by TARA GALLINA
Knowing this, can I give more of myself to him? I want to, but I’m not wired like Harper. I wish I were.
I walk to the front of the RV and clasp my hands on top of my head, my back to him. "I wish this were easier."
Footsteps draw near, and then warm hands wrap around my waist from behind. "Me too. I hate this tension between us. I brought you here to fix things. Not to make them worse."
Tired of fighting too, I relax against him, drawn to his warmth, his body, and the sensations he stirs inside me. "I want to be with you, Sebastian. More than you know. I’ve just never messed around with a guy I wasn’t dating. You’re my first."
"And your first orgasm." He kisses the top of my head.
I laugh but it's sad. "And that’s the problem. I want you to be all my firsts."
"But you can’t." He sighs, sounding sad too but resigned.
"I hate this."
He doesn’t say anything, just holds me, his chin resting on my head.
I have to decide if wanting him and having him, even if it means no strings attached, is better than wanting him and not having him at all.
College kids have casual romps all the time. I’m the anomaly. I need to get over it and the only way is to try. I never have, which could be the problem. Sebastian wants me, and he seems to care. Who better to explore this with?
The idea sparks my excitement. But can I go through with it? Sure. I found a way to move out of my house and a job with good pay when nothing else was available. Never mind it might be mafia related. I'm not perfect, but I’m not adventurous either. It's time for another change in my life, another push to see how far I can go.
Chapter 7
I TURN IN Sebastian's arms and lock my hands behind his neck, my focus on his upper chest. "Let's do it."
"Do what?"
"Sex. Casual sex, like you want."
"That’s not what I want with you."
"But you want me sexually, right?"
He laughs. "Is this a trick question?"
I trace a finger down his neck. "It’s me getting over myself."
"How's that when you can’t even look me in the eyes while having this conversation?"
Good point. I tilt my head to meet his beautiful gaze and trace the scar that cuts through his eyebrow. "I want to do something. Will you help me?"
Suspicion shows in his eyes. "Not if you want to have sex." He barks out a laugh. "I can't believe I just said that."
"It's not sex." Yet. "I want to see all your scars and replace the bad memories with good ones."
He stiffens but doesn't pull away.
"You don't have to tell me how you got them." Yet. "You just have to point them out, and I'll do the rest."
"The rest?"
I give him a sweet smile. "Trust me."
Still unsure, he takes a moment, then says, "I'd have to take off my shirt."
More excitement floods my system. "I can start with the ones on your face," I add to help ease him into my game. "Then you'll understand what I’m doing."
He nods, but his shoulders don't relax from their tense state.
"I'll start with this one." I touch the scar on his eyebrow again and then cup the back of his head and pull him to my lips. I brush a kiss over the thin strip of hairless skin.
Like before, he shudders, and I love it. "See?" I say. "I'm adding a good memory to replace the bad one."
His eyes find mine when he lifts his head. The look in them says he’s in awe.
I press up and kiss the scar under his lip. Then I brush my nose along his jaw to the scar on his ear and kiss it too.
He hisses out a breath. "Fuck. That's sweet."
Pride and desire bloom inside me. "Where are the others?"
He points to the dagger tattoo under his chin at the start of his throat. "Here?"
I'm not sure I want to know the story behind this one. With my hands on his chest for balance, I let my breath warm his skin for a few seconds and then I press a soft kiss on the tattoo and hidden scar.
He tenses and his breath catches.
"Are you okay?" I glance up to see that his eyes are closed again.
"Yeah. You're just—you're killing me."
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No."
"Good." I touch the top button on his shirt. "May I?"
He opens his eyes and peers down at me with a slow nod. He watches as I undo the first button, and the next, and the next until they’re all undone. Just as slowly, I untuck his shirt, shocked that I’m doing this—that he's letting me—and how I love that he is. Once his shirt is out from his pants, I take the material in each hand and ease it open. Taut abs covered in bronze skin hold my gaze.
