“Blimey, you have a lot of self-worth, don't you? I think you'd be surprised. So, son,” He spits the word son out as though it’s a dirty word. “you will end it now or I pull my investment, and you know what that means, don't you?”
“Pull it then, I don't care.” My stomach has just tied in knots. I do care. Racing is my life, he pulls the investment now I'm fucked.
“Oh, you don't care? So, Harry your manager and everyone else that works for you, that have been working towards this for months, you'd be happy for them to be out of a job, would you? And let's not pretend that Robyn is more important than your racing. You eat and breathe the sport, that’s why I invested in you in the first place - your commitment. So you end it with her. And you do it tonight. You don't, then tomorrow I pull the investment. I get an inkling that you haven't done as I asked, or told her that I’ve been here, then we will have problems. Do we understand each other?”
I look down at my feet. Fuck. I fucking hate this guy! Shit, this isn't just about me, it’s about everyone on my team. All the hard work they've put in, I can't do this to them. I close my eyes and shake my head. “Fine.”
“Sorry?” he asks
I look up at him, so angry I want to punch him right in his stupid face. My hands form fists at my side, I need to control this. “I said fine, OK? I’ll end it. Now leave . . . please.” I know when I'm beaten and shit, I hate to lose, but this guy has me over a barrel.
He stands up to leave.
I spit out “You don't know her at all. You don't deserve to have her or Eli back in your life.”
“And you do deserve to have them in your life? Don't make me laugh.”
He walks out and I slam the door behind him. I feel sick to my stomach at what I’ve just agreed to. How can I end it with her? I'm falling for her for fuck’s sake. I never thought I’d fall for anyone, but here I am. Excited when I get to see her, loving spending time with her and her little guy. Shit. I promised her that I wouldn't let her down, that if she gave me a chance that I’d be worth it.
Am I worthless like he thinks? Because truth is, as much as I know everyone is relying on me, I also know I want to race, I’ve worked for it all year. Am I a selfish twat that doesn't deserve her? Probably.
*****
I avoid her all day at work, I throw myself into work, the race, research on the other competition, obviously that’s more important to me than anything . . . than her . . . right? So might as well do it properly. It's not unusual that we don't see each other much in the day, but lately, since we've agreed to give us a go, I’ve always made a point of going to her - chatting, getting her a coffee - but not today, she probably wonders if there’s something wrong.
I walk up her path - its nine pm, I know Eli will be in bed by now, I text her to say I was coming round so she’s expecting me. I can't believe I'm going to do this. I hate that that arsehole has pinned me into a corner - I'm powerless. God, does she know what her dad is capable of? But I guess she does, now I get why she moved away when she found out she was pregnant. It's the best thing she ever could have done. Maybe she thinks that he’s mellowed now - she couldn't be more wrong.
She opens the door when I get there. Christ, she takes my breath away. Can’t she look rough? Just for once, why does she always have to look gorgeous? Sexy without even trying. My stomach lunges down to my feet. I have to go through with this, I have to.
I give her a small smile. “Hey.”
She smiles at me big and steps back so I can come in. Then when she’s shut the front door she walks over to me and puts her arms around my waist, leaning into me as she looks up. “I missed you today.”
I look down at her. I don't know who this is gonna hurt most, me or her.
Right Jack, come on, time to be a bastard. I have to switch it on. Never normally a problem for me, but since I’ve been with her, she’s changing me. She’s making me be a better person just by being around her.
I close my eyes and reach for her hands around my waist and pull them away. I step back, creating some room between us. “Robyn, we need to talk.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don't think this is a good idea, me and you. I know I wanted it, but I'm sorry, I think my head was just fucked up. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't be getting mixed up with you.”
She gives a shaky laugh. “What are you talking about?”
“I shouldn't have said that I wanted to start something with you - I'm sorry.”
She frowns. “What? Why? What’s brought this on Jack? Are you OK?”
“No . . . no, I'm not. I can't stay faithful to one woman. I want this to end . . . now.”
“But . . . all the things you've said, the way you've acted, this doesn't make any sense.”
I have to be a bastard. “Look, at least I’ve come and said it to your face. I don't want to just fuck one woman and I don't want to take on someone else's kid.”
She rears back as though I’ve just hit her “What?” she whispers, “How can you be saying this?”
I shrug but don't say anything. This hurts, so much. I went too far bringing Eli into it, but at least she’ll want shut of me now, there’s no going back from saying that - even though it's not true. A couple of months ago I would never have believed that I would feel this way about her . . . about Eli.
“You bastard. You . . . all the things you said. You just wanted to get laid, right?”
“Whatever I thought I was feeling, I wasn't. It's better I'm honest with you now, than down the road. I’ve got to go.”
I walk towards the door, as I'm leaving I turn around and look at her. She looks lost . . . bewildered. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.”
“Get out,” Her words are cold, nothing more than I deserve. I leave.
I need the pub now.
I walk into the pub and straight to the bar. Denny is in, as usual, Christ how much time does this guy spend in here? I order two double whiskeys, knock them straight back and then order a pint. I go and sit with Denny.
