by Perry, D. R.
“The Gnome can’t hear you, which is a good thing.” Her ears flattened for a moment, marring the wimple effect they made under the scarf. “We’re not ready to meet all the king’s men, and all of his horses are even worse.” She had a point. Kelpies were seriously scary business.
“Look, we’re in the Under and could use more help. And I ain’t going to the queen’s people.” I crossed my arms and pouted, laying on the surliness thicker than cream cheese on a bagel.
“Why not?” She sounded genuinely curious, as though she played both sides and expected me to do the same, or something. But I wasn’t messing around, not when she’d left an opening like that.
“Oh!” I pointed, bouncing with glee. “That’s a question! We’re even-steven now, Kiki!”
“Yes. One question. And you must answer it.” My godmother raised an eyebrow, somehow doing the intimidating mother thing better than my pal Fred's Italian mama.
“Fine. The queen’s allied with this Extramagus, who’s been working with my dad since Spring Solstice. They’re like the League of Doom on steroids. I know two Seelie knights and a couple of Summoners, but I won’t call them. They might be under oath to rat me out even if they don’t want to. Right now, Dad’s down some muscle, out one safe-house, and more vulnerable than he’s been since I can remember. He thinks I’m dead. I could go to the Police, and he’d never see it coming. But I need out of the Under. And no offense, Kiki, but you don’t seem like you’ll be much help in that department.”
The wind picked up, then it bench-pressed a half-ton. The air hummed and crackled with magic energy, with my godmother at the eye of that particular storm. She was about to call down lightning or a cyclone, or maybe both. Kiki towered over me, scarf billowing in the gale. Her tails waved beneath the fabric. Oh, yeah, with those, she was definitely powerful enough to make fried cat-man out of me.
“Not much help?” Kiki’s nostrils flared and her face lengthened, growing decidedly more foxlike. Her hand went to a round pouch hidden under the strongest glamour I’d ever seen. “Not much help? I’ll show you what help truly is, youngling!”
“Um, yeah. About that.” I smirked at the angry Kitsune. If she wanted to play faerie favor games, I’d go along. “You sort of owe me now.”
The static raising my hair vanished, and the wind gentled. A chuckle floated along it—hers.
“Outfoxed.” Kiki let go of the oval hilt, and it vanished again. She smiled. “By a cat asking to be let out, no less. And that’s as it should be, considering what and who you are. You’re uncannily like your mother when you gloat, but of course, you never got a chance to see her the way I did. Instead, you got that mustache-twirler you call a father.”
I’d put up with the danger of debt, my godmother’s volatility, and even the cheesy puns. My aim in this wasn’t just about getting out of the Under and putting dear old Dad behind bars where he belonged; there was more at stake. My friends, my school, the state of extrahuman affairs in all of Rhode Island. The biggest pictures were always the easiest for me to see.
All the same, I’d do just about anything to learn more about my mother, and Lady Kiki knew it. I couldn’t ask about her, though. I had one request from a powerful and possibly unique creature. My friends back at school were up a creek, and I had to choose a battle. Even a Kitsune with all nine tails couldn’t go toe-to-toe with an Extramagus, but she’d confound the kitty litter out of my father. Knocking down one of Hopewell’s allies took priority over hearing her reminisce.
“Now, since I outfoxed you,” I said, selecting my words as specifically as possible, “I need help eliminating my father from the entire extrahuman equation. You’re an ancient Kitsune who said you’d show me what help is, so make with the showing already.”
“We have to get something first.” She held her hand down to me again, and this time, I let her help me to my feet. “Trust me, getting these items is essential to your success on both counts.”
“Okay, so let’s get the thingamabobs.”
“Great Goblin King’s Garters.” Kiki smiled.
“Um, that’s something a seriously scary Kelpie likes to say when everything’s about to go sideways.” I glanced up, down, and to either side of my godmother, looking for an ambush but Nox Phillips wasn’t there.
“They’re also exactly what we’re looking for.” She dropped a wink.
