted out of Covington and, ironically, why he wanted to stay. I needed to run, and he needed to hide. And there we were, perfectly aligned in our own crosshairs.
“You don’t have to be that. You can choose—”
Leo shook his head. In a desperate whisper he said, “Every single day of my life says you’re wrong.”
My soul ached for him. A tear fell down my cheek. It was much easier to cry for someone else’s pain. He’d convinced himself of his destiny, and maybe on some level he was right. Being a criminal was a slippery slope. He’d said the day before that he’d used a gun. How long until he shot to kill? I didn’t know why he didn’t just disappear, but then again, it would have been incredibly lonely.
The need to show him he was good, that he could be cherished as he was, overtook everything else buzzing in my brain. Sex wasn’t going to solve any of our problems, but it was the only thing I could give him to prove that what he’d shared hadn’t changed the way I saw him.
It was also about me. I wanted to get lost for one more night. I wanted to remember the way that Leo looked at me like I was worth fighting for, that he put me first. I needed our brief glimpse of a different life to have more meaning than a quick vacation.
I sat up and searched his eyes. There was so much sadness that I had to fight more tears. But this wasn’t about pity. This was us showing each other that all the moments we’d shared were real, that our connection was deeper than we would have otherwise admitted.
I kissed him, once…twice. “Don’t say no.”
Leo closed his eyes for a long blink but didn’t move.
“I need to get lost, Leo. And you’re the perfect maze.”
He couldn’t deny wanting the same thing. “We have no future.”
Regret mixed with honesty and wove between us.
“Then let’s steal the present.”
Chapter Sixteen
Leo
To be fair, Fiona was incredibly convincing. Her lovely lips brushing against mine, her intoxicating gentle voice, the vulnerable side to her spirit… It was more tenderness than I’d ever been shown. And she was right. The next day would change us. I wouldn’t be welcome in Anton’s crew after taking Fiona. Hell, I’d already been on thin ice for challenging him on other occasions.
So as the beautiful brunette continued to pepper sweet kisses down my jawline, any guard I’d had left melted away. No one would look at me the way she did once I went back to life with Frankie. They would either fear me or never see who I wanted to be.
“Please, Leo,” Fiona half whispered, half begged. “I need this. I need you.”
It was too soon, not soon enough and would never be enough. But I relented. How could I not? I was drunk on her grace. I’d never wanted anyone or anything the way I wanted her. It was like she not only understood me, she also accepted what she saw. And she was helping me forget who I really was.
Once I’d flipped the switch to complaisance, my body commanded my brain, not unlike when I was fighting. But instead of the quick moves, everything slowed down. The flames from the campfire danced behind her, giving her face a divine glow.
She interlaced her fingers into mine and kissed back up to my mouth. Done with being the good boy from before, I deepened the kiss. Her small moans only fueled my desire and she rubbed her chest into mine. Vixen. She knew I was a sucker for her rack.
The mischief that flickered in her eyes as she stood and pulled me up was the celebration party of my defeat—not that I’d put up that much of a fight. Thirty seconds of me pretending I wasn’t enjoying having her in my lap was hardly a protest.
I followed her into the tent, where I’d laid out the sleeping bags. On our knees, we kissed again. This time her hands snuck up my T-shirt and crept to my pecs.
Her small, confident smile was by far the sexiest smirk on the planet. And who was I to argue? A woman who went after what she wanted? Yes, please.
She feathered her fingers down my stomach and lifted my shirt. The chill up my spine had nothing to do with the cool air outside the tent. Our little triangle canvas hut was all forms of steam.
“Stay put,” she said and held up a finger. Fiona rustled around in the bag until she found the box of condoms.
Oh, she was serious.
“We don’t—”
Her mouth was on mine before I could finish. I didn’t want her to feel obligated to do anything, especially after Anton’s stupid rule of paying for protection. Jesus. Will he keep it up when I’m gone? Will he still want her?
I yanked away and held her at arm’s length. “I can’t. Shit, I’ve totally failed you. If I’m not in Covington, how are you going to be safe?” I pushed the base of my palms into my brow. “Fuck.”
