“They're good although I know you know that. It’s not like you two don’t talk.” He shakes his head at me.
It’s true, Sarah and I FaceTime every day, maybe two or three times a day. I need my friend and she needs me, I still haven't told her what happened and I don't know if she knows. I haven't quite been able to approach the question with Jagger, but I know that I need to ask him. I don't want her to know, not just yet anyway
“Jag?” I question.
“Mia,” he replies with a smirk.
“Did you tell Sarah what happened in that basement?” There it’s out now.
He’s silent for a second. “Mia what happened to you in that basement is your story to tell. I would never tell Sarah something that you need to tell her. I am going to keep it a secret until you are ready to open up to her.” He reassures me but there’s also a grit to his tone.
“You think I should tell her?” I asked quietly, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.
He nods instantly. “Yes, I do think you should tell her but I don't think you should tell her until you're ready. I understand that has to be hard for you, I also think that by not telling her you're not allowing yourself to come to terms with what has happened. You're strong, there is no denying that. We're all in awe of your strength and resilience. But Mia sometimes you need to let it out and you haven't…”
“I have.” I cut him off, “I have come to terms with it.”
He shakes his head. “No Mia, you haven't come to terms with what he has done to you.” He says softly, “He violated you, he took something from you. Maybe talking to Sarah may help you deal with that, I don't know but I do believe you should talk to someone.”
“Okay,” I reply, unsure what to do. I love that he’s worried but I just don’t know if I have it in me to talk about it.
“Have you spoken to Hudson about it?”
I frown. “I told him everything,” I reply, although I didn’t tell him absolutely everything. Well mostly everything that happened.
“That's good, but Mia, did you tell him how you feel about it?”
I turn and face out the window just as the tears stream down my face. “I don't want to. I don't want to tell him that, for him to hear it.”
“Why? You’re his fiancé, soon to be wife, don’t you think you should be honest.”
“I love Hudson, he's so strong, and he always knows what to do. He would never let someone hurt him the way that Martin hurt me. I feel weak and I feel dirty but I could never tell him because I don't want him to look at me like I'm weak and dirty.” The tears cascade down my face, I’m unable to see as they come thick and fast.
“My god Mia,” he gasps sounding hurt, but I don’t turn to look at him. “Hudson loves you and I don't mean love as a generic term. I mean that man adores you, he worships the ground you walk on and he's not going to think you're weak and dirty he's going to think you're brave and amazing.”
Everything I fear just rushes out of me. “I have this sense of dread that if I tell him everything I feel, that he’ll change how he sees me. I don't think he'll treat me as the woman I am, but as a fragile person. I won't be treated like I'm broken.” I wipe the tears away, willing them to stop. “Can we please just stop talking about this?”
“Yeah, of course. But promise me you're thinking about talking to either Sarah or Hudson? I don't like keeping secrets from her, we've promised no more. She’s going to be really hurt that we both kept it from her but I'm willing to take that hit because you deserve to tell her in your own time.”
I nod, still unable to face him as the tears drench my face. “I understand and I respect you for not saying anything. Thank you, Jagger.”
“Anything you need, just ask. I mean that Mia, you just need to ask and if it’s in my power then I’ll do it. Let’s get you home.”
“Yeah, I’m tired.” It’s not a lie, I’m having a hard time sleeping, and I’m constantly fatigued. Anytime that Hudson leaves the house while I’m in bed, I wake up instantly and go into the sitting room. I can’t sleep alone. It’s stupid, I’m like a child.
“Close your eyes and rest, Mia, we’ve got a couple of minutes before you’re home. Sleep. You’re safe here,” he whispers as the music lowers.
I yawn. “Thank you,” I reply and close my eyes, I’m not holding out any hope but I’ll stay quiet.
“Hey sleepyhead.” That deep voice pulls me from my sleep, blinking, I see that it’s Hudson. Why is he here? Where am I?
