by Nicki Rowe
“Already so ready for me?”
“Fuck yes,” I hissed as his hand encircled my shaft.
He leaned over the bed and took my mouth in a bruising kiss before he lowered his head to my groin.
“I'll get you your dinner,” he said, his hot breath fanning over my balls and pubic area, “after we take care of this. Tell me what you want.”
“Your mouth.”
His hot tongue licked the under side of my cock making my hips shoot off of the bed. My hands tangled in his hair, but he took them and pinned each of them to my sides. I writhed under him, needing to touch him, but he wasn't having it. He pulled up off of my cock, and didn't put his mouth back on me until I stopped moving. His lips encircled me, and he bobbed up and down slowly—so fucking slowly that I wanted to scream. When I began to writhe again, demanding he go faster. I tried to pull my arms free so I could touch him. I needed to touch him. He freed my cock from his mouth, and waited for me to still.
“Please,” I begged, my head thrashing against the mattress. I looked up at him, and he was just watching me patiently. “Please, Sir, please.”
“You have ta behave, Edward.”
I willed my hips to still, and when they did he lowered his mouth onto me again. He sucked me down to the back of his throat, swirling his tongue around the head of my cock and down my shaft. I came with another shout of his name, and he finally let my arms free. My hands tangled into his hair of their own accord as I emptied myself down his throart. He held his face to my groin by cupping my ass and lifting my hips off of the bed. I shuddered with aftershock after aftershock, and he held me until I came back down to Earth.
He pulled me up so that I was sitting on the bed and he was still kneeling in front of me. He kissed me, and I could still taste myself on his tongue.
“Okay,” he said, his voice sounded somewhere between his bedroom voice and his quiet voice. “Now I can get you some food.”
Chapter Four
Caleb
It had been three weeks since Edward and I had started dating. We met every evening that he didn't work to have dinner, and every Saturday morning before his shift at the Clip and Save. Things were going smoothly, and I was happy—too happy. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was used to things going wrong whenever something felt like it was going right.
I knew something was coming to ruin my good mood. I just didn't know what.
I woke up shivering on Sunday morning. I knew it wasn't because the house was cold, Greta kept it at a toasty seventy-five even in the summer. I could still see the light of my father's cigar in my mind. I could almost smell it as it touched my skin.
I looked at my clock. It was only eight. I groaned and rolled over to find my phone. I slept with it under my pillow. It was a security thing. Another quirk to add to list of reasons that I was fucked up.
I needed to hear Edward's voice. I dialed his number, and nearly sighed in relief when he picked up on the fourth ring.
“Hey,” he said in to the phone.
“Hi,” I said. I tried to go for happy, but the nightmare had been a brutal one. It still wasn't leaving me. I could still smell my burning flesh. The scars on my arms seemed to be tingling, a residual pain from the cigar my father held over my skin.
“What's wrong?”
“Nightmare,” I said. “I'll be fine.”
“I'm coming over.”
The tone in his voice made me smile. Anyone on the outside may think that he was the one in control, and I was just the mousy teacher with a quiet voice and a mild dispostion—if they only knew. My cock stirred as I imagined Edward's breathy voice calling me 'Sir' as I fed him my cock.
“No, it's okay. I get them all the time.”
“Baby,” he said. The endearment was new and it made my heart swell with an emotion I knew it was too early in our relationship to be feeling. “I'm coming over.”
There was a click and the line went dead.
I threw on a shirt to cover my scars. It's been three weeks, but I still hadn't told Edward what my father had done to me. I didn't want him to run from me. I knew he would see these scars and think I was damaged. Anyone who saw the scars thought I was damaged.
Fifteen minutes later I hear Greta talking to Edward as she led him through the house. I haven't left my room. I had been too afraid to face the woman who keeps telling me to call her Nana.
“Give him this,” I heard Greta say from the other side of the door. “He'll need it.”
My door opened and Edward is there with his messy hair and his multicolored poncho. He looked so beautiful, and I didn't realize how much I needed to see him until I saw his brown eyes meet my own.
A choked breath, somewhere between a sob and a whimper escaped my lips, and I reach for him.
“Oh, baby.”
He sets the mug of tea on the desk and comes to me. He wraps me in his arms and I bury my face into the crook of his neck. He smells good like Sandalwood and something earthy that I didn't know the name of. I start to feel safe just being in his arms. The cigar in my mind is no longer taunting me. The smell of burning flesh is beginning to fade.
“Oh, baby,” he says again, his hands smoothing up and down my back.
I know he can feel the scars underneath my shirt so I pull back. I keep my hand in his so he knows I'm not rejecting him. I just can't stand the thought of him thinking those scars make me ugly.
“What happened?”
“I told you,” I said, sounding like a petulant teenager. I can hear Greta talking to someone, and then I hear Cody's laughter. “Cody's here?”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. Sundays are our day. I have every other Sunday off so we go to the lake.” He cocked his head to the side. Dammit, I loved when he did that. “Come with us?”
I hesitate. “I'm supposed to have dinner with Jayson.”
Edward shifted so he was sitting cross legged in front of me. I played with the string on his pants just to give me something to do. “We'll be back by then.”
