by Rachel Leigh
“Man, you don’t even know the half of it. I am glad that you’re beginning to realize that it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns for Blakely. She’s had a tough start to life, and it’s really messed with her. All the more reason to stay away from her.”
In an instant reaction, I slam on the brake and swerve to the side of the road, causing the car behind me to lay on his horn when he flies around me.
“If you say that one more time, I swear to…”
“Jasper, you don’t get it,” he cuts me off, “I’m not saying this because I want Blakely or because I hate you, I’m telling you this because I know…” he trails off.
“You know what?”
“Because I know that this will end in a disaster. That’s why. I don’t want to see Blakely get hurt, and she will if you two don’t cut ties right now.”
“Unless there is something that you aren’t telling me, then back the fuck off and stay out of my business.” I shift into drive and burn out, whipping gravel behind me.
“Ok, I’ll drop it, for now. That isn’t what I wanted to talk about anyway. I want to talk about my mom. She’s happy with your dad, and it’s the first time in a long time she’s woken up each day smiling and gone to bed with that same smile. And, I happen to like your dad. He’s a good man.”
“He’s the best,” I say, keeping my eyes on the road. Realizing that this is the first time Knox and I have ever agreed on anything. “Look, I want my dad to be happy, too. I just can’t live in that house and pretend that I like it.”
“It’s five more months. Then you can go to school at UCLA and live your life.”
“How did you know I was going to UCLA?”
“Your dad told me. I’m going there, too. At least, that’s the plan.”
My head twists around quicker than the demonic girl on The Exorcism, “The fuck if you are!”
“What is your problem with me? Why do you hate me so damn much?” His voice grows louder, and it’s a tone that I’m familiar with. One that has the capability of escalating things very quickly between the both of us.
I could say something smart ass, but it’s only eight o’clock in the morning and I’m already exhausted from lack of sleep and a tense morning. “Why the hell do you hate me so much?”
“Well, let’s see. Your first day in the house you started demanding shit.” He holds up his hand and begins counting his fingers. “You disrespect my mom and you disrespect me. And, not to mention this black eye you gave me. You act like you’re better than us.”
Laughter erupts immediately. “I think I’m better than you? What a crock of shit. You look at me like I’m gutter garbage. Your mom looks at me like I’m some charity case.” I pull into the parking lot at Redwood High, and I think we’re both surprised that we made this drive without killing one another.
“Just come back home. Make your dad happy and I’ll stay out of your way.”
I can’t believe what I’m about to say. But I say it. “I’ll think about it.” I reach for the handle to get out. “Under one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me the truth. Did you sleep with her?”
He doesn’t even hesitate; he just says it. “Yes, I did sleep with her.”
Rage builds as I grind my teeth, trying to contain my fury.
“But I didn’t have sex with her.”
I let out a sigh and release my grip on the door handle.
“I’ve slept in Blakely’s bed more times than I can count. She has nightmares. But, I’d never try anything with her even if I wanted to. I couldn’t risk our friendship.”
“Do you love her?” I ask, knowing the answer I’ll receive.
“More than anything.”
I just nod. I know he loves her. I know that deep down he wishes for more than her friendship and that he will probably never love another girl the way that he loves her. I can see the way he looks at her and I can hear it in his voice when he talks about her.
Knox climbs out and shuts the door without a second look. Just when I’m about to get out, I change my mind. I do something that I rarely do. I put the car back in drive and ditch class. Grades are important to me; they’re my lifeline—my future. But, what good is a future if I’m not living for today?
Chapter Sixteen
Blakely
Talon had to have his stomach pumped. His blood alcohol level was three times the normal limit, and that’s for an adult, not a sixteen-year-old kid. This is what Talon has resorted to. This is what he thinks is the answer. As I sit next to his bedside, he tells me that he doesn’t want to die. He just doesn’t want to feel. I’ve spent the last couple of months plotting destruction against a girl who has destroyed me. I’ve lived my life for the sole purpose of taking everything that she holds dear. The entire time my baby brother was destroying himself. I ignored his pleas. I ignored his cries for help, and his desperate attempts to walk in this world with a head on his shoulders that he could hold high.
Talon was there for me at a young age when no one else was. He was the one who begged Dad to bring him to see me when I was the one in the hospital. The only difference, I didn’t want to just numb the pain. I wanted to end it. Talon was the one who gave me back my fight. I looked into the eyes of a twelve-year-old boy and I saw life. Behind the pool of tears, I saw myself. Literally—I saw my reflection. A fragile, broken girl who just wanted to be loved. Who wanted the fighting to stop. The nightmares to end. Who wanted a truth to believe in—and actually believe it.
“If you go, I’m going with you,” Talon whispered in my ear when he pulled my reflection away from me.
“I’ll never leave you behind,” I whispered back.
I meant it. I still do.
“I’m not going back there.” Talon mutters with his eyes shut tightly. He shakes his head against the overstuffed pillow. “I can’t do it, Blakely.”
“I know. I know you can’t. I don’t want to either, but I’ve just got to get through these next few months, and we are golden. I’m getting us the hell out.”