“You were asleep, you’re home now. Come on, let’s get you inside,” he tells me as he lifts me out of the car, I wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his chest. My eyes close and I drift back to sleep.
Deep voices sound and I snuggle deeper into Hudson, wanting to block out the sound.
Stretching, I yawn. God, how long was I asleep? I don’t hear the voices anymore. Opening my eyes, the light from the en-suite shines into the room. Movement from beside me has me turning to see him.
“Hey you. Did you have a good sleep?” he asks, his laptop on the bed, he’s been working while I’ve slept.
“I did, what time is it?” I sit up and yawn.
“Almost dinner time. Are you hungry?” His voice is soft, almost as if he doesn't want to talk too loud while I'm still in a state of sleepiness.
My stomach growls on cue and I laugh. “I'm so hungry I didn't really eat much today. I’ve slept for so long. Have you been beside me all the time?” I question, feeling bad that he has.
“Of course, where would I go?” He answers as if it’s normal.
“Don't you have work to do? Or do you not need to go to the club? You haven't been there in a while.” I’m keeping him from doing his work, this is why I wouldn’t tell him what I’m feeling, he’s already sacrificing enough for me.
“Mia, relax okay. I don't need to go to the club. It’s what I have a manager for. He will call me if they need me, my main focus is on you at the moment. You can't sleep unless I'm with you or Jagger by the look of things.” He has a bite to his tone, is he angry? “So until we can get you sleeping again I am going to stay with you. You need to sleep, you haven't slept very much lately.”
I lean against him and he instantly puts his arm around me pulling me closer to him. “I trust Jagger, Hudson, that's why I was able to sleep. Nothing else.” I’m upset that he’s mad that I slept while I was in a car.
“I know, I’m just pissed that you spoke to him instead of me.”
I frown. “What?”
“Mia, you told him things today.”
I gasp. “He told you?” I pull away from him, wondering what exactly he told him.
“Yes, Mia, you’re not dirty and you’re not weak.” His tone hard, I never wanted him to find out.
I climb out of bed, his arms reaching for me but I rush for the door, needing to breathe, and needing water. I come to a stop when I walk into the living room, Jagger and Harrison are sitting down talking.
“Mia…” Hudson calls after me and both Harrison and Jagger turn to face me.
“Mia, are you okay?” Jagger asks getting to his feet.
I shake my head, disgusted that he’d tell Hudson. “I told you those things in confidence. You betrayed me.” I spit out, tears falling. “I never wanted Hudson to know that I was weak, that I’m pathetic but you couldn’t wait to tell him could you?” I scream. “I hate you.” I rush toward the front door, needing to get away. Unable to stand being in the house.
My bare feet hit the ground and I don’t stop, I rush around the back of the house knowing that I can’t leave, I’m angry not stupid. The tears keep falling, but I keep running, there’s a swing in the back, Hudson bought it for me last week, it’s somewhere I come to think. As soon as I sit, I sob. Everything I’ve felt in the past month comes flooding out.
Bringing my legs up, I let it all out.
“Mia.” The softness of his voice is unlike anything I’ve ever heard from him before. “Fuck, Princess, please don’t cry.”
I don’t turn to face him, it’s bad enough that he knows things I didn’t.
“Princess, talk to me,” he pleads, lifting me from the swing and into his arms.
“I didn’t want you to know.” I sob.
“Why?” He sounds so hurt.
“I didn’t want you to not love me anymore.” It sounds pathetic now that I’ve said it out loud.
“That’s impossible, you’re mine Mia, and that’s never going to change.”
“I can’t get clean, Hudson. I can’t wash him off me.”
A growling sound sends shivers down my spine. “You will, I swear to you, Baby, you will feel as though you’re clean. You already are.”
“I feel weak, that I allowed him to do it to me. That I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off.” I rest my head against his shoulder and sob. “Hudson, every time I close my eyes and you’re not with me, he’s there. He’s touching me, hurting me, violating me. It doesn’t stop.”
