He gritted his teeth, willing himself not to take her hand. When they were almost to the lodge, he heard “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” playing softly over the outdoor speakers. He hated this song. Eli had played it over and over during the holidays, and now it served as a painful reminder that Eli had never made it home.
Owen closed his eyes. Maybe this song was playing for a reason—to help him remember why he had to do this. “Hope, wait.”
She stopped walking and turned to him, her expression guarded.
He’d never seen that look on her face before and it stung to know he’d put it there. He blew out a breath. “Listen, I’m sorry about before.” He ran a hand along the back of his neck, hating what he was about to say. “But something’s come up that I have to deal with.”
She gave him her full attention, waiting for him to continue. She was so beautiful and bright and perfect. He had to look away or he knew he’d never be able to continue.
He hooked his thumbs into the back pockets of his jeans, running the toe of his boot through the snow. “The thing is … I may have been too hasty in asking if I could come see you in California.” He stared hard at the ground. “This isn’t the best time for me to start a relationship.” His mouth twisted, the words burning his throat like bile.
She was silent for a few beats. He could feel her hurt in the silence. It was unbearable.
“Okay,” she said softly. “Is it something to do with that girl who texted you?”
He jerked up in surprise. “You read it?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I just saw her picture.” She glanced away, her eyes wet. “She’s very pretty.”
“Hold on, it’s not what you think.” He wanted to reach for her hand, but stopped. He needed to distance himself.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to explain.” Hope stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “It’s been a wonderful week, Owen. I’ll never forget it.” She met his eyes and swallowed. “I’ll never forget you.” She gave him a sad smile and then walked away, her boots crunching in the snow.
Owen stood, speechless and unmoving as he warred within himself. Every cell in his body wanted to run after Hope, to apologize and explain. But he had to do what was best for her. She couldn’t be happy with someone like him. Someone who woke every night in a cold sweat, who jumped every time he heard a loud noise ... who couldn’t get past the blame for his friend’s death.
The last strains of the song faded out as Owen watched Hope go, his heart shattering like ice hitting pavement as the woman who held his heart walked slowly out of sight.
Chapter 30
“Hope?” Emily nudged her in the side.
Hope turned away from the oval window, blinking a few times. “Yeah?”
“The flight attendant asked if you wanted anything to drink.” Emily’s eyes were tight with concern.
“Oh, sorry.” Hope looked at the flight attendant, who was waiting expectantly. “I’ll have some water, please.”
The woman smiled. “Sure. Can I get you a snack?”
“No thanks.” Hope accepted the small water bottle and turned back to the window, staring at nothing. She and Emily were on a flight home to California. Max had taken an earlier flight and would pick them up from the airport. Hope hadn’t seen or heard from Owen since he’d brushed her off last night. She hadn’t even cried yet—all she felt was a numbing emptiness.
“Is it Kurt?” Emily asked gently.
Hope shook her head. She’d been notified that Kurt had been arrested for breaking his restraining order and they’d also charged him with attempted abduction. He wouldn’t be bothering her again. Emily waited several moments before changing the subject.
“I overheard Nolan and Olivia telling you what a successful week it was,” she said, forcing her tone brighter as she touched Hope’s arm. “Sounds like they want you to come back next year?”
Hope turned, attempting a smile. “Yeah. I’m glad it went so well.”
“Ever since the first video went live yesterday, our numbers have been at an all-time high.”
Hope nodded absently. “That’s great.”
“Hope.” Emily sighed and turned to face her fully, her eyes soft. “Just call him. Ask what happened last night and tell him your feelings.”
Hope’s heart fell. “I did ask him, and he wouldn’t say.” She shook her head, fighting back the emotion she knew would flood once she allowed the dam to break. “It was something to do with the text he got from that girl.” She bit her lip. “I think he’s in a relationship, Em.”
Emily crossed her arms. “That doesn’t sound like Owen. I can’t picture him being a player; he’s too sincere for that.”
