by Louise Guy
Someone called her sister’s name, jarring her. Sean looked up. ‘Did you want me to come?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think she’s expecting two of us. The appointment is for an hour, so if you want to go and get a coffee or something?’
He put the magazine back on the pile and stood. ‘Okay, I’ll meet you back here.’
Leah followed the receptionist past three consulting rooms before being ushered into a large office. The nameplate was embossed with the name Dr Rachael Shriver.
Doctor Shriver sat at her desk, her lean fingers pounding her keyboard. She stood as Leah came into the room. She rounded her desk and extended her hand. Her smile was warm and reached her green eyes. With her salt and pepper hair, neat black suit and thin-rimmed glasses, she exuded experience and professionalism. ‘Hello, Eve, I’m Rachael.’
Leah took her hand and returned the smile.
‘Come, sit down.’ She indicated to a small meeting area comprised of two comfortable-looking armchairs and a small table. A jug of water, two glasses and a small box of tissues sat on the table. ‘I work from the hospital two days a week but the other three I work out of my own office in Richmond. I noticed from your file that you live in Brighton, so that might be more convenient for subsequent visits.’
Leah sank into one of the chairs, grateful she hadn’t been faced with a couch. She’d never seen a psychiatrist or psychologist so hadn’t been sure of what to expect. The cliché scenario of lying on the doctor’s couch had crossed her mind.
‘So how are you, Eve?’
The simple question caused tears to flood her eyes. She’d been so busy since the funeral, trying to fit in to her new role of mother and wife, she’d had little time to think of herself.
Rachael passed her the tissues.
She took one and wiped her eyes. ‘Sorry, such a simple question. You’d think I could answer that.’
The woman’s smile was full of sympathy. ‘I think your face might’ve answered that for you. You’ve been through a terrible trauma, not only losing your sister, but the road accident itself. It’ll take time.’
Leah nodded.
‘I saw from the file your doctor sent across that you’ve been experiencing some memory loss? And you have an appointment scheduled with a neurologist next week.’
‘Yes.’ She would prefer not to discuss it. She lived in constant fear someone would guess she couldn’t remember events because she’d never been at them.
The memory loss had only been brought up with her GP because Sean had insisted on accompanying her to the appointment and was present during the consultation. He was worried about her, he’d said. Worried she was doing some strange things and wanted to hear from the doctor that it was normal. That it was a side-effect, and hopefully temporary, from the concussion she’d received.
The doctor had listened to Sean’s account of Leah’s memory issues and referred her to a neurologist. He believed since she was having trouble remembering incidents from before the accident, she might be suffering from retrograde amnesia.
He’d warned them that there was no definite cure for amnesia, but at least if they knew what they were facing they could look at ways of helping ‘Eve’ moving forward. It wasn’t like Leah could correct them.
‘What sort of things have you been struggling to remember?’ Rachael asked.
How to live a life that’s not actually mine would be a good place to start. How would the psychologist react if she told her the truth? Would she call the police? Would she be allowed to?
There was probably some kind of patient-doctor confidentiality, although she doubted it would extend that far and she wasn’t willing to find out.
‘Silly things mostly,’ Leah said. ‘Places I’ve supposedly been to. Jobs I was working on. I can’t remember a lot about my best friend. I know we were good friends, but I’m driving her mad as in many ways she feels like a complete stranger.’
‘This is Nicola you’re talking about?’ She glanced up from her notes. ‘The friend whose party you were travelling to on the night of the accident.’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s quite normal to block out memories of people who you might subconsciously link to the accident.’
‘It wasn’t Nicola’s fault,’ Leah was quick to say.
‘No, of course not. But she is related closely to that night, due to it being her birthday, her party. Our minds work in very strange ways, putting blocks in place when the trauma is so great that we feel we can’t revisit it.’
Leah’s lack of knowledge when it came to Nicola had nothing to do with the accident. It had to do with the fact that she hardly knew her. But she couldn’t say that.
‘Do you remember the afternoon of the accident? What you were doing before you got into the car to go to the party?’
Leah flinched as images of the accident flashed in her mind. She remembered the afternoon, Eve turning up with the costume she needed to wear, but her mind kept moving to the accident itself.
She shuddered at the memory of her sister undoing her seatbelt. Nausea hit in waves. She closed her eyes.
When she opened them, Rachael was holding a glass of water out for her.
She took it gratefully and sipped it, hoping to settle her stomach.
‘You were remembering something painful?’
‘The memories of the accident play over in my mind.’ Leah glanced around the office, her eyes resting on a heavy wooden bookcase, the feature of one wall. ‘They make me feel sick, to the point of vomiting.’
‘That door through there,’ the psychologist pointed to a small door behind her desk, ‘leads to a bathroom if you need it at any time through our session.’
‘Thank you, I might.’
‘Let’s talk about Leah,’ Rachael suggested. ‘You were identical twins?’
Her stomach settled as the conversation moved on to safer ground. She told Rachael about the close bond they’d had as children, the connection that remained even when they’d become more independent of each other as adults. The nausea overtook her again.
She excused herself and made it into the toilet just in time. Was it going to be like this forever? Each time she thought of the accident was she going to vomit? Was it guilt?
