by D. Kelly
“Better question maybe, could you picture your life without her?”
His head is shaking before the words catch up to his mouth. “No, I can’t. Fuck … this wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to be on the prowl together for a few more years at least. Threesomes … and fun sex.”
“Well, we could still have a threesome, Belle is pretty hot.” His feral gaze locks on me, and he moves as if he’s going to lunge at me. “You know I’m joking, but your response should be all the answer you need. Since when have you cared about sharing?”
Shrugging, he sits back down. “Since now. Damn, Sawyer, I’m going to be a dad.”
I stand up and put on my jeans before pulling him from his chair and into a hug. “Congratulations, Papa, you’ll be a great dad.”
“Thanks. Shit, I really fucked up.”
“What did you do?” I release him, and he begins pacing again.
“I got mad, told her to stay put in Noah’s room, and left.”
“Seems pretty understandable to me. What do you want to do now?”
His body straightens, and his expression fills with confidence. “Buy a ring and ask her to marry me.”
Whoa, that’s not what I was expecting, but I also know Darren; he wouldn’t say it if he wasn’t sure.
“All right then,” I say, bending over to put on my shoes. “Let’s go find the best fucking ring we can.”
“You’ll come with me?”
“Why do you sound surprised? I’m your best friend, right? I’m assuming you don’t want to do this alone.”
Once my shoes are on, he nods. “I shouldn’t be surprised, regardless of your own shit you’ve always had my back. You’ll be an awesome godfather.”
“Me?”
“Fuck yeah, you. Best friend, remember? Besides, you’re awesome with kids, and I’ll probably need some help. Saylor looks at you like you hung the moon and stars just for her, and I’m sure Emme will, too, soon enough.”
I miss my nieces and can’t wait to get back to see them next week.
About two hours later, Darren and I part ways in the elevator. He’s got a kickass ring and a nice bouquet of flowers to help ease the way with Belle.
Earlier tonight, my only mission was to get laid. Now, I just want to lie down and think about all the stuff that went on today. Once I’m in my room, I strip down to my boxers and do just that.
Tonight, as we took the stage, Mac told us Mel’s identity had become public knowledge as soon as she and Noah approved Belle’s post about their relationship. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone, but the girls were late taking their seats, and Noah’s worry radiated off of him in waves.
Once they were finally seated, I couldn’t keep her out of my mind. Not because of my feelings for her; I’m working really hard to let those go. I just kept thinking of her being in Sara’s revenge cycle now, and it freaks me out. I’ve always thought Sara may take her anger out on the next girl, not Noah. I’m not sure I’m wrong, but between all the Sara shit and Mel’s newly revealed identity, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. I wanted to know she was okay. Unfortunately, my timing sucked because it was during “Just an Illusion”, and that’s the song I wrote about her. I know she and Belle picked up on it, and I’m sure at some point Belle will confront me about it.
I think I’ve hit a turning point in my feelings for her. At least I keep telling myself that, but it has to be true because I’m genuinely happy for Noah. Besides, after what went down with Princess and me a few weeks ago, I realized my feelings for her have become unhealthy.
Loving someone—crushing on them—is natural. Putting hands on them isn’t. I could never thank her enough for not saying anything, but I’m trying by keeping my distance until things between us can get back on the friendship track. Regardless, what happened was a wake-up call—one I’m paying close attention to.
A little while later, I hear what sounds like Darren’s door slamming shut. Seconds after, he pops open our adjoining door.
“You up?” he whispers.
“Yeah, you okay?”
He comes closer, letting the light from his room guide him, and crouches down next to my bed before speaking. “She said maybe someday.”
“How did that make you feel?” Damn, I sound like my old shrink.
“Surprisingly, like I made the right choice. She’s the one, and she’s smart enough to know it’s too soon. It also cemented for me that she’s not after me because of who I am, and fuck that felt good.”
That’s true; a gold digger would have said yes before he finished the question.