“I’m going to stay with Aunt Kelly and Uncle Wade.” He says, opening his eyes. Awaiting my reaction.
I drop my face in my hands. Unsure of how I should feel about this. I know Aunt Kelly will take good care of him, but I also know the consequences for his future.
I lift my head, “What about the agreement? If you just give it a couple more months. I swear I’ll...”
“I don’t give a damn about the agreement. That greedy bastard can keep his money. If I stay one more day, I’ll do it, Blakely. I’ll lose my mind.”
“Think about your future.” I scoot closer as he sits himself up.
“What do you think I’m doing? This is for my future.” His grumbled voice grows louder, crackling but making sure it’s heard.
“Talon, this money is ours. We earned it. More than any other trust fund brats. We’ve endured hell to get this and they owe us every single penny. Every secret we kept, every lie we told, and every screaming match we’ve witnessed.”
He closes his eyes again. Turning his head to the left and I watch as a single tear sneaks out from his eyelid. “I’m not going back.”
“Ok.” That's all I can say. He’s right, he can’t go back. I shouldn’t either, but one of us needs to see this through. “I’ll go call Aunt Kelly.” I kiss his forehead. “I’m coming back for you. Six months and we will never look back.”
Talon turns his head away and closes his eyes.
“Look at me,” I demand. “Look at me, Talon.”
He turns his head slowly and opens his pained eyes.
“I’ll never leave you behind. What’s mine is yours. I’m getting our money.” I kiss his forehead and walk out into the busy hall to call Aunt Kelly.
I stop in my tracks when I see Jasper who seems misplaced, poking his head into random rooms and continuing in my direction. He stops when our eyes meet. I contemplate walking back into the room and closing the door, but I know I have to face hi
m eventually.
“Jasper, what the hell are you….”
Before I can even finish my sentence, he stops me. With his mouth. Full force onto mine. His teeth digging into my lips. His hands cup my cheeks as mine meet his chest, pushing him with all my strength and breaking the suction of our lips.
I’m well aware of the audience of nurses who expected this to be some romantic reunion, but the jokes on Jasper because I will not give the world a display of affection with a man who was in bed with my mother last night. Just when I think that they couldn’t be any more startled by my act of cruelty, I surprise us all when the palm of my hand whips through the air and lands on Jaspers face.
His eyes distend as he brings his hand up to his cheek that is now tattooed with my handprint.
I storm past him down the hall. My feet moving so quickly that I steady my pace before tripping and giving him a chance to catch up. Watching them to be sure they keep moving.
“B” I hear him yell. “Stop!”
I push through the double doors into the waiting room. Unsure where I am going, I just keep walking. I rode in the ambulance, so I don’t have a car. I’m still in my pajamas with no jacket. I’m standing in front of the exit, and I stop to think. Giving Jasper the full opportunity to meet me at my side. I just stand there staring at the doors. Debating whether or not I should just walk out of them and freeze my ass off. Attempt to walk home. Call a cab. Anything but stand here and listen to him explain what happened this morning and why he was with my mother.
“Blakely, please just talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” he says, turning me to face him.
“Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you. To make sure that you’re okay. That Talon is okay.”
“We are fine. Please leave.” I stare off into the distance and watch as a little boy runs, weaving through the chairs while his mom chases him. He’s laughing hysterically, but she doesn’t find it very comical.
“What’s with you?” he huffs. “One minute, you are all over me and the next minute, you can’t even stand to be near me.”
I lean closer. My face a mere inch from his and attempt to whisper in his ear. Although it comes out louder than I planned. “I may be more receptive to your presence if you weren’t screwing my mother while my little brother was slowly trying to kill himself.”
I turn, and the doors open. I use it as a sign that I need to make my escape before the lies begin. I didn’t do it. It was an accident. I was drunk. I’ve heard it all before.
My heart drops even deeper into my stomach when I see Dad walk in.
“Where is he?” His voice is deep, angered, and intimidating. “Where the hell is that boy?”
I struggle to comprehend who he’s talking about. Does he know about Mom and Jasper? He surely couldn’t be this upset while looking for Talon.
“Who?” I mutter.
“Your brother. Where the hell is he?” He storms past me in his black suit and shiny shoes and approaches the front desk.
“Talon Porter.” I hear him say.
The receptionist says something and he gives a nod and heads in the direction I came from. I step back inside. My heart punching my chest as I try to catch my breaths. That’s when it happens, again.
Everything goes black.
The next thing I know I’m waking up alone in a bed similar to Talon’s in a dark room. The only light coming from the cracked door to the hallway. I take a few deep breaths and scoot myself up into the bed. Only I’m not alone.
I open my mouth to speak, but it’s so sticky—dry but wet at the same time.
“Here, drink this.” Jasper hands me a glass of water.
I take it and drink until it’s gone. “Why are you here?”
“I told you, I wanted to make sure you were ok.”
“I told you I was fine. Why are you still here?” I hand the glass back to him. My words are faint and muddled. As much as I want to yell, I can’t.
“You’re not fine, B.”
“Please leave.” I’m desperate now. I turn onto my side and face the wall opposite of him. I curl up into the fetal position as my body begins to shiver.