Guilt Leah had taken over Eve’s life and not given their family or Eve’s friends the chance to mourn her?
She shook her head. Her number one priority was the girls, and being a mother to them. It was what Eve had asked of her and she’d agreed.
Leah washed her face and rinsed her mouth before returning to the office.
Rachael was jotting down something on her note pad. ‘Better?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
‘Does that happen a lot? The vomiting?’
‘Quite a bit. Usually when memories of the accident come up. Not so much when I’m only talking about Leah.’
‘Any vomiting yesterday?’
‘Yes.’ Vomiting had become quite a regular thing; usually linked back to thoughts of the accident or Eve’s battered body. Leah had woken from a nightmare the previous morning. She’d been standing on the road where the kangaroo had been and was trying to ring Eve on her mobile to tell her to stop; that she’d have an accident if she kept driving. She kept fumbling with her phone, unable to key in Eve’s details and at the same time could hear the car travelling around the winding mountain road.
Her own scream had woken her when the car had rounded the final corner, skidded to avoid her and slid through the barrier ready to travel down the hill. Leah had only just made it to the toilet as her stomach heaved.
‘Do you think it’s anxiety related?’ she asked.
Rachael stared for a moment. ‘Very likely. Unless there are any other physiological reasons causing it.’
‘Physiological?’
The doctor smiled gently. ‘Is there any chance at all you could be pregnant?’
Pregnant?
Leah stared. Oh God, she couldn’t be pregnant. Could she?
She’d had sex with Grant two or three times a week, right up to a few days before he’d ended their relationship. She closed her eyes.
How would she be able to continue the charade of being Eve if she was pregnant? What would she tell Sean?
‘Eve?’
Rachael’s voice jolted her, and she opened her eyes.
‘You’re white as a sheet. I assume pregnancy is something you hadn’t considered?’
Leah shook her head and forced herself to speak. ‘It’s complicated.’ She’d wanted a baby since she’d turned thirty. She couldn’t believe she was already thirty-five, and didn’t have any children.
She would’ve happily married Grant a year after they’d met and settled down to start a family. He hadn’t been ready at the time, which was understandable. She almost laughed at the irony of it. Grant, who hadn’t wanted a family, was going to be a father twice over in a very short space of time, if she was pregnant.
Her hand flew to her mouth. Willing herself not to be sick again.
‘Would you like me to organise a test for you so we can rule pregnancy out?’ Rachael asked. ‘It’s quite likely you are experiencing a reaction based on grief and anxiety but I think we should check to make sure.’
Rachael made a phone call and ordered the test.
If she was pregnant, was there any reason she had to tell Grant? Morally, yes, but right now her behaviour was so void of any morals there was no reason she actually had to tell him.
Sean and Grant had similar colouring. Would she be able to pass off the baby as Sean’s? Eve often implied they had an active sex life, so there was no reason he’d question it. But, could she do that to any of them?
Leah took a deep breath and waited while an assistant knocked on the door.
She handed Rachael a box.
The psychologist brought it over and gave it to Leah. ‘You don’t have to do it now. Take it home if you prefer. You can tell me the result next week when we meet.’
“Okay.” Relief settled over her. She wasn’t ready to do the test now.
‘We’ve got another ten minutes,’ Rachael said. ‘For now we’ll assume the vomiting has been brought on by anxiety so I’ll teach you a few relaxation techniques.’
Leah only half listened.
What would she do if she was pregnant? It had the potential to ruin everything.
Leah found it hard to concentrate on Sean’s questions on the ride home.
She did her best but when a stony silence fell over the car, it dawned she hadn’t done very well. ‘Sorry. The session brought up a lot of horrible stuff about the accident. I keep seeing Leah.’
He squeezed her good hand. ‘It’ll take time. Do you think it was worth going?’
‘I think so.’ Leah’s mind was already in the future, imagining a baby. Her baby. Assuming she let Sean think it was his, she’d be having a baby with a man she’d never slept with. Could she be that dishonest?
They pulled in the driveway and she excused herself, feigning exhaustion.
Sean suggested she take a nap. They still had three hours before the girls were due home from school.
She slowly climbed the stairs and made her way along the hallway to the master bedroom. She closed the door and went straight into the en-suite, grateful for the lock on the door.
Leah removed the box Rachael had given her. She’d never done a pregnancy test before. Conflicting emotions raced through her. Anxiety had to be the cause of her sickness. If the circumstances were different, if she and Grant were about to get married, she’d be willing the test to show positive. Finally, the baby she’d always dreamed of.
She took out the plastic stick and read the instructions.
Leah removed its cap and sat down on the toilet. She did the test, put the cap back on and turned it to watch the little window.
Three minutes it said it would take.
She let out a breath she’d been unaware she was holding. It didn’t take three minutes. It took less than one for two pink lines to appear.
Leah stared.
She was pregnant.
13
Leah glanced around the waiting room, half expecting Sean to appear at any minute, while she waited for her credit card to be returned by the receptionist.
She’d had her cast off earlier in the week so she was allowed to drive again. She certainly hadn’t wanted Sean at this doctor’s appointment.
