I turn around and see he’s still straddled on his bike, Harry and Denny have turned to face me. He leans into them both and says something and they walk back into the pit, Harry shaking his head and Denny grinning to himself.
“What?” I stay still, no way I'm going to him.
He takes his helmet off and brushes his hands through his hair, what is he doing to me? Sat there, straddling his bike in his leathers holding his helmet - his hair all spikey and all over the place with sweating. He looks adorable, dangerous, hot and sweet all at the same time. How is that possible? I feel like I need to cross my legs to somehow ease the want that I feel for him, looking at him like this.
“Come here, I wanna say something.”
I don't move.
“Please?”
Wow, he never says please. I sigh and make my way over to him. I look up and wait for him to speak - when he does it floors me.
“Why is it that when I'm supposed to be thinking about nothing but beating my best time, I’m thinking about you? Thinking about what an arsehole I was to you earlier.”
“I don't know - guilty conscience?”
He gives a sad laugh. “Yeah something like that. I know it’s none of my business who you do or don't date - but for some reason, I fucking hate that its none of my business.”
His hand in his leather glove reaches up behind my neck and he pulls me into him.
“Jack,” I whisper, “Everyone can see us, what are you doing?”
“I'm sorry.” He rasps, it sounds like it pains him to say it, I just stare at him.
“I'm sorry I was an arsehole. You didn't deserve those comments, I just let my mouth run away with me.”
He seems so sincere and I don't think he’s apologised to anyone ever.
“OK. I accept your apology.”
“Does that mean ‘I still hate your guts, but I’ll be civil ‘accept your apology, or ‘I really do forgive you and we're friends again’ accept your apology?”
I laugh “The second one I think.”
He smiles and looks relieved. “Can I come over to your place tonight?”
“Elijah will be there.”
He rolls his eyes. “I know, I thought I could come over and see the little guy. I’ve got some merch he can have.”
“OK, I guess you can come over.”
He looks relieved “Cool - what time is good?”
“We eat at five, do you want dinner with us?”
“I’d love that.” He says softly.
“OK, then we’ll see you at five.”
*****
I know I shouldn't be excited that Jack is coming over but I am. He makes me feel different. Like I was living my life through some steamed-up glasses and someone has wiped them clear for me, well, Jack did. Even if it's just for a limited time that he’s in my life, he’s made me realise that I'm just surviving like this. I don't want to work for dad. As happy as I am that I ended up at the racetrack, that was just luck. He could have sent me to any of his enterprises. Do I want my controlling dad to be in charge of me for the rest of my life? No, I don't. Teaching is what I’ve always wanted to do - maybe I should do something about it. I have so much money from the trust fund. I’ve already put some away for Eli, more than enough to see him through Uni debt free and set him up afterwards. Maybe I should bite the bullet and dive into it. I mean, if I'm happy then that filters down to Eli. I always wanted to be a teacher. I aced my school exams and A-levels, I was only twelve months off finishing my degree where I could teach. Maybe I could volunteer in Eli's school - get some experience - and go back to college part-time to get the rest of my teaching degree?
I feel a little lighter in my step as I make my way into the house with Elijah, knowing that I'm going to look into it. Take the next step for me and my son.
Nothing special planned for dinner I set about doing the chicken pasta bake that’s one of Eli’s favourites. I hope Jack likes basic simple food, that’s all I do. Eli watches some TV with some snacks once he’s got changed while I prep tea - once in the oven I ask him if he wants to make some apple pie with me. Stupid question - he loves to bake, loves to leave me with a mess to clean up. But I figure that Jack will like some dessert if he comes over. I have some baking apples that I’d planned to bake with anyway, so I chop them and bake them off and get set doing the pastry with Eli. I keep quiet about Jack coming for tea - just in case he doesn't show. I wouldn't want him to get all excited then him be a no show.
