CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THROUGH SHEER WILL AND THE bright idea of keeping the water on the cold side, I managed not to use the shower as a reason to avoid facing Parker for longer than necessary. I wasn't as anxious as when I'd first spotted him waiting for me, but whatever I'd told myself to calm down, I'd forgotten. If that rush of angst came back, I had no cure.
"So how have you been?" Parker asked as I sat across from him and reached for the coffee.
I hung my head. "Not amazingly well, but okay."
"That means you got the time alone you needed, right?"
I nodded, turning the coffee cup in my hand and not daring to drink it. That would have meant raising my head and potentially making eye contact.
"I get it. I would have preferred you told me before you stopped answering calls and texts, but I get it."
A flush of pure shame spread on my cheeks and down my throat and chest. "Sorry. I didn't set out to do that."
"Evan, look at me."
I did, in a heartbeat. No matter how I felt, I couldn't resist that warm, encouraging tone he used whenever he asked me to do something I didn't want to. But despite his voice, his face was tense, his lips almost colorless for how tight he'd pressed them. I stared at him, not sure what to say. Apologize? Explain myself? Question him about his recent choices regarding my brother? Confess my undying love?
"Will you tell me what's going on?"
I gripped the coffee cup tighter and parted my lips to better exhale. "I'm sorry, Parker. I just... I didn't know what to do or say after that last time we saw each other."
"Was it something I did?"
"No," I shouted and we both twitched at how loud I'd said it. "No, it was something I did."
Parker frowned but didn't push for more.
Of course, he wouldn't mention it, why would he focus on my going hard when his lips had touched my skin. But I couldn't erase that feeling from my head. How good it had felt for the brief second before I realized what was happening.
"Look, Parker, I know you felt it. How I reacted when..." I didn’t finish my sentence. No way was I giving myself a chance to focus on the memory of that sensation. Not when I knew what it would stir in me.
"It's a natural physical reaction, kid. It happens. I don't understand why it would cause you to stop talking to me."
I pushed the cup away, knowing I'd squeeze hard enough to spill it otherwise. "It's not just my body acting up. It's not a random fluke that I can ignore. And it's not me being totally selfless when I tell you Taylor's bad news for you."
Parker's frown deepened, and he put his own cup to his lips. He didn't drink, though. He just kept it there, staring into nothing as if he'd been frozen in time.
"Why are we still talking about Taylor as if we're getting back together?"
Of course, that's what he'd focus on. Not the implied confession of me being way more into him than I should have been. "Because I know you two. I've seen how Taylor is acting. And I've witnessed this entire dance before. It starts with you trying to be civil, talking to him more often. Then you spend time together as friends, then you're back together in no time. Do you want me to tell you exactly how many times that happened?"
Parker shook his head. "I know, okay. I know I've done that in the past. This is different."
"How? How is it different?"
Parker looked at me, his eyes watery. "It's just not there anymore. Even if I wanted to take him back, I can't. Something inside me broke the last time he cheated. By the time I filed for divorce, I knew we couldn't fix anything, and no amount of time spent separated would help."
"Did you tell Taylor?"
He nodded. "Plenty of times. He doesn't want to believe it, but deep down he knows."
"Okay, I'm honestly happy for you. But that's only half of my problem."
"The other half being the not-so-involuntary reaction you had?"
I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest just to give myself something to do. "Yeah, that."
"How long?"
I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips. "How long what?"
"How long have you been attracted to me?"
There he was, my straightforward Parker. He'd never been one to beat around the bush, he'd always faced his problems head on.
"Since the day I met you." The words were out before I'd made a conscious decision to tell him. I'd been suppressing it for so long, I'd just blurted it out the first chance I got.
Parker's eyes went wide, and he leaned over the table, getting closer to me. "What? That's... ten years. No, that can't be." He pushed himself back, the chair skidding on the kitchen floor. "I would have noticed. Someone would have noticed. Taylor, he..."
