Goddess of the Rose

by P. C. Cast

Chapter Twenty-One

  MIKKI woke up with a headache and puffy, red eyes. Yawning and stretching, she walked to the wall of windows and opened the door. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, and the morning was so cool she could see her breath. Someone had already cleared away all the dishes from dinner. It made Mikki sad, as if the night before, the good along with the bad, had been wiped away without a trace. She walked over to the chair in which he had sat, her fingers lingering on the back of it.

  Asterius . . .

  He'd never be just the Guardian to her again, not after what he'd told her last night, and not after what she'd seen in his eyes - a soul-deep loneliness, and, for just a moment, a longing that struck an answering cord within her.

  But it didn't matter that he'd given her a glimpse of his soul. Nothing could come of it. And not just because of the obvious - that he was a beast, or, more accurately, he was a creature, a mixture of mortal and god, a being like no other, as he had explained last night. Asterius . . . No. It wasn't because of the obvious; the obvious mattered less and less to her. If she was honest with herself, she'd have to admit that, even back in Tulsa when he'd first begun to seduce her in her dreams, his appearance hadn't been a deterrent. The truth was quite the opposite. His appearance had been a fascination from the beginning.

  It was impossible between them because he was making it that way. It was as if there was some kind of unwritten rule that no one was allowed to get close to him. He'd touched her - kissed her - clearly desired her. Yet he'd run from her as if she was the one who was dangerous. His behavior was confusing and just plain annoying.

  Mikki rubbed at her eyes again. Okay, maybe it was a rule. Maybe no one was allowed to be close to him. The smart thing to do would be to talk to Hecate about him. To ask the goddess about . . . about . . . about what? Did she really want to ask the imposing Hecate if it was okay that her new Empousa had a crush on the man-beast that was her Guardian? Please. Mikki wasn't an idiot. It wasn't okay. Asterius had made that clear. If she asked the goddess outright and Hecate commanded her to stay away from him, then what would she do? She'd have to keep her distance from him. Wouldn't she?

  Better not to ask at all.

  Was she actually considering pursuing him, even after what had happened between them the night before? Yes. Yes, she was. Mikki had no idea where it would take them, but she couldn't forget the physical jolt that passed through his body when she'd touched him. She rubbed her wrist absently, remember the heat of his lips. And beyond his physical magnetism, she'd seen the vast loneliness that seemed to shadow his every unguarded expression, even as he rejected her touch. But he's so used to being treated like an abomination that maybe his rejection is more about fear and habit than the desire to push me away.

  She needed to think more about where she was heading. She needed to think more about Asterius. Mikki shivered as the early morning breeze whipped through her sheer nightdress. The hot springs would be all dreamy and steamy on a cool morning like this . . . what better place to think?

  Before she started down the balcony stairs to follow the path around the side of the palace, Mikki closed her eyes and sent Daphne a quick thought.

  MIKADO was thinking about him as she bathed. He could sense it - feel it. Not because she was calling to him. It was nothing that specific. She was just thinking about him. He shouldn't be able to sense it. He shouldn't know. But he did.

  This had never before happened. In all the eons he had been Hecate's Guardian, and all the generations of her Empousas who had presided as High Priestess within the realm, he had never felt the thoughts of one of Hecate's chosen.

  Just as he had never felt the gentleness of any Empousa's touch. Not even the priestess he had loved . . . and who he thought might possibly have loved him in return. No woman had ever touched him caressingly. He only had a vague recollection of his mother sneaking into the labyrinth a few times. One of those times he thought he remembered her touching his cheek. But it had been so long ago and such a brief caress. Yet this woman, this mortal from the mundane world, had not just touched him willingly. She had accepted his caress in return; she had shivered beneath his lips.

  The touch of a woman . . . such a small, ordinary thing, really. Mortals and gods alike thought little of it. They touched on greeting and on parting. They touched as they laughed and talked. They touched when they loved. Yes, such a small, ordinary thing . . . unless it had been a thing denied. How he had longed for the kindness of a woman's touch to soothe the beast within and without.

  Mikado's touch had undone him.

  His moan of frustration changed to a rumbling growl as he propelled himself from his sleeping pallet. She had called him Asterius and said she believed in the man within the monster. Then she had allowed him to kiss her! Surely she meant nothing more than kindness. She couldn't realize that her touch and her words were seducing the man as well as calling the beast to her. His hooves cut into the marble floor of his lair as he paced. She couldn't know how desperately he had wanted to kneel at her feet and beg her never to stop touching him . . . thinking of him . . . talking to him as if she truly did believe in his humanity.

