“Hurt you? God, you’re still not ready. I should wait until—” He took a step closer, his teeth clenched. “But I can’t. May God forgive me, I have to have this.”
He put his hand on her breast.
She arched upward as a wave of heat shot through her. She lost her breath. “That’s how it starts?”
“Sometimes.” He pulled her down on the ground. “It changes.” He was rapidly discarding his clothing as his lips closed on her nipple. “But it’s always good.” His tongue teased while he sucked strongly.
Good? She didn’t feel good. She was hot and tingling and filled with a strange, frantic need. She couldn’t get close enough to him. She could smell the crushed heather beneath her and the scent of Kadar over her. Familiar, so familiar. Nothing to fear. Kadar wouldn’t hurt her.
He did hurt her. But it was only for a moment and then he was deep inside her. He paused, his chest rising and falling, looking down at her. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to be here, like this?” He flexed slowly and she caught her breath. “You’re so tight. I’ll try to go easy.” His features were taut with strain as his hips began to move carefully. “Just don’t move.”
She had to move. She was too full, stretched, and yet she needed more. She lunged upward.
He gasped, his hands grasping her shoulders. “No.”
“I need—”
“Don’t move.”
She paid no attention. Her hips moved to take what she needed.
His teeth bit into his lower lip. “All right. Have it your way. I should have known it would be like this.” He plunged deep. He drew back. Plunged again. Fast. Hard. Harder.
She couldn’t breathe.
Rhythm. Fire. Friction. Fullness.
She wanted to scream but no sound came.
Her hands reached out and clasped his shoulders.
Kadar. Part of her. Heat. Need.
Always.
Let it be always.
“Stay . . .” she gasped. “Don’t leave me.”
“Never.” His teeth were drawn from his lips. “So good. I may stay in you forever.”
No, he didn’t understand, and she couldn’t explain. Not now. Something was happening. Something . . .
“Now.” He looked down at her, his face twisted with agony. “Please . . . I can’t wait any longer.”
She cried out as he thrust with powerful force. His back arched and his eyes closed.
Release.
He collapsed on top of her.
Her arms closed tightly around him.
Kadar . . . Kadar . . .
Hers.
He moved to the side and looked down at her. “I cheated you.” He bent down and kissed her lingeringly. “Forgive me. I needed you too much. I couldn’t wait.”
She looked at him in bewilderment. “Cheated? But I found it very pleasant.” It was an understatement. It was true she still felt restless and oddly unfinished, but . . . “Should there be something else?”
“Oh, yes.” He grimaced. “Dammit, I wanted it to be perfect for you. All those years I pictured how it would be and I—”
“Stop complaining. I’m content.” She huddled close to him. She knew him so well, yet Kadar’s naked body felt strange against her own. Smooth in places, corded with muscle in others, the hair on his chest wiry and male against the softness of her breasts. Strange and stimulating. “Just stay with me.”
“It’s late. I have to get you back to the castle.” He sat up and reached for her gown. “Put it on.”
“I want to go back to the ship with you.”
He shook his head.
“Why not?” Her smile faded as she gazed at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Other than the fact I pulled you down in the dirt as if you were a whore from the streets?” He was throwing on his clothing, not looking at her. “It was a mistake. God, what a mistake.”
“I didn’t—What are you talking about? I wanted it.”
“You didn’t want it, dammit. How could you know whether you wanted it or not? You were a virgin.”
“Well, I wanted to be close to you.”
“So I took what I wanted because I knew you wouldn’t refuse.”
“Why are you talking in this foolish way?” Her hands clenched nervously. “You’re confusing me. I came to you because you told—I had to show you that I trusted you.”
“And I made you pay the price. Christ in heaven, don’t you realize you could be carrying my child?”
Guilt? She smiled, relieved. “Is that all? That’s nothing that can’t be mended. Wed me, Kadar.”
“I can’t.”
A chill went through her. “You don’t wish to wed me?”
“I can’t.” His lips tightened. “I’m going away tomorrow.”
She stared at him, stunned. “There were no plans for another voyage. Where?”
He was silent.
“Tell me.”
He shook his head.
“When will you be back?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Not where I’m going.”
“Anywhere.”
He shook his head again. “You have to stay here.”
Alone. He was leaving her. He was like all the others. Taking and then going away. “Very well.” She slowly stood up and numbly pulled her gown over her head.
“Don’t look like that.” His hands fell on her shoulders. “Do you think I want to leave?”
“Men always do what they wish to do.” She looked away from him. “They couple and then they go.”
“For God’s sake, I’m not like the men in Nicholas’s house. You know that.”
“I don’t know anything. Except that you’re going.” She jerked away from him. “And that I’m a fool.” Her eyes were suddenly blazing at him. “I’ll not be one again. You need not run because you think I’ll bother you. Coupling is nothing. Animals in the field do it and then wander away.”
“It wasn’t like that. You’re not thinking, Selene.”
No, she was only feeling, and the pain and anger were growing every second. “I would have done anything. I came to you and told you things that hurt me to say. I had no pride. I wanted to show you. . . Trust? You had no right to ask it of me.” She snatched her cloak from the ground. “You had no right to ask anything of me.”
