I stare into his eyes. Tortured. Confusion. Anger. All three emotions war with each other. I don’t fully comprehend what holds him back, or why he won’t let fate take its course, but I can accept his wishes. I don’t want to. And I certainly won’t like it. But something is going on that’s bigger than me. I’ll back off for now.
“Okay, if that’s how you want it. We’ll remain friends.” The room feels hot and stuffy. If this is how acceptance feels, I don’t like it at all.
He nods. “Thank you.”
“Can we open a window or something? I need some air.”
Three long strides and he’s at the windowsill, lifting the window. It doesn’t help.
“Did you get my latest email? I sent it this afternoon about the foundation?” I ask, trying to garner some semblance of control.
“Yeah, I had a question on the grade of concrete.”
And that’s how we spent the rest of the evening—strictly business between us. That kiss was full of passion and want. I can’t imagine what circumstances would prevent us from being together. Unless he does go home to a girlfriend every weekend. I should ask to ease my mind, but I can’t help but wonder if I let too much time lapse. No, I need to know.
“Garret, can I—”
“Shit, I have to go make a phone call.” His head pops up. “What were you going to say?”
“Nothing important. Go make your call.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back. Come on, Miller.” He exits without another word. I look at my cell and frown. Eight o’clock. It was a little past eight when he placed a phone call at my house. Is this a nightly ritual? Like someone would have if they have a girlfriend.
An overbearing amount of grief slams into me. Which is dumb. He wasn’t mine to lose. A point he made forty minutes ago. But he kissed me. If he does have a girlfriend, that means he had one when he kissed me. I don’t know how to feel about that. I never pegged Garret as a cheater. That role is reserved for people like my dad. People who seek out others who are fitter and too tempting, as my father once said. Cheaters aren’t fun-loving, carefree people like Garret. Are they? But he does go home every weekend, and no one seems to know the reason. There has to be a good explanation.
I’m not free.
His words repeat in my head as I push to my feet. I took that as he didn’t have time. How naive am I if he literally means he isn’t free because of another girl? I let out a frustrating sigh. Stewing about it won’t get me anywhere. I’ll ask him point-blank when he returns. Satisfied with my resolution, I walk to the window to get some air. I must be going through the change in my early twenties because it’s hotter than hell in here. I reach the window and freeze when I overhear Garret talking.
“I love you too, Livvy.”
Livvy?
Who’s Livvy?
Chapter Ten
Garret
Current Day
Lexie: Fun Fact. I know how to show a guy a good time. :P
I press end and stare aimlessly at the woods, waiting for Miller to get done sniffing whatever he finds appetizing along the border. I’m so tired of this double life. I feel like the only thing I get accomplished is hurting the ones I love. It’s evident in Livvy’s voice. It’s evident in Lexie’s eyes. And I don’t know how to rectify either situation.
But the thing that guts me is the promise I’ve broken to Liv. After crushing her heart with my one weak moment, I swore no other girls would come between us. And I’ve kept that promise. Fuck, I’ve gone this entire time without caving. And it’s not as if the offers haven’t been there. Girls have thrown themselves at me since freshman year, and I haven’t touched a single one. Not even the one girl I want. I’ve been a fucking saint until Saturday. And now, I’m a fucking coward.
When I showed up at the Habitat house on Sunday, I was relieved to pull landscaping duties. As soon as the last roll of sod was laid, I hightailed it home. In part, to see Livvy before returning to campus, but the other part to avoid seeing Lexie. Talk about being weak.
“Come on, Miller.” He lifts his head and barks. He takes a few more sniffs before joining my side. Miller pushes past me as soon as I swing the back door open.
“Lexie went home,” Noah says.
I frown. “She left?”
“Yeah, what did you do?” This comes from Braxton.
“What do you mean?” My tone sounds a bit defensive, but I have no clue what they’re getting at.
“I don’t know, but she looked upset.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Concern grabs hold. We’re certainly not past the awkwardness of me setting us straight, but something else may be wrong. What if something bad happened to her brothers? It’s not like her to up and leave without saying goodbye.
“There’s probably nothing to worry about. She said she’d email you whatever was left to do.” Ironically, Dalton’s words are the most reassuring. It can’t be too bad of an emergency if she’s planning on emailing the rest of the assignment.
“Damn, bro,” Noah says. “You finally get a girl to your bedroom, and she runs out of here scared. Your moves need some serious work.”
“My moves are fine.” Or they were. If that kiss was any indication to go by, I haven’t lost my skill. Seriously though, why did Lexie leave so abruptly?
“Maybe she found your tiny condom package,” Noah says. Collective laughs reverberate around the room. Assholes.
“What about you, Noah? Marla was complaining to Izzy the other day about how you keep turning her down. I thought you two had some type of arrangement. It doesn’t look like I’m the only one not getting any.”
“Oh, so you finally admit that you haven’t been getting laid.”
Well, shit. That backfired.
“Good thing you got the extra tall bottle of lube.” That comment earns Braxton the bird.
“Hardy har har. I knew it was you who planted that shit, asshole.”
