“Is that all?” I squeezed his hand.
“And...” He grimaced slightly, as if he were afraid of sounding silly. “I really like you, Lexi. And talking on the phone is great and all, but I like being here with you better. Seeing you. Talking with you. Touching you.”
“And...kissing me?” I suggested. He blinked up at me, shock registering in the lines around his mouth. I smiled back, shrugging my shoulders. “Sorry. I’m not very good at subtle.”
He grinned, his gaze flicking to my mouth again. “That’s okay. I like a woman who says and does what she’s thinking.”
My stomach dipped violently and I was done holding back. I scooted my hips closer to him where he lay on the blanket and ran my hand up the sleeve of his hoodie until it rested on his chest. His breathing increased in pace as he watched me.
“Then, tell me if you like this,” I said, looking him briefly in the eyes and then dipping down to press my lips tenderly to his cheek. He inhaled sharply and then his hand found my waist. I worked my own up his chest, over the slight stubble of his jawline, and into the soft hair at the back of his head. With a sigh, I tilted my head to press another kiss to his other cheek. “How’s that?”
“Good. Really good.”
I pulled back slightly. There was just enough light in the backyard to see the dark flushing of Zane’s cheeks where I’d kissed him. He pressed his lips together, his grip on my waist tightening.
“Your turn,” I said, suddenly feeling a blip of nerves in my stomach at the idea of taking the next step.
I never got nervous like this. Not with a boy. But Zane was something altogether different. What he thought actually mattered to me. I was having a hard time holding myself together.
“I like this game,” he said in a whisper, before rolling to his side and moving closer.
His breath was spicy, like cinnamon. He looked intently at my lips and then up at my eyes. Every fiber of my body was paralyzed, waiting for him to make the next move. It felt like an eternity went by as he leaned in, smoldering fire burning in his eyes. His lips pressed softly to the corner of my mouth in a touch so gentle it nearly made my whole body tremble.
“Don’t move,” he whispered hoarsely, pulling back slightly. “It’s still my turn.”
As if I could control anything at all. Not a muscle in my body was responding to the neurons firing in my brain. I was pinned under his gaze, utterly and completely trapped in a blissful state. I wanted him to kiss me again. To repeat the scene from the picnic shelter, but without anyone to interrupt or tell us it was wrong. And from the way he was looking at me, I could tell he wanted that, too. He reached up and dragged his thumb gently across my bottom lip.
“I take back what I said earlier,” he said softly. “You’re definitely trouble. The very best kind of trouble.”
My lips curled at his confession and suddenly, the courage I’d been lacking sprang up again. I closed the space between us and kissed him squarely on the mouth. He made a deep, guttural sound in his throat and then began to move his lips against mine. It was nothing compared to the sweet, withholding kisses of before. Now, I wanted him to be selfish. To take more than he’d let himself before. I wanted more of his cinnamony taste and to feel the soft, giving sensation of his mouth against mine.
It didn’t take long for me to get what I wanted. Zane pressed against me until I was lying back on the blanket with him leaning over me. His hands found my face and he cradled my head as he deepened the kiss. I grabbed handfuls of his sweatshirt, pulling him closer. His warmth covered me, like a comforting blanket.
I loved that he was kissing me like this. With no hesitation, no holds barred. No judging me for the scars I’d hidden for so long. His fingertips slid slowly over the apples of my cheeks, heading south to the curvature of my jawline. He held me like I was precious, like I was someone worth treasuring. If my soul could sing aloud, it would’ve been singing every top 40 love song from the past decade on blast at that moment.
My head began to spin and I couldn’t be sure if that was because of the incredible way he kissed me or if it was because of the lack of oxygen. It seemed like all of my other natural senses had gone on overdrive. Breathing was no longer a necessity. Feeling Zane and his soft, insistent lips against mine was all I needed to survive. But when I did finally manage to inhale, I relished in the scent of his tangy cologne and fresh laundry detergent from his hoodie.