She turned and started up the hill at a run.
“Wait.” Kadar’s footsteps behind her. “I’ll go with you.”
“Don’t you come a step farther,” she said over her shoulder. “Come close to me and I promise I’ll knock you down this hill.”
The wind tore her hair as she put on speed.
Go faster. Get away from the hurt.
Try to leave the pain behind.
Kadar’s hands balled into fists at his sides as he watched Selene run up the hill.
He had hurt her. After all the years of care and patience, he had reached out and grabbed what he wanted. She had come to try to give him what he wanted of her. He had ignored that gift and taken her body instead. Then, in the next breath, he had destroyed that fledgling trust.
What was he supposed to do? Tell her about Sinan? Neither she nor Ware must know before he left on the Dark Star.
Damn, it had been hard not to tell her. Everything he wanted, she offered, and he’d thrown it back at her.
May God curse you, Sinan.
She was now lost in the shadows cast by the castle walls. He turned away and stared down the hill toward the harbor. He would board the Dark Star in the morning and tell Balkir to set sail at once. The sooner he reached Maysef, the sooner he could accomplish his mission and come home.
If he lived through it.
He would live. He wouldn’t let Sinan win by claiming either his soul or his life. He would come back to Montdhu.
He would come back to Selene.
Kadar wasn’t following any longer.
The drawbridge of the castle loomed ahead.
Sele
ne could barely see anything in the dense shadows cast by the stone walls.
Soon she would be in her chamber, closing out the shadows, closing out Kadar.
Fool. She had been a fool. No more.
Build the wall again. Let no one in.
Safer that way. Let no one—
Agony seared through her left temple.
Darkness.
ALI BALKIR WAS WAITING on deck when Kadar walked up the gangplank of the Last Hope. “Good evening. What a fine ship you have. Almost as good as the Dark Star.”
“Better,” Kadar said curtly. He was raw and frustrated and in no mood to confront Balkir tonight. If the captain pushed him, he’d probably break the bastard’s neck. “Go back to your ship. I told you I’d—”
“Give me your decision tomorrow,” Balkir finished for him. “But Sinan gives neither of us a choice. I have orders and they must be fulfilled. We’ve waited too long already. I’ve decided we leave tonight.”
“Indeed?”
Balkir started to take a step back and then stopped. “It would be most unwise of you to harm me. If I don’t return to the Dark Star, the consequences will be most unpleasant. I’ve taken measures to assure your compliance.”
Kadar stiffened. “What measures?”
Balkir’s smile was smug. “It was necessary. The master must be obeyed.”
“What measures?”
“The woman. Lord Ware’s kin, the sister of his wife. We’ve taken her. At this moment she’s on her way to the Dark Star.”
“Selene?” Bluff. It had to be a bluff. “You lie.”
“I do not lie. I had Murad take her as she was returning to the castle.” He paused. “After we watched you coupling with her on the hillside.”
Terror iced through him. No bluff.
“Ah, you’re upset,” Balkir said. “It is natural. She is of some importance to you.”
It had been a mistake to let Balkir see that first response. It gave him a weapon. “She’s only a woman. I forgot her the moment I left her body. Why would you think anything else?”
“I don’t. As you say, a woman’s body is nothing, a toy.”
“Then release her.”
“But this woman is of importance to your friend Lord Ware. He will be able to barter her to gain lands and found alliances through marriage.” He tilted his head as if to consider. “Though her worth is considerably diminished since you’ve seen that she’s no longer a pure damsel. Still, she is comely, and that may help.”
Balkir was enjoying this, Kadar realized. The weasel thought he had the upper hand. “She’s of value to Ware. Not to me. Release her.”
“I think she is of value to you. I believe you would not want to face your friend with her blood on your hands.” He paused. “So you will come with me to the Dark Star and we will set sail at once.”
“You’ve done this for no reason.” His fists clenched at his sides. “Dammit, I was going to come with you anyway.”
“Then you’ll not mind coming now.” He moved toward the gangplank. “Before my men get impatient. They’ve had no women since we left Hafir, and fair-skinned women have only one purpose in their eyes. I’m sure Murad will tell them how willingly she took you between her thighs tonight.”
Kadar carefully controlled his rage. The time would come to kill Balkir, but this was not that time. “If I go, will you release her?”
“We will see.” Balkir’s smile was slyly triumphant. “I must think upon it. Come now. We must hurry.”
Selene’s eyes were closed, and a thin stream of blood trickled slowly from the wound on her temple.
“You bastard, you hurt her.” Kadar looked away from Selene lying on the bunk to cast a lethal glance at Murad. “How bad is it?”
“I think she’ll wake soon.” Murad instinctively moved closer to Balkir for protection. “It was necessary to be quick. We were close to the castle gates.”
“She’d better wake very soon, or the wound I put in your temple will pierce that ox of a brain.” Kadar sat down on the bunk. “Bring me cold water and a soft clean cloth.”
“I need Murad to help me put to sea,” Balkir said. “He’ll return as soon as he’s no longer required for more-important duties.”