“I really didn’t need the mental image of the Goblin King wearing a garter belt, Kiki. Maybe we can pick up some mind bleach while we go and get the unmentionables.”
“The Goblin King’s Garters are not costuming for the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tony.” She turned her head to the side, nose in the air, then waited, peering at me from the corner of her eye. I understood the dare and danger. She wanted more questions out of me.
“I’m not asking you how you've seen an old cult movie or what those garters actually are, so don’t hold your breath.” I flicked my tail, then tried to still it. Stupid thing was messing with my poker face.
“You’re no fun.” She shook her head, then headed off deeper into the forest. “I’m not the right audience for you to inspire breathlessness in anyway. The Garters were made by the king ages ago, at the start of the rift between Seelie and Unseelie. The queen recruited forces in her cause to impose order on the mortal realm. Roman lion shifters are not part of either court but at that time, they sided with the queen, so, he gave away his magical bow and its string to be wielded by the right person at the right time. It transmutes any arrow to a given creature's direst bane, Tony. One of his champions defeated three legions of lions by herself.”
I ducked under branches and stepped over ferns, trying to keep up. “So what you’re saying is, you want me to shoot my dad?”
“Hee!” Kiki continued in a sing-song voice. “You asked a question!”
The ancient and powerful Kitsune probably belonged in a kindergarten. I sighed, thinking of how, if I wanted to feel like a super-villain in the making, I’d have binge-watched Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog.
“What’s a ding-a-long-bong?”
“Sorry, my inside voice must have malfunctioned.” I chuckled. “And you just asked a question too. So there.”
“You kids today use too many pop-culture references.” She waved a hand, and the underbrush parted. “You’ve got a lot to learn about being timeless, Antonio.”
“You old fogeys use too many tired tropes.”
“They’re traditions, young one.” It was Kiki’s turn to sigh. “I’ll admit they’re awful most of the time, so let me have my moments when my ancient knowledge is useful.”
“Horrible.” I couldn’t help it. I chuckled.
“Whatever.” She waved one hand like we were on a float in a parade instead of hacking through the underbrush.
“I bet this is a longer trek than the one where they took the hobbits to Isengard.” I spluttered as a clump of damp leaves hit me in the face.
“I actually get that one. And no, it’s not long.” Kiki stopped and turned around. “As a matter of fact, we’re here.”
I looked around, literally. We’d come to a nearly perfectly circular clearing in the woods. I could feel a clash of magical energies in the air as though this place existed at the border between the monarchical demesnes. Instead of dipping down into a hollow like most did outside the Under, the ground inclined. A faerie ring of toadstools squatted in a circle at the center, crowning a bare earthen mound.
“It’s a Gnomehill.” I scratched my head. “It’s weird to look for a king’s treasure in a place like this.”
“Correct, and also not.” Kiki smiled, making a gesture right out of a game show hostess’s repertoire.
“I ain’t barging in on some Gnome clan’s house and tossing the place.” I crossed my arms over my chest in the universal gesture for “humph.”
“Don’t worry, the Gnome whose home this is, we’ll leave alone.”
“I ain’t saying that five times fast.” I shook my head.
; “It might be more useful to focus on the things you will do rather than what you will not.” Kiki shrugged. “It helps when it’s time to move forward instead of looking back.”
“Maybe from your point of view.” I sighed. “But I can’t help remembering where I came from. It’s like keeping one of those souvenirs that says, ‘I survived a Mafioso parent and all I got was this lousy t-shirt,’ if you catch my meaning.”
“Perhaps it will be your greatest strength as well as your most glaring weakness.” Kiki gestured at the Gnomehill. “But now, it’s time to go in.”
“I don’t see any doors, or even a window.” I stepped into the clearing to take a closer look. “Yeah, nope. Can’t break and enter without an entrance.”
“You’ll have to make one with magic, of course.” My godmother put her hands on her hips.
“But all I can do is throw and tear down glamour.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m a pretty sorry excuse for a magical shifter.”