The friction of his fingers against my skin as he traced his fingers down the length of my neck threw gasoline on the fire in my gut. My hands found his and I interlaced our fingers, holding so tight that I thought I was going to break my fingers. He kissed me as if he was never going to get this chance again. I felt his desperation deep in my bones. Whatever this was, it wasn’t meant to last. Even the friendship we’d agreed to had a sort of expiration date. But I couldn’t think about that. Not now. Not when he was kissing me like this. So I gave myself over to my feelings, erasing any lingering doubts or sadness, giving myself only permission to enjoy the moment.
And when Zane finally pulled away, my chest was heaving as if I’d just ran a marathon—which wasn’t something I would’ve done unless being chased by a tiger. He plopped down on the blanket beside me, looking up at the stars above. I blinked, my vision blurry.
It was no wonder why I’d been so caught up on Zane Rees. He wasn’t just any boy. He was a boy who knew how to make me so completely dizzy that I couldn’t hardly catch my breath. It was a wonderful feeling. One that I wouldn’t mind repeating again and again.
“Okay, so that wasn’t what I had planned for tonight,” he said with a chuckle.
I turned my head to grin at him. “Oh, yeah? Not even a tiny part of you thought that was going to happen?”
He smiled guiltily and rubbed his eyes. “Maybe a little part. But I’m a guy. We always go there. We can’t help it.”
I laughed and glanced over at the TV still blinking distantly through the sliding door. It was a relief to see the back of my dad’s head still perched on the couch. It would’ve been extremely embarrassing to get caught out here making out with a boy. I was pretty sure Dad still thought I was his little girl with bows in my hair and a baby doll for a best friend.
“We’d better call it a night,” I said, sitting up. “I’m not sure how much longer before we both get caught.”
“Right.”
He sat up and began to gather his stuff. He didn’t even look at me. But after a few seconds, he froze and then dropped them right back to the ground to sink his hands into the hair at the back of my head and press one more long, lingering kiss to my lips. A delicious shiver ran up and down my spine. And when he finally released me to pull back enough to stare into my eyes, my entire face was flushing.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” I could hardly breathe.
“For tonight. For being you.” His lips formed a lopsided smile. “For being my friend.”
I laughed and pushed off the ground as he followed. This was so not the kind of friendship I was used to. Usually, when I friend-zoned a guy, it was for good. Zane was too tempting to friend-zone.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing his hand. “Walk me to my window.”
We strolled back and I pecked him one more time on the lips before clasping the windowsill with my hands and pushing up. I had one foot on the plush, carpet floor of my room when I heard the distinct sound of a throat clearing.
“Ahem.”
With alarm, I stood up too soon and banged my head hard on the window. White flashed before my eyes. I rubbed it with the palm of my hand and squinted at the doorway of my room where two figures stood. A few more seconds passed before their shapes became more clear and I could see Charlotte and Beth watching me, their faces dark with suspicion.
So much for not getting caught.
Chapter Seventeen
“Oh, hi, girls.” I waved pathetically at Charlotte and Beth as I lingered awkwardly by the window. My brain still rang like
a bell from that knock in the head, but it was starting to quiet down. At least there was no permanent damage. “Nice night, right?”
Hopefully, they hadn’t seen Zane outside. A girl could hope, right?
“Hi, Lexi,” Charlotte said with a forced, tight-lipped smile. She leaned slightly to her left and stared directly out the window. “Hi, Zane. Nice to see you again.”
“Hi, there,” Zane answered meekly from outside my window, the light spilling out just enough to illuminate his sharp cheekbones and jawline. “Good timing. I’m actually just heading out. Have a good night.”
I grimaced at him before he slipped away from my window. Oops. We’d both been caught, but I was the one who was going to have to deal with the fallout.
“Your dad let us in,” Beth said coolly. She slid a container onto my desk and frowned at me. “We wanted to make sure you got better soon, so we picked you up some miso soup on our sushi run.”
“Thanks.”
I picked nervously at the hem of my tee. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. I wasn’t used to being caught in a lie. I wasn’t good at them. And now I knew why.