I can hear him stepping closer until he’s in my view. Knelt down at my bedside with his chin on the bed, right beside my face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Please. I’m begging you to just leave me alone.”
“I didn’t sleep with your mom.” He speaks so casually as he lies to my face. “I’m not sure where any of that came from, but I never touched her.”
I roll over and face the other direction. Not even humoring him with a response.
There he is again.
“Your mom offered me a place to stay after my fight with Knox. I didn’t have a choice, so I took her up on it. I slept in a bedroom at the guesthouse. I didn’t intend on her staying there but then I found her crying on the porch, drunk off her ass. I helped her inside, and she passed out on the couch.”
“Yeah, sure.” I choke.
“Why would I lie to you?”
“Why wouldn’t you? Everyone else does.” I close my eyes and fight the urge to breakdown. “Aren’t you even going to ask me what happened out there?”
“No. Because I don’t care. You’re still you. Still the same pain in the ass you were before.” He smiles. Halting my anger and allowing me to smile back.
“It takes one to know one.” I hold my smile briefly, but it quickly diminishes when I remember Dad’s grand entrance.
“Talon.” I gasp, trying to spring myself from the bed. I’m halted by the tube in my arm. I rustle around hoping I’ll free myself, knowing that I won’t. “I have to see him.”
“Woah, calm down, B. Your brother is fine.” Jasper guides me back into the bed. His touch calming me.
“But, my dad. He was angry…”
Jasper cuts me off, “Your dad left. Your aunt and uncle are with him now.”
Aunt Kelly. I never called her.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. He’s going to be ok, B. I promise.”
“Please, take me to him. I really need to see him.”
Jasper looks around the empty room, contemplating a plan of action. “Ok. I think this thing moves.” He grabs hold of the IV drip. “You sure do like to cause trouble, don’t you?” He grins.
“If it means making sure my brother is safe, yes.” I begin to stand but start feeling lightheaded.
“Slowly.” Jasper takes my hand and helps me to my feet.
“Wait.” I stop in front of him as he braces his arm around me. “I need to thank you.”
“For what?” He shrugs, as if he really has no idea why I’d be thankful.
“Being here when no one else is.” I lift my shoulder toward my cheek and give him a half-hearted smile.
“You don’t have to thank me, Queen B.”
“Yes, I do. I don’t know why you are so kind to me. I certainly don’t deserve it, but you are. and I’m…” I stutter as I search for the words, “grateful.”
“You deserve so much more than you think. I just hope one day you see it.” He pulls me into his chest, and I melt in his arms.
“What happened last night?’ I ask him. No expectations behind it, just wanting the truth.
“Nothing, I swear. I needed a place to stay and your mom let crash at the guesthouse. She was drinking heavily and passed out on the couch. B,” he pulls back and looks in my eyes, “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Jasper isn’t who I thought he was. He puts on this tough guy facade, but I see more, so much more. He’s got a huge heart, and he has the ability to love fiercely.
I don’t think he’d ever hurt me.
“I believe you.” I whisper, pulling away to look in his eyes. “About my mom. I believe you.”
He pulls me back and a switch goes off, or comes on rather. A light in my darkness.
If you’ve never tried to sneak through a hospital with an IV drip trailing behind you and a boy who thinks h
e can duck down and hide with the big pole sticking out like a sore thumb, then you haven’t lived. As we round the corner, Jasper pulls me down, trying to hide us, almost tipping the thing over. I’m laughing my ass off, and it feels good, it feels really good. I feel more alive in this moment than I have since I was a kid. It may be the mood stabilizer, but I think it contributes to the guy who walked into my life and never left. One who saw me at my worst and stayed by my side.
As we are slouched down behind a food cart, waiting for the nurses to walk by, I turn to Jasper. “What did they tell you about me?”
It’s taking Jasper far too long to respond, which gives me the inkling that he knows exactly what happened an hour ago.
“Nothing.” He shakes his head, avoiding eye contact.
“My dad was here, he had to have said something.” I turn his face with my leashed hand. “Look at me.”
Jasper turns his head, and I see it. I see myself. My reflection. Only this girl isn’t broken. She’s put back together.
“We can talk about it later.”
“I’m unstable. I’ll say it.”
He takes my head in his hands. My flawed face, my damaged interior, expelling out into his grasp. “You are perfect.” He presses his lips to mine. Calming my every anxiety.
For a moment, I believe him. For a split second, I’m not the girl who opens her eyes every morning to face anxiety in hopes of making it through each traumatic episode without losing consciousness. I’m not the girl harboring secrets with the knowledge that money does in fact fix everything—at least that's what I’ve learned. I’m also not the tortured twelve-year-old crying on the steps as she watches her parents battle it out over the most obsolete nonsense. I’m just me. Smart, intact, and beautiful—at least on the outside, that’s what he sees anyways. He doesn’t know what I pocket in my soul.
He doesn’t see the darkness. He sees the sunshine that I’ve allowed him to see when the curtains are only half opened.
Then I remember where I’m at and why I’m here.
“That’s not what my parents say.”
