by E. M. Moore
It took me a moment to figure out what had actually happened. My mind was in a million different places and none of them centered on my stake instructor. I blinked at him, pulling up to stare down into his face, and to give him some freaking room to breathe. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
He smirked. “Samuel said you were fast, but damn, that was like a freight train coming at me. What are you running from trainee?”
A familiar wave of awareness passed over me, and then two hands clutched at my shoulders, sending memories skirting all over my skin. The firm hands pulled me up and righted me in front of him. Another hand reached out to help T.J. up, which was readily accepted.
“Thanks, Christian. I just got bowled over by Ariana here.”
Christian made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat as an answer. Nerves flirted up my spine. He must have been too close to me. So close yet not near enough to touch, which was like pure torture even if I did want to punch him in the gut for being here. For throwing away everything we had just to be here. Damn him!
“Sorry, T.J.,” I said, my voice thankfully coming out much surer than I felt on the inside. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“And here I thought you were using me as target practice.” He winked and a frigid wave swept over me. It wasn’t coming from me. I liked T.J., but still, the feeling collided with every bone in my body and locked up tight. I rubbed the back of my neck to shake away the feeling. He grimaced. “You’re not hurt, are you?”
I quickly shook my head. “No, I’m fine. Just…” I looked at my arm like it was an extra extremity I hadn’t been able to control in ages and then dropped it to my side. An echo of laughter swept through the adjacent hallway and I used that as my excuse. “I should probably get going. Don’t want to be late for the course. Bye, T.J.” I turned around, Christian’s shoulder the only thing in my line of sight. “Mr. Ravana.”
His voice was hard, almost pained. “Christian is fine, Ariana.”
I stepped away without answering. “Have fun,” T.J. called out.
I waved my hand behind me without looking to acknowledge I’d heard him. Once I got in the other hall, I slumped against the wall. My throat was closing in, making it more difficult to breathe. I steadied myself on the cold stone, then moved to lay my cheek on the irregular surface to subside the heat that infused itself into my limbs.
T.J. and Christian’s voices carried down the hall. “I’m glad you’re here,” T.J. said. “The trainees need to see that you’re not the enemy. Did it go okay?”
Christian’s distracted voice answered very precisely. “Surprisingly well. I think Samuel’s onto something.”
T.J. dropped his voice to a whisper. “Any more news?”
I strained my ears to hear the answer, but it was useless. There was a very real possibility Christian knew I was standing right here and had either not answered or spoken so low there was no way I would’ve heard without an extra special hearing aid.
I stalked away, my head a mess and my heart far worse. Christian was here, at The Fort. Anger bubbled to the surface, and I twisted it and analyzed it. Wasn’t their presence exactly what I wanted? Well, of course, it was. But it was also damn hard to be around them and not even be able to talk to them as we normally would. He was my teacher now. I couldn’t very well go for a drive with him and end up at the pizza place in the tiny nearby town. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me?
I was late for the obstacle course. Samuel pierced me with a glare as I slowly made my way to them. Then, just to be a dick, he paired me with Zeke. I saw the knowing glint in his eye, and I hoped he could see my invisible finger giving him the bird. I rocked back and forth on the starting line, waiting to hear Samuel’s go ahead. We hadn’t raced side-by-side in so long, I wasn’t sure what would happen. I’d gotten stronger, faster, but each of us had the same amount of time in the day. He had the same opportunities I had and maybe he’d taken that time to dedicate himself just as much as I had. It was still anyone’s game.
We waited for what seemed like ages at the starting line that my fingertips started to tingle. Samuel took a breath, and I braced myself, my body locking up, gearing itself for the inevitable release, but instead of Samuel’s booming voice calling out for us to go, a buzz sounded. I leapt forward, my whole body practically vibrating when Samuel said, “Hold on.” He reached into his pocket and pulled his cell phone out. He held up a finger as the whole class watched. My entire body shook, like a junkie coming down from a fix. It wasn’t pretty as if my whole system had crashed. “Yeah, be right there.” His face was calm, cool as he addressed us. A few whispers started. “That’s it for today.”
“Huh?” someone said in the back.
Samuel wasn’t going to answer though. He was already walking away from us, the mesh from the overhead protection screen saving him from the harmful rays of the sun.
“Well, that was weird,” Evan said. He was one of the few voices I could pick out now without seeing him speak. It must’ve been from all the quality time we spent together today.
Our group had already dispersed and had begun to make their way back to the guard building. I looked up at the obstacle course in front of me and sulked. Though I was nervous as all hell to race Zeke again, it would’ve been nice to gauge my time against him again. I wanted to see where I stood. Maybe next class I’d bring my personal stopwatch and time him through it. Then, I could see how our times compared. He must not have had the same feelings as me because he was one of the firsts to walk away. His black shirt strained over his shoulders as he walked. Me? I was a week away from needing a size smaller in clothes. Already my pants were slipping down if I didn’t draw the string as tight as I could over my hips.