Hope shrugged, acknowledging the point. Owen didn’t fit the player profile—not like Nathan had—but what else could it be? “Maybe she’s his ex-girlfriend, and he wants to get back together.” She sighed and leaned her head against the headrest. “Whatever the reason, he had feelings for her—that much was obvious. Feelings he didn’t want to share with me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “It was a magical week, and now it’s over. I have to come to peace with that and move on.”
Emily shifted beside her. “I don’t buy it. You’re always talking about the importance of closure, and there’s no closure here. Only questions and unresolved feelings. Owen was head over heels for you, and you for him. A connection like that doesn’t just disappear because of one text message.”
Hope turned to look at her sister. “I wish that were the case. My feelings certainly haven’t changed. I saw a side of him last night I hadn’t seen before. He was happy, Em, really happy.” She gave a wistful smile. “I liked him even before seeing his lighter, more playful side, but after seeing him happy—” She paused and blinked a few times. She’d been a fool to open herself up to love again. “I should have been more cautious.”
Emily’s eyes frowned in sympathy. “It’s hard to be cautious when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ve never fallen for anyone so fast.”
Hope twisted her hands. It was true. Even with Nathan it had taken her several dates before deciding she wanted a relationship with him. Owen had captured her heart so fast that there had never been the need for a decision. Her heart had decided for her. She stared at the seat ahead.
“He talked about us seeing each other after the vacation, and I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to have him come visit in California—the places I would show him. And I was excited to visit his family’s ranch in Texas to see him as a cowboy.” She bit her lip and looked down. “But none of that matters now. That text flipped a switch and he put up a wall he wasn’t going to let me past.”
Emily took her hand. “Maybe it’s for the best, then. Maybe he’s unstable.”
Hope gave her a sharp look. “Just because he has PTSD doesn’t mean he’s unstable.”
Emily shrugged. “I know it sounds harsh, but the truth is, you don’t really know him. Other than the fact that he served in the Marines, is a Texas cowboy, and a great kisser.”
Hope snorted, serving to lighten the mood and keep her tears at bay. She wanted to argue, but it was true. How well could you get to know someone in a week? Still, she couldn’t deny the connection between them. “I can’t explain it, but even though it was only for a week, I felt like I knew him longer. I don’t think he’s unstable. Just—lost.”
“What are you going to do? What would mom have told you to do?”
Hope swallowed, her heart pinching. “She would probably tell me to call him.”
“Hmm, sounds suspiciously like what your sister advised,” she teased. “So call him.”
Hope folded her arms across her chest and set her jaw. “I can’t. Not after last night. If he wants to reach out to me, he has my number.”
Emily rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat. “Fine. If that’s the case, let’s not talk about it anymore. I hate to see you hurting.”
Hope nodded. Emily was right: if
she wasn’t going to call Owen, she needed to force him out of her thoughts. That was the only way she would find closure. She resisted the urge to analyze further and cleared her throat. “Okay. Let’s talk about the show. I’d like to do an episode using Vinyasa yoga for our more active viewers. What do you think?”
Emily brightened. “I love it! I think we should film it on the beach rather than your apartment studio. We haven’t done that in a while.” She took a sip of ginger ale. “I know mornings are usually your thing, but if we can, let’s plan on a late afternoon or evening shoot to avoid the worst of my morning sickness.”
“Of course,” Hope agreed. “We can do whatever works best for you.” She hesitated, not wanting to bring the subject up. “Have you made any progress on the application for a temporary replacement yet?”
“It goes live tomorrow, so we’ll need to start scanning through applicants to pick which ones are candidates for an interview.”
“Okay.” She tried to sound enthusiastic, but her heart fell as she thought about Owen behind the camera. He’d been so easy to work with. She loved his concentration as he filmed, and the way he flashed his crooked smile at her from time to time. The memory stung like salt water in an open wound. She turned to gaze out the window again, wondering if he was on a flight at that same moment.