“I admit to nothing.”
I roll my eyes and fire off a message to Lexie, asking if everything is okay. I know I upset her with my shutdown, but I don’t have a choice. If I told her about Livvy, we still wouldn’t be together. I made a commitment. My poor decisions are my shackles. My imprisonment. But I’m the one who escaped. My life sentence is more of a misdemeanor compared to Liv’s.
I’m fucking everything up. Just like last time.
Garret
High School
Senior Year
The battle might have been won, but it was the upcoming war I feared.
“I told you he’d come around.”
Something wasn’t settling well. I didn’t trust Liv’s dad’s sudden change of heart. I wasn’t going to be the one to erase her smile, though. As the due date neared, I’d deal with whatever he threw my way. We only had two and a half more months to wait.
“I’m going to finish high school online,” Livia said.
“What? Why?”
“It’s the sensible thing to do.”
That sounded like her dad speaking, not her. I hated it when she did that. He got in her head, and she lost touch. But I didn’t like the idea of her being stuck at home all day. “Sensible for who?”
“It’s honestly the better choice for me. Plus, it was easy to agree. The past week I’ve begun to show. People will start to talk.” She shook her head. “They may be speculating right now, but it’s easier this way. Trust me.”
“I don’t give a flip what people say.”
“I know you don’t. But it’s not you they stare at. And Daddy doesn’t want anyone knowing I’m pregnant.”
“I don’t like it.” I hated her being that close to her dad without a buffer. At least when she went to school, she got away from that household and out from under his grip.
“Look at it this way. I won’t be on my feet as much. I don’t mind staying home if it means I can keep our baby.”
Christ. When she put it that way, what could I say? Her deep brown eyes stared back at me, and I relaxed. “As long as
it’s what you want. But I’ll miss our lunch dates.”
Her grin stretched wider. “I’ll miss them, too. But I’ll sneak out to see you. I’m not going to be a prisoner.”
“It will be harder if he doesn’t want anyone seeing you.” I can see it now. He’d make excuses for her to stay inside. “I’m the father of our child. I can’t believe he still won’t let me come over.”
Sadness coated her features. “I know. It’s ridiculous.”
“What about college? We’re still good, yeah?”
Her face paled. “I don’t know yet.”
“Liv, we have plans.” I applied for student family housing. We’d been accepted to attend Cessna U already—me on a baseball scholarship. It was the college that made the most sense. It was nearby, and my parents offered to help with babysitting.
“My scholarship isn’t enough to cover—”
“We’ll get you a student loan,” I interrupted.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“That’s because the logistics are easy. It’s studying with a newborn that will be tough. My parents will help.”
She nodded. “That may work.”
“That will work. We’re going to be fine.” We have to be fine.
“I love you, Garret Cartel.”
“I love you, Liv.” I held her in my arms and promised her the world that I wasn’t sure I could deliver. But I damn sure would try.
Chapter Eleven
Lexie
Current Day
Garret: Fun Fact. Definition of an idiot…a stupid person. Yeah, that’s me. I’m sorry.
Certain things you can share with your best friend, and other things you keep locked tight. My unwillingness to confront Garret about having a girlfriend is precisely one of those things. I know what she’d tell me to do. First, she would make fun of me for running out of there like a scared gazelle, and then she would demand I call him to get the answers. But I know my limitations, and I’m not ready to hear the truth. What if there is another woman? Cheating is a hard limit for me. And sure, we only shared a kiss, but that kiss meant more. That kiss implied he wanted more. That kiss was an entire college’s worth of bottled-up sexual frustration unleashing in a frantic moment. I felt his need with every stroke of his tongue. I felt his want when his hard body pressed against me.
But Garret killed any chance we have at becoming more the moment he told me he couldn’t commit to anything long term. His words don’t match his actions. It’s no wonder I’m confused. If I find out the truth of him having a girlfriend, that confusion will turn to anger. It’s best to downplay my reasoning to Cara and protect my heart for as long as I can.
“I can’t believe I have to coerce you and Shannon into going to Garret’s birthday party after the way you two roped me into going last year,” Cara says as Shannon leaves the dorm room to grab a shower.
Surprisingly, Shannon didn’t want to go to Garret’s birthday party either. She’s always gung-ho on any event involving Noah. I was banking on using her as my cop-out. I slurp the rest of my mocha down and toss the drink into the garbage.
“What’s going on?” Cara’s voice holds nothing but concern, and my guilt deepens.
“I’m sorry. Nothing’s going on. I told you, it’s this senior design. No matter how much we prepped last year, there is still so much to do. Our deadline’s coming soon. Rumors are circulating that our sponsor may be selling out. That jeopardizes the D. I. C. K. award.” I was banking heavily on winning that award. Yes, the money would help pay my debt down, but the job offer would be incredible. I’m ninety-nine percent sure I want to go to grad school, but making money also sounds good as well. “As I said, a lot is going on.”
“Which is why you need to get out and have some fun,” Cara says, pointedly.