“What the hell is up with you?”
I shake my head, “Nothing, just fancied a drink.”
He doesn't look convinced but doesn't say anything. I feel numb. I think of her at home now, wondering what the hell just happened. I need a lot more fucking whisky.
Chapter 21
Robyn
I walk in work the next day like a zombie. I’ve had no sleep and I'm still totally shocked at what happened. I mean, what the hell? Everything was going fine and suddenly he gets scared and ends it, just . . . like that.
I bump into Sophie, I hadn't even seen her. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asks me when she sees my face.
I shake my head and tears start to run down my face. “Sophie, I can't . . . I just can't believe it.”
“What? Is Elijah OK?”
I nod, “Yes he’s fine, it's just . . .”
I can't get any words out after that, I break down. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. Thank god there’s no one else in the corridor. She moves me to our office and shuts the door and takes me in a hug, holding me while I break down.
“Hey, hey it's OK.”
“I'm such an idiot, crying like this over a guy - a guy everyone warned me about. How could I be so stupid?”
“I take it this is about Jack?”
She knows that I’ve been seeing Jack – everyone here knows really. I groan when I realise I’ll have to face everyone and they'll all know he dumped me.
I nod, “He ended it last night - I don't get it, everything had been going great. We were both happy with how it was going, I know it wasn't just one-sided on my part, I know it. He was as into it as I was, then he ended it, just out of the blue. Said he didn't want to be tied to one person, that he didn't want a woman with a kid, or something like that.”
“What the hell, he said what? What a prick! Jesus Robyn, I'm so sorry. I mean, I know we all warned you about him at the beginning but then we all talked about it, how
we'd never seen him with a woman like he was with you. We all think, or thought, that he'd changed, that he big time liked you.”
I shake my head. “Yeah, we were all wrong.”
“He’s making the biggest mistake of his life right here. You get that don't you? You're a catch. You’re gorgeous, and I mean off the scale could be on TV gorgeous, you're sweet and funny. He was lucky to get you in the first place. At least he’s ended it before you two had a real relationship . . . before Eli got attached. You don't need him in your life, someone that can hurt you like this. They're not worth it.”
I sniff up and look around for a tissue, “That’s the thing, the reason I’m so upset is because I was falling for him, falling so hard. I feel so stupid, why did I not see this coming? This is my fault in a way, I knew his track record but for some reason thought he'd be different with me. Why would a leopard change its spots?”
“Right, that’s it!” Sophie snaps “You need to stop talking like that right now. Were we all stupid then? Because we all thought we'd seen something in him we hadn't seen before. You are going to pull your socks up, take a deep breath and say, ‘fuck him’, pick yourself up and brush yourself off - you're coming to the pub tonight with me and the girls. Its Friday night, there’s this great band playing. Is Eli going to your mums?”
“He’s going tomorrow.”
“Well phone your mum, ask her if you can swap nights, I'm sure she’ll agree, and you come out with us so that you can drink your problems into oblivion.”
I nod, “Thanks Sophie, you're a good friend.”
“No problem. I think you should go home or go to the gym or something - not the one here though - Jack might be there. But don't stay here today. Go and pamper yourself and get ready for tonight. You don't want to see him I'm sure.”
“I should stay, the preliminary race is a week tomorrow, there’s lots to do.”
“Don't you worry about that - get home now and hope that I don't see him today. We’ll see you tonight. Text me when you've spoken to your mum OK?”
I nod and give her a hug. I'm in no frame of mind to work today and she’s right, I don't want to see him.
I walk out to my car, not feeling his eyes burning into me all the way there from the window of the conference room upstairs.
*****
I look around the pub for Sophie and spot her to make my way over.
“Hey Sophie, hey everyone.”
Carrie stands up, “Sophie’s filled us in, I hope you don't mind. What an arsehole. Shots it is.”
OK, I guess I'm having shots, I smile at her. “Thanks. Sounds like a plan.”
Many many shots later I'm very drunk, trying not to slur my words and act as sober as possible. The band isn't even on yet. God these girls can drink. They're great though. I have tried not talking about him, but I can't help it. He has been called every name under the sun; I didn't even know some of the words they used to describe him. He wouldn't be very popular if he walked in here right now - especially as the girls have had as many shots as I’ve had.
Sophie lifts yet another shot, motioning for us all to get ours to make a toast. “To beautiful single women everywhere that get screwed over by men that aren't good enough for us!”
“Hear, hear,” Grace shouts and we all knock back our tequila. She’s right, stuff them.
I slam my glass down and screw my face up, looking around we’re all doing the same thing. I feel someone stood at the side of me, I look around and a man is stood there looking down at me, grinning.
“Hey! Are you new around here?”
I hear the girls whisper but try to ignore them. “I am yes. Why?”
“Just thought that I would have noticed you before, but that explains it. Can I buy you a drink?”
I shake my head. “No thank you, I'm out with my girls tonight.”
He nods. “If you change your mind let me know, I'm over there at the bar with my friends.” I assess him. He seems nice, he’s tall - which is good, I like tall - blonde hair and stubble, he’s hot actually, I don't know if that’s the tequila talking or me - probably the tequila seeing as I have more of that running through my veins at the moment than blood.
