by A. J. Macey
We were able to escape my parents’ house with minimal issues from my father and brothers, all of whom gave a sharp nod to Lucie and myself before retiring to the den. My mother gave us both warm hugs and kisses on our cheeks before gushing about how much she liked Lucie. My poor firecracker’s face was beet red by the time we reached the car.
“Well,” she started, “that was, uh...”
“Yeah,” I huffed out a tired agreement, looking at her after buckling my seat belt. “I’m sorry, Firecracker. I was hoping they wouldn’t grill you like that, but clearly that was too much to wish for.” She waved her hand back and forth in the air.
“It’s all right, I didn’t mind the questioning too much. It was more the fact that they all ganged up on you.” I turned to face forward and started the truck. The music filled the silent lull between us. “What do they have against you?” she asked quietly, her eyes on my profile as I stared at the road. I sighed, hesitant to respond. “Dante, hon, you know you can talk to me, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” My heart grew warm in my chest knowing she wouldn’t push me. It was such a stark contrast to my father’s or brothers’ ever demanding behavior.
“It’s all right, Firecracker.” I ran a hand over my short hair, the length had grown up enough to stick up in places if I didn’t wet it down in the mornings. “You remember when we had sex?” She hummed an agreement, her brows furrowing as she waited for me to continue. “There was a girl in high school who I had been dating, but it turns out she was also seeing someone else who was good friends with Bas. Well, when I found out, I broke it off, and she decided to tell him and Bas that I have a more…” I pressed my lips together trying to explain it. “Tender and gentle way of having sex. When Bas found out, he told Miguel because those two had always been close, and to them that type of behavior is soft, not manly.” I took a shuddering breath, remembering all the hurtful words they had slung at me when they found out, telling me to man up or no woman would ever stay.
“Wow,” she exhaled hard while staring out the windshield. “I didn’t really like them, but that’s just awful.” She looked at me. “You know that doesn’t make you any less of a man, right, babe?”
I smiled at her, the irrational worry that tightened my chest easing. I nodded before continuing. “I don’t know if you noticed, but there are some differences between me and the other men in my family.” She nodded. “It’s because of my parents’ relationship.” The trees passed in blurs on the sides of the interstate after I merged onto the fairly empty road. “My parents fell in love when they were young. My father was going to be deploying soon, and when my mom fell for him, that was it. Their relationship flame burned hot for a while, but they were too different. He was a soldier quickly rising through the ranks while my mom is more of a gentle soul. He cheated on her. She was devastated, but she stayed because she already had us. They do love each other even if you can’t tell.” She listened patiently, her arm leaning on the center console.
“My father has high expectations of his sons, and my brothers were the perfect examples of what he wanted. They followed orders, were brash and ‘manly,’ and followed in his footsteps by going into the military. Both left strings of broken relationships and hearts along the way. Me, on the other hand...” I hesitated, remembering my mom’s face when she found out about my father. I had only been six at the time, but I knew what had happened, and her heart was shattered.
“I wanted to prove to my mom that not all guys are like my father. They see the fact that I want genuine feelings and romance and love as less than what a man should be. I usually helped my mom around the house or with whatever she was working on for her job when I was growing up instead of playing out in the yard with my brothers. Despite being able to hold my own against almost anyone or that I’ve been the Kohl captain since my freshman year of college, I’ve never been able to earn their respect. When they found out about my sexual preferences, mixed with how I wanted to make sure my mom was happy, well”—I shrugged again, my eyes burning—“that was it. I wasn’t ever good enough for my father or manly enough for my brothers. My mother’s the only one who’s ever been proud of me.”
“Oh, Dante,” Lucie’s voice cracked. When I glanced over at her, her eyes were filled with tears that had just started to pour down her pale cheeks. I reached over, swiping my thumb over the wet tracks. Her hand trapped mine against her cheek, her lips pressing into my palm. “Your father and brothers are idiots if they think you’re less than them just because you’re not exactly like them. I want you exactly how you are, don’t ever change.” I smiled, my heart full again.
