by Celeste, B.
I take advantage and sit up on my elbows to initiate the kiss. He’s taken by surprise but quickly returns it, our lips and tongues and breaths dancing and tangling together until I reach for my shirt and start pulling it up too. He helps, slipping it over my head until we’re both bare from the waist up.
His eyes burn my chest as he stares, brushing his knuckles against my breast until I’m shuttering. When I move his hand to cup me fully, I bow up until he’s squeezing me the way I want.
“Touch me,” I whisper, kissing his jaw, neck, anything to feel close to him.
He doesn’t disappoint. Lowering onto his elbows, he shifts so his full attention is on my chest, kneading, kissing, and driving me mad. My nipples pebble under his touch, and when he dips down and takes one in his mouth, I cry out until I’m covering my face with my palms to keep quiet.
“Mm,” he murmurs, tugging on me with his teeth before nipping the side of the same breast. “Remember to keep quiet, Mouse. Wouldn’t want one of our parents to walk in.”
Oh my God. “We need to lock—”
“Already did,” he muses, moving his mouth to the other breast and mimicking his actions until I’m panting and needing him more.
“K-Kaiden.”
He looks up through his lashes. “Yes?”
I cup his face, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip. “Can I…would it be okay if I touched you?”
His eyes heat until they’re puddles of dark chocolate. “You should be more specific. Where is it that you want to touch me exactly?”
Licking my lips, I gather the courage to slowly trail my hand down, down, down his body until it rests just above his shorts. They hang low on his waist. All it would take is just one little movement…
“Fuck,” her murmurs, dropping his forehead on mine. “Your eyes say it all and it’s killing me.”
“Sorry?”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be. You’re hot as hell when you go after what you want.”
Blushing, I tug on his shorts.
“Want me to take them off?” he purrs, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth and suckling it.
“Y-Yes.”
“Want to see my cock, Mouse?”
My mouth practically waters as I nod, getting him to let go of my wrist and help me push his shorts down.
Eyes widening when I see him spring out of the nylon material, I can’t help but stare. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t something so big or pink or veiny.
I blink. “Oh, God.”
It twitches. Twitches.
“It moved,” I whisper-hiss.
He laughs, kicking his shorts off until they land on the floor in front of the bed. “Yeah, it’ll do that.”
I groan, realizing that thing is going to try fitting inside of me. “You’re not going to fit. That is not going to work, Kaiden.”
“Hey,” he murmurs, lips wavering like he wants to keep laughing. “Trust me, Em. It’ll fit. People do this every day.”
“Yeah, but…” Not knowing what to say, I shake my head.
“Do you want to do this?” he asks for the billionth time.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to touch me?” He takes my hand and slowly starts lowering it toward the very thing I’m still enamored by. “Words, Mouse. Do you want to touch my cock? I know I want you to.”
I choke on oxygen. “Yes,” I rasp.
He grins. “Do you want me to touch you? To take those cute little pajama pants off until we’re both bare. I know you’re not wearing panties under there.”
My eyes widen. “How would you know that?”
He leans in closer like we’re sharing a secret. “Do you know how many times a day I stare at your ass? I’d know if you’re wearing underwear or not.”
My whole face heats up.
“So?” He licks his lips. “Can I?”
For a split second, I debate my answer. I’m not sure why because I know I want this to happen—to sleep with Kaiden. To lose my virginity. To feel…normal. I also know it’s a horrible idea for so many reasons.
But I also don’t care.
I whisper an audible, “Yes.”
And just like that, my pants are on the floor tangled with his discarded clothes.
The nerves come back in full force now, because we’re both completely naked. My hand is back on his stomach, his eyes are raking over me, and I’m suddenly so self-conscious that I want to pull the blanket over me.
My stomach is flat, but my thighs aren’t as thin as they used to be. I’m hyperaware of their sudden roundness in contrast to the ribs that decorate my torso from the rapid weight loss I experienced before moving here. I’m no longer proportional. Not too skinny like I was, but also not fat. The in-between my body has shaped itself into is foreign territory.
Yet Kaiden doesn’t seem to mind at all. His eyes cut to mine before drifting down my nakedness, taking in every square inch. “Don’t hide. You’re beautiful, Emery. You’re beautiful and you’re mine.”
That one word, four little letters, is exactly what I need to gather the courage to make my move, wrapping my hand around his hard length. He groans loudly and bucks into me, twitching in my palm as I stare at how my fingers look around him. Not sure what to do, I squeeze him a little before moving my hand down and back up in a fluid motion.
He curses, most of the words making no sense that escape his lips. “So good. That feels so fucking good.”
“Can you show me?”
His eyes are closed, his head tipped back, and I think maybe I don’t need him to show me anything. I still want him to though. He’s feeding me confidence by letting me experience this.
“Show me how you touch yourself,” I whisper, causing him to grow harder in my hand.
“Fuck, that’s hot.” He wraps his hand around mine and starts jerking our palms up and down faster than I was, twisting the grip to put more pressure under the head. The sounds he makes as his hips roll makes dampness settle between my thighs, and I feel a strong need to experience everything with him as long as it means I can see his face so carefree and lost and beautiful in the moment as it is now.