Wetness hits my shoulder and I know that I’m not the only one crying. “Oh fuck,” he gasps, “Baby.” He’s unable to make full sentences.
He holds me tight in his arms and waits for me until my tears finally stop.
“Okay, Princess,” he says once my tears finally dry up. “I’m going to say something and I want you to listen without interrupting.”
I nod, unable to speak.
“Good, firstly, I have never nor will I ever consider you weak. You are fucking strong, you’re amazing. Look at you, you have been through hell and you’re still standing. You’re a warrior.”
My tears begin to fall again, this time they’re happy tears.
“You’re not dirty, and would never be. You’ve been hurt in a way no woman should ever be. That’s going to take a while to heal from and I’m going to show you every day just how fucking amazing you are. There’s not going to be a day that goes by where you doubt my love, my commitment, my admiration for you.”
“God.” I breathe, he needs to stop.
“No, Princess, Hudson.” I smile at his words, “I’m going to worship you in the dark, replacing those memories you have of him.” I lift my head to look at him, those brown eyes of his so bright. He presses a kiss against my lips. “You’re beautiful Mia. You took my breath away the first night I saw you, I fell in love that night. My feelings for you have only grown stronger since then.”
“I love you. Words can’t describe just how much I do.”
“Made for me,” He growls against my lips. “Lets’ go inside. You need to eat.”
I tense as I get to my feet. “Mia, you’re going to have to talk to him.”
“No, I don't. Not yet. I wasn’t ready to talk and by him telling you, he made me. He took my choice away from me.” I know that I have to talk to him at some point, but not right now.
“Okay,” he says and I know that he wants to say more, he just doesn't want to push me.
He holds my hand as we walk back into the house, my heart galloping as we do. I know that Jagger’s still here, his trucks parked out front.
“Mia,” he says as soon as Hudson and I go into the sitting room. I look at him, he looks gutted. “I’m sorry, but Hudson needed to know.”
“Yes he did, but not by you. Never by you.”
His eyes widen, “Mia…”
“No, Jagger, I trusted you, I spoke to you in confidence and you broke that.”
He closes his eyes, a look of pain etched on his face. “I’m sorry, but he deserved to know, you need help, Mia.”
“You betrayed me. I told you that I didn’t want anyone to know, you went against what I wanted. You took my right to keep a secret. Why do men take things that don’t belong to them?” I don’t know who I’m talking to, I’m just musing out loud now.
“I’m sorry, Mia.”
I shrug. “It’s done now, there’s nothing I can do about it. Have you told Sarah?”
“No, I told you I wouldn’t.”
I nod. “Okay.” I turn to Hudson, “I’m going to go and have a shower.”
He kisses my head. “I’ll order us some dinner. I put the bag you got at the store in the bathroom. I didn’t put anything away, I’ll let you do that.” He laughs and I’m relieved, he didn’t look inside the bag.
“Thank you.” I place a kiss against his lips and leave the room, glad to be getting the reprieve.
I empty the bag from the store, hiding the box as I do so. Once I have that done, I switch on the shower, stripping out of my clothes.
I rinse the conditioner out of my hair and stand under the stream of water, loving the way the water pounds on my back. Hands slip around my waist and up my stomach toward my breasts. His lips on my neck, kissing, sucking, biting.
“Hudson,” I moan. “What are you doing?” I gasp.
“Worshiping you,” he tells me and I lean my head back against his chest, letting him do whatever he wants. His dick hard against my ass, as he kneads my breasts. “Every. Inch. Of. You.” He promises me and I want it, everything he’s promising, I want it all.
“Please,” I beg.
“Princess, patience is a virtue,” he whispers against my ear, sending shivers down my spine and goose bumps to break out across my skin. His lips graze the outer shell of my ear before his teeth bite my earlobe.
I reach behind me, wrapping my hand around his erect dick, it’s thick in my hand and I squeeze, loving the hiss he releases. When I begin to move my hand, he groans, “Fuck.” He spins me around, lifting me as he does. My legs wrap around his waist as my hands go to his hair. “Gorgeous,” he growls as he pushes into me. “Every inch of you, gorgeous.”