I knew exactly when complete understanding dawned on him. If he looked through the glass of this new revelation, a lot of Taylor's behavior took on a different meaning.
"I never wanted you to know. What purpose would that serve? You were dating my brother and then you married him."
"Taylor knew, didn't he?"
I sighed and tried to relax, look less defensive. "Everyone in my family figured it out, but Taylor was the first. He knew the moment he saw me interact with you."
Parker swore and stood, hitting the table hard enough to shake the coffee cups. "You must be fucking kidding me. I knew something had happened, the way he treated me changed too fast."
"He did change his mind about you, yes. He told me as much. But he didn't stay with you for so long just because his little brother was in love—" I closed my mouth so fast, my teeth clinked together.
Parker didn't show any sign of having caught that. He paced the room, eyes downcast, arms propped on his hips. Maybe he'd missed it entirely.
"Is that why you were my friend?"
I stared blankly at him, jaw slack. His question had sounded so ridiculous, my brain refused to work.
"Kid, you'd better answer that question."
I hated that threatening undertone. It made me feel like Parker didn't even know me. Something else flickered in the back of my mind: did he know me? I'd kept this huge secret from him for over ten years. Of course, he'd question my motives.
"No, Parker. I've been your friend for so long despite it. Or do you think it advanced my cause any to see you go through everything with Taylor and actually help you?"
"I don't know what to think, honestly. I thought I knew you and there you were, keeping this huge secret from me." Parker glared at me, his face twisted in anger.
“Maybe you didn’t want to know. You were the only one who couldn’t see it.” There I was, channeling the dumbass gene I shared with Taylor.
Parker took a step closer to me, fisting his hands and pressing them close to his body. He stood there for a long time, shooting angry looks at me, then left without another word.
I picked up the coffee cup he'd brought me and took a long sip. It was lukewarm, but I drank all of it slowly. I didn't think I'd ever get to share anything else with Parker for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I'D GIVEN IN AND TEXTED Parker two days after our first real fight. He didn't reply, and I wasn't surprised. That didn't deter me though. Whatever it took, I was going to fix this. I'd never had a true incentive to get over Parker, but if that's what it took to stay in his life, I was going to pull it off somehow. God knew what else I could try after all this time, but I sure as hell was going to do it.
I showed up at his father's repair shop the very next Thursday. I wasn't going to give Parker a chance to avoid me, so getting there just as his weekend was about to begin seemed like the best approach.
"Hey, kid, looking for Parker?" His dad gave me a side-hug, trying his best not to get my clothes dirty. The man owned the place, but no one could force him to stop fixing cars. It had been his life-long passion and he was amazing at restoring old models.
"What are you doing here?" Parker cut in before I had a chance to even say hello to his dad.
"Hey, cool it. Don't treat the kid like that."<
br />
Normally, I'd welcome the support. Today... well, it did more damage. Parker squinted as he stared at his dad. "You knew too?"
"Knew what?"
I hung my head and closed my eyes, wishing I could disappear.
"Am I really the only one who couldn't figure it out?"
Parker's broken voice sprung me into action. I grabbed his shoulders, turned him around, and walked him into his office. I sat him down in his chair and crouched in front of him. "I'm really sorry. I promise you couldn't have seen it as easily. I actually made an effort around you. I tried so hard not to let you see how I truly felt that I couldn't find enough energy to hide it from everyone else. That's why they knew."
Parker gave me a bitter smile. "That's total bullshit."
I shook my head. "No, it's not. I promise it's not. I've been so careful, Parker, I—"
He pulled me into a hug and I lost my balance, falling on top of him. He held me close, steadying me, and I relaxed into the embrace.
"I'm sorry, kid. It must have been tough dealing with it on your own."
