Once they sat down, she asked if he’d learned anything today.
“Not a damn thing.” He sounded as tired as he looked. “I talk to the same people, over and over. Drive around the county looking for somewhere a stolen herd could be stashed.” He shook his head. “It’s been long enough now since the last episode, the lost animals may all be on their way to stockyards if they aren’t already tenderloins.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“No.” He rolled his shoulders. “It would be safer for the rustlers to distribute the cattle as widely as possible. Go for a bunch of different stockyards and feedlots. Different states. Wouldn’t hurt to put some weight on the calves, too. I have to wonder if they didn’t steal too many cattle, too quickly, without having the capability to move them on right away. Transportation may be their bottleneck.”
“And that Oren… Is that the right name?”
“Yeah, and if that’s what you’re asking, he’s still got his mouth zipped tight. Right now, he’s more afraid of his confederates than he is of us.”
“You think that’s because one of them is the police chief, don’t you?”
Those vivid blue eyes met hers squarely. “That’s my best guess.”
“But how could they get at him— Oh. He’s probably out on bail, isn’t he?”
“Yep. I wonder if keeping his mouth shut will save him. Assuming he knows names, he’s a threat to everyone else involved. The rustlers wouldn’t have so much on the line if they hadn’t killed Gary Webb. Now they’re looking at murder charges no matter what. Gary’s death also means these people have killed once, and so far gotten away with it. Why not do it again, if it’ll shut Oren up once and for all?”
Her appetite flagged, but she kept eating determinedly. If she were to let Jed into her life, she had to get used to this kind of conversation over the dinner table. That, or a lot of silent meals because he couldn’t talk about his work.
His openness demonstrated an astonishing change, she thought.
Trying to sound less disturbed than she was, she asked, “Is somebody keeping an eye on this Oren?”
“Crook County deputies, insofar as they can. They aren’t any better funded than we are.”
She knew what that meant. Quite often, only one or two deputies would be patrolling the entire county. If he – or, now that Erin Brown had been hired, she – was called to help someone in distress, a second caller might have a good, long wait. And yes, the population was sparse in this and other rural counties in much of eastern Oregon, but the distances were great.
Linette didn’t know what else to say. And the minute they quit talking, she became aware of an undercurrent that had been there all along. Or maybe awareness was a better word. With realizing it, she had noticed every shift of expression on Jed’s face, the crinkles beside his eyes, the way the bones and sinews stood out on the back of his big hands, his throat as he swallowed, the shape of his ears. She had loved to kiss and nibble her way down his neck.
Her plate was empty. He’d refilled his, but seemed to have lost interest in food. He focused his hungry attention on her.
“I never thought I’d sit down to a meal with you again,” she heard herself say. “Just the two of us.”
“No,” he agreed, voice husky. “If I’d approached you when I first came to town, asked you out, what would you have said?”
She thought back. “I…don’t know. When I first saw your photo in the Courier, I felt some hope. I didn’t like it, but it was there. That you’d come after me…”
He winced.
“But when you never contacted me, first I was angry, and then I quit feeling anything at all.”
“So you might have said yes.”
“I really don’t know,” she repeated. She tore her gaze from his. “Have you been involved with anyone since me?”
“Involved? No.” Creases formed on his forehead. “After I found out you were living with another guy, I was angry. Even then, I knew that was irrational.” He paused. “There were some women. They were all…temporary.”
Under the table, Linette squeezed her hands together until they hurt. She had no right to feel such outrage and hurt. She had gotten herself entangled with Theo. But she hated those women anyway, and didn’t want, ever, to picture him with them.
“It’s been a long time, though,” he said after a minute. “Not since I’ve been here, and awhile before that.” An internal battle showed before he cleared his throat. “No woman I saw was you.”
Exhilarated, anguished, made mute, she could only stare at him.
*****
Hope was more painful than the emptiness he’d felt for so long. “Linette?”
Her mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.
