The three of them left and Jake turned to Holly with a somber expression on his face.
“Speak to me please,” he begged.
“She found something on my kidney.” Holly closed her eyes. “She has to do a biopsy, but she needs Gus or Bianca to assist her.”
“Okay. That doesn’t mean you have cancer. A biopsy is just another test.”
“Jake?”
“You are not Jamie.” His voice was hard and she jumped slightly. “Sorry. You are not your sister. Whatever happens, we will deal with it.”
He kissed her on her head. His lips lingered and Holly just hope that it wasn’t as bad as she had it in her mind.
In her mind, she was already in her casket. But she shouldn’t think like that. She should just cope and wait like Jake suggested. Only time would tell.
Eleven
JAKE
He was in the waiting room, waiting for Holly to come out of surgery. Fuck. Surgery for a simple biopsy. At least his father was assisting Abigail.
He prayed, telling God that if he spared Holly, he would consider forgiving his mother. He hadn’t prayed in a long time, but he needed to do it now.
He couldn’t let Holly be taken from him in that way.
She’d already dealt with cancer way too many times, and he couldn’t let her be taken away from him and Jamie. And what about the babies?
He didn’t even want to imagine his life without Holly. What if this was his punishment for cheating on Kate? He never once regretted cheating on her, so this had to be his punishment.
He knew it sounded so stupid, but it was how he felt.
His phone rang and he looked at the screen.
Jane.
Everyone was either phoning or texting nonstop, wanting to know if he had any news.
He picked up her call.
“Jake, is she out yet?”
“No, Jane. I promise to give you a call as soon as she is out.”
“Okay.” Her voice broke. “Tell her I love her.”
“I will.”
The call got disconnected and he put the phone in his pocket again.
The hours ticked by and he paced like a drunk sailor up and down the corridor.
Finally, his father walked out.
“She is stable, the babies are stable and Abigail got her biopsy.”
Jake nodded as tears filled both their eyes.
“Whatever it is, Jake, we will get her through this.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just… she’s been through this before with her sister and—”
“I’m really sorry, son.”
Jake sank down on a chair and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to think about cancer anymore.
All they could do now was wait. He phoned Jane to tell her that everything had gone well, but they had to wait now for the results and promise to call her as soon as he knew more.
Holly was awake when he walked into the room.
“Hey beautiful, how do you feel?” He smiled and put his hands on her stomach. His babies were fine.
“Like I just came out of surgery,” she joked weakly.
“Don’t cry,” Jake warned her. “We’ll worry about that when it’s confirmed. It might be something that isn’t life threatening, Holly.”
She nodded.
He brought magazines and they went through all of them.
She fell asleep and he left, going to the hotel with his father. He phoned Jane the second he stepped into his room.
“Please just tell me she is okay,” her mother cried.
“We’re getting the results tomorrow. I’ll phone you the minute we know.”
“Okay, I don’t care what time it is, Jake. Just let me know.”
“I will. Just hang in there. She—we all—need you to be strong for her.”
Jane sobbed and he hung up. He couldn’t stand that she was already behaving like her daughter was dead, when they didn’t even have a prognosis yet.
He struggled to fall asleep, his mind racing with things he didn’t want to think about.
Tears filled his eyes and before he knew it he pushed himself up from the bed, sitting on the edge and buried his hands in his face and sobbed softly.
She couldn’t have cancer. Not now that they had found each other again.
He must have dozed off, because a knock on the door woke him.
He felt better after his cry, which made him think about his mother, even though he didn’t want to. But she’d always told him that a good cry cleansed your soul. He hated that she was right about that.
He and his father arrived at the hospital early, and he headed straight to Holly’s room.
She was asleep, and he collapsed into the chair next to her bed, taking her hand in his and resting his head on the bed.
“I’ll see if Abigail has the results yet,” Gus said.
He nodded and his father left.
He pressed a kiss on Holly’s hand and she stirred.
“Morning sleepyhead,” she said.
“I’m not the one that’s asleep.”
She smiled but it disappeared and she took a deep breath. He was sure that reality was drowning her again.
“Have you heard anything?”
He shook his head. “My dad just left to go find out if Abigail has the results yet.”
She nodded and he could tell that tears were close by.
“You are not dying. I won’t let you. You need to fight if you are going to beat this, Holly. I can’t fight this alone.”
She let out a tired chuckle. “I know exactly about the fight you are talking about, Jake. I’ve been there.” A tear rolled over her nose.
He wiped it away with his thumb. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.
Bianca came into the room. She was alone.
“Holly.” She smiled and took a deep breath. Her eyes shimmered with tears.
From the look on her face, Jake knew. Holly had cancer.
Abigail walked into the room.
“What are our options?” Jake asked before Abigail could say a word.
“The cancer has progressed further than I thought. The only option is to abort the fetuses, then start chemotherapy and radiation. Without that, the chance of survival is slim.”