“Yeah?” I asked glancing over at her, and she nodded vehemently. “Whatever the lady wants,” I teased, squeezing her cheek lightly before pulling my hand back to put it on the wheel.
“Good.” She laughed, the dour mood from my family dinner melting away as we continued our drive. Her laugh warmed me from the inside out.
December 4th
Tuesday Late Evening
Lucienne
Excitement built as we neared the campus. Dante pulled into the parking lot near the library, taking a spot close to the front since it was starting to drizzle. I grabbed my coat from the back seat and bundled up. The door opened, and Dante held out his hand for me to take. I gave him a bright smile as I intertwined my fingers with his. The library parking lot was mostly empty, only the guys’ cars and a few I didn’t recognize were scattered around the spots. The library was now officially closed, but Muriel had left one door unlocked for me so I would be able to get in.
The heat of the library warmed my cold limbs; the weather had dropped significantly on the drive back with the rain starting. I left my coat on, walking with Dante through the front of the library. When he started to turn toward my room, I tugged on his hand. He looked at me in confusion, his green eyes covered in shadows ever since arriving at his parents’ house. Well that is about to change…
“I need to grab a book for one of my classes before we go back.” I tilted my head, and with no complaints he followed me. Our steps were hushed on the carpet, the library quiet, but my excitement and nervous butterflies, the good kind, started fluttering as we reached one of the study areas.
“Surprise!” Shouts startled both of us, despite me knowing that they were there waiting. I laughed when I spotted everyone who had popped out of their hiding places. Everyone was decked out in 80’s wear—neon colors, leg warmers, and side ponies with scrunchies as far as the eye could see. I wouldn’t have expected any less after leaving Sadie and the twins in charge of Dante’s surprise party. The birthday boy stood stunned as he looked around, his mouth hanging open. My guys stood near Elijah, Gabe, Sadie, Benji, and Austin. The entire Kohl team was decked out, and several familiar faces I didn’t know the names of were sprinkled in the study area.
“What?” Dante stuttered. “How? Who?” Everyone laughed as we walked the rest of the way into the party. Sadie, as well as Logan and Landon, pointed at me, their sudden deflection making my cheeks heat.
“Her idea!” Sadie shouted. Her mouth was surrounded by neon colored stain that unsurprisingly matched the cupcakes and other desserts on one of the tables. Her eyes were wide as she jittered with a sugar rush. She was decked out in neon pink leggings under a bright yellow singlet with a bright blue belt around her waist. To match her belt, she had leg warmers and a sweatband around her forehead that were bright blue too. She had curled and teased her hair into a poofy 80’s bob, the blue strands looking like cotton candy around her head.
“When?” He smiled at me, his shadows lifting into happiness.
“Last week when I found out your birthday was coming up.” I waved a hand at my crazy roommate and my twins. They wore matching acid washed, high-waisted denim jeans, matching jean jackets and uglier-than-hell patterned shirts. Both were rocking neon yellow sweatbands. “I left these goobers in charge.” I laughed as I looked around. “Can’t say I’m disappointed either because this is awesome.�
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“Thank you,” Dante whispered, leaning forward and pressing a quick, passionate kiss to my lips. I shucked my coat, tossing it over the back of an empty chair, and looked around the group while Dante went and thanked everyone for coming. My guys were all decked out, but Nik was one that made me laugh the loudest.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Babe,” he grumbled. He was in his normal all black outfit, but on his head was a neon pink sweatband. I struggled to stop my fit of giggles, laughing so hard that I wasn’t making any sound. My eyes were watering so badly I didn’t see Cam come up behind me until the palm of his hand connected lightly with my ass.
“Shush, I had to bribe him with twenty dollars to wear that.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “If you keep laughing, he’ll take it off, and I’ll be out twenty bucks without getting to enjoy it.” I struggled a bit more but was able to contain my laughter. Nik frowned at me, but it only lasted a moment before his lips twitched upwards. Cam was rocking a salmon pink suit, the pants short enough to show off his ankles, and a navy blue patterned polo underneath.