I swallow and glimpse the dust of dark hair below his belly button trailing south. Have I never realized how sexy that part of a man is?
Of course, the guys I dated didn't have bodies like Sebastian. They weren't even close.
Focus Ainsley. I lick my dry lips and slide the shirt down his sculpted arms, letting my fingertips brush the curves of his skin as the material falls to the floor.
He shudders and his muscles flex, everywhere. His stomach, his arms, his pecs. Oh, God. This was a bad idea. Instead of seducing him, I'm seducing myself. Unable to resist, I run soft fingers across his chest and smooth skin. "Where are the others?"
"I know what you're doing, Ainsley," he whispers as if short of breath.
I glance up to his smoldering gaze. His pupils are dilated.
"Where are the others?" I tilt my head and lick my lips.
"Sweet little Ainsley has a not so sweet side. Who'd have thought?"
"Do you want me to stop?" Please say no.
He points to the back of his arm and a 3D tattoo of a large screw or nail. I step around him for a better look. In the center of the tattoo is a long, raised scar where the skin was sewn together. Holy crap. All of these are from his father? I try to keep my emotions in check and do what I told him I would. Add a good memory to the bad ones.
Following the line of the scar, I place kiss after kiss until I reach the top, then I go back down, trailing more kisses for any extra pain this injury might have caused.
"Any more?" I notice an eagle tattoo with its wings in flight, a black snake trapped in its strong beak. The placement is where the tag of a shirt would be but not high enough to be visible over a collar. I tap it lightly. "Here?"
He stiffens. "You don't want to see that one."
So badly I want to ask why. "I can close my eyes and still kiss it. I'd like to. Please. I want to make them all better."
He exhales then puts a hand on the driver's seat and leans back. Had I not worn my high wedges, I doubt I would be able to see it well. On my toes, I hold his shoulders for balance, but I forget to close my eyes. Inside the body of the eagle is a circle of what looks like burned skin, and inside that is his last name. Gianni. Jesus. Someone branded him like cattle. Never had I imagined this kind of abuse. I feel sick. But if I stop or let on that I even know, he'll be ashamed. I’m sure it's why he didn't want me to see it. Before he grows suspicious, I kiss the outer wing of the eagle, afraid kissing the scar would hurt, and move away.
"Anywhere else?" My voice wavers. Dammit.
He turns around and studies my face and body. "You looked."
I keep my gaze down, my hands locked together in front of me. "I didn't mean to."
"It's fucked up, isn't it? All firstborn sons get one."
I don't know if I should react. What if I scare him off and he closes up on me? So much for my sensual game. Maybe if I expose myself, not that I have any scars, but my virginity is a vulnerability that shames me, he won't feel as bad.
His fists open and close at his sides.
"Sebastian. I said I won't ask, and I won't. If you ever want to tell me about them, I won't judge, I'll just listen. Promise. And since you were brave enough to show me your scars, I think it's only fair that I show you mine, though mine is more of a metaphor."
Inte
rest gleams in his eyes and his hands relax.
"Mine is under my shirt too. Would you undo it for me?" I start on the top button for him.
"Ainsley?" he murmurs and shakes his head. "You don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do. I want to. If you don't want to help that’s fine. It's not like you haven't seen me naked on top before," I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.
Moving on to the next button, I keep going, making sure my shirt stays together so he doesn't see the surprise hidden underneath. When I reach the knot at the hem, I untie it and move my hands up to spread the material open.
He catches my wrists. "Wait." Desire swirls in his eyes.
"Why?"
"Because." He releases his hold on me. "There's only so much I can handle from you. You just had your sweet lips and your hands all over my body, and now you want to strip for me. I don't know how much control you think I have, but if you take your shirt off, I can't promise I won't react."
These are the words I hoped to hear from him. "As long as you don't react by walking away, I'm fine with that. Besides, I have a surprise for you." I part my shirt and slide it down my arms, letting it join Sebastian's on the floor.
