by Mates, Dates
‘OK, so what’s with the secret looks?’ I asked as we went to buy our tickets.
‘Nothing,’ said Nesta unconvincingly.
‘What do you think of Daniel?’
‘Um… He’s very good-looking,’ said Izzie. I knew Izzie well enough to know that she was being diplomatic.
‘OK, spill,’ I said. ‘What have you been saying about us?’
‘Well he is a bit all over you,’ blurted Nesta.
‘Nesta,’ said Izzie. ‘They’re in love.’
‘So, didn’t you like him?’ I asked.
‘It’s not that I didn’t like him,’ squirmed Nesta, ‘it’s just, well, I thought he was a bit arrogant. And a bit self-obsessed. He talked about himself all afternoon and never once asked anything about Izzie or me. And I lost count of the number of times he checked his appearance in a window.’
Trust Nesta to say exactly what she thought. She can never hide her true feelings and sometimes it can sting.
‘Nesta,’ warned Izzie.
‘Yeah, well, we could have been invisible for all he cared.’
Ah, I thought, not being the centre of attention is a new one for her. And she’s clearly jealous because I have a boyfriend who’s really into me and hers is cooling off.
‘Well, I like him,’ I said. ‘And it’s what I think that’s important. It’s me that’s spending time with him. He’s really great, you just need to get to know him better. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before. Um… you like him, don’t you, Izzie?’
She shifted awkwardly. ‘He seems a bit different to when we were in Devon. But then so are you. You let him monopolise the whole afternoon, like that espresso - you hate strong coffee. And you went where he wanted and it was like, well, he was the only expert on fashion. Usually you have so much to say about it all and your designs are awesome. You were as quiet as a mouse all afternoon.’
‘I talk to him a lot. I do. And I like listening to him. I feel like he knows so much more than me. I’m really learning from him,’ I said.
‘Just don’t let him take you over,’ said Nesta. ‘Girls are either goddesses or doormats. Don’t let him walk all over you.’
‘I don’t,’ I said. ‘How can you say that?’
Izzie looked awkward again. ‘Nesta may have a point, Lucy.’
‘Why? What do you mean?’
‘It’s about Daniel,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘You might not like it.’
‘Oh, just tell me, Izzie.’
‘Well, remember Mark in the band? Ben’s mate?’
I nodded. I’d met him at Ben’s birthday.
‘Well, he brought his girlfriend Amy along to rehearsal last night and she overheard me saying something about the weekend we had down in Devon. Anyway, she asked if I knew Daniel. I said, yes, my friend’s going out with him…’ Izzie looked at me anxiously.
‘And?’
‘Well, she said poor you. Apparently she went out with him last year and said he was a real pain. She said it all started out well, then it all got too much. He followed her everywhere, started telling her who she could and couldn’t see
I was determined to stand up for Daniel. ‘Well, actually, I already know about her. But he told me that she was the pain, always running off to her friends the minute they beckoned.’
‘Well, she said to tell you to be careful and not to let him take over,’ continued Izzie. ‘She said he gets jealous if you even look at another boy. I hope you don’t mind me telling you.’
I shrugged. ‘No, course not. Anyway, she’s an ex. Maybe she wasn’t the right one for him. And besides, when does anyone ever have anything good to say about an ex-boyfriend? Maybe he dumped her and it’s sour grapes.’
‘Yeah, that’s probably it,’ said Izzie quickly. ‘It’s whether you like him that counts.’
‘Exactly,’ I said with a quick glance at Nesta, who had kept very quiet for once.
‘Um, yeah,’ said Nesta. ‘Sour grapes. You like him. That’s what counts.’
The tube journey home felt flat as we all sat lost in our own thoughts. It’s not fair, I thought. I felt really hurt that they couldn’t be happy that I’d met someone who really liked me. It was true that we always went where Daniel said, though. Was it possible I was turning into a mouse or a doormat around him? We did always talk about his designs and he still hadn’t asked about mine. He was making the rules. But that was OK, I decided. It was my choice to go along with it and I’m not going to let what Izzie and Nesta think ruin it all.