He could not make a move. Any decisions now had to be hers. Since he’d learned as a child how little he could control, he had never surrendered that grip. Maybe this was why he hadn’t picked up the phone or stopped by the ranch, even after he’d moved to Fort Halleck. Feeling so powerless sucked.
After a moment, he said, “I’m pushing again, aren’t I?”
“No.” Her eyes teemed with emotions. “I never expected…”
“If…you’ll let me in—” Jed’s voice sounded as raw as he felt “—I will never walk away from you again.” God. He felt like a captive waiting to be executed, wishing he had been blindfolded so he couldn’t see the face of the woman who would pull the trigger. He felt compelled to keep talking, as if he’d magically find the right words. “I’m…not so easy to live with, I know that. I can’t promise I won’t…retreat. If you can be patient with me—”
Linette let out a cry, jumped up and rushed to him. He barely had time to push away from the table and hold out his arms before she threw herself onto his lap.
Jed heard himself talking and didn’t even know what he was saying. He wrapped her tight in his arms, feeling hers close around his neck. She was here. She’d chosen— Damn, he’d choked up and had to swallow.
“Linette.”
Their eyes met, held. Hers were stunningly beautiful. They also shimmered. Jed didn’t want her to cry. Not ever again, not if he was to blame.
Desperate as he was for her, he needed to keep looking at her.
In these years apart, she’d changed, but not by much. Her skin was still pale and fine-pored, the dusting of freckles were as disarming as ever. Fine bones, a high forehead and a pretty mouth made her as beautiful in his eyes as ever – although he had a suspicion his heart didn’t hammer like this because of her outward appearance. There was something more about her, and always had been.
He loosened one arm so he could slide his fingertips beneath her braid and up her nape. Silky skin, the delicate bumps of vertebrae. A vibration…because his hand was shaking.
“You didn’t cut your hair,” he murmured, the hoarseness something he couldn’t help any more than the tremor in his hand.
“No.” Her smile trembled, her eyes betraying nerves. “I almost did a few weeks ago. So if we happened to run into each other, you’d know that, well, you had nothing to do with my decisions anymore.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I told myself I’d get to it. I was just too busy.”
He closed his eyes momentarily. “After four and a half years, you’d decided to give up on me.”
She rubbed her cheek against his jaw. “You deserved it.”
“I did.” He slid his hand down that fat braid until he reached the elastic, which he tugged off and dropped to the floor. Then he occupied himself unplaiting her gorgeous, thick mass of hair, reveling in the way it slid between his fingers, triggering a hundred memories. Yet another lump formed in his throat. “I need you.”
“Oh, Jed.” She stretched to press a clumsy kiss to his mouth. There and gone…except he couldn’t let her go.
He brushed his lips over hers again, softly, then with more pressure. She nibbled, he licked, and the kiss went deep and hungry.
It felt a
mazing, so good he thought about sitting here, in this hard wooden chair, for the next half hour or so, doing nothing but kissing Linette and holding her close.
The hunger he’d suppressed for five long years didn’t allow for that kind of patience, though. With a guttural sound, he rose to his feet, lifting her effortlessly. Even so, her arms tightened around his neck. Leaving the remnants of their meal on the table and the lights on, he strode toward the stairs.
“I can walk,” she gasped.
He hated to let her go, but retained enough blood in his head to recognize that refusing to let her walk under her own power – make the conscious decision to go upstairs with him – would be a mistake.
Jaw clenched, Jed lowered her to her feet. The slide of her body against his made him groan. God. What if she changed her mind? Or hadn’t meant to take this so far?
But she took his hand. “Jed?”
“I want you.”
Cheeks pink, she said, “I noticed.”
“Are you…okay with this?” He nodded upward.
Anxiety still brewed in her expressive eyes, but she whispered, “Yes. Please.”
He gave a jerky nod and put his foot on the first step. Holding on as tight to his hand as he was to hers, Linette did the same.
They mounted the stairs together. He hesitated, but she didn’t. She led him into her bedroom. Jed kicked the door shut, swung her up in his arms again, and set her on the bed.