“You’re wrong.” She raised that eyebrow again. “You’re no Gamayun, but you pack a powerful magical punch. Just wing it.”
“You say this like I’m an—” I shut my trap, choking down what I’d been about to say. Dad wasn’t the only one who’d think I was dead. I’d been the flakiest friend in the universe, but there was one person in particular who could have been more than that, and she deserved better.
“Like you’re an owl shifter.” Kiki nodded, her expression grave instead of mocking or even ignorantly mirthful. “I know all about your bird friend. She’s something special. But I forget her name.”
“Olivia.” Her name rolled off my tongue like honey from a spoon. I wished I could swallow it and hold on. Something changed in the energy of the surrounding air when I said her name. I wondered what that meant in the Under. I wondered how a Kitsune trapped here for centuries could know an owl shifter from New Jersey.
“Well, that’s two for two.” The Kitsune sighed. “Exactly like your mother again, Tony.”
“She loved someone she couldn’t be with, I guess.” I blinked. I hadn’t meant to use the L-word, even though it was true. The perspective I’d gotten from dying made that sort of thing crystal-clear.
“Yes.” Kiki closed her eyes. “Celestina went against all sorts of good advice for his sake, too. She let her love and her visions guide her instead of common sense, much like one of her best friends.”
“If Mom loved Dad so much, doesn’t make much sense for him to have killed her.” I couldn’t let myself believe in love, no matter how much I might want to. Coincidence and mates, sure. That was desire, I thought. I was an idiot. “Love must be the most dangerous business in the known universe.”
“You make many assumptions I don’t have time to correct.” Kiki opened her eyes, narrowing them at me. “Now, make with the magic already.”
“Not sure why you can’t do this since you’ve got plenty of magic.” I stepped out from under the trees and Kiki’s scowl, stopping halfway up the hill. I didn’t dare step on the faerie ring. They were supposed to be nastier than any ward on Gatto Gang territory, and I’d just gotten over one of those exploding in my face. Had Kiki really said I’d died eight times already? Maybe I actually remembered some of those times without realizing it. I’d walked away from a fair number of “accidents” I shouldn’t have.
My questions and assumptions added up to one big heap of trouble if I didn’t get answers in the future, but the Kitsune was right—I had no time to do anything about it in the present. I pointed a finger at the Gnomehill and tried to focus all my attention on it.
“Open Sesame!” Nothing happened. I dropped my arm and shook it, then spied a stick on the ground. Advanced Magical Theory students worked with wands, so why shouldn’t I? Picking it up, I pointed it instead of one silly finger and tried something different.
“Avada Kedavera!” Nothing happened. I didn’t count Kiki laughing as anything important. She knew Harry Potter but not Dr. Horrible. Lamest Kitsune ever. At least she’d heard of Lord of the Rings, and that gave me an idea. I didn’t bother pointing this time. The idea had sparked some kind of vaguely familiar energy, sending it traveling from my head to spiral all the way down my body like a coil. Feeling a connection to the Under’s earth, I spoke Gandalf’s greeting from outside the gates of Moria.
“Mellon!”
Something rumbled under my feet, sounding like the hungriest giant in the known universe.
“Run, Tony!”
I didn’t even get a chance to lift a foot before the sod and earth gave way under me, dumping me into a half-light as eerie as the inferno I’d endured back at the house in Olneyville. The mental crutch that had gotten me through a long line of dangerous situations was still in my head, so I leaned on it and counted.
“One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three hippopotamus, four hippopotamus, five—”
I hit dirt, or a light coating of it anyway, as I discovered when scuffing my toes against it. I closed my eyes, calling up the low-light vision that came with my cat-shifter abilities. When I opened them again, I shuddered.
“Tony! Make a noise if you’re alive in there!”
“Gimme a hand up.” I reached toward the hole.
Something blotted out the light from over my head, then Kiki hit the floor. She’d landed on her backside, too, not her feet like I had.
“Heh.” I smirked. “Dog people.”
