The parson lifted his eyebrows, welcoming Blake to share more.
This stranger turned out to be exactly the person Blake wanted to talk to. He rambled on about his grandfather leaving, the years Blake idolized him and dreamed of doing the same, Ewell’s will, marrying Macie, the treasure hunt, the attacks on the ranch, the way Blake had stormed off, and what he’d learned about Tessie. He talked so long, in fact, that both men finished shaving and Reverend Knight, who had become just Julius as they chatted, suggested they go next door for a cool sarsaparilla.
“Granddad wasn’t who I thought he was,” Blake said glumly. He fiddled with his glass and admitted, “And maybe I’m not who I thought I was.”
“Ah, I see,” Julius nodded sagely. “You’re facing a crisis of identity. It’s a weighty thing indeed.”
Blake shrugged. “I suppose that’s what it is. And I figure I can work through it. But I feel so very bad for the way I treated my wife.”
“Are you a God-fearing man, Blake?” inquired Julius.
The younger man nodded.
“Good, good. That simplifies things.” Julius leaned forward as though imparting some vital secret. “We who are the children of God can give up the quest for identity. Once we accept the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior for the forgiveness of our sins, we take on the identity of Christ. No longer am I Julius Knight with all his dreams and mistakes. Now, I have Jesus’ perfection and God’s dreams for my life.”
Blake squirmed uncomfortably. It was fine for a preacher to find that exciting, but his heart yearned for travel and adventure. At least, it had used to.
Julius observed him, a twinkle lighting his eye. “I see that this is not an encouraging thought for you yet.”
“No, sir, to be frank, it isn’t,” Blake confessed.
“Consider this,” Julius went on, “how has your pursuit of your identity gone so far? Be honest, son.”
“I suppose it hasn’t gone too well. There are things I like fine about adventuring, but other parts are pure misery.” Blake felt better saying the words out loud to someone other than his horse. “Besides, I hurt my wife and family in the process.”
Julius nodded as the younger man talked, smiling gently, his fingertips tapping together. “I think that you are at a crossroads. Ahead of you is the path you always thought you wanted to take. But now, you realize it doesn’t offer what it seemed to promise. For the first time, your heart is open to considering other paths you might take. There are other adventures to be found which will allow you to repair your marriage and restore your relationship with your family.”
“Other adventures?” Blake screwed up his face scornfully.
“Oh, yes. Life is full of adventures. They don’t all involve pirates and treasure or distant pavilions, but they are every bit as thrilling. Having children is an adventure,” the parson continued when Blake continued to look confused. “Building a business of your own. Helping your neighbors stand up for what’s right together as a community. And marriage is one of the biggest adventures of them all.”
“You call those things adventures, but they’re just every day things. They take hard work and plenty of toil to make them happen.”
Julius speared Blake with a look over the top of his round spectacles. “You yourself admitted that your idea of adventuring was hard work and took plenty of toil. There’s no such thing as easy adventures, my boy. They are nine parts dull plodding to one part excitement. Well, so is life, don’t you think?”
They said their good-byes not much later and Blake headed back to the pub for supper, his mind twirling. He spent an agreeable evening with Tessie, helping to carry up some heavy crates from the cold cellar for her and doing odd jobs to make her load easier. When the diners were gone and it was just the overnight guests left in the back parlor, Blake listened to the friendly conversation around him. Three of the five had known Ewell and shared their kind memories of him.
Blake went to bed and slept deeply. When he awoke the next morning, he knew he was heading home. He bade Tessie farewell and promised to come back to visit one day. Then he began his long trek back to the ranch.
Over the next three days, he had plenty of time to think through Julius’ words. Blake found himself redefining the idea of an adventure and saw that, for his father and brothers, running the ranch was a great adventure. Could he find a new adventure closer to home? One that allowed him to stay with Macie and build a life together?
Most of his dreams for the future stayed muddied and vague, but Blake knew without a doubt that he wanted Macie to be a part of them. If she would take him back and forgive him for suggesting they annul the marriage, Blake vowed that he’d be the best husband she could ever have. He fretted that she’d been relieved to hear he wanted to split up, that she’d found someone else to marry while he was gone, or that she’d never get over his betrayal.
Finally, his heart turned to prayer. There wasn’t one single thing he could plan to do that he felt confident would come right. Blake had to admit that chasing his own dreams hadn’t done anything but caused misery. It was time to surrender himself to God’s dreams.
“Alright, Lord,” Blake prayed aloud as his horse plodded along, “what is it that you want me to do with my life? My way hasn’t worked out too well, as you likely know. I’m ready to do things your way for a change.”