He moans my name, whispers it like a plea, until I notice a little bead form at the tip of him. Following my urge, my thumb slips out from under his palm and glides over the wetness gathering there until he chokes out my name and jerks so hard in my hand that his forehead drops into the crook of my neck and our hands become frantic and needy.
A moment later, I feel something wet hit my lower stomach as he repeats my name over and over again before letting go of my hand.
His breathing evens out and he lifts up, kissing me hungrily until our teeth are clattering against each other. “I need to taste you. Let me kiss you, Mouse. Let me know how sweet you are between those pretty thighs of yours.”
My whole body catches on fire, and I want to tell him no because I’m embarrassed, but the thought of him doing that wakes something new in me.
“O-Okay.”
The smile I’m rewarded with is like I agreed to give him a million dollars, and if I wasn’t so turned on I’d giggle.
I watch him slowly lower down my body, his hands parting my legs as his lips kiss my inner thigh up, up, up.
“Oh my God,” I whimper when his tongue swipes my slit. I watch his head disappear between my legs, his mouth and breath and tongue on the most intimate part of me. I writhe under him as he gently holds my legs open and devours me, paying special attention to the bundle of nerves that demand release.
When his tongue dips inside, my fingers go to his hair and dig into his scalp. Unintentionally, I arch up until his face is buried further, his nose brushing my clit as his tongue brings me on the brink of my orgasm.
“Too much. Too much.” I shake my head as I build up, Kaiden not relenting as he eats me out and makes noises that sound a lot like mine as I tug on his hair and move my body to get more friction against him.
It’s an intense feeling, the way my stoma
ch warms and tingles and my legs tighten on either side of his head. It’s consuming and alluring and addicting. Like I don’t want him to stop but need him to before I lose my mind.
When I come, I come harder than ever before and have to throw a pillow over my face because I’m afraid I’ll be heard. My legs quake and rock against him as he rides it out with me, his mouth pressing open kisses against me until I finally ease back onto the mattress in heavy pants and eyelids.
My hips ache from being held open, but the sated feeling washing over my body helps me forget the slight discomfort.
Kaiden moves the pillow away from me and wipes his mouth off before running a hand down my cheek and jaw. “I almost came again just hearing you make those sounds.”
I swallow, not knowing what to say.
“I need to be inside you,” he says, watching me carefully to gauge my reaction.
After a short moment, I’m nodding, realizing this is it. I’m going to lose my virginity to the boy who’s made me feel thousands of different things since I moved in with him.
He’s insulted me.
Picked on me.
Isolated me.
But he also gave me his room.
Cooked me omelets.
And taken me to his favorite spot.
He’s given Cam a chance for me, played nice with my father, and opened up to me when he wouldn’t with anyone else.
“I need this too.” I put my hands on his shoulders and squeeze.
He grabs the condom and tears it open, sitting up on his knees to slide it on. I’m mesmerized as I watch him cover himself with the latex, and feel my heart go into overdrive when he lowers back down and kisses me.
I return the kiss and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me. He tastes different, like me I realize, but I don’t think about it because all I feel his him moving to my entrance.
Using his hand to position himself, he slowly slides in, pausing, stretching me and causing me to gasp through the pain. Further, further, the sharpness intensifies. Tears well in my eyes as I try taking calming breaths.
“H-Hurts,” I whimper, squeezing him harder until our chests are pressed together. I need the pressure to ease, the pain to go away.
I knew it was going to hurt, but I feel like I’m being split in two despite how wet I must be from what he did. He’s so big, it doesn’t matter that he’s trying to be careful. Wiggling, I try relieving the sting, but it gets worse. So much worse.
“No, not like that,” he comments, sounding pained in a different way. “Fuck, Em. You’re so tight. You’re squeezing my dick.”
“S-Sorry.” My voice is hoarse as a tear breaks free and slides down my cheek. Is it supposed to feel like this? Like someone shoved a burning rod between my legs? Like my pelvis is on fire and demanding to be put out?
“Don’t be.” He kisses me, reaching between us and rubbing my clit in small, circular motions. “I need you to try relaxing, okay? I know it hurts. I can make it a little better.”
I close my eyes and hope more tears don’t spill, but even when I feel my body loosen a little to his touch, his movements don’t make the pain lessen. He moves out of me, and slowly back in, going further than before. Over and over he does this. He repeats the movements, playing with my clit, kissing me, nipping my lip and chin, until I’m saying his name in a choked plea.
Not to stop him.
I want this. Need this.
But I also want it to end. I want the pain to stop and the pleasure to begin like in the books. I want to be able to move my hips to meet his like I know what I’m doing. I want to feel confident and sexy and to know he can’t get enough of me.
That’s not how it is though.
It hurts. I’m used to pain, but this is so different than the everyday kind. My hips ache and my pelvis hurts, and I think I may be choking Kaiden with my death grip on his neck like I’d squeeze my pillow when my hips or knees or body hurt from a flare.
“Need me to stop?” His voice is heavy, lust ridden. He doesn’t want to but he’s offering, and I don’t want to disappoint him or to shorten this moment when it should be perfect.