“That’s great, man, I’m happy for you.”
He pats my shoulder. “Thanks. I just came to fill you in while Belle was in the bathroom. I’m going to lock this door, so she’ll be more comfortable, but knock or text if you need me.”
“I’ll be good. Have a good night, Daddy.”
He smiles so brightly I can make it out in the dimly lit room.
“I thought that would scare me more, but dude, it feels amazing.”
When Darren closes the door, I’m sucked into a whirlwind of self-pity. All my brothers are moving on with their lives. I’m happy for them, but damn, I feel so fucking lost. At least I still have J; he might end up being a bachelor longer than me.
After a few days in Vegas, we’re ready to get on the buses and go home. Sara and Mel had a run in the same night she and Noah announced their relationship, which is exactly what I was afraid of. No one seems to think it was a big deal, but something isn’t sitting right with me.
I decide to get on the workout bus until we hit state line so I can try to get my focus back by running off my irritation about the whole thing.
As Fort Minor’s “Remember the Name” begins pumping through the speakers, I work myself up to a full run. What I wasn’t expecting was Princess to have the same idea and come to get her own exercise.
With a slight nod, I acknowledge her existence and keep my pacing. She nods back and climbs onto the elliptical. Of course, it’s right across from me, and I have to force myself to look up or to the side because otherwise, I’m going to be watching her perfect tits bounce as she goes. Not that it would be a hardship by any means, but I’m done letting myself be sucked into her vortex.
At one point during “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons, I feel her eyes on me. When I look up, I meet her lust-filled gaze with a smirk, and she acts like she wasn’t staring. She was, but I don’t call her out on it. I’ve stared at her often enough, and besides, it’s not her fault I’m sexy and she’s in love with the wrong brother.
And then I move faster because even thinking he’s the wrong brother is a misstep in my recovery from this love shit. The next time I look up is when I’m slowing down to a walk. Mel’s shirt is clinging to her. Her body is drenched with sweat, and my cock twitches as my mind thinks about the kind of sweat we’d work up together given the chance.
Shaking off my errant thoughts, I turn off the machine.
“Hey, Princess,” I say, moving closer to her machine, and she slows to a stop before answering hesitantly.
“Yeah, Sawyer?”
“I’m going to take a shower, but I wanted to apologize for what happened a few weeks ago. I’m not sure why you didn’t tell Noah, or report me, you should have. Thank you for not doing it, whatever the reason was … is … it won’t ever happen again, I promise.”
Without giving her a chance to respond, I head to the bathroom, but she calls out to me anyway. “You’re my friend, Sawyer, and I don’t know why you did what you did that day, but I could tell you were in pain. I’m sorry for any part I had in that. We’re both better than what went down that day.”
My heart races at the unwavering faith in her voice. “Thanks, Princess,” I manage to choke out before locking myself in the bathroom. When will this girl stop turning my world upside down?
Home
When we got off the bus, Mel and I had a heated discussion about kids. She doesn’t seem to
want any, and that’s really fucking with my head, so I decided to take a walk on the beach. Noah and I both love kids; how could either of us fall for a girl who seems so … indifferent to the idea of having children?
It shouldn’t matter to me, and it can’t, but I know it has to be bothering Noah. As I head back toward the house, Mel is off in the distance looking out into the endless ocean ahead of her. She’s completely lost in thought as I approach. Seems I’m not the only one who needed to get some air and think.
“Is this seat taken?”
She shrugs. “It’s a public beach.”
“Actually, it’s not.”
“Figures.”
She’s filled with sarcasm, and it makes me want to kiss her, but I can’t.
“If you had Sara chasing after you, you’d be glad it was private too.”
“True,” she answers, looking over at me. I focus my attention on the water; it’s best to keep those gorgeous hazel eyes out of my line of sight.
“He loves you,” I tell her, choking down my own hurt at the truth.