We put it in the oven with the pasta bake - I check the time, quarter to five - shit, he'll be here in a little while, I look down at myself, still in my work clothes, covered in flour - I look a mess.
“Eli, I'm just going upstairs to get changed OK I'm full of flour, don't go near the oven sweetie until I come back down.”
“I know mum, I promise.” I can't see him, but I know he’s rolling his eyes - way too much attitude for a four-year-old.
I run into my bedroom, strip off and then jump in the shower. The quickest shower of my life. I wash, rinse, and jump out. I just get dried when I hear a knock at the door.
Bugger - he’s five minutes early - when is Jack ever five minutes early!
“Mummy, there’s someone at the door.” Eli shouts up.
“Coming sweetie.”
I trot downstairs in just my towel - this does not look good - but he’s seen me naked already anyway.
I open the door out of breath. “Jack . . . you're early.”
He looks up from his phone and his eyes widen when he sees me.”
“Yeah and if this is the welcome I get when I'm early I should try it more often.”
I roll my eyes when Eli comes running up behind me. He sees its Jack at the door. “Jack, Jack! Have you come to visit us?”
Jack crouches down. “Hey, little man. I have. Your mummy said I could have dinner with you guys.”
Eli jumps up and down. “Yey, you're staying for dinner! Me and mummy have just made apple pie.”
Jack looks up at me from his crouched down position. “Aw, you been baking me pie?”
I shake my head and smile. “Not me - Eli. The food will be pretty much ready - let me go and get dressed, I just needed a quick shower I was full of flour.”
“No need to get changed on my account.” He winks at me as he stands up - my belly flips. Damn you body for your betrayal.
“I’ll be back. Eli, you'll look after Jack, won't you? Take him in the living room.”
I run through to my bedroom and quickly throw on some black yoga pants and a black vest top, I run a brush through my hair and leave it down - no makeup - I don't want it to look as though I’ve made an effort.
I go back into the living room and my breath catches at the scene. Jack has taken his trainers off and he’s sat on the floor playing with Eli and all his Pokémon figures. He has Eli enthralled, he clearly thinks the sun rises and sets with him. He’s good with him though. He doesn't talk to him like a little kid, he talks to him like his buddy. I like it. It hurts to see them playing together but in a good way. Is that possible? It’s a bittersweet feeling. It would be nice for Elijah to have a permanent man in his life - besides my dad. I know that Jack wouldn't be permanent - but maybe his dad could be . . . we’ll see.
“You want a drink?” I ask Jack
He looks up and smiles “Thanks Danish, yeah please, anything will do.”
“You want a beer?”
He nods “I can have one - why not?”
Thank goodness for that because I'm going to have a gin and I didn't want it to look bad that I was drinking on my own. I need a gin to settle me down. Normally I save having a drink or two until the weekend for a treat - but I’ll make an exception tonight.
I go into the kitchen and do our drinks and hear them both chatting away. It's so sweet. I know Elijah will be starving about now, so I start to plate up the pasta - we have a little dining table in the kitchen, so I set it for the three of us. It feels strange setting it for three . . . nice str
ange.
I shout them through to dinner and we sit down.
“This looks gorgeous Danish, I'm starving.”
Eli looks puzzled “Why do you keep calling her Danish? Her name is Robyn you know - her real name when she’s not mummy.”
Jack laughs “I know, but when I first saw your mummy she was buying a cake called a Danish and now every time I see one of those cakes I just think of your mum, so it pops out of my mouth to call her Danish.”
Eli nods looking satisfied with his answer. “So I should call you motorbike because when I see you I think of motorbikes?”
Jack nods his head. “If that’s what you want to call me, I will answer to it.”
“Cool!” Eli tucks into his food - he’s such a good eater - got a feeling my food bill is gonna be quite big in a few years.
Its comfortable while we eat - we laugh and chat. There’s nothing like a young child to keep the conversation flowing, and honest conversation at that.