  And then what? In the spring she must be sacrificed. In despair, he looked down at his hands as his claws extended. He could still feel the softness of her skin against their razorlike tips. Would he allow her to escape, as he had the deceiver who had come before her? No. He could not. The roses were sick, and he had little doubt as to why. Their last Empousa had fled without completing her destiny. What would happen to the realm if this one did the same?

  He knew what would happen. It wouldn't survive.

  If he would be the only one to pay the price, he would gladly do so. He knew it for truth, even though the thought shamed him. It meant he was willing to betray his goddess again. But no matter how desperately he longed for Mikado, he would not allow his own desires to cause the destruction of the Realm of the Rose.

  His growl deepened, and he had to fight against the urge to rend and tear. The man within him held the beast at bay, but only just. The ache and yearning for the impossible that caused his emotions to be in turmoil also roused the monster within. She might believe in the man, but he was joined with the beast - they were one in the same. If she stirred the man, the beast roused. He had to remember that no matter how sweetly she may speak his true name, or how sweetly she might touch him and let him touch her, she would be imagining the man. What would happen when she realized that she was seducing the beast, too?

  She would reject him. Anything else was only a dream. And he, of all creatures, knew how insubstantial dreams really were. He must forget the dream and deal in reality, which was what he did best.

  And none of this mattered. He could not love her - he could barely touch her without feeling the raging pain of Hecate's spell.

  Asterius's head suddenly lifted and his eyes widened. That was it! He didn't have to hold the beast at bay. The goddess had tethered the monster for him. He could stay as close to Mikado as she would allow; the goddess's spell would ensure that he never went too far . . . all he need do would be to bear some pain. When it became too much, too unendurable . . . he remembered the feel of her skin against his lips and her small hand within his. Yes, he could endure a taste of the goddess's punishment for the miracle that was the touch of Mikado's skin.

  If she allowed him near her again. He resumed his frustrated pacing. After the way he'd left her last night it would be understandable if she avoided his company completely.

  But perhaps she would not always avoid him. She was so different, so unlike any of the other women. She had asked him if he would seal the gate! No other Empousa would ever have asked such a thing. Of course, she didn't know her fate. Didn't know that her only escape from it was through the rose gate and back to the world of the mundane that lay beyond the forest. Part of his mind whispered that even if she knew, she might still choose to stay for the roses . . . for him . . .
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  He went to the mouth of his lair. The sun was calling the sky awake with young tendrils of light. He could feel Mikado's thoughts slide away from him as she left the baths and then he could no longer feel her at all. He imagined that she was preparing to summon the Elementals and begin her day. He, too, must begin his. She had asked him to inspect the rose wall, and her request had been a wise one. He left his lonely lair and began his solitary trek along the boundary between worlds.

  Choosing to remain invisible, Hecate watched her Guardian. His powerful stride was weary, and she clearly saw the strain of conflicted emotions in his dark, expressive eyes. The goddess smiled and let her hand absently caress the head of one of her great hounds.

  "It goes well . . . " she whispered.

  "See how I've divided the gardens into fourths?" Mikki had hated to tamper at all with Asterius's map, but it was necessary that everything be clear for the Elementals, so she'd had Daphne bring her a quill and some ink, and she'd drawn her own considerably less-attractive lines to quarter the blueprint. "As I said before, each of you will take the area that corresponds to the direction of your element. Nera, you'll be west; Aeras, east. Gii and Floga will, of course, be north and south. You'll each have your own group of women. Start by fertilizing the beds, like I showed you yesterday. I'll make my way through each area, checking to see if the roses need any other special attention. Do you have any questions about your areas?" Mikki asked the four Elementals. As she'd done the night before, she'd pushed the dishes aside and spread Asterius's map out on the dining table. The handmaidens were gazing at it raptly.

  "This is a lovely map, Empousa," Gii said, touching the delicate sketch that represented the realm's central fountain.

  "And accurate, too," Aeras said. "I think every one of the paths have been duplicated here. "

  "Your baths are even drawn in," Nera said, obviously delighted with the squiggly water lines that represented her element.

  "Who did this for you, Empousa?" Floga asked.

  Mikki lifted her eyes from her own contemplation of the map to meet the Fire Elemental's sharp gaze.

  "The Guardian drew it for me," Mikki said, careful to keep her voice casual, her expression placid.

  "The Guardian!" Gii exclaimed. "But how could he have - "

  "She commanded it," Floga interrupted the Earth Elemental. "He would do whatever she commanded. "

  Unruffled by her odd tone, Mikki said, "Actually, I didn't command him. I just asked. " She lifted a shoulder. "That's all. Apparently it wasn't that big of a deal. He has claws that he can extend and use as built-in quills. And he's been here for ages. No wonder he knows all the nooks and crannies of the realm. " She gave Floga a tight smile. "But thank you for reminding me. I do need to command him to come here. I asked him to inspect the rest of the rose wall and make sure there are no other weakened parts of it we need to pay special attention to. " Mikki didn't need to close her eyes to concentrate on him. After last night, he never seemed to be far from her thoughts. She turned her back to the handmaidens and looked across the gardens. "Come to me, Asterius," she whispered into the wind.