C h a p t e r 1 3
Goddesses
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Things didn’t improve much with Izzie and Nesta the following week, and it felt like an invisible wall had gone up between us. I spoke to them as usual on the phone but we talked about other things — what was on telly, what was happening at home… everything except boy stuff. Izzie invited me and Daniel to go to watch her band rehearse, but Daniel said it was his idea of a nightmare, so I didn’t want to force him. People are different, I told myself, with different interests. You can’t make everyone like everything the same and we did have a good time on our own, hanging out and exploring London again, even if it was him who chose where we were going every day. It felt like I was having a proper grown-up relationship.
However, despite everything I told myself about it not mattering what the girls thought, a seed of doubt had been planted in the back of my mind. Part of me wondered if I was letting him take over and giving in to him too easily.
Thank God for TJ. She came over to see Steve one evening and came into my room for a catch up.
‘But I think he sounds great,’ she said after I’d filled her in on the latest. ‘You don’t want some wimp who doesn’t know what he wants or leaves it all up to you.’
‘Nesta says I have to be a goddess and not a doormat,’ I confided.
‘Ah,’ said TJ, ‘but which goddess? There are loads of different types. There’s Hestia, the goddess of the hearth, Athena, goddess of wisdom, Artemis, the huntress, Aphrodite the goddess of lurve and beauty… loads. What type of goddess do you want to be?’
Trust TJ to know a whole list of them, I thought. She has a different way of looking at everything. Like she sees all the shades of grey in between the black and white.
‘I think Nesta meant I should be the one calling the shots and not him,’ I said.
‘I think it should be’mutual,’ said TJ. ‘Like both of you decide. You do some things he wants and he does some things you want and you compromise on others.’
‘Well, it’s not that I didn’t want to do all the things we’ve been doing. We’ve had a great time.’
‘Then there’s no problem,’ said TJ. ‘But why not try picking some things you’d like to do next and see how he takes it. If he goes along with it, hey, no biggie.’
TJ was right. When she’d gone I had a think about what I’d like to do with him in the coming days. Bring him into my world, I decided. Invite him home and show him my designs. Maybe a walk in Golder’s Hill park. I could show him all the lovely flower displays they always have there. Maybe see a movie at Hollywood Bowl. Introduce him to our favourite cafes. I made a list, then called him to see if he wanted to come up to Muswell Hill and meet in Ruby in the Dust on Thursday.
‘Love to,’ he said. ‘I’ll count the hours as I’m missing you already.’
Things were going to be fine.
‘Bit of a dump, this,’ he said, looking round as I bagged the best sofa in the window at Ruby’s. The girls and I think it’s a good spot because it feels private yet you can sit and watch the world go by outside.
‘No it’s not,’ I said. ‘It’s got a lived-in feel. That’s why we like it here.’
‘We?’
‘Well, actually it’s Nesta’s favourite.’
‘And yours?’
‘Um, mine? Er, I like loads of places, but we come here most.’
He shook his head. ‘Sounds to me like you go along with you
r friends a lot.’
‘No, not really…“ I began to object.
Til take you somewhere with real style,‘ said Daniel, then looked at me softly and pulled me towards him. ’My little bear.‘
I snuggled into his shoulder, but I wished he’d call me something else. The nickname was beginning to jar. Little bear, it sounded so yucky.
Then my mobile rang. I’d decided that I’d keep my phone on as even though Nesta had put a dampener on Daniel, she was still a mate and going through a bad time. I got up and went to the ladies to take the call.
‘Who was that?’ he asked when I came back to sit down.
‘Nesta,’ I said.
‘What did she want?’
‘We’re all meeting up tomorrow,’ I said. Nesta had decided that she needed a consultation with Mystic Iz for a tarot card reading about Simon. Of course I wasn’t going to miss that, plus I was interested to know what the cards said about Daniel and me. I didn’t tell Daniel that, as some boys are a bit sniffy about fortune-telling.
‘But I wanted to take you to see a movie,’ said Daniel.
‘I am sorry. But, well, Nesta’s having a bit of… er, boyfriend trouble, so…’ I didn’t want to go into detail, as I thought it might be a bit disloyal to Nesta.