*****
She might be crazy, but Linette had carried that earlier epiphany to its logical conclusion: if she loved this man, she had to love who he really was. Messed up, scarred, a novice at real intimacy. As he’d said himself, a man who might not be able to help sometimes retreating behind barriers erected when he was only a boy. She loved the boy as much as she did the confident, vulnerable, dominant man he’d become.
If he was a mess, so was she.
Watching Jed unbutton his shirt, she tore off her socks and tossed them before peeling her sweatshirt over her head. His eyes heated at the sight of her ridiculously pale belly and sturdy bra. Even as she laid her hands on his muscular chest, Linette knew she ought to shinny out of her own jeans so she could take the equally practical panties unseen with them.
Too late. His shirt gone, Jed unfastened her bra with one hand. The next second, she found herself on her back, his mouth on her breast. He had to remember how sensitive her breasts were, how she responded to the suction of his mouth. Linette whimpered and arched upward, gripping him with frantic hands.
He teased her other breast, then came back to her mouth. The kiss exploded as their tongues tangled. They wrestled, arms tangling as each tried to explore the other’s body. He hadn’t lost any muscle after leaving the army, that was for sure. His skin shivered at her every touch. A groan rumbled from his chest.
He lifted himself off her to tackle the button and zipper of her jeans. Rearing up, Linette went for his.
He retreated, heat blazed across his cheekbones. “Not this time.”
“Not fair,” she gasped, moaning as his fingers slid into her wet heat. “Hurry.”
Swearing, Jed wrenched off her last clothing, tossing jeans and panties, too. He’d forgotten his boots, and had to sit on the edge of the bed to pry them off. Linette knelt behind him, pressing her breasts to his back, kissing and licking his neck.
Socks gone. He rose gingerly to finish undressing.
Linette stared at that beautiful body, long, lean, powerful. His chest hair was a dark gold that went with the glint of stubble on his hard jaw. Her gaze lowered, and her abdomen cramped at what she saw.
Jed eased her back and planted a knee between her thighs. He asked her something she couldn’t parse, blinking at him when he gave her a shake.
“Are you on birth control?”
“Oh. No, but I bought some—” She turned her head toward her bedside table.
He showed her a wolfish grin as he reached for the drawer. “Lucky. I did, too, but they’re in my bedroom.”
Linette squirmed. She didn’t want to wait.
He grabbed a packet, ripped it and rolled the condom on. At last, he came down on top of her, kissing her as if he’d hungered for this during the long years since they parted.
Her fingers found a scar she remembered, then one she didn’t. She’d let herself care about it later. Right now, she was too desperate to feel him inside her.
They rolled, with her briefly on top and his fingers back between her legs, stroking, teasing, demanding. She saw his face, eyes glittering, skin pulled taut, teeth showing, just before he flipped her. Making noises she didn’t even recognize, Linette parted her legs and lifted her knees to bracket his hips. Arching upwards, she was rewarded by the blunt tip of his penis pressing at her opening. With a ragged sound, he pushed forward, sliding deep, then holding himself there.
Linette opened her eyes to meet his. There was astonishment on his face along with the passion, and something else, too, that resonated with her own wild emotions. All she could think was, He’s home, I’m home, before he resumed movement.
She lasted barely a minute, and he was with her.
*****
They made love one more time, only a little slower with Linette riding him, before Jed heard the sound of Niall’s pickup truck turning into the driveway. Damn, damn, damn. He didn’t want to let her go, have to get out of bed and dress. Conduct any kind of conversation with his friend, who would know the minute he looked at Jed or Linette what they’d been up to.
“Niall’s here,” he mumbled into the thick blanket of glossy brown hair that flowed over his face and chest. He slid one hand down the graceful line of her back, resting it on her hip and taut buttock. She fit him in every way. He’d forgotten how well.
Linette grumbled something incoherent that made him grin. Exhilaration swelled inside his chest. She’d forgiven him. After years of aching for her, they were twined together in her bed.