I bring out the apple pie - which has turned out amazing for a first attempt - I hope it tastes as good as it looks. Jacks eyes widen and he rubs his stomach. “You know I have to stay fit for the track right?”
I laugh “What about all the beer?”
He waves his hand, “I don't drink as much as you think I do.”
I shrug “It's fine if you don't want any - more for Eli and me. isn't that right kiddo?”
Eli looks upset. “You don't want any of my pie?”
Jack realises that he’s on the verge of upsetting Eli, especially when I know he was only messing around anyway - he totally wanted my pie. “Of course, little dude - I'm just messing with your mum - there is no way I'm turning down this pie.”
I heat the custard and dish it out. It is yum. Wow, do I look like a domestic goddess or what? He doesn't need to know it's my first time making it.
Jack tastes it, “Oh my god Eli - this is the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted in the world.”
Eli's eyes widen “Really?”
He nods earnestly, “Oh yeah, it can win competitions.”
Eli beams “Mummy says I'm the best cook ever.”
Jack glances at me, his gaze soft. “Mummy is right.”
After we've finished, we go into the living room. I know there’s something Jack wants to talk to me about but it's not like he can talk to me in front of Eli. Eli's bedtime soon comes around. “Mummy, can Jack read my story tonight?”
I look at Jack, unsure he’ll want to do it.
“I would love to read your story - as long as it’s a good one - what are we reading?”
“I think we're on Superworm tonight,” I say to Jack, with a smirk on my face. We have all the Julia Donaldson books - Eli is obsessed with them so we take turns - I wasn't making it up - it really is Superworm’s turn.
“Really? Well come on - Superworm it is.”
We all go upstairs, there is a bathroom and Eli’s bedroom on the first floor in a converted roof space. It's cute, not too big. I decided to give him this room and not the downstairs one because then when I put him to bed, he can't hear me watching TV. He’s not disturbed up there. Even though he’s four I do have a baby monitor still in my bedroom so that I can hear him upstairs in the night.
“Wow, Eli - this bedroom is seriously cool.” It really is - it has windows on one side looking over a field with a lake in the distance. It is painted in all creams, so I decorated as best I could with his football team colours and duvet set - it's cool - for a four-year-old boy . . . and obviously Jack.”
“You like it? You want to come for a sleepover one night?”
Jack laughs “We’ll see. It's cool though.”
I take Eli in the bathroom, he gets into his pyjamas, brushes his teeth and has a wash. When I go back in, I get him into bed and get Jack the book.
“Night night, love you all the worlds sweetie.”
“Love you all the worlds, mummy.”
I give him a kiss and a hug and smile at Jack as I make my way downstairs. There is no doubt in my mind where I'm going - I'm going into my bedroom to listen to the monitor that Jack doesn't even know is there.
I sit on my bed and listen. It wasn't a good idea - to hear something I’ve never heard before - my Elijah being read to by a man. And Jack is funny, he does all the funny voices and has Eli in stitches - looks like I have quite the competition, I'm gonna have to up my game tomorrow.
He’s so sweet saying good night to him - I hear Eli say ‘love you all the worlds’, which is what we say to each other every night and bless Jack, he says it back. I think it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. It's like taking a glimpse of what a perfect life could be like and then coming back to reality.
I make my way out of the bedroom with the monitor just as Jack is coming downstairs. I don't say anything as his eyes make contact with mine. He strides towards me and comes and stands an inch away from me.
“Who was the guy Robyn?”
I look up at him but don't say a word. I forgot. All the time he was here I forgot that he thought that I went on a date with someone else, it must have been on his mind. He said it wasn't any of his business, but he obviously thinks that it is.
“Are you seeing him again?”
Well technically yes, but not like he thinks.
I can feel his body close to mine, making mine hum with need. I want him to touch me so much.
“It was Eli’s dad. He got in touch with mum and dad while we were in Spain. He wants contact with Eli.”
His eyes darken. “I hope you told him to fuck off.”