‘You mustn’t let your friends dump on you,’ Daniel interrupted. ‘The others will be there. Don’t let her use you at her convenience. Like you’re a dustbin for all her problems.’
‘It’s not like that,’ I said, thinking he was being a bit unfair. I was beginning to get angry. He’d only met Nesta once. How could he possibly think she used me at her convenience? She was my mate and I felt that I ought to be there for her. Maybe his ex-girlfriend had been right. He had objected to her seeing her friends and now he was trying to stop me seeing mine. I was about to tell him how important my friends were when suddenly it occurred to me that he never talked about his friends. Maybe he didn’t have any, with his attitude.
Then the phone went again. This time it was Izzie, phoning to check that I was going tomorrow.
‘Can’t you switch that off?’ asked Daniel when I’d finished. ‘You’re with me now and you don’t need friends calling you every minute.’
I decided not to be a doormat and stand my ground. ‘These are my best friends, Daniel. I want to be there for them and I’d expect the same from them.’
I could see that he didn’t like it and it didn’t help that the phone went again five minutes later. This time it was TJ checking in. Even though I took the call, I felt uncomfortable about it, as Daniel was starting to look bored. Maybe it would be easier to turn the phone off and pick up my messages when I got home.
‘There, I’ve turned it off,’ I said.
‘Good girl,’ said Daniel, putting his arm back around me. ‘Now, where were we?’
After that, we chatted about our plans for the rest of the holidays and he seemed quite happy to do things that I wanted as well as things he wanted. So Nesta was wrong. He wasn’t a total control freak, and I guess it can be a bit annoying when someone’s mobile is going off every other minute.
As we sat sipping our drinks and gazing out the window, a stunning-looking boy with shoulder-length curly hair walked past. He was wearing a cool pair of sunglasses and looked Spanish.
‘Now, he’s got style,’ I said.
‘Why? Do you fancy him?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘I was only saying I thought he looked good.’ Last week, Daniel had commented on loads of girls and what they were wearing. It didn’t mean anything.
Daniel snuggled up to me and nuzzled my neck. ‘I don’t want you looking at anyone except me,’ he whispered.
Gerroff, said a voice in my head. I ignored it and took Daniel’s hand. We were running out of holiday and I was determined to not let my inner arguments spoil our time together. Izzie says I have them because I’m a Gemini, the sign of the twins; hence the split personality. She’s so right. Some days the twins get along just fine, but other times one of them is pre-menstrual and gets a bit stroppy.
But when I invited him to my house later that day, more cracks began to appear in my dreamboy. On opening the door, Ben and Jerry did their usual ‘Oh my long lost friend’ routine, leaping up with their tails wagging and trying to lick Daniel’s face. I could see he didn’t like it, so I had to take them away and shut them in the kitchen. They sloped under the table with their tails between their legs. As I closed the door, I glanced back at them and I swear Ben gave me the Nesta/Izzie disapproval ‘look’. Like,‘Get rid of the killjoy, Lucy.’ It didn’t bode well.
I took him upstairs where I’d laid out my designs on the bed to be ready for him to look at. I’d even dressed the dummy that Mum had found for me in a secondhand shop. I thought it made my work look really professional.
‘So, what do you think?’ I asked as he picked up the outfits and studied them. I was really proud of some of them, particularly a couple of the tops I’d made from velvet trimmed with lace.
‘Yeah, nice,’ he said. ‘Very nice. But… well, I can’t see your voice coming through. You know, like a singer or a writer has a voice. It’s the same with designers. Their clothes should make a statement and be instantly recognisable when you see them. Like me — as you know, I only do designs in black or white. And I only wear black. Yours are too varied not focused enough.’
‘Oh,’ I said, feeling gutted. I knew what he meant about designs having a voice or a signature, but I honestly thought that mine did. I always mixed old and new fabrics and my style was romantic but modern.
‘You’ll get there,’ he said. ‘These are very good for a beginner. Do you mind me being so honest? I feel that it’s important in a relationship and I really want it to work with us. So no lies, no false praise.’