His eyes zero in on my red lace bra. He licks his lips. "That's a good surprise."
"That's not it."
"No?" His brows narrow, and he wipes a hand over his mouth. "What is?"
"I'm wearing the matching panties."
His jaw drops. The shock on his face is priceless. "Fuck, Ainsley," he breathes and lowers his gaze to my shorts. "Why?"
"I'm afraid to have sex because I might suck at it. Humiliation is my metaphorical scar. I'm twenty and a virgin. That's embarrassing."
He blinks, taking me in in that scrutinizing way.
"I didn't plan to wear this for you. I was mad at you before you showed up at the apartment. I wasn't even sure if you were coming at all, but you did and for some reason, I wore this. For you. Because on some level, I want to be with you in all ways. I want to push past my insecurities and enjoy casual sex with you." I run my fingers up his stomach to his firm pecs and circle his nipple the way he did mine the other night.
His abs tighten with a sharp breath.
"I feel like I’m trying to take advantage of you."
He laughs. "No one would ever believe that."
"Do you?" I inch closer and stare up into his eyes.
"You wouldn't be taking advantage of me. You'd be giving me what I want. But I know, despite what you're saying, you want more than a fling." He grips my hips, his restraint caving.
I trace the outline of his lips and slide my other hand around his neck. My lace covered breasts press into his chest as I move my mouth close to his. "Because it's with you it will be enough."
His eyes soften. "I can't take your virginity in the back of an RV."
"I don't care where it happens, as long as it's with you."
"So damn sweet." He hisses with an agonized breath and pulls me in for a searing kiss.
Chapter 8
HIS MOUTH COVERS mine, soft and warm and demanding. I part my lips, eager for his taste. His minty flavor invades me with his practiced tongue. I sigh, and he tilts his head, changing the angle, and deepening the kiss.
I melt, loving when he takes control, and when he holds me in his strong arms, so close to his body. Desire races inside me, heating my skin and making parts of me ache.
His warm hands snake up my back to my bra strap. "This needs to come off," he whispers against my lips and unhooks the clasp.
The red lace material falls from my breasts. I slide it off the rest of the way and toss it somewhere. Then I'm pressed against him again, my nipples beading from the cool air and the friction of his warm skin.
His big hand slides up my stomach and cups my breast, making me moan. His thumb finds the sensitive bud and traces small circles.
Ah. Caught up in the desire crushing me, I bite down on his lip.
He stops, and I relax.
"Sorry," I murmur, but I'm not really sorry. He does this to me.
"Don't apologize for anything you do when you're with me. Okay?" He arches my spine and kisses the groove of my neck. My head falls back, my long strands caught in his arm that's wrapped around my waist.
His head dips lower and I shiver in anticipation. "No breasts should be this beautiful." He kisses my cleavage.
I close my eyes and my mouth opens with a sigh. "Sebastian. Kiss me. Please."
"I love when you do that." His nose brushes across my breast. He blows on my nipple, making me squirm. "Where do you want me to kiss you, baby? Here?" He nips the top part of my breast.
"No."
"Here?" He dips me lower and kisses the bottom half.
"Sebastian." I dig my nails into his biceps. "You know where."
He draws me upright so quickly I squeal. "I think you want me to kiss you in the bedroom, where I can lay your sweet body on the bed and kiss every inch of your skin."
"Yes," I whimper.
He hooks my hands behind his neck and trails his fingers down my arms and bare sides to my hips. He cups my backside and lifts me up against him. "Put your legs around my waist," he murmurs and sucks on my bottom lip.
I moan and do as he instructs.
His arousal meets me in the perfect place. Then he moves my body, rubbing me against him, drawing another moan from my throat. "Please, Sebastian," I plead, sensations building in that familiar way.
"You taste so sweet." He rolls his tongue with mine then does the same with his hips, creating the perfect amount of friction between us. "And you feel so good, like heaven. Are you wet for me?" he whispers in my ear.