I started to walk toward the guard building, then I stopped mid-stride. Christian Ravana was making his way toward the entryway in the iron gate that led to the Rajyvik main house. His stride was sure, confident. Though he looked every bit the vampire prince I’d last seen him as, there was a certain curve to his shoulders. A paleness to his features that caught me off guard. I’d barely looked at him in class and I certainly didn’t look at him in the hallway when T.J. was right there so I hadn’t noticed it before. He was suffering.
I ached to run after him, but no good could come from that. If anything, maybe I’d get up the nerve to actually meet his eyes in class tomorrow. And not in anger either, with understanding. Or as much of it as I could muster. When he was in pain, so was I.
Like I’d done many times before, I dropped by the cafeteria only briefly. I picked up two slices of pizza, a water, and carried my tray to my room. So much had happened today. Not even the workouts were going to be enough to keep my mind from thinking. Christian Ravana was close. He was literally within a hundred yards from me, yet, he might as well be with the rest of his brothers God knows where. In another state? In another country? A small space or big space, it didn’t really matter. There was too much in between to wade through.
23
That night, I had the same dream I’d been having about Jake. There was the crash and the horrible scraping sound and the blood, but this time, instead of waking up and hanging out with Jake before we got into the doomed car for its last fateful ride, it was Christian. I saw the short, lanky boy I’d conjured in my head when he told me how Isabelle and Gregor found him at the zoo. He still had the mop of dirty blond hair, but when he was younger, I pictured that his eyes were bluer, brighter than the gray blue they were now. We giggled and laughed. We smiled for the picture when Mom turned around to snap it. There was a revolting jerk, the glass splintering and the feeling of being thrown upside down. I screamed and put my hands over my ears and when I looked to my right expecting to see Christian in the seat next to me; he was the one missing. They’d taken him.
I awoke with a start, my breath sawing out of my lungs with all the pressure of an erupting volcano. Sweat dampened my forehead and I could feel the wetness at the nape of my neck, too. My still-adjusting eye
s searched the room. I half hoped I’d find Christian there, and half hoped I wouldn’t. We’d already been there, done that, and almost got caught. If we got caught this time, not even his father would be able to save me. I’d be gone from this world for good, my mind wiped clean and thrown out like yesterday’s trash.
I pulled my legs over to the side of the bed and held my head in my hands. My heart was still calming down, returning to its regular steady rhythm after I didn’t pick up any threat or reason for the bad dream. Ever since they told me about Jake, I’d been having the dreams again, but they were mostly centered on him. This was the first time that Christian had taken his place and I didn’t like it. I’d lost Jake again and although it hurt, I never really had him since I was younger. I’d already mourned his loss from my life. To lose Christian would be devastating.
Why had he come here?
I stood up to grab a washcloth to wipe the sweat away from me when I stubbed my toe on the book I’d been reading last night. My mouth dropped open, the words I’d read coming back to me at full force. The horror was fresh, new. There’d been a guard uprising once. It was squashed practically before it even began, but the organizers had suffered greatly. The vampires moved in swiftly, resolutely to secure their place without second chances or promises. One guard. That was all the families were allowed now. The book I’d read before hadn’t gone into all the detail, but it was there in black and white last night. The families were only allowed one guard to keep the ranks from rising. Too many guards posed a threat. To squash that, they kept our numbers low, and sometimes, inadequate. It all made perfect sense now, why they entrusted only one guard to protect all the Ravanas including the four princes. Lately, they’d been bringing back retirees to help, but what then? Panic spread through my chest. We needed more guards, especially with the rogue vampire threat, but was that even a possibility?
A low humming sound snapped my head to attention. I looked around the room, but saw nothing. It came again, a long vibration almost as if— I sprang to the closet to find my cell phone all put together and in one piece again. The Brooder scrolled across the screen. My fingers tensed at the same time I reached out for it. I hesitated briefly, but then swiped the phone and held it to my ear. “Ariana…” It sounded like painful relief.
“You put my phone together.”
“I need you to meet me.”
Bile rose in my throat. Call it paranoia from the dream or the book or any number of things that were happening lately, but I thought that was a horrible idea. “No.”
“Walk out to our tree. Jump over the wall and I’ll be there waiting for you.”
The phone hung up, and I squeezed it with all my might before pulling it away from my ear and tossing it back on the carpet. Now that it was on, now that the guys’ names were all staring back at me with missed phone calls and messages, my chest started to rip open. Why were they all doing this to me? I wanted to scream it into the night, let it carry away on the wind for no one to answer, but at least it would be out there.
Heat pricked behind my eyes. I started moving before my brain even caught up with my physical body. I threw on pants and then a shirt. I grabbed the room key and quietly slipped from my haven, pulling the door closed without a sound. Bending over, I tied the key in my shoelaces and moved as ninja-like as I could down the hallway and then out the back entrance. It was a little trick I picked up while no one else was here. It was amazing what you could figure out when you practically had the whole building to yourself.
I kept to the shadows of the buildings as I crept across the lawn. I wasn’t sure who I was hiding from or even if anyone would care. They didn’t police The Fort like I’d originally thought when they first brought me here. In fact, no one seemed to care what anyone did as long as they showed up for classes and gave it their all. Then of course, there was T.J. kicking Rick out of his stake class today. That was new. I’d never seen that before. At most, I’d been on the confronting end when Samuel told me I was weak and to try harder. Other than that, nothing. This was a safe place, and here I was heading to the tree to climb up and over the wall to leave it all behind.