“Sure got over that food poisoning quick,” Charlotte said, moving across the room to claim my desk chair. She arched her eyebrows, a challenge dancing in her gaze. “That is, unless Zane’s some kind of walking Pepto Bismol.”
“Ha, yeah, about that...” I scrunched my face up, unsure even where to begin. I’d been caught in two lies. One, about being sick. The other about staying away from Zane. My stomach really was starting to feel nauseated after all. In fact, I probably could’ve thrown up right about then. “I didn’t know he was coming over. He surprised me. And yes, I’m feeling better now. Thanks for checking on me.”
Beth rolled her eyes but remained glued to the doorway. “I think the sickness went to your brain. What was he doing here, anyway? I thought you two were just coworkers.”
I pressed my lips together. She always had to say it like it was, didn’t she? She couldn’t give me even five seconds to float away on this blissful cloud. The sugary sweet sensation of his lips still lingered on mine, but I couldn’t think about that. Not now. Not with my friends both looking at me so accusingly.
“Well, actually, we decided that we were going to be secret friends.” I sat on the edge of my bed, keeping my gaze to the cream-colored carpet on the floor.
“Secret friends?” Charlotte scooted closer to me. “What kind of secret friends sneak out of their windows at night to meet up?”
I shot her a guilty smile. “The best kind?”
“You mean, the kind with benefits?” Beth crossed her arms and sunk angrily into the chair at my desk.
“Well...” The loose thread on my comforter was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. I tugged hard on it. “I mean...we did kiss.”
Charlotte gasped next to me. “You did? How was it?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Aaa-mazing. Other worldly. He’s as good as he looks. I’m pretty sure I still haven’t come back down to the ground.”
She grinned. “I’ll bet. When Hunter kissed me for the first time, I couldn’t hardly stand, my knees were so weak.”
I turned toward her, barely able to contain the exhilaration in my voice. “I guess that’s the good part about kissing while you’re lying on the grass, looking at the stars. You don’t need your knees.”
Her eyes went all starry. “You guys kissed while you were star-gazing? That’s so romantic.”
“It was. He is.” I sighed. “I didn’t know he was coming over. We played soccer today on the set when they had to pause shooting because of a malfunction. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to talk tonight in private, so I thought I would stay home and wait. Him showing up was an added bonus. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Sounds way better than a chick flick anyway,” Charlotte said with a wave of her hand. Relief washed over me. I was hoping she wouldn’t be offended that I skipped girl time tonight. “We just wanted to make sure you were feeling better. Right, Beth?”
I glanced up at Beth to see her still glaring at me as if I’d shut off her game system in the middle of a campaign. A familiar pang of guilt sliced through my happiness, resettling in my gut with a thunk. This was why I never lied. Not only was I terrible at it, but it made me feel awful. Having Beth look at me like that was seriously raining on the parade that Zane’s lips had started.
“I’m sorry, Beth,” I said, biting on my lower lip. Whatever it took: groveling, begging, crying, I do it to let her know how sorry I was. “I know I said I would avoid him, but it’s just been impossible. I like him too much. And he likes me.”
Her frown deepened. “If he likes you so much, why doesn’t he take you out on a real date?”
She knew why. I wasn’t sure why we had to go over this again. “With the contract thing, we had to be extra careful—”
“Sounds to me like he’s using you.”
“Beth...” Charlotte’s voice was soft and pleading as indignation rolled over me.
I huffed and shook my head. “He’s not using me. I would know if he was using me.”
Nope, the crying and pleading plan was out the window. Irrational anger toward my supposed friend had taken its place.
Beth shifted in her chair and stubbornly jutted her chin out. “Are you sure he’s really not allowed to date, or is that some line he fed you so that he didn’t have to commit? Maybe he does this to every innocent girl he meets just so he can have an excuse when he leaves you high and dry.”
“He’s not like that,” I argued, turning to Charlotte for help. “He’s not. You saw him.”