He didn’t have an immediate answer, but Blake felt much more at peace as he finished his journey. He even found the stars spread above him that night to be awe-inspiring once again, his heart praising their Creator for a job well done.
***
As it happened, Blake found the easiest route home to go right through Elmswood. He was mighty eager to get home to Macie, but knew it would be wise to stop and get the mail. It wouldn’t be much of a peace offering, he admitted to himself. Still, it would be better than arriving home empty handed.
As Blake headed back to his horse, a handful of envelopes in hand, he heard the whistle of the train pulling out of the station. Station was a bit of a stretch, Blake chuckled to himself. Austin’s train station was a full building with more than one set of tracks. Elmswood could boast no more than a platform, an enclosed ticket booth, and a lone set of tracks leading off to bigger and grander things.
Was that Iver Kennedy waving someone off? Blake’s attention was grabbed by the tall man on the platform. Yes, he was pretty sure that was the town’s lawyer. Who would he be waving off? Had he had company of some sort? Was his family going off to visit relatives?
Normally, Blake would have no qualms about greeting the man with a friendly wave. Their last meetings had been so odd, though, that he didn’t feel that such a thing would be as welcome as it once had been. He was, therefore, rather surprised when Iver turned, caught sight of him, and hurried over.
“I’m glad you’re back in town,” the lawyer said briskly. He craned his neck around, looking every which way, before grabbing Blake’s arm and pulling him between two buildings. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“All right, then,” the young man said slowly, not sure what to think of this.
Mr. Kennedy sighed wearily before beginning, “I’m ashamed to tell you, Blake, but I’ve been giving Lucien Durning information about your comings and goings. From what I hear, he’s been planning mischief at your family’s ranch when you’re away.”
“Why would you do that?” Blake spluttered.
“There’s no excuse for my behavior,” Iver said, his hands up defensively. “Though, I think it’s fair to say that Lucien threatened to hurt my wife if I didn’t do what he said. I know enough about what’s been going on since he came to town and I took his words to heart. I just put her on the train to stay with her sister in Houston until this blows over. She’ll be out of harm’s way there and I can stop bending to his whims.”
Blake took off his hat and ran a hand distractedly through his hair, mulling over this new information. He couldn’t hold it against Iver for not standing firm against Luci
en. Besides, all he’d done was tell Durning about Blake’s absences from the ranch.
“How did he know I was going to be gone?” he wondered aloud.
“He noticed that you and your wife were coming to see me. I think he has his spies watching everyone, reporting on anything unusual that he can use to get what he wants. Anyhow, Lucien figured that with you out of the way, an attack would pack more of a punch,” Iver explained.
“Well, he wasn’t too successful, then,” Blake realized with relief. “The fire his men started was put out easily and the fences he cut have been repaired. Besides, the fences were cut while I was home.”
The young man’s heart began pounding as the lawyer shook his head gravely.
“There’s been another attack on the ranch and your father was hurt badly.” Iver put a bracing hand on Blake’s shoulder. “From what I hear, the doctor says he’ll mend in time. Unfortunately, Lucien’s men attacked your father and brothers when they were on the road home from town then went on to harass your womenfolk, too.”
Alarm slammed through Blake. Pa was hurt? The women were harassed? Suddenly, he had to see Macie.
“I can’t help but feel that I need to shoulder some of the blame,” Iver confessed. “If I hadn’t told Lucien when you were gone, you would have been there to help.”
Blake shook his head, desperate to get going. “It’s not your fault. He forced your hand. No hard feelings, Mr. Kennedy. I’ve got to get home right now.”
The lawyer stepped back, looking relieved, as Blake mounted his horse and thundered off down the road to the ranch.
Chapter 29
Only the fear of pushing his horse too hard and causing him to stumble kept Blake from galloping all the way home. He knew his father had seen a doctor and was in no immediate danger. Still, the young man felt compelled to get back to the ranch as soon as he was able.
It was almost supper time when Blake drew his horse to a stop and slid from the saddle, promising the faithful mount to return just as soon as he had some answers to the questions pounding in his head. He crossed the yard to his cabin with long strides. Once on the front stoop, he allowed himself only one deep breath before opening the door and entering.
Macie looked up from the stove. Her eyes widened, taken completely by surprise at her husband’s sudden return. Blake couldn’t have begun to guess what she was thinking even if he hadn’t been too busy drinking in the sight of her. There were no marks on her face, so she hadn’t been roughed up by Lucien Durning’s men. Blake prayed that this meant they hadn’t laid a hand on her.
“You’re home,” was all she managed to say.