‘No, no, I’m into honesty. I think it’s very important,’ I said, thinking, that it was one of the things that I’d written on my wish list, after all. But then I’d also written ‘likes animals’ and Daniel had made it very clear downstairs that he didn’t. Or maybe it was because he didn’t want the dogs’ muddy paws ruining his clothes.
Daniel stood back and looked at me. ‘OK then, since we’re being honest, 1 think you should grow your hair longer. That urchin style is, well, a bit passe now.’
I felt hurt. I liked my hair short. So did everyone. Nesta said it suited my shape of face and made my cheekbones stand out. And no one’s ever said anything negative about my designs. But I knew that part of learning is being able to take criticism, so I decided to be open-minded and listen to what he had to say. He had been doing it longer than me, after all.
He moved the clothes off the bed and slung them across the back of a chair. Then he-chose a CD from my desk, put it in the player and sat back on my bed to flick through my latest copy of Vogue. I sat on the end of the bed and turned to look at him. I’m not sure if I like you anymore, I thought suddenly. Then another voice said, You’re just sulking because he doesn’t like your clothes. Then the other voice said, Well, I don’t like his. Only black or white. How boring. Arghh, I thought. Here we go again with the arguing twins.
‘What sign are you, Daniel?’
‘Cancer.’
‘That’s the sign of the crab, isn’t it?’ I said, as a voice in my head said, Yes. Crab, crab, crabby.
C h a p t e r 1 4
Tarot Reading
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‘And so gather the Witches of East Finchley,’ I said as we all sat on the floor in Izzie’s bedroom ready to do the tarot cards.
She did Nesta’s reading first and it didn’t look good, even to me, who doesn’t know what they all mean.
‘It says there’s a bit of a stormy time in love coming up for you,’ said Izzie, consulting the book, then pointing at a card with a picture of a pierced heart on it.
‘Tell me about it,’ groaned Nesta.
‘I am doing,’ teased Izzie. ‘It doesn’t necessarily mean bad, though. Just a difficult time. And the last card is the W
orld, and that’s always a good one. It means a goal is attained. Success.’
‘Great,’ said Nesta. ‘Either way, I’ve decided to be positive. I mean, Simon’s the longest I’ve ever been out with anyone and he is going to university in a couple of weeks. Maybe we do need to cool off a bit so that I can go out with loads of other boys and not feel like I’m cheating.’
My mum says that in life there are two types of people. Those who see a glass as half full and those who see a glass as half empty. Nesta’s definitely a half-full type of girl.
TJ’s cards were brilliant. Mostly cups, which the book said meant emotional happiness, then the Empress, which Izzie said meant a happy relationship.
‘Excellent,’ said TJ.
Izzie’s reading was more complicated. ‘I think it means that I’m unsure which way to turn,’ she said as she looked at the layout, then studied her book.
‘What did you ask about when you shuffled the cards?’ I asked.
‘Ben,’ she said. ‘It’s time to call it a day, but you know, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.’
‘Why do you want to finish with him?’ asked TJ.
Izzie shrugged. ‘Dunno, really. I still really like him, but hey, you know, we’re far too young to be tied down.’
‘You sound like your mum,’ I said.
‘Heaven forbid I ever turn into my mother,’ said Izzie. ‘Please, God, no. It’s just, all we ever do is band stuff or write lyrics. I do like doing that but not all the time. I want to have a bit of fun as well.’
I was dying to tell them about my last meeting with Daniel and ask them what they thought, but I already had a pretty good idea what Izzie and Nesta would say. Izzie would be all protective of me and want to phone him up and give him an earful for criticising me and Nesta would simply say, ‘Dump him, life’s too short.’
When they went downstairs to get snacks, I told TJ in private about the day before.
‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘You do have to accept criticism but only if it’s constructive. Your designs are fabulous and you have a great eye for colour. There’s room for everyone. I bet some of the most famous designers hate each other’s designs, so it doesn’t mean anything that he didn’t like yours. Like, oh, I don’t know their names but, say, that one who does bright colours?’