I wanted to protest, I really did. But I had been dealing with it on my own for a long time. My family was no help. Taylor had been a dick about it since day one, Mom had waved it off as a minor incident, and Dad hadn't wanted to touch it with a ten-foot pole. In high school I'd been too ashamed to talk about it with my friends, feeling like a total creep for crushing on my brother's serious boyfriend. Later, in college, I'd focused exclusively on getting over him, but never had a healthy way of achieving that goal.
It hadn't been until much later when I'd met Drew that I'd finally had someone to talk to about this whole mess.
"It's fine. I learned to deal with it. And I never regretted it."
Parker sighed and held me tighter. "I think you were right, though. From a point on, I didn't want to realize it."
I pushed against him and he let go of me. "From what point exactly?"
Parker looked away. "When things started getting worse and worse with Taylor, I caught on little things. The way you sometimes looked at me when you thought I wasn't paying attention. Or how your tone shifted into something warmer when you talked to me." He shrugged and finally faced me. "The moment it started to sound like something I'd want, I told myself I was imagining it."
My heart either stopped or beat so fast, I couldn't tell it was working. This couldn't be real. Parker hadn't just said that me being in love with him had been something he wanted.
"Are you okay? You’ve gone scarily pale."
I shook myself and stood. My legs were too unsteady, so I leaned against Parker's desk. "I think so."
"Kid, a ghost would have more color than you." He came to stand in front of me and touched my face, his palm burning my skin. "You're really scaring me now."
I pressed into his touch and closed my eyes. "I'll be okay in a second."
There was a knock on his door and we moved away from each other. Just in time, as Parker's dad stuck his head inside through the cracked door. "Everyone's leaving. Make sure you lock up and set the alarm when you boys are done."
"Sure, Dad."
The man had been in and out. Less than a minute, yet it had been enough to break whatever was going on. I felt empty and cold, now that Parker was no longer touching me. I wanted to reach out and pull him back, but he'd moved away from me, putting more than physical distance between us.
"Want to grab a bite to eat?"
I didn't know what to say. A moment ago, I'd felt like a wall had materialized between us, now he was asking me to dinner. Forget the wall, you idiot! Parker, the man of my dreams, had asked me to dinner. I couldn't be bothered to worry about anything else.
"Yeah, that sounds great."
He frowned, looking at me with his usual intensity. "Maybe getting some food into you will take care of that paleness. It doesn't seem to be going away on its own."
"Sorry to worry you."
Parker smiled, the first real one I'd seen in a while, and the racing thoughts and tension I'd been feeling disappeared. "It's rare that you make me worry these days, kid. I think it's more often the other way around."
Sure, he'd been forced to take care of me in high school, but since I'd graduated and went on to college, I'd worry myself into a stupor over Parker and how he was faring. Taylor had never made it easy on him and they'd been in and out of fights for most of their relationship.
I'd always been the only one in my family to take Parker's side, no matter what. My parents knew full well what a "treasure" their elder son was, but they supported him unconditionally. In the long run, I thought that had done more damage to Taylor than anything else. No matter how badly he behaved, he still had people to rely on who told him he was fine just the way he was. But what's so good about a shallow man who cheats on those who love him?
Parker had his own family, of course, but he'd never go complaining about Taylor to them. They already disliked him to begin with and my brother hadn't even tried to redeem himself. Somehow, I'd been the only one willing to listen. Maybe it had been a circumstantial thing—with the numerous the family dinners and events my Mom forced us to attend, at least he got to see me. I had developed flawless techniques to steal him away and keep him to myself at family shindigs.
"I never once minded worrying about you," I said, following him out of the office. In that moment, it came to me, clearer than anything I'd ever known: I never wanted to stop worrying about Parker. I sure as hell never wanted to stop loving him. It wasn't a matter of being able to get over it. It was a matter of will. Or lack thereof.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
"OH, NO! I FORGOT ABOUT those," Parker said, looking at our incoming dessert orders as if they were monsters.
"I've never been so stuffed in my life!"