“I know,” she answers with a sigh. “And I love him, but …”
“He’s moving too fast.”
“Yeah, I guess maybe that’s it.”
I want to tell her it’s not his fault, that there’s something magical about her and any man would be a complete fool not to fall at her feet and vie for her love and attention. Instead, I do the right thing and help my brother keep the love of his life.
“Noah has been ready for the rest of his life for a while now. He’s always loved being part of the band, but if he had it his way, we would have quit a few years ago. Probably around the time all the Sara shit happened the first time. Maybe he seems overly eager to you, but he’s just excited to finally move on to what he’s wanted all along.”
“A family,” she answers thoughtfully.
“Bingo. You know, Princess, you and I aren’t so different. It takes us longer to let people in, but once we do, it hurts like a bitch to let them go.”
She scoops up a handful of sand, and it funnels through her fingers as she thinks about what I said. “I don’t want to let him go. I just don’t know if I can give him what he wants.”
At this moment I’m glad I was able to apologize to her on the workout bus. I feel, for the first time in weeks, like we’re back to being friends. It’s a good feeling; I’ve missed her.
“Look, I’m not one to give advice, but Noah is different. If you can’t give him what he wants, do us all a favor and break it off now. I know my brother, and he’s in this for the long haul. Forever, if you’ll have him. He won’t break your heart, but you could easily break his. Marriage and a family have always been his dream. What he’s saved and built up for his whole life. And to be honest, I’ve never seen him fall for someone the way he’s fallen for you. You’re his heart, Princess. Try not to break it.”
“How do you know?”
I turn to her with a forced smile. “Because he told me. But even if he hadn’t, I know my brother, and I’ve never seen him this happy.”
I stand up and dust the sand off my pants before bending down and kissing the top of her head. She always smells so good, and it makes the pit in my stomach seem much bigger. I’ve said all I have to say; the rest is between her and Noah, and for his sake, I hope she sticks around.
When I get back to the house, Noah is moping around the kitchen. “Where were you?” he asks with an edge to his tone I don’t care for.
“I was taking a walk. I saw your girl down there on my way back inside. She seems sad. Want to talk about it?”
He pops open a can of soda and slumps down into a chair. “There’s not much to talk about.”
“Well, why are you so moody?” I ask, leaning back against the countertop.
“Because I’m an idiot. I know this is all moving fast. If it’s fast for me, it’s got to be lightspeed for her, and I couldn’t just leave it alone.”
“What did you do?”
“Asked her to move in here,” he mumbles.
Oh shit.
“You probably just scared her. Moving in with anyone is a big step, but Mel seems like the kind of girl who would run from heavy commitments offered too soon.”
“What do I do? I can’t take it back.”
I grab a beer because this day has been far too heavy already, and it has to be beer thirty somewhere. “Ask yourself a bigger question. Did you mean it? Do you want her to move in?”
I take a long draw of my beer in preparation of his answer, even though I already know it.
“I do. I know it’s fast, but why wait? We’re going to be on tour for a year. If we’re still together at the end of it, being apart would suck. Moving forward in my life is the goal, not backward. If she doesn’t move in, that would be backward.”
“You’ve got a point.”
“Do you care? I mean … it is your house, too, and I know there are feelings involved.”
After downing the rest of my beer, I reply.
“No, I don’t care. And I wish you’d let the feeling shit go. It’s over, and I’m getting tired of repeating myself about it. I’m beginning to think you have more of an issue with me being truthful with you for once than you do about my random, fleeting feelings. If you’re going to be with her, you have to accept we’re all going to be family and she and I are going to still be friends.”
Noah stands, looking between me and the backyard, conflict warring across his features. When he finally turns his attention to me, I brace myself for the worst possible outcome. Instead, he smiles.
“The two of you should be friends. You guys have a lot in common. More than her and I do it feels like at times. I don’t have an issue with your truths, Sawyer, but sometimes the past creeps up on me, and I can’t shake it. That in itself is stupid because …” He comes closer and stands next to me leaning against the table.