I was, he makes it easy, but now I'm soaked. I don't know what to say. Yes? More? Please? Each time he rubs me in that spot, I feel like I might explode. "I need my shorts off. Now." I can barely speak, barely breathe.
He lets out a sexy groan. "You are perfect for me. Do you know that? Perfect." He sounds as breathless as I do.
I don't even know we've made it to the bedroom until he bends and lays me on the soft mattress. When he straightens, taking away his heat and body, I reach for him in protest. "No."
He chuckles and undoes his pants, adjusting his straining erection. Stiff and big, the head peaks over his black boxer briefs. Chiseled hip bones form a V that leads to robes of muscles covered in tan, lickable skin. My mouth waters as I follow the trail of hair leading to the sexiest belly button I've ever seen. He's too gorgeous to be real.
I sit up and unhook the button to my shorts, anticipation burning me up inside.
Sebastian drops to his knees and catches my wrists. "Let me." His voice is husky, his eyes dark and hungry. He rests my hands on the mattress and then eases down my zipper. "Stand for me."
I do, but Sebastian stays on his knees, his head eyelevel with my waist. He presses a kiss to my belly button and at the same time, slides my shorts to my feet. I step out of them, standing before him in only my red panties.
He grips my hips and kisses the front of the lace material. "I like these a lot." His hands skim down my thighs and calves to my shoes. "These need to come off too." He unbuckles the straps. With my hands on his shoulders, I step out of each and kick them aside. I'm a good four inches shorter now.
When he stands, he runs his warm hands up my body, like he can't get enough. He caresses my breasts, drawing a gasp from me, and swallows it with a kiss when his mouth covers mine. His hands are on my cheeks, tilting my head upward as I press onto my toes all the way.
I'm on fire, consumed by all things Sebastian. He's so skilled, so confident, so everything.
His hands travel down my back to cup my bottom. I moan, wiggle closer, and then I'm hoisted up again, his arousal pressing against my core. Yes.
I wrap my arms around his neck as he shifts onto the bed. One knee and then the other. He lies me down on the soft mattress, my head cushioned by a pillow, my hair fanning around my face.
"You are so beautiful." He hovers above me,
his hands planted by my sides, his knees tucked between my spread legs. "I like that I can see you this time." His gaze rakes over my body.
Blinds cover the windows, making it dimmer than the other part of the RV but not dark.
"I like being able to see you too." I run my fingers down his chest.
He closes his eyes. "I love how soft your touch is."
My heart sighs. He's the sweet one. I sit up, cup his cheeks and pull him to my lips.
Our breathing becomes one, our tongues swirling in a sensual dance.
He kisses a path down my neck to my collarbone and runs his nose to my cleavage. "You smell like candy." He kisses me there and cups my left breast before brushing his thumb over the sensitive bud.
My breath hitches and moisture pools between my legs.
"You like when I play with these, don't you?" He blows on my nipple and then gives it a tight pinch.
I gasp and buck my hips, the brief moment of pleasure and pain almost too much.
A wicked grin parts his lips. "If you like that, you're going to love this." He swirls his tongue around my nipple, draws it into his mouth, and clamps it with his teeth before sucking it hard.
"Ah," I cry out and buck my hips again, so desperate and needy, I'll die if he stops. "Sebastian?" I dig my nails into his biceps, my body aching for more, so much more. "Don't stop. Please, don't stop."
His laughter tickles my skin. "My girl is so sensitive, so responsive."
His girl. Yes. Right now, I'll be his anything.
He treats my right nipple to the same sweet pain and pleasure while kneading the other with his finger and thumb.
I scream and writhe beneath him, desperate for friction between my legs. I lift my hips, seeking a connection. "Please, Sebastian. I need you here."
"What my sweet girl wants, my sweet girl gets." He adjusts himself in his boxer briefs again, his pants lower on his hips but still on. Why?