Holly laughed. “There is no way I’m going to do chemo.” She spat the word out like it tasted bad in her mouth. “I lived through chemo with my sister, and I will not put myself or my loved ones through that.
“It’s just an option, Holly,” Jake said. He took a quick breath as Abigail started speaking about treatment, and that the chances of beating the cancer would be bigger if they terminated the pregnancy.
Without treatment, it would only spread through her body, as pregnancy and cancer was a winning streak for going to your grave. The treatment that Abigail was thinking off was harmful to the babies.
They could try again when she was healthy.
The words spun in his mind, until he couldn’t see straight. He got up from the chair. “I’ll just be a minute,” he said and walked out her room.
He couldn’t breathe.
The cancer was already spreading meaning that she had had this for some time now, and she didn’t know. How the fuck didn’t she know? They should’ve picked it up when they took out the IUD. He knew he was being irrational. IUD removals didn’t come standard with cancer screening.
How did this go so wrong so fast?
He found the door that lead to a small garden and sank to his knees, struggling to get air into his lungs.
His body shook as he sobbed. He was going to lose his children.
He felt a pair of arms around him. From the masculine scent he knew it was Gus.
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I just spoke to Robin and the treatment that Abigail wants to give is the best way forward. You have to terminate the pregnancy. I’m so sorry.” Gus’s voice cracked.
Fuck! Why couldn’t Holly just have a normal pregnancy without any problems? Why this, why now when they were going
to be a perfect family?
He cried more. Just thinking of killing his children was a painful stab to his heart, but it was them or her.
And he couldn’t live without her.
He didn’t want to.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not going to be okay, Dad. We have to kill two healthy children. She isn’t that monster and I’m afraid this is going to break her.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not!” He cried into his father’s shoulder. Why, why, why was God punishing him so much?
He wanted so many things for Holly. More children, another chance to have babies with her and now, now he was being forced to kill his children or lose their mother. He was becoming the monster he thought she was all those years. And he knew if he made her terminate the pregnancy, that he would be the monster she’d thought he was all those years ago. She would never forgive him, and she would end up hating him.
But he couldn’t lose her. Not like this. What about Jamie?
As sad as it was, the pregnancy would have to be terminated. He couldn’t think about the fetuses as babies anymore, as his children. He couldn’t imagine a life without her in it, and if Holly died, their daughter would suffer.
He would be too depressed to look after her and she would not just end up losing a mother, but a father, too.
They had to terminate.
He stayed in the garden until he calmed down and then went to wash his face before returning to the room.
Abigail was still in there.
Jake sat back on the chair again. No sign of a tear in sight.
“You okay?” Abigail asked. He could feel Holly’s eyes on him but he didn’t look at her.
“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s the plan?”
“There is one, but it’s not going to happen right now Jake,” Holly said.
He frown. “You said it’s spreading?” He directed the question at Abigail.
Abigail spun to Holly. “Holly?”
“I’m not terminating the pregnancy.”
Jake looked at Holly. Had she lost her mind? “Sweetheart.” He sighed, “If you don’t terminate, you will die and I am not okay with that. Jamie is not okay with that.”
“I know, which is why I will carry them until six months and then I will fight.”
“Holly, you don’t know what you are saying. I won’t take that risk.”
“So you’re fine with killing your children? Jake, we are past the twelve-week mark. You heard their heartbeat. This is murder! These are babies inside me, not just a bunch of cells. And I will not terminate this pregnancy. I am growing humans inside me. Your children. Our children!”
“We don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice, Jake. I’ve lived with this fucked up sickness. I know what it does. I’m not going to lose two healthy boys because of it.”
Jake’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. Boys? He wasn’t going to have sons?
She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted it to be a surprise, but Bianca slipped up when she discovered Cooper, I’m sorry.”
“You already named them?”
“Yes, they are healthy and they are already human. Which is why I will not terminate this pregnancy.”
“We can try again once you are back on your feet.”
“You don’t know that. This might be the last time, Jake.”
“Holly, please.”
“I’m not going to kill my children.”
He stared at her, clenching his jaw. The muscles in his face pulsed and he tried to contain his anger. “Then I can’t fucking help you!” He pushed out of the chair and stormed out of the room.
She was being stubborn, and her stubbornness was going to be the death of her. The only option that was left for her to start getting better, was out the window. He needed to think of ways to change Holly’s mind and he couldn’t do it while he was in her room. She made him so furious.
He would find something and he would present her with a plan, a good plan and then she would just have to hear him out.
Twelve
HOLLY
“What if I lose my uterus, Jake? You don’t know cancer the way I do.”
“Then we will do a uterus transplant,” Jake announced.
“That’s your brilliant plan?”
“Yes. We’ll still be able to have children then.”
“And what if it doesn’t work?”