And if Ava would be waiting for him when he landed.
Chapter 31
“Owen, will you toss me that pair of wire cutters?” Cody asked.
Owen grabbed the cutters and tossed them to his brother Cody, who was mending some wire fence. They’d been out since dawn, working hard on fixing fences, which was exactly what Owen wanted.
Ever since he’d left Pine Ridge last week, he couldn’t keep his thoughts off of Hope. His mom wouldn’t get off his case about her after their sleigh ride, so he’d fibbed and told her that Hope hadn’t wanted to continue the relationship. His mom had dropped the topic like a hot branding iron after that, but it didn’t matter. Hope’s memory was seared into Owen’s heart and wouldn’t leave him alone. Every waking moment was centered on thoughts of her, and it was pure agony.
“That should do the job for now,” Cody said, straightening and holding the cutters in one hand. He was two years older than Owen but almost exactly the same height, though Cody’s hair was a shade lighter. He took his cowboy hat off and used his shirtsleeve to wipe his brow. “I think that’s the last of the fence that needed fixing. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a swim right about now.”
“Sounds good,” Owen said.
They headed to their horses, who were grazing a few yards away. Cody gave Owen the side eye. “You’ve sure been working hard since getting back from Colorado. I thought you went there to learn how to relax.”
Owen huffed a laugh. “I guess it didn’t work.” But even as he said the words, he knew they weren’t entirely true. Hope had helped him relax. Maybe not with yoga, but in just being around her. He hadn’t felt that light since before Afghanistan.
“Sandra stopped by the other day. She asked me to tell you to call her, but I didn’t mention it because I saw you sneak out the back when you noticed her pulling in.”
Owen’s eyes flicked to Cody’s, and his lip twitched. “Thanks for not ratting me out. That chapter in my life is closed, and the sooner she realizes that, the better.” Sandra had been a great girlfriend and he didn’t want to hurt her, but it was over between them. It had been for a while.
“It might help if you just tell her instead of running like a scared jackrabbit,” Cody said, softly punching his arm. “It’s better to be honest about things like that.”
Owen cringed. “You’re right. If she comes by again, I’ll have a talk with her.”
Cody scuffed the toe of his boot along the dirt. “Someone else came by while you were gone—Ava.”
Owen’s eyes cut to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Cody’s brow wrinkled. “I didn’t want to bring up a painful subject.”
“Was she okay? I tried calling her when she texted me last week, but she never called back. She texted a few days ago to apologize for reaching out and to say she was doing better. But that was it. The whole thing was weird.”
Cody shrugged and stared at the horizon. “Maybe she is doing better.”
“Maybe.” But he doubted it. He’d just add her to the list of women he’d hurt recently. Especially Hope. He shook his head. The pain in her eyes the last time they’d spoken still haunted his every waking moment. He rubbed the back of his neck and reached for Bandit’s reins, pulling them over the horse’s head. “I’m an idiot when it comes to women.”
Cody snorted. “Ya think?”
Owen scowled at the sarcasm. “Take Sandra, for example. I thought I was up front about where I stood when I broke up with her. I’m surprised she came back around.”
Cody rolled his eyes. “I’m not. You were always the hot ticket with the girls.” He put his boot in the stirrup and climbed up onto his horse.
“You say it like it’s a thing of the past,” Owen countered with a smirk as he swung up into the saddle. “And you’re one to talk. Seems like some girl is always chasing after you.”
Cody rested his elbow on the saddle horn. “Yeah, but if you recall, my last relationship ended because she broke it off. You’re the one who called it quits with Sandra.” He shook his head. “She’s a pretty girl, and you were happy with her before Afghanistan. What happened?”
Owen gripped the reins and nudged Bandit forward, wanting to avoid the question but knowing his brother wouldn’t let it drop. “I changed. We weren’t right for each other anymore.”