“Because why?”
“Because I was just as much at fault for Marilyn as you were, maybe more so. If I’ve never admitted that to you, or taken the proper responsibility for it, I apologize. The thing is there’s a mental disconnect there that is hard to get past.”
“What do you mean?” The question is stupid; I’m pretty sure I know exactly what he’s talking about, but hearing him say it would be nice for once.
“Come on, you already know. Even if I were equally to blame, walking into that room and seeing what I saw, feeling what I felt … it was the worst betrayal I could imagine. Once I knew the whole story, I saw the whole thing differently, but that image of you two, the anger I felt, that didn’t just go away because the circumstances changed. What I felt in that moment was horrible, and no matter how hard I try to forget that feeling, no matter how much I realize you wouldn’t hurt me that way again, it still creeps up on me at times.”
“I’m sorry, Noah. I’d give anything to change that day.”
He pats my shoulder. “I know, and you’ve proved it by changing yourself. I’m proud of you, Sawyer, even if I don’t always show it.”
His eyes stray back outside, and I straighten up, throwing my arm over his shoulder while leading him to the door.
“It’s time, Noah. Go get your girl back. Apologize, grovel, whatever, but let this shit go. Moving in doesn’t need to be a discussion now. After a year goes by, it won’t even be a question. Besides, if she’s like me, once you back off a bit I bet she’ll think about it and reconsider before the week is over.”
“Good point.” He moves to open the door, and I catch his wrist.
“I’m going out tonight. Darren and Belle won’t be back until sometime after midnight. He took her to see his house and then they’re going to see a band she’s writing an article about. Wyatt and Anna went back to San Diego to take care of some work stuff before the holiday. The house is yours. Enjoy it because everyone invades tomorrow morning.”
“Another beer, sexy?”
“Sure, thanks.”
Sasha bends over, intentionally wiggl
ing her tight ass in front of me as she pulls a fresh glass from the freezer. She’s got on a pair of high-heel boots, dark denim jeans, and the standard JAI black V-neck t-shirt. J changed the logos a few years back because Just an Illusion didn’t fit well across the breasts of some of the women. Or maybe it fit too well and became a focal point.
Sasha winks at me, letting her fingers brush against mine as she hands me the frosty glass.
“Sasha …” Jordan warns, but she doesn’t take him seriously. Sasha is J’s best friend.
“Don’t start with me, J. You bang whoever you want in this bar. I get to have some fun now and then, don’t I?”
“It’s my bar,” he counters, but she’s quick to reply.
“I’ve been here since the first day. If you’re not going to make me the new bar manager, don’t jump my shit for making my day a bit better.”
She leans over and whispers in my ear. “Jordan’s office, ten minutes.”
I nod, and Jordan groans as she saunters away. “Why do you encourage her?”
“Because she’s hot as fuck, has a pussy like a vise, and truly understands it means absolutely nothing when you get fucked in a bathroom.”
“I’ll give you that. Not that I’ve gone there, but I’ve seen her in action enough to know she’s a no-strings-attached kind of girl.”
“She’s got new ink too.”
He nods. “Yeah, Ben finished her sleeve last week. It looks pretty badass up close.”
“Hey, sexy, buy me a drink?” a familiar voice whispers in my ear, and when I turn to look, I can’t keep the grin off my face.
“Sure, sexy mama, what are you having?”
“That depends,” she whispers huskily as her hand ghosts over mine. “What are you offering?”
“Normally, I’d offer you a drink straight from my natural geyser, but you’d have to get on your knees, and I’m not sure you’re in any condition for that. Besides, the glare your boyfriend is giving me right now could probably kill me in an alternate universe.”
Belle laughs uncontrollably, and Darren wraps his arm around her shoulder. “Mine, asshole, get your own.”