Blake whipped off his hat and took a step closer. “I came through town and Iver Kennedy told me about the attack here. Are you all right? Did they hurt you?”
Macie’s eyes softened a bit and she shook her head. “They gave us a fright, which was their intent, I believe, but they didn’t lay a finger on any of us women.”
“Is Pa hurt badly?” Blake couldn’t keep from asking.
His wife looked down as though afraid her eyes would reveal too much if he was allowed to look into them.
“It’ll be some time before he’s back on his feet,” Macie said carefully. “He sleeps a great deal of the time. The doctor said that can be a good sign.”
“I need to see him,” Blake insisted.
Macie only nodded. “I’ll take you to him.”
Blake followed her out of the cabin, through the yard, and over to his parents’ sprawling house numbly. Later, he couldn’t remember getting to his father’s room. All he saw was the big man he’d looked up to lying under a quilt, his head bandaged and his face pale. Len Bradfield was a man of few words, but Blake couldn’t recall a time when he’d seen his father stay still for such a long time.
A wave of guilt swept over Blake and he turned and hurried from the room, no longer able to bear watching his father in such a state.
Once outside, Blake slumped on the front porch steps and dropped his face in his hands. Oh, how foolish he’d been!
***
Macie followed her husband outside and then stood just beyond the door, watching him sob. She was filled with a riot of emotions and couldn’t decide what would be the best course of action.
On the one hand, it did her heart good to see Blake so upset about his father. She’d been genuinely concerned that his desire to leave the ranch might mean that he wasn’t especially attached to the people there. When they’d been in Len’s sick room, she’d watched Blake’s face and seen the depth of love he had for the man.
She was also still amazed that he’d come home at all. When he’d left, Macie had speculated that she might not see Blake for the better part of a month. Now he was back in less than half that time. What had brought him back so soon? She wondered how the treasure hunt had ended. What had Ewell had to say to his grandson in his letters?
As much as she’d longed for a home and family, Macie had begun to brace herself for being on her own once Blake returned. Did this mean that he’d want to annul their marriage right away? There were so many unknowns ahead and Macie had hoped for a few more days here on the ranch with the people she’d come to love. She found she was glad to see him and disappointed at the same time, too.
Yet here sat Blake, clearly in pain. She wasn’t sure what would come, but Macie couldn’t ignore this. Hoping she wasn’t out of line, she crept forward and sat down next to him, slipping her hand into his. Immediately, Blake gripped her hand as though he’d just been waiting for it all along, needing the comfort.
Her heart galloped as she waited for Blake to be able to speak again. His hand was rough and calloused in hers. It was warm and dry, too. Macie hadn’t done much hand holding with young men over the years and so didn’t know how she would like it. Maybe it was just because it was Blake’s hand, but Macie found that she rather enjoyed the experience.
“I’ve been a real fool,” Blake began abruptly as he mopped at his face, his handkerchief in his free hand. “I thought that Granddad was off doing all sorts of brave things. Do you know what I learned in Austin?”
Macie shook her head silently.
“He spent his winters with his niece. Every single year that he was away from home here, he was wintering not three days’ journey away. No wonder Pa was so angry! We could have used his help here on the ranch, but he was hunkered up elsewhere,” he stormed.
It was a surprising bit of information. From what Blake had said, Macie had thought his grandfather was a great explorer. She supposed it would be quite a blow to have that illusion shattered.
“I let myself believe that everything would be better if I could just get off on my own. Well, I finally did that and nothing was better. My family was left exposed because I was gone. I left you to fend for yourself against dangerous men. And to top it all,” Blake kicked at the ground before repeating, “to top it all, adventuring wasn’t at all the way I imagined.”
Macie gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. She forced her face to stay calm as he spoke, though her heart prayed fervently that this meant Blake would be willing to stay put.
He looked up sheepishly and said, “I was unkind to you when you suggested I stay home for a piece. You were only looking out for my best interest. I’m sorry I told you I wanted to annul our marriage.”
“But it is possible that it could be annulled,” Macie asked quietly. She needed to hear the truth from him.
Nodding regretfully, Blake said, “Yes. I told Iver Kennedy that I wanted to make sure it could be annulled, so he helped me get the license done in the right time.”
It hurt to hear. Macie remembered quite clearly that she’d written to Blake long ago and said she didn’t want to even consider the possibility of annulment. He’d agreed, she was sure of that, then gone off and done it anyway.
“I’m not going to take off again,” Blake went on as though he needed to say something to win her back. “I promise that I’ll never leave without discussing it with you
first. And I don’t intend to take off adventuring anymore either. I just hope that you can forgive me one day.”
The Scars of a Pure Heart Page 21