I looked at him, trying to figure out how I was so lucky to get a man as sweet as him.
“Caleb,” he said, grabbing my attention. “If you don't want to, you don't have to.”
“I want to,” I say, standing and taking my mug from the table. “Let me get dressed.”
I dressed slowly in the bathroom so he can't see my scars. I'm still trying to figure out what Edward sees in me. I'm not as good looking as other men I have seen like Carter Hyde or August Marks. I'm not as smart as I look like I am. I'm not funny. I'm boring; I would rather spend my nights reading then going out. And I was damaged. Edward didn't know that yet, but when he found out he would leave me. My last boyfriend left because I had issues and this one would too. It was only a matter of time.
~ ~ ~
We pulled into the lake twenty minutes later. The air was chilly, but the lake was gorgeous. There were people on the water fishing, and some people were hanging around the shore having an early picnic. Edward and Cody were dressed in identical multicolored ponchos and hiking boots. They had brought gear to fish, but they left it on the edge of the shore as they walked along and talked.
I hung back giving Edward a moment alone with his brother. I could hear that they were talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying as they walked ahead of me. I couldn't seem to get out of my head and enjoy the afternoon with Edward and Cody.
My father's words kept flashing in my mind: No one will ever love you. I had thought that my father loved me despite his strict house rules and heavy punishments when I would do something wrong. For most of my life I was subjected to being locked in my room with no food for a day or two if I did something wrong. There were a lot of things I was never allowed to do; I couldn't drink, date or smoke. I was to be home by six every day. I had to pray to God three times a day, and read a passage from the Bible before every meal. I had to maintain all A's in school. When there were adults in the house I had to make myself scarce; I had to be neither seen nor heard. My father
wanted me to be the well rounded, God fearing boy he had been, and anything less than that would result in punishment.
“Caleb!” Cody called from ahead of me. We had talked about how he could call me Caleb outside of the classroom, but it was Mr. Samuels when I was his teacher. “Come on!”
I shook my head to hopefully dislodge some of the demons, and see Edward and Cody skipping rocks in the lake. Edward was giving me a quizzical look, silently asking me what was wrong. I shook my head at him; I couldn't talk about these things now.
“You guys go ahead,” I said, settling down into the sandy and rocky shore. “I'm gonna rest here a bit.”
Edward gave me a worried look, but didn't say anything. “Come on, Cody. Let's go see if we can find any pine cones. I'm sure Caleb would like one.”
“Okay!”
I leaned back as I watched them leave, and something uncomfortable squeezed in my chest. I wanted this. I wanted to spend my days listening to Cody go on and on about animal facts. I wanted to go to the lake with Edward and gather pine cones and skip rocks. I never knew how much I really wanted to be loved until I met Edward.
No one will ever love you.
I had once believed those words to be true, especially when I felt the bite of the whip on my back or the cigar burning my flesh. My father tried to make me ugly so he could have his wish; that his son would be too scarred—too damaged to be loved by another man, and I had thought that maybe would be true. After my ex and I broke up I thought maybe the scars would be too much for anyone. Would they be too much for Edward? What would he say when he saw them? I couldn't bear the thought of Edward looking at me in disgust. I could feel my body pulling into itself, already anticipating the rejection that would come when Edward finally saw me fully naked.
Edward
Something had been bothering Caleb for the past four days. I could see it in his eyes, and he has slowly been pulling away from me. At the lake on Sunday he had sat on the shore lost in his thoughts. I didn't hear from him on Monday or Tuesday, and by Thursday I stopped trying to call him every thirty minutes. I wasn't going to give up on him, but I needed some advice.
I found Jayson and August in the kitchens of Greta's Bakery. It was half past seven and the bakery was closed, but Jayson said I could come over to talk. They were making some brownies for Billy's class for one of his classmate's birthday. Olivia was turning eight, and she and Billy were best friends. August, Jayson and Olivia's mother were throwing her a huge party at the bakery on Saturday.
Jayson looked up when I entered and smiled. “Hey, Edward. Want a brownie?”
“Thanks,” I said, reaching for the large square that August handed me.
“What brings ya here?”
“I wanted to talk to you about Caleb.”
Jayson and August gave me identical looks of confusion, and if I wasn't so upset it would have been comical. Jayson motioned for me to sit on the stool that was by the table.
I picked at my brownie. “He's pulling away from me, and I thought as his oldest friend you would be able to give me some advice.”
Jayson stroked a hand over his beard, and looked to his husband. “Caleb and I are just starting to get close again,” Jayson said when he looked back at me. “He's had a tough relationship with his father—something he needs to tell you about, not me. I think after Ashley died, and his father and my father attacked me something in Caleb completely shut down.” August put an arm around his husband's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. I could hear the sadness and worry for Caleb in Jayson's voice. “I think something inside of Caleb doesn't think he is worthy of happiness, and I think that's because of his father. I'm having lunch with him tomorrow. I'll find out what is happening, Edward, but you should talk to Caleb. He'll tell you what's going on.”
“How do you know?”