  She only had time to wonder if he minded that she called him by the name his mother had given him, before the pressure of the air on the balcony changed. It felt heavier and thick against her skin. Then she heard his hooves pound forcefully on marble as he climbed the balcony stairs. Though his stride was powerful, that unmistakable mixture of animal and man with which he moved, Mikki thought he looked tired and was almost as annoyed as she was disappointed when he bowed and spoke formally to her without meeting her eyes.

  "You commanded that I come to you, Empousa?"

  "Yes. I was hoping you'd had a chance this morning to inspect the rest of the rose wall. "

  "I have, Empousa. "

  "And?"

  "I see no area that appears particularly weak except that which surrounds the gate. "

  "So you agree that we can focus on the roses within the garden?"

  Finally, he met her eyes. "Yes, I am in agreement with you. "

  "Good," she said briskly, ignoring the fluttering he caused deep in her stomach. She turned to the handmaidens. "So each of you collect your group of women and set up your own line of fertilizer baskets. Prepare the beds just like we did the area around the roots of the multiflora roses. I'll visit each area, and we'll go from there. "

  "Yes, Empousa," the Elementals chorused. They curtseyed and began to leave the balcony, along with the Guardian.

  "Floga, Guardian - I need to see the two of you," Mikki said.

  Mikki thought that though the Fire Elemental had carefully arranged her face into a blank expression, her eyes gave away her uneasiness at being singled out. She doesn't trust me.

  "Floga, your area of the garden is the section that is most southerly. This happens to include the rose gate. I know it would be quicker for your women to go to the forest and use the loam for fertilizer as we did yesterday, but I'm concerned about having the gate open again today. "

  Floga looked surprised, and Mikki couldn't really blame her. Just yesterday she'd insisted, in front of everybody, that Asterius keep the gate open, danger be damned. Mikki looked at him. "What do you advise?"

  "I believe you are wise to be concerned about reopening the gate so soon," he said.

  "So we are agreed that maybe in a day or two Floga can allow the women to collect more loam, but right now it's not a good idea?"

  "Yes, Empousa. We are in agreement. "

  "Good. " She knew the smile she gave him was obvious in its warmth, and she could feel the handmaiden's eyes watching her every expression, but she didn't care. Let them all know she valued the Guardian's judgment. She would not treat him like an animal when he was not one, and neither would they. Not while she was Empousa. There was a new boss in the realm, and they'd better get used to it. Still smiling, she turned to Floga. "Do you understand what I need you to do?"

  "Yes, Empousa. "

  "Good. Then you're free to get started. The Guardian and I will be along shortly. "

  Floga's eyes widened, but she said nothing as she curtseyed and then hurried from the balcony, leaving the priestess and the beast alone.

  "Good morning, Asterius," Mikki said softly.

  And that was it. The sound of his true name on her lips undid him. He could not fight his desire for her and his need to be in her presence. Despite the spell Hecate had placed upon him and the pain it would cause him, come spring or come the very gates of the Underworld, for as long as they had together he had to hear the sweet sound of her voice and, if fate granted it, feel the touch of her hand again.

  "Forgive me, Mikado. "

  "For what?"

  "For the way the night ended. I have no practice in . . . " He paused, struggling for words he'd never before spoken.

  "There's nothing to forgive," she said. "It's hard to know the right thing to say or do, especially when you're faced with a completely new situation. Sometimes it's easier to run away. "

  "That makes me sound like a coward. "

  She smiled. "No, it makes you sound human. "

  He looked shocked, and then, slowly, his lips turned up into a smile that eventually reached his eyes. "You are an extraordinary woman, Mikado. "

  "Well, let's see if you still think so at the end of the day. "

  He raised a questioning brow.

  "I'm going to put all those muscles of yours to work. Tonight you'll be too tired not to sleep. "

  His dark eyes caught hers. "You knew I didn't sleep last night?"

  "Don't be too impressed by my powers of observation. It doesn't take a goddess to figure it out. You look pretty rough this morning. "

  "And I am usually so handsome," he said dryly.

  She gasped. "Do not tell me that you just made a joke!" Mikki's laughter floated musically on the breeze as the two of them made their way from the balcony. Neither noticed the women who peered wide-eye
d from the palace windows, watching them go. Chapter Thirty