“Oh god, my eyes,” I whined, running the heel of my hands on them. “That suit is horrid.”
“This thing?” Cam posed like a magazine model; unfortunately, not even his sharp angled face and glasses could outshine the ugliness that was his outfit. “I think I look rather dashing, don’t you, Doll?” I choked on a laugh, shaking my head rapidly.
“Pretty sure I will never unsee this.” I gestured at his full outfit with my hands. He laughed before giving me a kiss and heading over to the refreshment table, Nik tagging along with him. Out of nowhere a set of strong, tan arms wrapped around my waist and spun me in a quick circle.
“Lemon Drop!” Landon exclaimed loudly in my ear. He set me down facing his brother and Hudson. Hudson wore a pair of ripped up acid washed jeans, a black t-shirt that had been cut into a crop top to show off his muscled stomach, and a black pleather jacket. He didn’t wear a sweatband, but he had a piece of leopard print fabric tied around his forehead, the fabric trailing down his back.
“Hey, guys.” I smiled, happy now that I was surrounded by people who cared about me and not people who wanted to grill me for answers.
“How was Dante’s?” Hudson asked, his eyes filled with laughter as he looked at me. Ass, he knows exactly what it was like. I glared at him.
“That bad, huh?” I groaned at Logan’s question and the empathy shining in his eyes. “Yeah, his dad doesn’t like us much either, yet here we are!”
“Miguel was suspicious and demanding, his dad tried to figure me out like a puzzle, and Sebastian…” I trailed off, my head tilted, trying to keep my face straight. “He treated me like a piece of meat for sale.” The guys’ faces were hard as I finished.
“Well, I’ll punch him next time,” Landon suggested cheerfully, as if punching one of his best friend’s older brothers was something he did on a regular basis. I chuckled, waving away their concerns.
“Let’s go enjoy the party, Dante deserves to have some fun.” I skipped over to the birthday boy leaving the others chuckling behind me. His wide, white-toothed smile focused on me as he scooped me up. “Having fun, babe?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Let me introduce you to the rest of the team.” I bounced around the group making sure to greet Troy who stood off to the side of the party. I spent a good chunk of time repeating the names of Dante’s teammates and friends in my head until I had them committed to memory. When I fell into bed later that night, I had a permanent smile affixed on my face.
23
December 7th
Friday Night
Lucienne
Sharp nails dug into my arms, his harsh scowl deepening as he held me hostage against the side of the school building. I was paralyzed with fear; all I had to do was scream and someone would come running, but I knew that if I did that he would retaliate ten times worse.
And who knew if I would survive a beating like that…
I shot up in bed, panting as my heartbeat nearly thudded out of my chest in its frantic pace. Sweat covered my face and neck and yet, somehow, I still was chilled, shivering under the blanket that hadn’t been on me when I sat down.
“Shh,” Logan comforted softly, a gentle hand rubbing circles on my back while Landon appeared from the bathroom with a wet washcloth clutched in his hand. “You’re safe, Love. It’s just us, chilling in your room watching movies on the laptop.” Logan continued to talk to me in a soothing tone until I came down from my night terror. Landon patted my forehead and neck with the damp cloth, cleaning the sweat from my clammy skin.
“I’m all right,” I muttered, redoing my ponytail that had half fallen out in my unanticipated nap. “When did I fall asleep?”
“About halfway through the movie; you were still for about a half hour before you started twitching and thrashing. You woke yourself up, though,” Landon explained, tossing the wet cloth into the hamper in the closet.
At least I was able to get up, I thought. The guys had continued to be worried that another incident where I wouldn’t wake up would happen, but since then I’d roused when they tried to wake me or I would scare myself awake.
Both of which sucked, but I’d rather be awake than in a nightmare-fueled sleep.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Logan took over, his hand shifting from circles to massaging tight muscles. I shook my head, still feeling too raw from the memory to talk about it. “Want to hear some funny stories to help take your mind off of it?”