“Water and cloth,” Kadar repeated. “Now.”
Balkir hesitated and then shrugged. “As you wish. A few more minutes will do no harm.”
“Very wise.” Kadar glanced at him. “I suppose that means you have no intention of releasing her?”
“I believe you knew that was a possibility. It seems the woman has more value than I thought for you. I’m sure Nas—Sinan would approve me giving him a weapon to guide you in the path he chooses.”
Yes, Kadar had known there was every chance the whoreson would make full use of Selene. That realization didn’t cool the rage searing through him. “This is between Sinan and me. She has nothing to do with it.”
“As I said, a weapon.” He turned to leave. “We put to sea at midnight. I must have Murad by that time. He may fetch and carry for you until then.”
Murad cast Kadar a quick glance before he scurried after his captain.
Kadar’s attention had returned to Selene, and he was barely aware they had gone. He gently stroked back the hair from Selene’s forehead. God in heaven, she was pale. Why didn’t she wake?
Selene slowly opened her eyes to see Kadar’s face inches from her own.
Joy flooded through her.
Kadar.
“Thank God. You took your time about it.” Kadar’s voice was unsteady. “How do you feel?”
Pain. Joy. Bewilderment. Too many feelings to give an answer.
“Do you feel sick in your stomach?” He dipped a cloth into a bowl of water and carefully dabbed at her temple. “Do you see me clearly?”
“No. Yes.” She frowned in confusion. Why was he asking these questions? She must be ill. She didn’t remember—
Then she did remember. Kadar. The wrenching sorrow and the anger. The flight up the hill. Pain. Darkness.
“You . . . struck me?”
“Lord, no.” His lips twisted. “I haven’t reached those depths of depravity yet. Though I can see why you might think so.”
“Who. . .” She glanced around her. A ship’s cabin, but not the Last Hope. She became aware of a familiar rocking movement. Her gaze flew back to Kadar. “Are we at sea?”
“Not yet.”
“What ship is this?”
“The Dark Star.”
Her eyes widened. She whispered, “The Old Man of the Mountain. Sinan . . .”
He nodded. “He sent Balkir for me. I have no choice.” He paused. “And neither do you now.”
“There’s always choice.” She tried to sit up, and dizziness hit her like a hammer.
He pushed her back down. “You shouldn’t move.”
She wasn’t sure she could. “You can’t go to Sinan.”
“I gave my word.”
“To an assassin. You know how wicked he is.”
“The vow remains. Sinan and I understand each other.”
She knew they did, and the realization had always terrified her more than Sinan himself. She had seen how that dark life drew Kadar. “I won’t have it. We’re going back to the castle.”
He shook his head. “It’s too late. I’m going to Maysef and so are you. Balkir’s decided you’ll make a fine hostage.” His hand closed on hers. “Don’t be afraid. I promise, no harm will come to you.”
Hostage. She was going back to Sinan’s chill-ridden fortress in the mountains.
“Don’t look like that. I didn’t want this.” Kadar’s voice vibrated with intensity. “To have you involved is the last thing I intended.”
“No,” she said dully. “You just wanted to go away and close me out.” She shut her eyes. Her head was pounding, her mind whirling. “I have to think.”
“Just rest.”
Her eyes flew open and she glared at him. “And let you make decisions for me? I will not. Your stup
idity has gotten us into this quandary. No one asked you to give Sinan that promise. We would have found a means to free ourselves. Now we have to find a way to keep Thea and Ware safe at Montdhu.”
“I told Ware that the Dark Star was here for me.”
“But you didn’t tell me.” She tried to smother the bitterness of the thought. There were other things to consider right now. “How soon before we sail?”
“Midnight. Perhaps a little less than an hour.”
“And where are we moored?”
“Dalkeith.”
“Our man, Robert, is at Dalkeith.”
“And Haroun.”
“He knew too? I wondered why Haroun wasn’t at the castle for the last few days.” She carefully raised herself on one elbow. “I need pen and parchment. I must send a note to Ware.”
“Saying?”
“What do you think? That I go willingly to Maysef and they’re not to follow. They’ll believe me. Thea knows I would have followed you anywhere.”
“Would have?”
She ignored his question. “You’re not the only one at fault in this situation. I should never have been idiot enough to leave the castle and come to you tonight. I’ll not have anyone else suffer for it. What are you waiting for? Do you wish Ware chasing after us and falling back into the hands of the Knights Templar? Ware and Thea are safe here. They have to stay safe. Get me pen and parchment.”
He nodded slowly and moved to the desk tucked into one corner of the cabin. He riffled in the drawer and set out parchment and ink. “It still may not help.”
“They have a child and responsibilities here at Montdhu, and they trust you.” She slowly sat up in the bunk. “But, I must be the one to give Haroun the message.” She straightened her hair, carefully covering the wound with a long strand. “Go tell Balkir to send for Haroun.”
“I’ll go myself. I doubt if he’d come for Balkir.” He moved toward the door. “Stay and rest until I come back.”
“How long will it take you?”
“They’re camped on the hill facing the harbor. A quarter of an hour.”
“Will Balkir let you go?”
The Treasure Page 4