Parker turned to me, hopeful and relieved. "Does this mean we get them to go?"
I mock-frowned and huffed. "Amateur! There's always room for dessert."
We'd been at the restaurant for hours. Parker had picked one within walking distance from his office, a family-owned little place that served a mish-mash of foods. We'd started with beer and some snacks, thinking they’d be enough. The long and lively conversation must have made us both hungry and slightly insane, as we'd ordered too much food for our meal and dessert on top of it.
Parker sighed, looking dejectedly at the apple pie and vanilla ice cream monstrosity on his plate. It was big enough to call it a main course. "I guess we can wash it down with some sweet wine."
We'd switched to water after a couple bottles of beer each, so I was pretty sure we were safe from getting too drunk.
Parker chose the wine. It tasted incredible and worked with both desserts. I knew because we stole some from the other's plate. Stolen bites of food were always better than when you asked for permission.
"I give up!" I dropped my spoon next to the half-eaten chocolate cake jumbo slice and patted my belly. "My stomach can't take any more of this abuse."
Parker's features relaxed under a fresh wave of relief. "Oh, thank fuck! I feel bad wasting food, but I'll throw up if I don't stop."
"I know what you mean. But we gave it our best.”
I motioned to our waiter for the check, taking advantage of Parker's current state to pay for our dinner.
"I invited you." He pointed an admonishing finger at me. "That's not fair."
I grinned as I placed my credit card back into my wallet. "You'll get it next time." Whatever it took to make sure there'd be another dinner date after this one.
"Fine. Let's call a cab."
I groaned and shook my head slowly. No sudden moves when I was this full. "No way. I won't hold this down if you get me in a car."
Parker pleaded silently but I didn't budge. "Come on, I'll walk you home." I planned on going home on foot afterward, the extra movement would help me digest.
"You're killing me," he whined, but he followed me out of the restaurant.
We walked side by side in silence. It didn't feel uncomfo
rtable, yet it still set me on edge. Although we'd been talking all evening, I felt we had a lot to catch up on, make up for the time we hadn't spoken to each other.
I'd missed him, but it only hit me how much I'd longed to be around him now that I was spending time with him. I moved closer to him, hoping he wouldn't notice. We weren't touching, but it would only take a little stumble and we'd bump into each other. I caught a slight grin on Parker's lips and knew I'd been busted. My cheeks heated up, but I didn't move away. I wouldn't, not unless Parker showed some form of discomfort.
I walked him all the way up to his door and stopped, hands in my pocket. Looking at him like this and saying nothing was stupid, but I couldn't make my mouth work. And what would I say anyway?
"This was fun, Evan. I hope we get to do it again soon."
I smiled and tilted my head. "Just say when and I'll be there."
He licked his lips and leaned against his door. My eyes were glued to the way his mouth glistened in the soft light of his hallway. So enticing.
I moved slowly, giving him enough time to figure out my intention. He didn't make one move to dodge me, but he didn't come closer either. It was fine for now, I didn't mind taking the initiative at all. In fact, I preferred it. I pressed my body into him, my lips hovering over his. Parker turned his head slightly, not enough to kiss me, but enough to make it easier for me to do so.
I reached for him, running my hand through his soft hair, then resting it on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and sighed, his lips parting. That was when I snapped. I pressed my mouth to his and moaned at the intense feeling I was experiencing. I was kissing Parker! I was freaking kissing him, and he hadn't pushed me away. I moved my lips to part his, slowly licking my way inside. He opened up to me and I got my first taste of him.
Everything around me disappeared. The hallway, the door, the building and world outside faded to black. Parker, his soft, full lips and his tongue sliding along mine, that was the extent of my world right now. I dove deeper, hungry for more of him, and slid my leg between his, pressing against his crotch. He groaned and grabbed my shoulders, pushing his groin against my thigh. Gods in heaven, he was hard. All because of me.
Don't Call Me Kid Page 6