“Holly, please.” He begged.
“No, Jake.”
He stared at her. “Fine, surrogate.”
“Hell no,” she screamed.
“You are not listening to anything I’m saying.”
“That would just be humiliating. And I wouldn’t be able to stand another woman carrying our child. No, Jake. Hell no.”
“Fine, adoption.”
“Not the same.”
“Dammit, Holly. You need to terminate this pregnancy if you want to live.”
“I am not going to die. Stop being so negative,” she said through clenched teeth. She was too tired to argue. “I worked it out all in my mind and your negativity isn’t helping at the moment.”
“It’s facts, Holly.”
“No, it’s not. I can beat this, but I won’t abort Bradley and Cooper. I need you to help me.”
“This is me helping you. Fuck!” He screamed and Holly wanted to yell at him. He was being so fucking stupid right now.
It was his boys and he just wanted her to abort. She couldn’t. She would hate him for it. Why couldn’t he fucking grasp that?
“Get out.”
He looked at her. “Excuse me?”
“If you are not going to help through my plan, then get out.”
“You are making a fucking mistake. Jamie and I are going to suffer because of your stupid decision.” He stormed out and left her alone in the room.
She sighed. She wanted to go home so she could fight the fucking cancer where she was comfortable, but she had to wait to hear from the board. They were deliberating on whether to postpone or terminate her contract. She needed her mother, needed Jamie at her side if she was going to survive this.
Even her mother had asked her to terminate the pregnancy. Why couldn’t they all realize that she was doing this for her own well-being? The grief would kill her before the cancer did.
It took a lot out of Holly to tell her mother no, that she wasn’t Jamie and she would succeed in fighting this.
Before the phone conversation was finished, her mother, still teary, agreed that she would be by her side all the way.
Rod phoned, Bernie phoned, and they all begged her to terminate.
Holly was furious. First they believed that she’d aborted Jamie and Romalia, and thought she was a monster because of it, and now they were begging her to do it. She couldn’t. How did they expect her to fight the cancer after she killed her children. The grief would suck away her will to live.
The boys were going to live. She needed all the reasons in this world to fight.
The others would just have to make a choice in whether they were going to help her fight it or not.
The Peters, apart from Jake, were the only ones that didn’t beg her to abort.
All a good sign.
She was counting on Amelia to be there for her. Gus returned a few minutes later and sat down on the chair next to her bed. He just looked at her.
“Please don’t leave me, too.”
“He’s not leaving you, sweetheart, he just doesn’t know how to handle this right now, because you keep dismissing his ideas.”
“He needs better ideas that don’t involve killing the boys.”
“I know you want them. Believe me, we all want them.”
“I can’t terminate this pregnancy.” Silent tears streamed down her face. “Why can’t he grasp that? If I kill them, I might as well die too. I might not know your son as well as I want to, but I know myself. I’m not built that way. Please don’t
make me have an abortion.”
He got up and wrapped fatherly arms around her.
Even if he wasn’t her father, he showed her more fatherly love then Charles ever had.
“Now that, I understand. You should tell him that.”
“He knows that. I almost died with Romy. I would die with them too if he doesn’t help me.”
“He will. With men, it’s only black and white, Holly. Always has been. You can fix it or you can’t”
“Jake isn’t like that,” she said. “Otherwise he would’ve never been a neurologist.”
“Yes, he is. He takes his deaths very hard.”
She knew that. She’d seen it at Downsend.
“So you want to tell me that he always goes into the OR knowing he can save them?”
“It’s the Peters syndrome.”
She laughed.
“Or a Godly one. He doesn’t strive on the ifs. It’s not how Mara and I raised our children.”
“Well, he has to now. Because if he isn’t going to be there, he will lose us.”
“It’s a lot for him, Holly, and I’m not making any excuses. I’m telling you who my son is.”
“So, he’s already condemned me. Someone he is supposed to love.”
“I’m not saying that. The cancer has spread. He spoke to Abigail. Robin has your files, she is the best and all she tells him is two scenarios. He doesn’t want to hear the two, he wants to hear one.”
“It’s not how it fucking works. Where is his faith?”
“Jake creates his own type of faith.”
“No, I don’t buy that he is like that. He’s not like that.”
She refused to believe that. Jake had faith. She’d seen it before, and he told her that he had faith. Had he just been humoring her all this time, thinking she was stupid?
She had no idea who he really was.
She lay down back on the bed and let her tears flow freely.
“Just take it easy, this is not good for the babies, Holly. You need to surround yourself with happiness, if you are serious about keeping these babies. I’ll speak to Jake and try to make him see it your way, okay.”
She didn’t even nod, but he tapped her twice on the shoulder and left her room.
Around noon Dr. Paulson finally entered her room. He was one of the owners and a board member.
Endless Love: The 4Ever series #3 Page 12