There had to be a reason for it. Christian wouldn’t have told me to do it if there wasn’t a reason. This time when I tried to escape, I had more than enough upper body strength to pull me up on the limb. I inched out across the swaying branch and placed my feet on the top of the stone wall. I couldn’t see the ground below, but I knew it was about an eight-foot drop. I twisted around and hung from the top, my feet dangling below to lessen the amount of space between me and the grass. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I landed, my knees collapsing under me as they took the brunt of my weight and then I fell backward.
Headlights washed over me. I cowered in the grass for a second before I realized it was Christian waiting for me in his car. I picked myself up and ran to him. I threw the door open, the assault of him and this normality almost punched me in the gut. I just stared at him as I had done so many times before, but this was different. This time, I felt the wrongness of it. The crime. The punishment. It was all hanging over our heads, but I didn’t care.
I pulled my legs in and shut the door. “Seatbelt,” Christian said.
I pulled it around and locked myself in before facing front again. He drove through the night without speaking a word. The stars in the sky winked down at us from above and I was surprised to realize I didn’t once think about my car accident on that drive. It wasn’t until Christian had pulled up to his parents’ house near The Fort, keyed in the code, and pulled around in the large circular driveway that I even thought to notice we were in the car and moving and I wasn’t telling myself not to freak out. That was a first.
I got out of the car when Christian did and followed him up the steps that led to the massive front door. He pulled me inside, locked the door behind us, and then leaned against me. His weight cemented me to the door like the gravity of all this. His breath mixed with mine. His hands came up to settle on either side of my face and I just stared at him. His eyes were more gray than blue in the darkness of the house. He trembled, his hands, his chin, all the way down to his torso, he shook. I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn’t dare.
“Don’t hate me,” he said.
I closed my eyes and swallowed. Even he should know that was impossible. There was no way hate would ever enter my head when I thought of Christian Ravana. I picked my hand up and placed it on his cheek. He trembled beneath my touch. It was contagious because it made my whole body tremor. It had been less than a week since we’d seen each other, but damnit, it was far longer than that in my head. I didn’t think I’d get to see any of them for weeks, maybe even months, and I’d already tried to desensitize myself to that. But here he was, in front of me, and we were centimeters away from breaking the law. “Why are you here, Christian? I told your mom—”
He bit down on his lip. “Yes, I know all about what you told our mother.”
The harshness to his words reeled my head back. It thunked off the door at my back.
“She wouldn’t even let us come to you afterward. We’ve been dying wondering if you’re angry, wondering if you’re okay or hurt or in trouble. You had no right to take that goodbye away from us. Then, you don’t answer your phone and worse, you powered it down so you couldn’t even hear it ring anymore.”
Okay. That did sound awful, but I was doing it for us. “The temptation is too much. Anyone could see what we write to one another. What if they saw our phones? What if—?”
His eyebrow arched. “God help me, but I’m going to channel Nicolai for one second. I could give a flying fuck what anyone else does.” He leaned in closer, his lips within grazing distance. A taste, a taste would be all it took…
I pushed him away. “Don’t.”
His features softened. For the first time, he caught the agony in my gaze even though I felt as if I was wearing it like a winter coat. “If this is about the decision, let me explain. Checkov had us cornered befor
e we even walked in the room. We agreed to a temporary law change before something else could be arranged. The fear in the room was palpable, and if Gregor didn’t do something, we would’ve played right into Checkov’s hands. It is not permanent and will not be permanent.” His gaze raked over me. “But why do I feel like it is with you? You can barely even look at me.”
Terror seized me. I’d barely even heard the words he said, and I refused to let them sink in. “When I look at you, all I want is us back. I can’t have that so it’s better if I don’t even look at you. It’s painful, Christian. It’s like a knife twisting in my gut. Every time the phone rang was like another reminder of what I had, but couldn’t really have. I turned it off. I didn’t need the temptation. Don’t you think you guys are going to be looked at more closely now? They were already asking you guys such awful questions, especially Stephan. I will not see that look on his face again when he has to explain why he bothered to save me.”
Christian shook his head and took a step back. “You thought that was bad? You should’ve seen the look in his eyes when we found out you were there when the guard was killed. You should see the deadness to him when he tries to call you, and you don’t pick up. You should see the fear, the loss, the mourning, Ariana. This is nothing like it was at The Council meeting. It’s ten times worse.”
Panic clawed at my throat. Stephan, no. He was already hurting too much. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. “I thought you would all understand.”
“There are other ways,” he gritted out. He turned around abruptly and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re exactly like Nicolai said. I just want to shake you!”
Tears tracked down my face. It wasn’t so much his words, it was his recount of Stephan and the similar lost look to his own eyes. I’d noticed it earlier when he walked across campus to head to the Rajyvik main house. He was different, and I’d done that to him. “I’m sorry.”