“Fox people.” She stood up, adjusting the sash that tried to hide her tails. “Get it right or pay the price.”
“Foxes are canines.” I shrugged.
“Kitsunes are magical. So are Kel…well, that information will cost you.” She grinned.
“I’m dead-broke.” I chuckled at my own joke. “Anyway, it seems kind of short-sighted to jump into an unknown hole instead of helping an ally out of one.”
“Godson.” Kiki brushed the dirt off her robe. “And it’s not unknown to me. This is exactly where we want to be. Inside this particular Gnomehill.”
“It doesn’t look much like the kind of hole one of those talking potatoes would live in.” I brushed dust off my coat.
“That’s because this place hasn’t always belonged to ornery pure faeries who wanted a hidey-hole.” Kiki adjusted the scarf covering her ears. “Anyway, the Gnomes who live in here are some of His Majesty’s most loyal subjects. They just have some strange ways of showing it, is all. I see they’ve at least kept the place secret, if not as tidy as its original owners would have liked.”
“I’m not going to ask you who it belongs to or why they abandoned it.” I peered down a long passage to my left. A faint tingle of energy prickled my skin when I considered heading in that direction, so I did. “I just hope it’s not some kind of tomb or barrow.”
“Don’t worry,” Kiki said. “It’s got nothing to do with death.”
“I bet you don’t even know.” I snorted.
“Well, I know about the Garters, and that they’re here.” She chuckled. “While I’m being honest, listen harder. I know more than I’m telling.”
“I don’t need reassurance, and I’ll believe a magic bow is here when I—” I stopped just inside an open archway at the end of the passage, the sudden light piercing my eyes like glass shards. I had to rely on my other supernaturally sharpened senses.
The room smelled of long-dried roses, not something I’d expect to find in a Gnome’s lair. Those little guys liked their trinkets sharp or shiny, usually both. Something as prim as a basket of potpourri or book of pressed flowers wasn’t something they’d keep around.
After my eyes adjusted, I saw why this place didn’t feel Gnomish. The chamber was a bedroom for regular-sized people. At one time, it might have been a cozy suite, combined with the stuff ancient faerie fertility rites used. The one thing I couldn’t suss out was the vibe; whether the collection of items in here were geared toward getting with child or birthing one. At any rate, whatever energy the place had made all the hairs of my tail stand on end.
Woven tapestries
and fabric hangings along stone walls had once made the space seem cozy and private. With all the dust, they just looked drab now. Magically lit braziers gave off light and warmth, flattering and warm enough respectively to make banishing modesty comfortable, but the specks of rust-red on the stone floors were definitely not from rose petals. The bed at the center was hip-height, at least for me. The place tried to push something to the surface of my mind but whatever it was got stuck like a stubborn hairball. My trench coat's collar felt too constricting all of a sudden, and I felt the urge to cut and run.
“You said the Goblin King’s Garters had nothing to do with death or lingerie, but you bring me to a creepy bedroom.” I put my hands on my hips and glared at my godmother. “Kiki, you’ve got a lot of ‘splaining to do.”
Chapter Six
Tony
My godmother sighed. “We don’t have time for that kind of explanation.” For the first time, I got the idea that she might be tired of all the smoke and mirrors. Hinkiness, my packmates had called it. I was sick of it too, on more than one front.
“So, if the Garters are here, let’s just get them and go already.” I tapped my foot in the silence left behind by her refusal to explain further. I definitely wasn’t asking her any more direct questions.
“I can’t.” Kiki shrugged her left shoulder, a gesture mirrored by dimpling in her right cheek. “I’m, umm, ‘dog people’ was how you put it. I can’t even touch it.”
“And I suppose I can because I’m cat people.” I flicked the tip of my tail, finally angry for the first time since waking up in the thrice-cursed Under. I already hated the place, and I’d only been conscious there for maybe a half-hour. “Cat people are the ones this weapon was designed to destroy, so naturally, I’ve got to use the freaking thing. Yup. Makes perfect sense, just like every other rule in Faerie.”