“N-No.”
“Emery—”
“Please keep going,” I plead, kissing him the way he kissed me. Wanting. Needing. Yearning. “I want you to get off. I want to feel you do it inside me.”
I don’t know where those words came from, but I mean them. Every one of them.
“Shit.” The words must be the right thing to say, because he picks up the pace and enters me faster, harder. I bite my lip so hard I think it may start bleeding, but I do start feeling a new sensation enter the pit of my stomach when he changes position so he’s moving in me differently and grinding down on my pelvic bone.
I gasp as he puts pressure on my clit again, teasing it and rubbing it as he bucks into me over and over.
He cusses, moans, makes noises I didn’t know were possible. The way he kisses me becomes frantic and desperate and I feel every emotion he normally bottles up pour into me. My chest swells as he whispers my name, his sweaty hair diving into the crook of my neck until his hips drive into me in a jerky pace.
The headboard starts to hit the wall with loud thuds, so he curses and grabs ahold of it with one hand while he grabs my hip with the other to keep me from sliding up as he thrusts into me.
Any control he had when he started is long gone, because now he’s ravenous—chasing a high that he’s so close to getting. The way his body begins moving deeper and harder until he slams into me one last time and moans my name into my neck has me gasping and digging my fingertips into his back. I keep my hold on his body as he empties himself, his heartbeat racing against my chest as he comes down.
The room fills with our breathing and no longer smells of just trees and cinnamon. It smells like us. Of what we’ve just done.
Kaiden carefully pulls out, making me wince, before dropping to the side of me. His hand finds mine on the sheets and he wraps his fingers around me as we catch our breaths.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly.
I swallow. “Yeah.”
He sits up and studies me, seeing my damp cheeks from the glow of the streetlights coming in my window. His jaw ticks. “You should have told me to stop—”
“I didn’t want you to, Kaiden.”
We stare at each other for a moment longer before he gets out of bed. “I’m going to grab a washcloth to clean you up. Stay there.”
I take a deep breath and listen to the toilet flush and then the sink turn on. My heart is making weird sounds, racing but not, excited or anxious probably. I just had sex for the first time, it seems normal to react differently.
I move my legs and flinch over how sore they are from staying open. Sitting up, I inspect my slightly bloodied thighs, but besides a few droplets of on the gray sheets, there’s nothing else.
Kaiden walks in, noticing me looking at the aftermath.
“I thought it’d be worse,” I admit, heat creeping up the back of my neck. “You know, the blood and stuff.”
He has two washcloths. Using the first one to clean off my stomach from the first time he came, he sets it off to the side and grabs the other to carefully wipe my thighs off before dabbing between my legs.
I suck in a breath at how tender I am, which he apologizes for. “I’ve never done this before,” he admits, not meeting my eyes.
“Done what?”
Once he’s done washing me off, he uses a towel to dry me. “Taken someone’s virginity and cleaned them up after it’s all done.”
I’m not sure what to say, so I just reach out and brush his face. He finally glances up, his features softer than I’m used to. “Thank you. I-It hurt but I’m glad we did that.”
He kisses me. “You should try peeing. Hear that’s important so girls don’t get UTI’s or whatever.”
Giggling, I kiss him back and then he helps me out of bed. Passing me my pants and shirt back, I get dressed and head to the bathroom. Pushing past
the sting, I do my business and wash up before inspecting myself in the mirror.
I’m flushed and my hair is a mess, but the smile on my face is all I can really see. Kaiden did that. He changed the flattened or downtrodden lips I’m so well acquainted with.
When I go back in the room, Kaiden is dressed and on his usual side of the bed. “You know,” he says quietly, opening his arm for me to curl up next to him, “I think it’s a good thing your mom is coming here.”
I choke. “You want to talk about her?”
He chuckles. “I just think it means she’s finally willing to put in an effort.”
I’m quiet as I consider his words.
He’s right.
Maybe things are finally changing.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Before the sun fully rises, nausea wakes me up with its brutal clutches on my stomach. Back and hips aching as I slide out of bed, I clutch my midsection and limp to the bathroom. I barely make it in time before I’m emptying little to nothing into the toilet bowl, stomach acid burning my throat and causing me to gag worse from the cold floor.
Kaiden must have slipped out before I woke up, because there’s no doubt he would have come in here demanding what’s wrong. When I feel a little better, I hold a palm against my back, wash up, brush my teeth, and head back to the bedroom.
The sheets and comforter are still ruffled from last night’s escapades, which causes me to smile despite the pulsing sensation in my back. It doesn’t surprise me that I tweaked it given what we’d done, so I grab some Motrin from my nightstand and swallow a couple of pills before pulling the blankets over me again.
I ball up and hug the pillow Kaiden uses close to me, taking in his usual scent until sleep calls for me again.
Thankfully, the nausea let’s me be.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Christmas break finally rolls around and I’m glad to be out of school. Despite my new medicine working to keep headaches away, the winter flurries and stress of finals got the better of me. Thankfully, I haven’t missed anymore school, but my energy is depleted by the time I get home in the afternoon.