“I know. That’s why I’m going.” I want to be there for Garret’s birthday. I haven’t missed a single one yet, but I’m not ready to face him. When I show up at his party, two things will happen. Garret will dominate my time just like always, and I’ll fall back into the trap of wanting more. The easiest thing for my heart is not to go, but I can’t let my other best friend down. She’s not easily swayed.
“I’m sorry to hear your dick is in trouble.”
“Yeah, it sucks big time.”
“What the hell does the acronym stand for?”
“Dennison, Irvin, Craig, & King Scholarship. I don’t know why they didn’t change the order.”
“So immature people like us will call it a dick award and make dick jokes.”
“I’ve really missed hanging out.”
“Yeah, me too. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. How’d the Weekend Warriors project go? Did you survive all the testosterone?”
“It was fine.” Fantastic, actually.
“Fine?” She quirks an eyebrow. “You’re awfully evasive today. What the heck is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong. It’s just…” I let my voice trail off. I hate keeping things from my best friend. I’ve never been good at lying, and keeping everything bottled inside is making me edgy. I let out a sigh. “It was fine. The football players were there. I worked alongside Kyle Grady.”
“Oh, really?” That causes her eyes to sparkle. “You worked with him and not Garret?”
“Yeah, well, Kyle sort of jumped at the chance.”
A knowing look crosses her face. “And how did that go over with Garret?”
“He was fine,” I lie. He was not fine. If anything, he was jealous. Garret being jealous caused my heart to soar, and my shields to drop. It’s the only explanation I have for being swept off my feet from that kiss.
“Hmm. And how was working beside Kyle?”
“Interesting. Kyle’s fun to hang around.” Even though he got carried away, and Garret had to save me. He isn’t arrogant when he certainly has every right to be. Talented, sinfully gorgeous, and a body that deserves its own poster is a deadly combination.
“You should ask him to Garret’s party.”
My gaze flashes to Cara. “Kyle?”
“Yeah, Kyle. He’s obviously into you. Take advantage of it.”
“I don’t know. He’s hot. That’s for sure, but I’m not sure we have a lot in common.”
“You two hit it off at Beats.”
Beats being a dance club that opened up last fall. Before the semester ended, Cara and I had gone out. We had a lot of fun until her ex-boyfriend decided to crash our party. Kyle was there, and we danced together. He’s a good partner on the dance floor. Our bodies were in sync, but taking him to Garret’s birthday party? I don’t know about that. “That may not be the best idea.”
“Why? You and Garret are just friends. He won’t mind if you show up with a date.”
She’s pushing the limit and trying to pump more info from me. She isn’t fooling me. Of course, she isn’t discreet about it either.
“No. He wouldn’t care.” Since nothing can become of us.
“There you go. That way, you won’t be by yourself in case Garret has a date and Braxton monopolizes my time. It’s a win-win.”
I narrow my eyes. “Did you hear if Garret’s bringing a date?”
“No, I didn’t.” Cara has an ulterior motive. She’s right, though. It wouldn’t hurt for me to explore other people. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I need to be loose and have fun. The last thing I need to do is hang with Garret the entire time. He made it clear where we stand, and it’s not together.
“Yes, they have a home game. They should have their evening free,” she says, looking at her phone.
“Fine. You win.” I whip my phone out and type his name in the search bar. Thank goodness we’re in Habitat together. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have his number.
“Lexie Jenkins. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Hey, Kyle. I was wondering what your plans were for Saturday night.”
“Hopefully celebrating a win. What did you have in mind?”
“It’s Garret’s birth
day. I thought maybe you’d want to go with me to his annual party.”
“Really? I kind of got some possessive vibe from him last weekend.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Garret’s a good friend. But only a friend.”
“Okay. I’m down. You want me to pick you up?”
“No. I’ll Uber my way to campus.” That way, I can drink. I have a feeling I’m going to need a few to make it through the night.
“We’ll work out the deets later. I’ll see you at the next meeting.”
“Sounds good.” I hang up and look at Cara. “Are you happy? I have plans.”
She grins back at me. “It’s what you need to make Garret notice you finally.”
“We’re just friends. You know this.” I sigh.
“Uh-huh. Which is why you have a date with none other than Kyle Grady.”
I should be ecstatic. Most girls would be. I’m flattered, but it’s not the guy I want to be with.
Chapter Twelve
Garret
Current Day
Talk about royally fucking things up.
I stand in my kitchen and scowl at my phone like I did the other hundred times I checked for Lexie’s reply. When did my life reduce to the most quoted definition of insanity? Because I have to be crazy to keep doing the same action and expecting different results. I shouldn’t be surprised Lexie isn’t calling. It was only a matter of time. But hey, I must be getting somewhat better. It only took a little over three years before I managed to mess this relationship up.
“Here you go, boy.” Miller snatches the hot dog from my hands and lies beside my feet gnawing at his treat.
In all honesty, I thought she’d call on my birthday or show up by now. Or at the very least, text the morning fun fact. I guess we’re done texting those. I haven’t received one since the apologetic one I sent. I hate the disappointment settling in my bones, but it’s there.
Full Count (Cessna U Wildcats Book 3) Page 7