Stunned, he thought, I’m happy. When he should be getting his butt out of bed, he instead examined astonishing and unfamiliar feelings.
Hating to sour his mood, he reminded himself that they had problems aside from their personal relationship. Her enemy would come after her again, they both knew that. He might come after Jed again, too – or was that one of the cattle rustlers?
Groaning, he gently lifted her off his body so he could roll over and sit up. “I’ll tell Niall you’ve gone to bed, if you want to stay here,” he offered, voice gruff and raspy.
“No-o. I don’t suppose he learned anything, but…” With a sigh, she stretched, momentarily paralyzing him.
Half-aroused again already, he forced himself to struggle into his boxer shorts and jeans. Sliding off the bed, Linette padded right in front of him to collect her own clothes.
He reached out and patted her ass. “Give me a break.”
She laughed, sounding as happy as he felt. “I hear the front door.”
“Crap.” Jed winced and adjusted himself before he bent forward to locate his boots.
Linette hastily got dressed before disappearing to the bathroom. Where she’d look in the mirror and discover her cheeks were scraped red from his stubble, and that her lips were puffy.
Smiling, Jed went downstairs.
He found Niall in the dining room, contemplating the abandoned, half-finished meal. Seeing Jed, Niall raised his eyebrows.
“In a good mood, I see.”
Jed tensed. “Yes, I am. But don’t say a word to Linette.”
“I wouldn’t.” Niall shook his head, his mouth curling up. “You’re a lucky bastard. Don’t blow it again.”
“I won’t.” It felt like another vow – and not a good moment to realize that, for all their lovemaking, Linette hadn’t said a word about her feelings. Of course, he hadn’t, either – but he hadn’t in the old days, either, yet that hadn’t stopped her from often saying, “I love you.” Words he’d told himself he didn’t want to hear, even as he now knew he’d hugged them tight.
&n
bsp; What if she’d softened toward him, wanted him, but couldn’t risk loving him?
But for all his usual pessimism, Jed didn’t believe it. The words would come…as long as he didn’t screw up, and she stayed alive and well.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Once Alex Burke showed up the next morning to take another shift at the ranch, Jed felt confident enough to leave. Curt Deeter seemed okay, but he looked to be in his early twenties. A kid. How would he stand up to a brutal, armed intruder?
During the drive, Jed would normally have focused on his day ahead. Shut out personal problems and shifted into the right mind-set. A distracted cop made mistakes.
Today…all he could think about was Linette. Sitting around the table drinking coffee with Niall last night had been awkward, but that wasn’t Niall’s fault. No surprise, he hadn’t learned any earthshaking secrets about Chief Seward on his first day, but had discovered an atmosphere of intense loyalty to the guy, above and beyond what he’d expect even in a department where the officers respected their boss.
Jed’s thoughts flicked back to where he’d begun. He had taken the first shift of the night. He walked Linette to the foot of the stairs when she announced her intention of going to bed – her face pink because they all knew she’d already been to bed. But she’d said quietly, “When Niall takes over, will you come to my bedroom?”
His heart had taken a hard beat. “You’re sure? He might see me coming out of your room in the morning.”
She rolled her eyes. “As if he doesn’t already know we’re sleeping together again.”
Sleeping together. Not how he’d have described their reunion, but he’d take what he could get.
Indeed, at three-thirty in the morning he had slipped back into her bed, his cold body startling her awake. She’d warmed him nicely. He was smiling at the memory when he realized he’d arrived at work. He damn near drove right on by. So much for getting his head in the game.
He was barely in his office when dispatch buzzed him. An Irene Brown had asked to speak to him. Assuming this was the same woman, Jed knew her. She owned a horse ranch in the southeast corner of the county, and had played a part in Grant finding the murdered body of a FHPD officer out in the boonies. The one, in fact, who had once asked Linette out.
All the Lost Little Horses (A Desperation Creek Novel Book 2) Page 20