“Yes, please,” I mumbled. rubbing my cheek to try and hide the slowly building tears. I didn’t want to cry. Not again. Damn emotional rollercoaster and lack of sleep, I grumbled, making me all sensitive and weepy.
“When we were in middle school, we taped an air horn behind the bathroom door one time when the guys all stayed over.” Logan chuckled as he talked, remembering the story as he told it. “Nik was the poor unfortunate soul to go first; scared the shit out of him. So much so that he threw a jar of food at our heads.”
“Aw, poor Nik.” I laughed, trying to picture them as kids all together, a smile curling my lips at my picture of little twin troublemakers and outgoing Nik before everything that had happened to him. I wish I could have been there, I thought wistfully.
“We had two really epic pranks we did when we were in high school,” Landon jumped back in, his hands resting on my knees as he sat in front of me. “The first one was a bit bigger while the second one was more subtle but just as funny.”
“How did you two not end up being arrested with all these pranks?” I questioned with a shake of my head.
“Oh, we did, but our dad’s a cop, and we were juveniles. Lots of community service hours to make up for all of our shit,” Logan explained. My brows shot up at his casual confirmation that they had been arrested in the past. I was just kidding when I brought it up, not expecting them to be serious. “Don’t worry though, Love. We don’t prank or get in trouble like that anymore. We actually like having a good future that isn’t tainted by a record.”
“Good, I would be so pissed if you two got in trouble for something,” I playfully reprimanded. “Now tell me these so-called epic pranks, inquiring minds want to know.” I practically bounced in place. Their story telling a big enough distraction to wash away the last remnants of my night terror.
“The first one, we let three piglets free in our high school labeled 1, 2, and 4. It took the entire day for the school to realize there were only three. It was great because we got to go home early. The second one was that we changed out the hand sanitizer dispenser at the school with lube. It was hilarious when the Principal used it and proceeded to just continue to rub it all over his hands. Before he realized what it was, the door handle to the office ended up slipping out of his hand, and it smacked one of the teachers, who was an ass, in the face. So, double score with that last one,” Logan and Landon explained in a rapid volley of sentences, my head darting back and forth between t
hem as they switched talking throughout the stories.
“You two are so mischievous!” I exclaimed with a laugh, lightly smacking both in the arm with the back of my hand. “No wonder Dante always looks like you two are constantly about to start something.”
“We’re not like that anymore!” Logan laughed as he rolled off the bed away from me. “But since it’s late, I’m going to brush my teeth and all that pre-bed stuff real quick before we all hit the hay.” He walked into the bathroom, the door closing quickly leaving me and Landon alone.
“I’m going to go grab a book from the library, Lemon Drop.” Landon leaned forward to give me a peck before standing up. My brows dipping low must have caught his attention because he continued talking, only this time in a whisper. “When Logan has nightmares or trouble sleeping, I usually read to him, so I figured I could do that if you wake up with another one tonight.”
My heart squeezed at the sentimental thought as well as the reminder that the twins had their own rough history to contend with. I knew they had told me they suffered from anxiety attacks, but I hadn’t pushed for any answers, knowing they would talk about it when they were ready. Landon shuffled out of the room, leaving the door open right as Logan exited the bathroom.
Popping up off the bed, I made my way into the bathroom and brushed my teeth since I hadn’t done so before my impromptu nap. When I emerged to my room, Logan was stretched out on the bed in nothing but his boxers, ready for sleep, while Landon still hadn’t returned. I stretched up, and my back popped satisfactorily. Glancing down, I had noticed the bottom ribs of my rib cage starting to poke out against my shirt, undeniable evidence that the night terrors, resulting anxiety, and the eerie feel of Noah’s eyes watching me were taking their toll. My eyes had permanent dark circles that were growing more purple and prominent with each night of sleepless tossing and turning. After several minutes of silence, Logan looked at his phone, furrowing his brow before looking at the door.