Cody drew up alongside him. “So, what? You’re just gonna swear off women forever? Keep nothing but cattle for company?”
Owen didn’t answer, his thoughts turning to Hope. There would never be anyone for him but her, and he couldn’t have her. Not with his past. He ignored Cody’s questions and urged Bandit into a canter, and then a gallop. “Race you to the pool!” he yelled over his shoulder.
“Hey!” Cody yelled back before kicking his horse into a run.
Owen grinned and faced forward, wishing he could pound thoughts of Hope from his heart with every beat of the horse’s hooves.
Chapter 32
Hope opened the window to her Oceanside apartment and welcomed the calm morning breeze. Southern California didn’t have the postcard-perfect white Christmas like Pine Ridge, but it held its own charms of sunshine and mild weather. She inhaled a cleansing breath. Today was a new day. It had been almost two weeks since she’d left Colorado, and she had every reason to feel grateful. Ratings for Mindful Mornings were higher than ever. Her viewers were eating up the Christmas episodes. She had a nice apartment, family close by, and a healthy body. What more could she want?
Before the obvious answer could present itself like a persistent fly, Hope turned to look around her studio. She’d moved out of her dad’s house over a year ago and bought her own apartment, ready for independence. She’d converted the second bedroom into a yoga studio. With windows on one wall and a giant mirror on another, it was light and airy and the perfect space for meditation.
She hit play on her yoga music and was headed to her mat when the doorbell rang. Wondering who it might be at this early hour, she jogged to the front door and looked through the peephole. She smiled when she saw her dad standing on the other side. She unlocked the door and opened it with a flourish. “Morning, Dad. Come on in.”
Her father held a bag from a nearby bagel place in one hand and a bottle of orange juice in the other. He reached over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Morning, Hope. I wondered if you might like to join me for breakfast. Did I disturb your yoga practice?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t started yet. Come sit down, you know I never pass up a good bagel.”
He smiled and walked into the kitchen, which was only a few steps from the front entry. Hope loved that he lived close enough to drop by anytime, and she made it a po
int to stop at his house whenever she was in the neighborhood. She knew he got lonely, and she and Emily did their best to visit as often as they could.
“I still haven’t heard much about your trip to Colorado a few weeks ago,” he said as they sat down at the table. “Did you enjoy yourself, or was it all work?”
Oh, I enjoyed myself. Right up until my heart got smashed in pieces. She kept the thought to herself. There was no need to tell her dad about her heartache. “We had a good time, and I only taught two classes a day, so it wasn’t overwhelming. Did Emily tell you about it?”
“She gave me a few details.” He glanced up at her from the bagel he was spreading with cream cheese.
She could tell by the expression on his face that he knew. She pinned him with a look. “Emily told you about the guy I met, didn’t she?”
“Maybe. Just a bit.”
Hope shook her head, ready to strangle her sister. “I can’t believe her! She couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.”
His face softened and he reached across the table for her hand. “Don’t be angry. She’s just worried about you, and so am I. You haven’t been the same since you’ve come home. Is there anything I can do? I understand he’s a Marine, but I’m willing to have a few words with the young man if you’d like.” He winked, and Hope released a laugh.
“Thanks, Dad. But I’ll be fine.” Her tone was just light enough to sound convincing—even if she didn’t believe the words.
“I’m sure of it.” He gave her hand a squeeze before picking up his bagel again. “Just don’t be afraid to talk to him. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from your mother’s passing, it’s that life is too short to leave things unsaid. You’ve got to take opportunities and make the most of the relationships you’re blessed with while you can. Then you can look back without regrets.”
She swallowed the emotion in her throat, letting his words sink in. She didn’t want to live with the regret of not talking to Owen—but would it be worse than the pain of heartbreak if he turned out to be another cheater? She wasn’t sure. Her dad watched her closely, so she managed a weak smile. “Thanks. That’s good advice.”
Christmas In Pine Ridge (Pine Ridge Romance Book 4) Page 12