Jasyon smiled. “I've seen how he looks at you. He cares about you. He wants to share this stuff with you, he just doesn't know how.”
“Thanks,” I said, standing. “And thanks for the brownie.”
“I'll walk you out,” August offered.
I followed August back through the bakery. “You don't mind that he and Caleb are friends again?” I asked.
August looked over at me with his piercing blue eyes. “No. I know Caleb was Jayson's first love, but I trust Jayson. I know he loves me, and I know what we have is strong.” He opened the door to let me out. “You have to believe in Caleb, Edward. You have to believe what you have is strong.”
I thought over his words while I walked to my car. I did trust Caleb. But is whatever we had going on between us strong? I hoped so. I hoped it was something real.
Chapter Five
Caleb
Jayson had made a delicious lunch. He made a caprese salad, chicken and dumpling soup, and strawberry pie for desert. It was a very light lunch, but it was also the best food I had eaten in a while. August and Billy had joined us while we ate but had disappared as Jayson and I started the dishes.
I was still stuck in my head, and I knew I was pushing Edward away. Best to leave before you get hurt had been my philosphy since my last boyfriend and I broke up. It has been a year and a half since I was in a relationship, Since then whenever I picked up a guy I just fucked and left. It was easier that way. But I didn't want to do that with Edward; there was just something about him that made me want to stick around....if only I could get past the shit in my head.
“Why are ya being a shit to Edward?”
I dropped my grip on a plate and watched it slide back into the soapy sink. “I'm not being a shit.”
“He said ya haven't called him in a few days.”
“I'm just tryin' ta figure some stuff out.”
Jayson turned and leaned back against the sink. I could feel his eyes on me, burrowing into me until I looked up at him. “What stuff?”
“I'm tryin' ta figure out if I am worth it,” I replied, blushing.
Jayson clasped my shoulder and turned me so I was forced to look at him. My soapy hands were dripping on the floor, but Jayson ignored it, and so did I. I could feel tears burning in the back of my throat, and I swallowed down the lump. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself.
“Talk to me, Caleb. What's goin' on?”
I jerked his hands from my shoulders. I turned, giving Jayson my back. This was it—this would be the first time I showed someone my scars. I was fucking terrified. My breaths came out in hollow gasps as I lifted my shirt slowly revealing the criss crossing white lines that covered the entire length of my back. I heard Jayson suck in a breath. His fingers touched one of the scars, and it was just too much. The tears flowed, and there was no stopping them.
Jayson turned me so I was looking back at him. “Did yer father do this to ya?”
I nodded. I felt like if I opened my mouth I would scream.
“Oh, Caleb.”
Jayson's arms came around me and he held me tight, and it was the first time I have ever felt like I was truly loved. Not the same type of love that Jayson and I had felt for each other all those years ago, but a love that was familial—like he was my brother.
“This is what's holdin' ya back with Edward?”
I nodded again, holding Jayson to me. I was afraid that when he let go I would collaspe into a million little pieces in his kitchen. Jayson pulled back, and took my face in his hands.
“Yer worth it,” he said. His voice soft, but determined for me to hear and understand his words. “I always thought so, and I'll always think so. Edward will think the same.”
“How do ya know?”
Jayson shrugged and gave me a small smile. “I know you, and I know Edward. You have ta tell him the truth.”
I just nodded again and pulled Jayson in for another hug.
~ ~ ~
I trudged through the quiet house, wondering where Greta had gone off to now. That old woman had a more active social life than I have ever had. I pulled the covers down my bed and got in without even changing my clothe
s. It was only six-thirty, way to early to sleep, but I felt like I had been awake for days.
After I had left Jayson's I had tried to make myself call Edward, but I couldn't get my fingers to move over the screen to dial his number. After putting my phone back into my pocket I had taken a walk around the park, and had found Diego and Carter cuddling on a bench while their dog ran around the grass. I sat with them, and we had talked about everything and nothing. I knew they could tell that something was wrong with me, but neither pried for information. I found that I loved Diego's determined personality and Carter's quiet authority. They made an interesting, but cute couple, and it made me wonder if I could have something like that with Edward.
The shrill ringing of my phone pulled me from my musings, and I looked at the screen to see a number I didn't recognize flashing on my phone.
“Hello?”
“Caleb,” the deep voice said. It was a voice I would recognize anywhere—a voice I hadn't heard in years.
“Father?”
“Where are you, Caleb? You need to come home.”
Everything in me felt frozen. My blood felt like ice in my veins. I tried to calm my breathing, but there was nothing I could do. Every scar on my body seemed to tingle at the sound of his voice.
“How did you get this number?”
I had ditched the phone my father paid for the second I stepped foot out of Fairsburg. There was no way he could have gotten my new number.
“That is not important,” I could hear the disappointed tone in his voice. The anger seeping through the deep baritone. The same voice he would use right before the whip would connect with my back. “You need to come home. Your grandmother is dying.”
“I don't care.” Maybe that was rude, maybe I sounded heartless, but my grandmother never cared about me, and she cared about me even less when I came out. They all stopped caring about me when I came out. “I can't go back there.”