Fiona closed her light-brown eyes tight then opened them. “I’m not your responsibility, Leo. And you know what? I’m going to find a way to get Violet and me out of there. I’ll get another job. Hell, maybe I’ll move up here. They’ll forget about me.”
I laid down on my back and banged my head into the earth. How could I have been so stupid? So selfish? By wanting Fiona, I had ensured my demise and her own. I would be gone, and the best-case scenario was that she would end up with someone else. I’d confused wanting her with wanting to keep her safe.
And it wasn’t like I could take her home. The minute I went back to Frankie, he would put me to work. My father had always wanted a double legacy. Plus, it was rather presumptuous to think that Fiona would want to come anywhere with me, especially since she didn’t know the truth about what she would be coming home to. That shit ate at people.
All my options sucked.
“Hey.” Fiona crawled over to me and stroked my cheek.
That look. That innocent expression. That damn docile side to her reminding me that I’d only ever lied to her. She didn’t know me, not truly. And she deserved to know that she wasn’t the reason I wouldn’t be chasing her down and begging for a life with her.
It was time to roll the dice and pay the up. A funny thing, fear… It wasn’t something that I was used to. But in that moment, it snaked up my stomach and tied a tight knot. I stared into her pretty eyes for a few more seconds. It was how I wanted to remember her—the slice of caring before she found out I was a man-made monster.
“I wasn’t exactly honest before when I ‘d said we’d come up here for survival.”
A hint of a frown pulled at her lips. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”
I did. I owed her the truth. “My dad was a hitman.” Yeah, that got her attention. And, Christ, it was oddly refreshing to say it out loud. “My brother is a hitman.”
“And you don’t want to be.”
I darted my gaze away from her. Honesty was easier that way. “I will be, Fiona. It’s in my blood. My father trained my brother and me every day. Every. Day. I’ve been fighting since I could walk. Hell, before. I can shoot a gun with both hands and not miss.”
As my explanation went on about how my hitman father had trained his two boys to not just follow in his own footsteps but also to be better than he ever was, her face fell and curiosity was exchanged for pity. But she had to know why I wasn’t going to fight for her, that someone like me could not be loved by someone as selfless as her. That the deeds of my past and future would assure our demise. I had to nail my own coffin.
“I could have killed those guys and not even blinked. I wanted to.”
“But you didn’t.” Fiona chewed her bottom lip.
I appreciated that she was trying to find
the good in me—like I’d had some empathy—but she was wrong. “The time will come and I won’t be able to resist. I’ll be a killer, just like them.” The emotion was gone in my voice. I was stating facts—facts I knew, facts I couldn’t hide from in Covington Heights, as much as I’d tried.
It was possible that, on some level, me swiping Fiona from Anton was a way of hurrying my fate. There was too much wrong with me and not nearly enough right.
So it was a surprise when Fiona nudged my arm and placed her head on my chest. “I feel the same way about drugs. It would be easy to follow my mom’s path, to escape how she does. That’s why I hate Anton and his crew, hated you. You guys made it easy for her and harder for me.”
“I’m sorry.” It wouldn’t change her struggle, but at least I could acknowledge I’d played a part in it.
She hummed her exhale into my chest. “My worst fear is getting high, because I’m sure I’ll like it.”
My worst fear was taking a life and not giving a shit.
“But you resist, Fi. You are not your mom.”
“And you’re not your father or brother.”
That was where she was wrong. But it was nice that she believed it.
We fell asleep like that, somehow knowing it was a stolen moment, and we didn’t wake up until a sliver of sun cut through the tent. My confessions from the night before lingered in the air and brought occasional little smiles from Fiona as we packed up. The soundtrack to our walk down the mountain was the cracking of branches beneath our feet and the calls of hawks above our heads.
When I closed the hatch of the car, Fiona had her arms crossed and peered up at me with big, sad eyes.
“If it wasn’t for Violet, I would have tried to convince you to run off with me.”
I reached out for her and pulled her in. She was just short enough to fit perfectly under my chin. There, in each other’s arms, I let the connection between us swirl around me. I savored its existence and already grieved its soon-to-be absence.
I kissed the top of her head. “If it wasn’t for Violet, we’d be in another country by now.”