I smile at him. “Thank you.”
He walks back to his friends and I turn back to mine and give them a wide-eyed look. They laugh. “That’s Joel, he’s cool, he’s a nice guy.” Evie says.
“Things don't change around here do they - everyone knows everyone else.”
They nod and Carrie speaks “That’s the problem, we need some new meat. The only time we have any real fun is when there’s a big race at the track, we get lots of men in town that weekend - spectators, racers - so that can be fun.”
I laugh. I bet its crazy on race weekend.
I decide, in my drunken state that a bottle of Prosecco is a good idea, I'm gonna treat the girls and get us two, one won't last long enough. I go to the bar and order them when I feel someone’s hand at my back, I look behind me - its Denny. He’s giving me a sad smile, “Hey Robyn.”
“Denny!” Drunk and happy to see a friendly face. “Come and have some prosecco with us.”
He shakes his head. “I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be out. Warning - I'm with Jack. He’s outside on his phone.”
My stomach plummets, the last person in the world I wanted to see right now. “Oh right, OK.”
“I’ll keep him out of your way.”
“Thank you, that'd be great.”
“I should warn you though, he’s a little drunk already, we had a drink at his place, then he thought it would be a good idea to come here, I tried to talk him out of it, but you know what he’s like.”
A pain shoots through me that I know what he’s like. The familiarity that I had with him is over now. And actually, I didn't know what he was like at all, because I never thought he would treat me the way that he has.
I shake my head. “Don't worry Den, it's fine.” I get my order from the waitress and go back to the girls. When they see me with more booze, they give a loud cheer that all the pub can hear. We’re getting a little rowdy.
I sit down and try not to look behind me I really do, but I'm drunk and I want to see him, I don't want to talk to him, but I know he’s here - how can I not turn around?
Sophie spots Denny. “Oh shit. Denny's here.”
I answer, “I know, he’s with Jack.” Just as I say it her eyes go to the door, I turn around and sure enough, there he is. Christ, why is he so gorgeous? Black fitted jeans, boots, and a white fitted shirt. Something so simple, but he can make anything look hot. I try to look away but it's like a car crash, I can't tear my eyes away. As if sensing someone watching him his eyes come in my direction and lock on mine, something shoots through me, an attraction that - as much as I wish wasn't there - will not go away. I can't decipher the look on his face, he’s giving nothing away, he looks down at his feet as he walks to the bar to Denny. He throws his arm around Denny and says something into his ear and then Denny looks my way with a sad smile. OK, that’s it, enough - I need to stop watching now. I turn to the girls and they're all silent watching me. I give a wave of my hand. “It's fine. Honestly, I'm fine.”
They don't look so sure. “It's OK to not be fine you know.” Sophie says
“Like we've just been saying, it's a small town, if I want to come to the pub, I'm going to have to get used to him being here.”
“I guess, but the way he just looked at you - as though you're a steak and he hasn't eaten in a week - I don't think he’s done yet.” Carrie says
“Pf-ft, well I am, he can do one . . . I'm done.”
They nod but have definitely quietened down some.
I put on my brave face and turn my back to him, trying to pretend I'm having the time of my life, which, up until him coming in I realise I was having the best time - sure I'm heartbroken or whatever, but these girls are such good company and we’ve been having fun.
“You know what would have been really good?” Carrie asks
<
br /> “What?” I ask
“If Joel would have come over now instead of before Jack came in - that would have pissed him off so much, it would have been fun.”
“It wouldn't have pissed him off - he doesn't want me, remember?”
“Yeah we’ll see . . .” Sophie says
The band are due to start any minute - they’ve cleared a space for them and cleared a space for a small dance floor. The girls have been talking about how they've seen them before, how good they are and how hot a couple of the band members are, especially the lead singer. They sing indie type rock stuff, not sure how into that kind of music I am, but right now anything that takes my mind off Jack being here is good.
“Come on,” Carrie says, let's get a good spot on the dance floor, it’ll get filled and then we won't get a good view.
We all grab our drink and make our way over. The girls stop and talk to well, everyone, along the way. It’s that kind of pub - everyone knows one another.
The music starts and the band comes on the little floor space they've got, and they weren't joking, the lead singer - wow. He is so not the type of guy that I would normally look at twice. He has brown shoulder-length hair and he’s around six feet tall, but it’s his eyes that suck you in. The large brown eyes and long eyelashes surrounding them do something to me, his eyes skim across the pub and land on me for a second and I smile, he fires a smirk in my direction and heads to the mic. I guess he thought I was hitting on him, something he’s probably used to.
“Wow,” Sophie says leaning in, “he totally checked you out then.”
“He glanced my way Sophie, there’s a difference.”
“I think you get men checking you out so much that you don't even notice they're doing it.”
That’s not what it is. I get this from women, sometimes innocently, sometimes nastily, they comment on my appearance and automatically think that I must get lots of attention from men. Maybe I do, but not the attention I want.
Rider Forbidden: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Badger's Mount Book 1) Page 18