It had been bad enough that he’d insisted on accompanying her to the neurologist the week before. He was worried about her ‘memory loss’, which was understandable, but it added a lot more stress to the appointment.
The neurologist had gone through her medical history, physically examined her, run cognitive tests and booked her in for an MRI two days later.
Since she was pregnant, Leah had cancelled the appointment and told Sean it’d been rescheduled and she was waiting for a new date. It was something to avoid during pregnancy, but there was nothing wrong with her anyway.
The neurologist had looked puzzled during her examination and had explained her symptoms were representative of retrograde amnesia, a type of amnesia where memory loss was isolated to before an injury or traumatic event. He’d suggested that the memories would most likely return over time, and assuming the MRI didn’t show anything unusual, they’d continue to monitor her.
She collected her card and left the surgery. She only had space for one thought right now—her baby. Leah smiled and walked into the car park.
The doctor had confirmed her pregnancy, and believed she was seven or eight weeks along.
As she reached for the door handle of the Prius, she heard someone call.
‘Eve?’
She faced a woman who was familiar to her. Her smile slipped.
Katrina. Grant’s pregnant fiancée.
The woman hesitated. ‘I wanted to apologise, Eve.’ Her words tumbled out in a rush. ‘I know it does nothing to change the situation, but the way it was handled at Leah’s funeral was really awful. I never wanted any of this.’ She motioned to her slightly rounded stomach.
Leah froze, her eyes fixed on Katrina’s stomach. Her baby who would be a half brother or sister to Leah’s. Bile immediately rose in her throat.
‘I realise apologising doesn’t change the situation or offer any apology to Leah, but I really am sorry. I should never have been with Grant in the first place.’ Katrina sighed. ‘In fact, I truly wish I hadn’t.’
Leah forced herself to speak. ‘Things not working out between the two of you?’
She gave a disgruntled laugh. ‘That’s an understatement. He decided fatherhood wasn’t for him. He’s packed up and moved to London. He has a British passport and he told me it was a permanent move.’
Leah gasped. ‘He didn’t?’
‘He did.’
‘He’ll change his mind when the baby’s here.’
Katrina shook her head. ‘He won’t, he’s made that very clear. I had a letter from his lawyer to let me know that he wants nothing to do with the child. That he’ll support it financially, and is willing to pay the court expense to terminate his parental rights.’
‘Can he do that?’
‘Possibly. If I agree, and the judge does too. It’s quite rare apparently, but if I was in another relationship and wanted my new partner to adopt the baby, then that would be a good reason.’ She gave a bitter laugh. ‘Not that I’ll ever go near another man after this.’
‘I’m really sorry, Katrina.’ She couldn’t wrap her head around Grant’s behaviour. ‘I can’t see his parents letting him get way with this.’
‘Isabelle, Grant’s mum, is really upset,’ the woman said. ‘She contacted me. She and her husband said they’d help out financially and they’d like to be part of the baby’s life. She said Grant had made it very clear he wasn’t going to have anything to do with me, the baby, or them if they invited us into their life.’
‘She’d be in shock,’ Leah said. She couldn’t begin to imagine how Isabelle co
uld be coping. First the news that Leah and her son had broken up, then a baby to another woman, followed by Leah’s death and Grant’s sudden departure. The poor woman.
‘It’s a shock, I know,’ Katrina said. ‘Although seeing how he’s behaved, I’m glad to know he’s out of my life. I wouldn’t want him as the father of my baby.’
‘I can’t believe any of it,’ Leah finally managed to say. ‘He and Leah seemed so happy. Well, up until the split. She thought he was going to marry her.’
The woman nodded. ‘Once again, Eve, I’m so sorry about Leah. I’m sorry, firstly for my part in making her unhappy, but I’m also devastated about what happened. I didn’t know her, but she’s in my thoughts all the time. So are you, in fact, and your family. I can’t begin to imagine how you’re all coping.’
‘Thank you. I appreciate that very much.’ She’d hated Katrina the moment she’d learned about the affair but Grant’s behaviour was his own doing. She really hadn’t known the person she’d so thought she was in love with. She thought of her baby growing inside of her. Another baby for Grant to abandon, if given the chance. A chance he definitely wouldn’t be given.
‘I’d better get going.’ Katrina rubbed her belly. ‘Check up time with the OB.’
‘I hope it goes well, Katrina. And I mean that. I hope you have a beautiful pregnancy, and your family help you once your little boy or girl is born. I’m sorry that Grant turned out to be such a shit.’
‘You too, Eve. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.’ Katrina gave one last smile and turned to cross the car park to the doctor’s surgery.
Leah climbed into her own car and switched it on. She couldn’t believe she’d spent so long with Grant and obviously never really known him. She sighed. She had a few hours to fill in before collecting the girls from school.
Her thoughts flickered to her father, sadness erasing everything else. He was taking things so hard. She could go see him. If nothing else, it would take her mind off Grant.
Leah took a deep breath, pushed open her car door, and stepped out onto the driveway. Other than the recent coat of fresh paint, her parent’s house looked exactly the same as it had when they’d purchased it nine years earlier, but the garden had been completely revamped.