She squirmed under my gaze and picked at a piece of fuzz on her jeans. “I mean, he seems for real, but what Beth said does sound possible. Maybe he’s a player in disguise and this is his way of getting around. It is kind of the perfect excuse not to commit, if you think about it. Make girls think he can’t date and then snog them anyway.”
Who was she to judge Zane? She didn’t know him. She hadn’t listened in on our phone conversations when Zane shared some very real parts of his past with me. He was the furthest thing from a player there was.
I walked angrily to my window and shut it tight. How much I wished that Zane was still out there and able to defend himself to my so-called friends. He would set them straight.
“I don’t care what you guys think,” I said, turning back to them. “I trust him. He’s legit.”
They hadn’t been there. They hadn’t seen the way he’d looked at me, so full of devotion and sweetness. They hadn’t felt the way his fingers had lovingly caressed my scarred cheeks. If they had, we wouldn’t be having this fight right now.
“Come on, you can’t say he’s for real.” Beth rolled her green eyes. “I mean, how much do you actually know about him?”
“I know that I know more about guys than either of you,” I snapped back, feeling all the reserve I had left fade away. A splitting headache had formed in the spot between my eyebrows. “At least I admit when I like someone. You walk around typing on that phone of yours all day, unable to admit to anyone that you’ve got a guy on the line, too. At least mine is real. He’s here. Where’s yours? He’s probably a sixty-two-year-old man posing as a teenage boy, but you wouldn’t know the difference because unlike me, you’ve never had a boyfriend. So you have no right to judge me.”
Her head snapped back as if I’d slapped her. All the breath left my lungs and I stood frozen to the ground as regret coursed through my veins. Of course, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean any of it. But my apology remained lodged in my thickening throat.
“You know what, I think I’m going to skip girls’ night,” Beth said calmly, standing up to brush off the front of her jeans. She threw me a hurt look and then glanced at Charlotte. “If you want a ride home, I’ll be waiting in the driveway.”
The next second, she was gone, leaving me feeling like the worst friend in all eternity. My shoulders slumped and I tried to blink bac
k the scorching tears in my eyes. Should’ve stuck to the pleading and crying plan.
“I gotta go, before she leaves me stranded.” Charlotte rose to her feet. She took a tentative step toward me, placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. “We’re just looking out for you, Lex. I’m sorry if you felt attacked, but we were a little shocked to see you guys together. Especially when you asked us to help you stay away from him. You’re risking so much. Beth just wants to make sure this boy is worth it.”
I hung my head, pressure pushing down on my chest as Charlotte gave me a hug and then rushed out the door. She was right. I had asked them to keep me focused on my job. And I’d not only snuck around behind Zane’s dad’s back, but theirs, too. I felt like the worst friend in the world.
Flinging myself into my bed, I searched for my phone through teary eyes. It was on the night stand, flashing a received message.
Zane: Hope your friends didn’t get mad at you.
Tonight was amazing.
Miss you already.
I sniffed back the tears. He really was the best. I sent him a kissing emoji and then opened the group chat I had with Beth and Charlotte. Time to attempt some damage control.
Me: I messed up.
I’m sorry for what I said.
But Zane really is a good guy.
Sorry I lied.
There was no immediate response, so I walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. The whole time I brushed my teeth, emotions churned in my gut and unshed tears burned in my eyes. Everything was such a mess. I felt torn between the thrill of Zane’s kiss and the burning shame of facing my friends with my lies.
How could I fix any of this?
When I finally gave my bare face one last look in the mirror, reality hit me. Zane might have been the guy I knew him to be, but that still didn’t change the fact that one way or another, we couldn’t be together. Not for real. He had a contract and he was leaving. That was the end.
We’d gone way past friendship. There was no use denying it anymore. That kiss had sealed the deal. Was being with him for these few short days worth the damage I’d already done to my friendships and to my potential career? The mature part of me knew the answer to that, but the part of my soul still thrilling about that kiss argued the other way. There was no coming to any agreement. The only thing to do at this point was hope I hadn’t done permanent damage.
Dare You to Chase the Soccer Player (Rock Valley High Book 5) Page 14