I love that he’s affronted for me. “How can I do that? It's his dad. As much as I hate it, there’s nothing I can do.”
“So you're telling me he’s allowed to be a total prick for four years and can suddenly decide to change his mind and want to be dad of the year?”
I shrug, “Unfortunately as he’s on the birth certificate he has rights. Please can we not talk about this? I'm stressed out about it as it is. Dad is looking into him, just to check he has no skeletons in his closet, and he wants me to meet his fiancé soon. I’ve told him that if we get to know each other then I’ll introduce them gradually. He wants me to see his home - says he’s grown up and never stopped thinking about his son blah blah blah. I just could cry at the thought of someone else watching him, him staying with someone else, not me, you know? It’s been just me and him forever, he’s my baby.” I can feel myself getting upset, I don't want to in front of Jack.
“Hey,” His voice is soft. “come here. It's OK. It'll be OK, you don't have to do anything before you’re ready, you're his mum. Besides, you're not telling me your dad doesn't have a shit-hot lawyer. I'm sure he does. It'll work out I'm sure.”
“I don't want Eli in a legal battle.”
I feel him sigh, it feels so comforting having his arms wrapped around me. His words soothing my frazzled nerves. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. But if all is OK and he is a decent guy and wants to know him then you'll deal, yeah? It can be sorted.”
I sniff into his t-shirt. “Sorry. You don't need all this.”
“Hey, I don't like seeing you upset. Give me it all, let me take some of the shit off your mind,”
How can he go from being a total arsehole to this guy? My mind is baffled.
I push away from him gently and look up. He looks down at me and smiles softly, brushing my hair away from my forehead and behind my ear.
I look at his mouth. His lips so kissable - I just want him to lean in and kiss me.
“You get that you're giving me total ‘fuck me’ looks right now, yeah?”
My eyes widen, horrified that my emotions are written all over my face.
“I'm totally fine with fucking you, but you gotta make the first move.”
Jolts through to my core immediately fire up, knowing that I could have him again - even though we said that it would end in Spain.
I stand up on my tiptoes and put my hand on the back of his neck, putti
ng light pressure to let him know that I want him to lower his head. His eyes go hooded as he looks at my mouth. I lick my lips, then lean forward and then press my mouth onto is. I move away and then kiss his mouth again, for longer this time - willing him to respond and his mouth to open. He responds to my silent plea - I feel his tongue enter my mouth and I moan. His arms come around me and run up my vest top at the back.
He breaks off but stays at my mouth as he mutters “Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look in this outfit? That arse of yours, in these pants - I want to bend you over right now and fuck you, for making me suffer all night.”
He is crazy, they're my slob clothes - all us girls have them, our dossing around the house outfit - certainly not glamorous, sophisticated, or sexy - just plain and ordinary.
“So bend me over and fuck me then.”
His look goes intense as he growls and pushes me back onto the couch. He reaches for my hand and sees I have the monitor. “What’s that?” his voice sounds gravelly.
I smirk “Oh this? This is a baby monitor.”
He looks confused.
“You see I might not have a baby anymore, but Eli is on a different floor to me and when I moved in I was scared that I wouldn't be able to hear him call me if he needed me. So I got this. Your Superworm story was told in the most delightful way.” I try not to laugh.
“You heard my story?”
I laugh now full-on. “I did. It was sweet.”
“Hmmm, now I'm going to have to bend you over and fuck you while I smack your arse - see if you like making fun of me then.”
Oh shit, why do I like the thought of that so much?
He must tell from my expression. “Oh, like the thought of that, do you?”
He reaches down for the bottom of my vest and takes it off in a swoop and then moves to push me down on the couch.
“Not here . . . Eli. Come into the bedroom.” My breathing is rapid.
I hold out my hand and he smirks taking it, fitting mine into his perfectly as I lead him to my bedroom, he follows me inside and I shut the door.
Rider Forbidden: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Badger's Mount Book 1) Page 14