I whimper as he thrusts hard into me. “Hudson.”
“You’re perfect,” he tells me as he thrusts harder. “Made for me.”
My heart bursts with love, this man is beyond amazing and he’s all mine.
“Perfect...Clean...Gorgeous...Amazing.” Each word with each thrust. “Beautiful…” he growls and I know that he’s getting close, as am I.
“Love you.” I breathe, and he thrusts once more inside of me and I explode. “Hudson,” I cry out, gripping him tightly. He thrusts once more and cums, my name a groan on his lips.
Nineteen
Mia
Walking out of the bedroom, the aroma of Chinese food wafts through to me. My stomach growls, today hasn’t been a good day. I need to apologize to Hudson, Harrison, and Jagger. While Jagger shouldn’t have said anything to Hudson, he did and there was nothing that I can do about it, I’m actually grateful he did. Hudson and I are closer, I’ve been honest with him about everything.
As I enter the sitting room, I see Jagger and Harrison are still here. Both have a beer in their hands. Heat begins to rise in my cheeks, did they hear us in the shower?
“You okay, Mia?” Harrison asks, a worried look on his face.
I nod. “Yes, I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier.”
“Don’t apologize, if anyone needs to it’s this asshole here.” He nods his head toward Jagger and elbows him.
Jagger stands, he tentatively takes a step toward me and I smile, letting him know that it’s okay. His arms go around me and he pulls me toward him. “I fucked up,” he whispers, “I’m sorry Mia, I should have kept my big mouth shut.”
“Please don’t apologize, its okay. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. I acted like a child when I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Jagger.”
“How about forgetting about it?” Hudson’s voice calls out and I take a step back from Jagger to see him standing there with two plates in his hands.
“Boy, where’s my plate?” Harrison asks him.
I smile and take a seat on the empty sofa. “In the kitchen, old man. You know where it is, you’ve got legs that work, use them.” Hudson replies, walking over to me and handing me a plate, followed by a knife and fork.
“I see how it is, I’ve been demoted.” Harrison says tongue in cheek, since he and mom have been apart he’s happier, I like him this way, he and Hudson get along
better.
“You were never in the lead to be demoted. Go get your dinner.” Hudson tells him as he sits down beside me. “You okay?” he asks when the men leave the room.
“Yeah, I just wanted to apologize to them, I overreacted and I shouldn’t have shouted at him.”
“Princess, you had every right to react how you did. Jagger knows that if I had found out about that conversation and he hadn’t told me…”
“He would have kneecapped me.” Jagger laughs walking back into the sitting room.
“Too fucking right I would have, you would have kept your life though.” Hudson replies as if this conversation is normal.
Just as we all begin to eat the doorbell sounds my body tenses. Who’s at the door, we aren’t expecting anyone. Jagger places his plate down on the table and gets to his feet. “I’ll get it.”
Hudson and Harrison continue to eat but my eyes are glued to the door Jagger has just walked out of. Worry is eating away at me, what if it's Martin? What if he's here? Hudson squeezes my knee as if he's trying to reassure me that everything's going to be okay. I give him a weak smile one that he sees straight through he doesn't say anything. What can he say? Until Martin is gone I will be feeling like this every time the phone rings or the doorbell sounds.
The door closes and I sigh in relief, whoever it was, is gone. When Jagger walks back into the sitting room, my mouth opens in shock as I see who is with him...My mom.
“Well this is cozy, now isn’t it?” Her tone is full of anger and sarcasm. Hudson grips my knee tighter, she always goes too far. She never thinks before she speaks and every time she does she just come across mad and bitchy.
“Is there a reason you're here, Tina?” Harrison asks her, his voice deep and deadly I've never heard him speak to my mom like that before.
Dangerous Secrets (The Kingpin Book 2) Page 16
